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BigDork vs Tiresias - Seizing the Windmill - German Version


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Thanks to everyone for their comments and sorry I've been quiet for a couple of days.

While I generally agree with this, CMFI is making me revisit my ideas about buildings - so often on these maps you have the choice between being in the rocky, unforgiving open, behind a low wall, or in a nice stone building with thick walls.

Ah, interesting. Yes, it's definitely different to CM:BN in that respect. However I think that the reverse slope position behind the windmills will allow my guys to have a much better crack at the enemy as they come over the ridge.

I'll echo the above sentiments about your final placement of the last platoon. There is a strong tendancy to put everyone in the buildings on the objective. Your placement elsewhere very well might catch your opponent by surprise on this one. Good move.

Another version of this would have been to staff the buildings with only scout teams, put up some desultory return fire when he got close to give the impression they were manned, and then pull your scout teams back to safety. He'd blast away at the buildings for a while and then advance cautiously, only to catch it from the full firepower of your platoon in waiting.

You will likely have to pull off a historically accurate counter-attack as usual. German forces were known for the almost immediate counterattack once a position had been wrested from them. Your strategy is shaping up nicely, even though you have suffered heavy losses. Heinrich505

Yes, I agree with the idea about the scout teams. However, he's got to come round the windmills to access them - the doors are all on my side. So I'd rather expose him to the full firepower of my platoons than have a couple of guys in the windmill shooting at him, and risk the Priest generally firing HE rounds into the vicinity.

The strategy's looking alright overall. It rather depends on how many men he's got left and also whether the Marder can hold the road junction for a bit longer and cause the enemy some further casualties. I really think I should have been more cautious about 3 plt's advance through the groves. If I had moved them a bit more carefully on arrival, we might still be fighting the Americans in there now. I'll know for next time.

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Turn 22

A relatively quiet turn ends with me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next. The Marder, which has again changed positions to keep the enemy guessing, emerges in a new spot at the road junction and fires a couple of HE rounds into the advancing American infantry on my extreme left flank. The first blasts into a wall causing a squad to disappear from view. The second flies over their heads.

The tank destroyer's position gives me a decent view of what the Americans are up to over here. Although they don't appear to have large numbers of men moving forward, on this far left side of the map, they have got some infantry advancing at a fairly rapid pace. I've already ordered my Marder to reverse out of the position after a few seconds, however, which turns out to be a good move. An anti-tank team within one of the American rifle squads opens fire and the Marder is almost hit as it pulls back.

screenshot20120910at064.png

I'm much more concerned about the fact that, as the game freezes ahead of the next turn, we can hear artillery fire screaming through the air. Infuriatingly, I can actually see two mortar rounds mid-air as the turn stops! One looks like it's going to fall dangerously close to the Marder's position. I don't think it will hit the tank destroyer but the question is how close it lands and what the consequences are going to be. The other appears to be headed for an area of empty ground between the road junction and the hill.

So, it looks as though the Americans are going to keep the Marder out of the road junction as they advance by bombarding the area with off-map mortars. If the tank destroyer escapes unscathed, I can probably get it round the back and into a new firing position with relative ease. But the wait for the next turn is going to be keeping me nervous as I'm worried it might not get away in time.

All remains reasonably quiet on the hill. My MG42s are barely crewed but still firing and they appear to have bogged the advancing US infantry down for the time being. We see the odd man poking his head up from cover but that's about it. My MGs won't hold for ever but I'm pleased that we are causing the enemy further problems as they try to take the high ground in the centre of the map, especially as I now believe that some of their men have questionable morale after the earlier fighting.

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Turn 23

The Marder escapes unscathed, as I hoped it might, reversing out of the danger zone as the rounds land safely some yards shy of its position. But my initial assessment of what was going on was slightly at odds with reality. Those rounds came from an on-map mortar that was targeting the tank destroyer specifically.

Off-map 81mm mortars meanwhile appear to be firing spotting rounds which are landing in between the junction and 2plt's position on the hill. I'm not sure which they are going for - my guess would still be the Marder, given its vulnerability, but maybe they're trying to dislodge my MGs, which appear to be keeping the enemy pinned down as the turn passes by with little further activity.

screenshot20120911at035.png

On the hill, I've got one MG with a two-man crew, and one with just a single man remaining, plus a rifle team of four. It seems suspicious that the Americans should have gone so quiet faced with such scant opposition, although both MG teams are doing a manful job of keeping up a rapid rate of fire. Whichever location the off-map mortar fire is targeting, it's not going to hit large numbers of men, however, because I don't have much strength left bar 1plt further up on the hill, and they are out of sight. It's going to be smoke and mirrors for the next few turns as my opponent works this out. Or smoke and mortars, as the case may turn out to be.

As the Marder pulled back at the start of this turn, it caught a glimpse of GI's racing across the open towards the road junction. I'm pulling it round into a position close to that from which it hit the Sherman, where it should be able to cover their advance with relative safety even if rounds do start to fall in that area. There's a rifle team from 2 plt concealed in one of the barns at the junction, too. Between them they can provide a bit of intersecting fire and perhaps take out a few more Americans before this part of the map falls into the enemy's hands.

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Turn 24

Down at the foot of the hill, the Priest catches sight of a rifle team from 2 plt which has been helping to hold off the US advance. After one abortive shot into the trees, its next round scores a direct hit:

screenshot20120912at064.png

A man from one of the MG42 teams is also badly injured. With spotting rounds now landing closer to this area, I've decided that the mortars are targeting the hill and not the road junction. What remains of my MG teams may not have time to get out of there, but we're going to try, retreating to a spot closer to the windmills where we might yet have the chance to set up and hold off the Americans a bit longer. The US troops on the hill itself seem to have hidden themselves for the time being, in anticipation of the bombardment. Smoke created by the Priest firing on my positions may also help me get my men out of there unhindered.

Down at the road junction, all remains quiet as my Marder swings round into its intended spot. No sign of the anticipated infantry advance just yet, but surely it's just a matter of time.

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Turn 25

If memory serves, I've at least now survived longer in this game than my last encounter with BigDork! Although last time I was so useless that this is really not saying very much...

Anyway, my MG42 gunners pull out of their position on the hill in the nick of time. Mortar fire begins to land all around them, but thanks to their timely withdrawal and a bit of luck, coupled with the enviable precision of the artillery itself, no-one is hit.

screenshot20120913at062.png

They are both shaken up again, however, which means I'm going to need another minute to bring them under control. Hopefully the bombardment won't last too much longer. I need them back in position to hit the Americans when their attack resumes if at all possible. I suspect that this bombardment is a result of them over-estimating how many men I had at my disposal in this fallback position. The real strength is to the rear of the windmills, as I have already explained. It will be difficult for a spotter to call in an effective strike in that area, I think.

Still no action at the road junction. I'm moving the Marder again, in a bid to keep my opponent guessing, and also in the hope that he'll order his men to advance into an area where they'll run into it and suffer the consequences.

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Turns 26 - 28

Not surprisingly, given the paucity of men now left on the board, things are a lot quieter over the next three turns. The battle is now effectively partitioned into two isolated skirmishes - one on the hill, the second down at the road junction. In both cases, the Americans appear to be moving with extreme caution. I hope that this is either because they are feeling the strain of more than 20 minutes of pretty intense combat, or because they've taken a hammering after making some mistakes, or both.

On the hill, despite my efforts to move the MGs out of the way of the bombardment, both men are left badly shaken. The mortar rounds stop falling a few seconds after their escape and we lose precious time while they recover. As a result, there's no time for either to set up their MG42s before they make contact with the enemy's forward teams advancing up the hill. Both men have to resort to small arms fire instead. One man is lost before he can cause any further damage.

screenshot20120915at071.png

Remarkably, the surviving gunner from the other MG team keeps on plugging away with his Luger even with enemy GI's just a few yards away. I see him hit another man before he too is incapacitated by enemy fire. It's a painful loss but I'm pleased with the way that my makeshift fallback position, which was only manned by a handful of soldiers, held the Americans up and caused them some casualties before it eventually caved in. There is now nothing between the Americans and 1 Plt's reverse slope position at the windmills. I expect an intense firefight for the summit in a couple of turns or so.

screenshot20120916at065.png

Things stay much quieter at the road junction. My Marder fails to make any contact at all, and moves into a position where I hope the Americans will have to make themselves visible before any AT armaments they're carrying can be fired on the tank destroyer. Meanwhile light mortar fire also pounds the road junction for a minute or two, forward of the Marder's position. It lands near the rifle team from 2 platoon who are hiding in a barn on the edge of the VL; you can just about make them out through the dust in the next pic:

screenshot20120915at071.png

No-one is hurt and again, I think the Americans are trying to soften up an enemy force that they imagine holds this area but in fact has ceased to exist some time ago! The next turn, however, the rifle team start to pick up a few contacts on the edge of the junction:

screenshot20120916at065.png

Here they come. With the Americans closing in on both VLs by the end of this three minute period, the final phase of this engagement is about to begin.

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Turn 29

As we start to pick up contacts around the edge of the tiny settlement that occupies the road junction, I am concerned once again about the position of my Marder. An unconfirmed contact is made in a small cultivated area to the left of the junction (far left in the image below), and checking the view from there I think that the tank destroyer is partially exposed. Because the crew have a limited view from their compartment, there is a good chance that this team, which has already fired some AT weaponry in our direction a few turns back, might be able to get another shot in before we sight them. I'm going to have to move it yet again to keep it out of harm's way, and into a position where it can do the approaching infantry some harm without getting shot at first.

Meanwhile further contacts spring up around that barn where my rifle team from 2 plt are hiding out, on the right hand side of this pic. It's all going to kick off any moment now. But it doesn't, yet.

63673792.jpg

Keeping the Marder out of view is easier said than done as room for manoeuvre on the battlefield becomes more squeezed. The Americans have now started to seize the heights to the right of the road junction as they advance towards the windmills. That means that this command unit, whose radio operator is clearly still alive, is in an ideal position to call in some more mortar fire if it can spot the tank destroyer from its elevated position. It's the rifle team in the barn who spot these men moving tentatively along the ridge, however. I think that the Marder itself is out of sight.

screenshot20120916at203.png

My hope is that the Americans up there will plough on towards the windmills where 1 Plt. are waiting and leave the task of seizing the road junction to the teams which fought the bruising encounter with 3 plt. in the groves earlier. I know that both have been battered by the engagement so far to some extent. The question is really how much.

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Turns 30 & 31

The next two minutes witness no combat as such, but the Americans do start intensively bombarding an apparently specifically-selected position at the road junction. Fortunately for my men, it's not where the rifle team have been placed, which leaves me puzzled as to why they're aiming for it. Clearly this is in anticipation of a final assault on this VL, however. As the rounds fall we spot an enemy rifle team gathering behind a wall ready for the push.

screenshot20120917at181.png

Those vines to the right are in a small field which dips sharply away to where my Marder is positioned. Getting the vehicle into a position where it can target them but isn't vulnerable to any AT fire from the Americans until it's engaged is proving more difficult by the minute. I have been as careful as I can in ensuring that if these men move into a position where they might be able to get a shot at the Marder unhindered, they will simultaneously come under fire from my rifle team at the junction. The Marder is in a position where it can quickly reciprocate a flanking move against the German rifle team from the other side of the building where they are hiding. That's about as interlocking as I can make it with barely any troops to play with; I hope that it succeeds in reducing the American strength in this part of the map.

screenshot20120917at213.png

As the bombardment continues, we pick up a vague armour contact on the road out of the junction. This is the marker right at the top of the second image. It could well be the Priest; there has been no evidence of further American armour in play and we lost sight of the Priest from the hill shortly before my last MGs were taken out. I think it's moving round to support the push on the junction. I'm reasonably happy that as it stands, it will need to get too close for comfort before it can seriously engage my men, however.

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Turns 32 & 33

As the mortar rounds cease falling behind my rifle team's spot in the barn, we suddenly catch sight of American infantry moving round the rear of the next building. They don't seem to have spotted my men, however, and one of the team hurls a grenade out of the window with devastating effect.

screenshot20120918at205.png

screenshot20120918at205.png

But any jubilation is short-lived. Finally spotting my men hidden in the barn, the Americans open up with heavy area fire from across the vine-field. One man is hit and, with their morale already brittle following the earlier fighting, the Germans bolt through back door and are several yards up the hill before they regain their composure.

screenshot20120918at205.png

Their only hope now is to race to the cover of the next buildings, where the artillery bombardment has stopped, and then try to make their way to a new spot somewhere to the rear of the junction. But for all but one of them, it proves a vain hope. Two are shot down trying to cross the gap between buildings, and as their morale cracks again a third is hit in the ensuing rout. One man remains from the team, and I'm going to try to get him to safety so that he can at least play a cursory scouting role in what remains of the battle.

screenshot20120918at215.png

Meanwhile, on the other side of the junction, a bazooka team have sneaked round the periphery of the settlement and spotted the Marder. I'm mightily relieved that the shot flies harmlessly over the top of the tank destroyer.

screenshot20120918at215.png

With its position now identified, it's time to bring the Marder back into the game and see if it can't take out a few of the enemy before giving up the ghost. There has been little sign of movement on the hill and I strongly suspect that the Americans are trying to take the junction first, with a view to attacking the windmills from both sides at once. This will be a lot harder for them if I can kill off a few more on the left flank first. I don't think that the Marder will get through many more turns without being hit, but it may yet make more of a contribution.

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Tiresias,

That was a close one with the bazooka on the Marder. Perhaps you can marry up some infantry nearby the Marder to keep eyes out to avoid a repeat ambush. I'd say the Marder is an important part of your success in this battle. You've done well to keep it in action for this long.

That was a heck of a grenade toss by the troops in the barn. I thought they might make it out of that spot....but now down to one and his survival is still questionable.

Excellent story and action.

Heinrich505

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Tiresias,

That was a close one with the bazooka on the Marder. Perhaps you can marry up some infantry nearby the Marder to keep eyes out to avoid a repeat ambush. I'd say the Marder is an important part of your success in this battle. You've done well to keep it in action for this long.

That was a heck of a grenade toss by the troops in the barn. I thought they might make it out of that spot....but now down to one and his survival is still questionable.

Excellent story and action.

Heinrich505

Thanks, Heinrich. Unfortunately I'm now all out of infantry at the road junction, so while I agree with the theory, practising it would now mean redeploying some of 1 Plt. from up at the windmills. They'd have to fight their way down and I need them for the final defence.

The best way to handle this, I think, is to get the Marder into a position on the far left, almost as if it's assaulting the road junction from that side. Most of BigDork's men will head straight for the VL (that's where the mortar team who got hit with the grenade were going). From the left I can potentially pick off one flank from relative safety, and threaten any movement against the hill, which is what I think he's planning on doing next. There's not much danger of the Marder being outflanked there, either, which means it has a better chance of inflicting casualties and surviving. We'll see, however - I only have a few contacts around the junction and don't know exactly where his men are. I'm certainly not optimistic about getting the Marder through to the end of the battle.

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The best way to handle this, I think, is to get the Marder into a position on the far left, almost as if it's assaulting the road junction from that side. Most of BigDork's men will head straight for the VL (that's where the mortar team who got hit with the grenade were going). From the left I can potentially pick off one flank from relative safety, and threaten any movement against the hill, which is what I think he's planning on doing next. <snip>

Sounds like a good plan. Is getting the Marder to the hill with 1 Platoon an option? It is hard to tell if there is a safe place it could travel from just screen shots. Something to consider anyway.

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Hi everyone. I'm afraid that as I'm going to be away for a few days there'll be a bit of hiatus after this post. For those of you following this thread, apologies for the delay! We'll be back in action to round things off as soon as we can. It's all the more irritating because, as you can see from the below, things are getting interesting again.

Turns 34 & 35

Attention remains firmly focused on the road junction, further adding to my suspicion that the Americans are (entirely sensibly) trying to take that first with a view to then hitting the windmills from both directions. This is not ideal but manageable. More about that in a moment, however, as the next two minutes prove critical at the junction itself.

As reported last time, with the loss of my rifle team at the junction, I've decided to wheel my Marder round to the left of the settlement where it will be on the Americans' flank. The intention here is to put it in a less-exposed position, while also allowing it to hit the approaching infantry from one side. Accordingly, it spends just over a minute pulling back unscathed, although it's barracked by a little small arms fire, presumably from that bazooka team we saw a moment ago.

screenshot20120919at210.png

As they round the furthest building, the Marder's crew catch sight of a couple of infantry teams. The first shot misses completely but seems to shake up an HQ team who were approaching the settlement and sends them running erratically in the opposite direction. The second hits its mark, killing at least one infantryman headed for the VL. I notice later that there is also a dead American nearby from the HQ team, which was cowering behind a wall.

screenshot20120922at074.png

Seconds later, however, mortar rounds start to explode all around the Marder itself. All too late, the crew pick up a contact way back beyond the knocked-out Sherman from earlier. The Americans have very sensibly kept a mortar team out there for just this eventuality. The second round destroys the Marder's tracks and immobilizes it completely. Everything else is still functioning and the crew are safe for now, but the bombardment is continuing as the turn ends and their only saving grace is that they're obscured by smoke.

screenshot20120922at075.png

screenshot20120922at075.png

It's a great move by my opponent who has clearly been meticulous in covering every area during his approach to the road junction - he deserves real credit for that one as I am sure the Marder has been causing him quite a bit of irritation and grief. For us Germans, it means that the road junction is now as good as gone. The Marder may yet be able to fire again, but it's a sitting duck and once the bombardment stops I may well try to get the crew out of there. With mortar rounds falling close to their position all the time, it's academic whether they try to escape or not at the moment - they would be just as vulnerable, if not moreso, climbing out of the tank destroyer.

I'm obviously frustrated to have lost my one armoured asset, but pleased with the way I kept it mobile for about 15 minutes of combat, taking out the Sherman and, I think, a fair few infantrymen on the way.

Although it will take them a couple of turns to realise it, the way is now open for the Americans to assault the windmills both from the front (on the hill) and from the left flank (the road junction). I think that their strength is greater at the latter. As I have mentioned several times, I also think that the men on the hill have been shaken up quite a lot by the earlier fighting and seem prone to breaking under fire. Overall, therefore, 1 Plt, who can catch an advance from either direction from a hidden position in which the Americans will necessarily have to expose their advancing men, should have a chance of saving the second VL. Once the Marder has been destroyed or abandoned, they will also be all I have left.

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Sounds like a good plan. Is getting the Marder to the hill with 1 Platoon an option? It is hard to tell if there is a safe place it could travel from just screen shots. Something to consider anyway.

Hi Ian,

You'll see from the next report that this is now impossible! However, to answer your question, I could have tried this with the Marder, but it would have involved exposing it briefly as it moved round the back of the road junction, and then again as it made its way along the track up the hill.

In both cases, I wasn't entirely confident about what the Americans might have lurking. I was aware of both nearby mortar teams and the presence of the Priest somewhere on the road. It didn't seem worth the risk, particularly because my main aim at this stage is to weaken the Americans on my left flank as much as possible, as I did on the hill.

So the Marder would, I felt, be better served moving into a safer spot on the left where its exposure would be more restricted. As you can see, it nearly worked... nearly! And I did manage to incur a few more casualties on the way. I'm quite pleased with the way in which this relatively vulnerable vehicle caused quite a lot of damage on the battlefield. I haven't much experience of using tanks in the game yet at all.

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Tiresias,

Like my grandmother used to say..."Ach du lieber, mein Gott in Himmel!" :(

You did well to keep that Marder around as long as you did. I think your plan to move it around to flank the advance would have worked well.

Don't worry about the delay. We'll be here waiting for you to resume. It will be interesting to see if you can keep that Priest at bay. With what I've been hearing about über tank crewmen, see about bailing them out and using them to bolster your final defenses. :)

Heinrich505

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So the Marder would, I felt, be better served moving into a safer spot on the left where its exposure would be more restricted. As you can see, it nearly worked... nearly! And I did manage to incur a few more casualties on the way. I'm quite pleased with the way in which this relatively vulnerable vehicle caused quite a lot of damage on the battlefield. I haven't much experience of using tanks in the game yet at all.

Your Marder has lasted longer than mine usually do when I have to use them against infantry! And seems to have been pretty effective - IIRC, Marders only have about a dozen HE rounds, and I know they don't have a MG, so if it lasts another turn, you may be approaching the maximum possible anti-infantry effectiveness anyway.

Of course it's going to be hard not having any AT assets...

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello everyone. With apologies again for the enforced hiatus, I'm now back in situ and ready for the dramatic denouement. Although you may have to take the dramatic with a pinch of salt depending on how this goes. Thanks for the comments while I was away, incidentally!

Turns 36 - 39

My hopes of perhaps keeping the immobilised Marder intact for one last blast at the enemy prove to be in vain. The US mortar team continues to pound the area pretty relentlessly, and although it takes several rounds they finally score a direct hit, killing the gunner and forcing the other two crew members from the vehicle. Both leg it behind the building and out of sight.

screenshot20121006at134.png

The subsequent few minutes are, however, pretty uneventful. There's more mortar fire on the road junction's tiny settlement, this time apparently to create a smokescreen to cover the US push into the VL. Of course, unbeknownst to the Americans, I don't have anyone left in there. The optimistic take on this would be to point out that at least I'm wasting some of their ammo.

Up on the hill 1 plt adjust slightly to cope with the prospect of an attack on two fronts (a frontal assault from the slopes themselves, and a push against the left flank from the junction). However, there is no sign of movement from beyond the windmills. Although it is tricky for 1 plt to pick up contacts given their position behind the ridge, I expect that the Americans are sensibly waiting to mop up at the junction before going all-out for the prize of the summit. Also, the troops we encountered on the hill were looking pretty exhausted and low on morale. I would be confident of 1 plt giving them a serious battering should they run into our path too early.

Back at the junction American progress remains cautious. I have one surviving man from 2 plt positioned in a hollow beyond the junction, but don't want to expose him to withering enemy fire just yet. For one thing, he's got an AT grenade which could be used should the Priest appear here and overextend itself. For another, he's a handy tripwire to pick up any movement against the hill. The two crew members from the Marder, however, having dashed into the cover of a small wheat field, are a different story. With American infantry now sweeping the junction area, they have no chance of reaching the hill and safety. I get them to crawl through the field until they're in a position for the leader, who's still got his MP40, to have a decent shot at some Americans nearby.

screenshot20121008at063.png

He does a pretty good job of it, but I don't give either of them much chance of surviving the next turn. This should keep the Americans busy and guessing for a few more minutes, though. Maybe in their frustration they'll go at the hill and allow 1 plt to pick off the weaker sections up there before we have to deal with the men down at the junction.

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Tiresias,

Your men are so cool under fire. The guy with the MP-40's still listening to tunes--after being forced to abandon his destroyed mount and the remains of his gunner! Interestingly, I used to have some of those same Marders in GHQ MicroArmourâ„¢, painted in the very same scheme as yours.

Regards,

John Kettler

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Tiresias,

You did well to keep that Marder around as long as you did. I think your plan to move it around to flank the advance would have worked well.

Heinrich505

+1 on that, for a guy who hasn't used armor much you certainly made what is typically a very difficult vehicle to use a major thorn in BD's side. Kudos!

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Turns 40 & 41

For readers mourning the loss of the Marder, there's one last hurrah. After crawling into the wheatfield, the crew leader and accompanying gunner catch their breath and then spot elements of the American infantry moving through the small settlement at the junction. There's not much the gunner can do with his pistol, but the AFV's leader, with his MP40, makes a valiant attempt to do yet more damage to the American advance. First he picks off a GI at a nearby farmhouse; seconds later one member of an HQ team moving around the destroyed wreck of the Marder is also hit, and the other men are sent running.

screenshot20121009at213.png

Of course, it's only an epilogue. Moments after this gunfire opens up on the wheatfield from several directions at once as US troops appear all around the road junction, accompanied by the Priest. There's nothing the two surviving crew members can do to stop this and nowhere for them to run. After cowering for a bit longer, they are both seriously wounded and will take no further part in the action.

There is still no sign of movement at the windmills. I am wondering if an artillery bombardment is being planned up there, but given that the Americans cannot see behind the ridge, where 1 plt are stationed, any successful bombardment would be very imprecise and spread over a wide area. Surely, though, we can expect fighting of some sort up there any second now?

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Tiresias,

Hark! Do I hear a noisy sigh of relief from the stands that your driver (you said the gunner got splatted) didn't singlehandedly destroy an entire squad with his pistol? Shall be most interested to see how you deal with that Priest!

Regards,

John Kettler

Yeah, now you mention it I recall reading about the phenomenal power of Lugers in CMFI!

Two options with the Priest at this stage:

1.) He sends it over the ridge, where 1 plt between them have an array of AT grenades and could actually cause some damage.

2.) There is one man from 2 plt still hiding near the road junction. He has one AT grenade. If I'm *very* lucky the Priest might pass his position and he could get a shot in and do some damage. But that would be a serious quirk of fortune at this stage.

More likely:

3.) Neither of the above and I get battered. But hey, it's been fun!

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