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The Peng challenge, a thread that will live in infamy


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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I do regret that Goanna is the Knight because, let's be honest here, he doesn't have the best LOS to reality.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

But Goanna does have the advantage here Joe.

You see, Goanna, rides Motorcycles (Italian though they may be), while you ride Stalagmites.

Hmmm, no prizes for guessing which fetish is manly and which fetish is just a, well, fetish.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

And you shall have your trial you vile heretic. I shall take upon myself the role of Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool. You may, of course, retain counsel for your {snicker} defense, if you can find the legal representation you need Joe stands aside to avoid the rush from Lawyer, jd and MrSpkr.

Lorak may choose to preside or he may appoint another as judge. The jury, needless to say, shall be twelve True Knights of the CessPool ... or as many as we can find sober at a given moment. I suggest that Lorak appoint these as well.

I shall produce evidence and present a case that will leave you exposed (sit down Bauhaus ... well, yes, I suppose that AFTER he is convicted then perhaps) as the hypocritical heretic you are.

Let justice prevail.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And Justice Shall Indeed Prevail, Shaw!

As the old saying goes: "The man who allows a lawyer to represent him has a fool for a client."

Therefore, I choose as my solicitor: JD, Lawyer, and Mr Spkr! That's roight, you officious sod, I'm going with the OJ Simpson defense: Throw enough useless wankers at them, and truth will be the first victim, and justice the second!

Er, that is, by putting together a truly gifted legal team, I hope to address all aspects of my innocense and uprightness, and make it manifest so that I can once again take my place amongst you.

Hmm, Lorak would seem to be the most natural choice for a judge, as he's Loathed, and all judges are loathed. All, he's the very recording angel of the Peng Challenge Thread, and that requires a certain level of neutrality. Also, he's a Celt and an Irishman, and that means he's not a pissant and useless piece of ethnic detritus like most of you.

Are we going to go through the usual Roman Circus of empanneling jurours, just like we do in America, with both sides having to agree?

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I come before the court {Siiiiiiit.....}, as a witness for the defense of the unbolded one.

I was there, I saw the whole thing, I've got the names. It was a black helicopter coverup!

I am currently under witness protection as a one winged Stuka flying around in circles.

I take my place in the juror panel and will state the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Peng.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And Justice Shall Indeed Prevail, Shaw! As the old saying goes: "The man who allows a lawyer to represent him has a fool for a client."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Couldn't have said it better myself. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Therefore, I choose as my solicitor: JD, Lawyer, and Mr Spkr! That's roight, you officious sod, I'm going with the OJ Simpson defense: ... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, good choices actually ... since Larry, Moe and Curly are unavailable at present. Too bad they won't be able to actually argue the case since, as soliciters, they will be required to enlist the aid of a BARRISTER to try the case. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hmm, Lorak would seem to be the most natural choice for a judge, as he's Loathed, and all judges are loathed. All, he's the very recording angel of the Peng Challenge Thread, and that requires a certain level of neutrality. ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah but will he allow cameras in the courtroom, that's the real question. I want to be questioned by Greta Sustren (whatever) and featured on Geraldo ... I can see it now, Geraldo gets word of the conviction and says "My heart soars like an eagle", then everyone looks at him strangely. I'll get a book deal, I'll call it "Faux Irishman, Hysterical Heretic." I'll be famous ... AND RICH! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Are we going to go through the usual Roman Circus of empanneling jurours, just like we do in America, with both sides having to agree?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Don't be ridiculous, sorry, that's not possible is it. EVERY Knight of the CessPool is prejudiced and unfair so it will be eminently fair.

BTW, I shall have the discovery documentation available for your BARRISTER soon ... sure you wouldn't like a plea bargin at this point? We might be able to arrange for Bauhaus to be EXCLUDED from the sentence.

Joe

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Hmm...could it be that there's a suitable theme for a new thread.........

Who dares challenge the justice of Peng ?

or even

Oh the injustice of it all - unbolded to challengeg Peng

Editted to add another briliant thread title that you'll ignore because you're all hateful, spiteful and genrally nasty people.

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I CALL FOR A TRIAL!... A TRIAL BY LAW BY MY PEERS! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Great. Just when the roach motel under the sink looks like it might yield a tidy income supplement, they get called for jury duty.

Well, with all the legal aid at our disposal on this thread, this should make Sacco-Vanzetti look like a pair of badly-dressed foreigners, and Julius and Ethel like... insider traders... (rimshot). Right. Anyway....

Now my favorite little panzer chew-toy schradlet is the Lindbergh baby of the Peng thread, and I really like the chain-saw resolution to the controversy, though not whomever thought of it, but I can't be bothered looking he/she/it up.

Why has no one thought outside the old box enough to suggest he be split lengthwise, that neither contender need be "shorted" as it were?

Elvis you little warlorrette, I am gunning for your megalomaniacal pumpkin of a head!!! How did you fail to see my previous challenge?

And chrisl you oaf, be careful what you wish for... the turn cometh... it is under 90 F here, and I'm back in the scotch; woot.

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Waill noo, Ah stand raidy tae pronoonce tha heretic swine guilty fer hais crime o' shudderinvitin' grogs aintae tha MBT an' makin' thaim Kannigets withoot sae much as a "hold ma haggis". BUT, Ah ailsae hold a deep an' terrrrible loathin' fer tha pointy toothed drain creeper Joe Shaw an' as likely noo believe a filthy worrrd he utters. An' as fer Lorak tha crotch scratchin' gavel banger, *poot*.

Sae then, Ah wid consider mahsailf a balanced an' impartial candidate fer jury duty. Shove over, Stuka, ye laift handed tosser.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

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Oh I love a good trial when it is not me in front of the bench. Can everyone be found guilty, including the jury and counselors? If so I say hang 'em all and let Peng sort them out.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Now my favorite little panzer chew-toy schradlet is the Lindbergh baby of the Peng thread... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whatever happened to that kid. I am sure all turned out well.

Too bad Judge Judy is booked up or we could have her throwing insults every commercial break as she tries to find out where her moisture went. Then again, Lorak probably looks better in a robe.

von shrad,

ripe on ripple

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I too wish to be appointed to the Jury, I am impartial and removed from the case, and thus I believe I can make an umbiased judgement.

Any sort of cash inducement by either Joe Shaw or Seanachai - who's name may not be bolded, but italicised is fine, or their legal council will not sway me - at least not until the cheque clears and I get the money in the account.

Mace

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And there we have the brilliance of the Aussie finacial system shown to all - Pepper isn't going to let CASH inducements sway him until the CHEQUE clears!

Good grief - that actually makes him an honest juror!!

We can't have that can we?? Hang 'im high as well - let the crows pick out his eyes and the ants feast on his entrails I say!

I tell you there was a fine example of British justice on the BBC adaption of Lorna Doone the other night:

Clerk: John Adams, Rebel

Judge: Guilty, hang

Clerk: Robert Smith, rebel

Judge: Guilty, hang

Clerk: Sam Baker, rebel

Judge: Guilty, hang

Clerk: Andrew Fairweather, rebel

Andrew Fairweather: but I'm innocent y'r honour

Judge: You wouldn't be here if you were innocent. Guilty, hang

.

.

.

.

What better example of a fair trial is required??

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

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What is this turning out to be? An all Aussie Jury. Somebody corral themquick before they wreck the joint.

Since I am a mere squire not worthy to have an opinion, let me offer my services as Trial Piss-boy. Everyone needs a side job and old habits are hard to break, especially if they include hiding in caves I would think. Didn't they cut Jesse James in half for that very reason. I rest my case....and my head.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Hey, is Berli broken? My emails are a-bouncin'.

Croda and Meeks both showing back up at the same time? Anybody else feeling a little weird about that?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Although under a cloud of calumny as I may be, unjustly indicted before my peers, made mock of by bloody Outer Boarders! (is there anyone who thinks that 'Claymore' would have had the hair to show up here and mock me, if Shaw and his ilk hadn't made a point of disavowing me, both on the Thread, and on the Outer Boards? I think not).

Yet I acknowledge the return of both Meeks and Croda.

Croda, you disgusting pile of ofal, you owe me a goddamn turn in the battle of 'Croda Hill'! I will send you my last so that you may expiate your sins by finishing losing to me.

Meeks! Your continued presence in this universe...disturbs me. I had begun to think you a figment. You also owe me a turn in our horribly unbalanced, one-sided game that you were winning in a most unsportsmanlike way when last your southern moniker was uttered in these rather liquidly echoing halls. Do you prefer to finish humiliating me with your King Tiger and JagdTiger, or would you prefer to finish our game revolving around Schloss Peng? (I still have both games on disk, you pillock)

Send me an apology instanter, and state the terms by which you are willing to abase yourself and thereby be welcomed back into the bosom of the Eternal Peng Challenge Thread, you hand puppet of the gods.

Feh. Likewise, Bah!

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

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A defense is it you want? Well Mr Seanachai (presumption of innocence), remember we are in the midst of a game. So bethinking that right clearly as you plot your next turn...

Where was I? Oh yes, as a simple country lawyer, and experienced trial lawyer and former Public Defender there is no need to seek admittance to the Circuit Pool of Cess pro hac vice.

Now as Mr Shaw, my esteemed collegue, acting as procurator fiscal is no grauate of a school of law and who I shall of course institute unauthorized practice of law charges against after this travesty is concluded, has filed an information and bought off the grand jury. No petit jury from these denizens can be found that is either unbought or sober, soooooo in my considered opinion, best cop a plea.

Of course if you insist on pleading your case in the halls of justice, seeking redress for the wrongs, aspersions and calumny visted upon your virtous name, then I suppose we shall proceed. another damn pro bono publico, oh well you get the defense you pay for.

Remember my dear Steven I have never lost a case with a client that was truly innocent of the charges (think on it, wait for it..) So take heart my dear friend, even now my colleagues are rousting themselves from their sonorous repose and shall gird themselves anon to do battle. We shall scorch the field of combat, ruin and lamentations before us. We shall champion you (as long as the retainer check clears) all the way to Clarence Thomas if we must. Why Jake is as we speak, practicing his Oyez, Oyez to use on your behalf. And always remember these words to live by, if the verdict goes against you , well at least I don't have to do the time.

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

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Hmmm -

"If the Peng Doesn't Fit, then You Must Acquit"

no . . .

"All Rise for the Dishonorable Peng Challenge"

maybe . . .

"The Peng Challenge - Res Ipsa Locquitor"

Very nice possibilities, that one . . .

"The Peng Challenge - Another Sort of Bar Exam"

I like that one, too . . .

There is always the classic movies tie-in:

"Twelve Angry Peng Challenges"

or maybe

"Inherit the Peng Challenge"

or perhaps

"The People vs. Peng's Challenge"

What say you? Just trying to keep a legal theme here.

Oh, and if you don't like these selections, feel free to sod off.

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Lorak, you inattentive fool, please mark lightly in the tome, with just a wisp of chalk:

chrisl: loss

mkiv: tactical victory

this battle included one of the bloodiest battles I've ever seen over a small flag (just one of six total flags on the map).

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Of course when he lost the first place he went is the first place everyone who gets crushed by me goes<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thankfully, there are those of us who never have to venture there for lack of cause. You are not fit to be a loader in one of Hiram’s AFVs sir.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> from the new squire in town: I challenge your squire (whomever that poor s.o.b. is) to my first Squire Deathmatch (is that allowed?) . I am going to beat him so hard his uterus will forever be tilted. Tell me his name! Don't make me get my big brother Goanna and have him shake it out of you like a crying infant.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, what he said.

Ahhh, like a pitbull into a daycare. This is indeed the way it is done, lad. I say you also have a go at Pshaw for his presumption that he might be a suitable mentor. And then send Stuka one too, and with each turn remind the little gravel-rashed wussy how much time he won’t be spending with his speed tea-cozy in the next 6 weeks. Time to make sure you know how to find the most sensitive bits when you put the boot in.

And finally, a trial . . . banner idea. Sure, I’ll be on the jury, provided its one of those civil type ones where we also get to impose sentence rather than leave that up to some do-gooder, liberal elven type

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Goanna cuz he's UBB coding like some ingrate kiwi ]

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goanna:

provided its one of those civil type ones where we also get to impose sentence rather than leave that up to some do-gooder, liberal elven type<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I concur!

Let's, by studying the evidence presented before us, discussing and debating it, and then deciding without reasonable doubt, determine the best way to have him executed.

Mace

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BilgeRat:

Disgusting sucking up...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I suggest you remove thy nose from Mr.Spock's rear end.

To hold anything but utter contempt for Mr.Shlock is simplying not trying hard enough.

Jeff

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Claymore:

Much as I hate to admit it I was waiting for some neurally challanged Chipmunk from my outer board victories to surface in the MBT. Bau-hahahahahahaha, I believe at last count your number of victories against me is what? THE BIG O (Sit down, it's not that big O dammit!)

Now from my extensive readings of the MBT I know that this is a record to be expected against you provided one has either passed kindergarten or can recognize three items of the color green. Some individual in the past best described the situation when he said that "nobody like Bauhaus can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory". Our sweet Lord must have been drained to the very limits of his powers when your name finally appeared on the creation list.

If you'd like another brutal slapdown and once again be reminded of your place, then by all means send me a setup.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You stand corrected ole Claymore. I do believe I defeated you in the RD tournament, the first game we played. Since then, well, I sucked. At least I believe it was you I defeated......

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