Papa Khann

My dear Boo-Boo, your barb impales me. Are you not aware of the esteem in which I hold you? Rest assured, little Boo_Rattly, you'd only be subjected to the "good self". Papa

As requested by "He Who Has Obviously Lost What Little Mind He Had", otherwise known as Old Foul Joe, or, when I need him to pick up more cheese dip before returning to Castle Shavian from his job welcoming customers to Wal-Mart, My Liege and Master, here is a play-by-play of the match decreed for myself and Maladjusted, new squire of the Gnome. Map: Yet another d*mn blizzard Turns: You guessed it, Joe has finally succumb to the effects of Alzheimer's. Two, count em, two turns. Fixed. Forces: LOL. You call a platoon of infantry a force? Oh and by the way, Your Munificence, thanks a lot for granting me the use of the FREAKING elite flamethrower team in a two turn meeting engagement. I'll be sure to run the bastiches forward as fast as their little feet can carry them. Maybe with a little luck Maladjusted can ignite them just as they come within range of his troops and they can all go to visit Valhalla together. Turn 1: I advance. What the h*ll else were you expecting me to do? Oh yeah, Maladjusted fired some infernal flame-belching contraption at me a few times. It made funny "popping" noises and set everything on fire. Like I'm going to have time to advance my flamethrower team across the map to combat that d*mn thing.... Turn 2: I stop and shoot. Since this IS the last turn of the game, what the h*ll else were you expecting me to do? Outcome: I must have hit something, not that I'd know it, because after all, all this excitement is taking place in the middle of a g*d d*mn blizzard!. But I must have, because I ended up on the top end of a 55 - 45 draw. Joe, I'm sure you've already sent your resume off to BFC to do scenario design for the next version of CM, but here's a friendly word of advice, pal.... DON'T QUIT THE JOB AT WAL-MART YET. Oh yeah, I need some more crackers too. Papa [ October 10, 2002, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: Papa Khann ]

Pick something in a blizzard for him, Lard (that is, if you can keep yourself from falling into the lake for the next few minutes). The Gnome denies that he likes it, but really he does. Honest. And the man possesses such little else to bring a smile to his face, Lard. Make the Gnome happy. Papa

We know. It's otherwise referred to as your "pie hole" and it's existence on the likes of you is a bane to us all. I suppose it was inevitable you'd notice the thing. Got bored with the contents of your fingernails? Papa

I'll believe the parakeet part when I see your picture, Boo. The Dexadrine part I believe already. Papa

Maladjusted, while this post was more intelligent and entertaining than your previous posts, I feel that my status as preeminent Wally here in the MBT is somehow threatened. Still, I suppose it's better than being forced to read any more of your attempts at poetry... Now scamper off to your hole and return the setup I sent you. Papa

Dear Androgynous, Having a splendid time here at the front, drinking Vodka and relaxing in yet another infernal graveyard. One wonders if the architect of these lands was aware that other terrain types exist? No sign of invaders yet. But we're sure the Hun will be along shortly. After all, how long can it take when the front is only 40 meters or so across? Perhaps the architect was resting his carpal tunnel syndrome this day? All our love (which, incidentally, is none for you, pillock). Papa Khann PS And lets not have any of that have a nice day crap either.

Quite simply, PondSlum, I scraped together 20 points in that lopsided, underhanded debacle you refer to as a game of CM by the righteous labor of my superior tactical awareness. Rotten gamey bastiche with your 50mm mortars and their homing rounds. I say I was setup, robbed, bamboozled! And on top of all that, you didn't even warn me that you're a rotten gamey tactics using grog wannabe. I demand a rematch, you festering pile of grog porn perusing putrescence. Choose something and send it my way. Papa

Malapropism, you bombastic lackwit, a setup of Joe's latest torture device has been sent your way. I'd blather on for a bit about how I am about to exercise my superior tactical awareness upon you, but being that this is another one of Joe's self-indulgent creations, what's the use? No doubt we'll both be beset by earthquakes, tornadoes, and tsunami before we ever leave our setup zones. The good news is, the pain is only slated to last for two turns (unless the craven ol' buggerer has figured a way to crib the turn counter too... I wouldn't put anything past him). Oh by the way, Joe, we're running low on cheese dip again. Could you wander over to aisle 12 and slip some under your... er, I mean, pick some up on your way back to the castle tonight? Papa

Jeez, and here I was wondering why my 222's always get blown up so readily. Usually they just self-destruct driving over open ground. Spontaneous implosion. And I thought it was just because I suck at CM. At least when I thought it was my fault, I had the hope (however faint) that someday I could learn to employ the vehicle properly. That I could better myself. Evolve. But no, you have to go and burst my bubble, deny me my hope, cast me into the depths of despair. It's not my fault at all. That vehicle is always going to suck. It's all because the model was done by a freaking Canuck. And to add insult to injury, not even by a Canuck smart enough to deny his heritage. No, just another silly polar bear shagger too dim to claim he's from some less egregious country where pillocks are only slightly less rampant, like Texas or Ohio. Just my luck. Figures. Papa

Ooooooh, clever comeback there. Who writes your dialog nowadays, Papa Kahn?</font>

dalem, Still beset by puppies and unable to wend my way north, I find myself contemplating the essential questions of life.... 1) Did you attend? 2) If so, did you partake? 3) If so, did you finally manage to remain afloat? The rest of you shiftless lot, please indulge me by sodding off immediately. All except for Ladies Persephone and YK2, of course. I could use a good jolt, and rumour has it there's a bit left over from last evening. Papa

Be sure and take your in-laws, out-laws, pets and wild brethren.</font>

Pantless Bleeder, being Joe's esteemed squire, I feel it only fair that I inject a measure of sanity into this discussion. Having been forced to attend to my Liege's, shall we say, rather <big>colossal</big> needs during his most recent infirmity regarding his teeth (as opposed to all his other, less recent but still ongoing infirmities), I feel I am in the unique position of being able to point out that Joe may have been under the influence of a significant dose of nitrous oxide when he suggested such a resolution. Surely only a mildew-like growth of the lowest order would attempt to take advantage of an infirm, elderly, and tripped out Just-a-Car. Oh, wait a moment.... Papa

No problem. So what excuse are you offering for the portion of your life that preceded last week? Papa

Alas, those of us unfortunate enough to have laid a sorrowful eye upon the Gnome know that the truth is closer to "Pale Gnomer". Papa

I'm away from the MBT for a few days and this, this is what I find upon my return? A myriad of insensate posts by SomeNachos (no great surprise there... at least the Vertically Challenged One hasn't been ripping out any jolly sing-songs of late), and one of the more pathetic attempts I've seen to date by an SSN, politely asking for directions on whom to taunt, then squeaking out "Silly name"? And so what if Lars IS an unbelievably silly name. Why shouldn't it be? After all, this is Lars we're talking about. MalaWhateverIsYourName (Malodorous? Maladjusted?), put some backbone into it, lad. I understand that you've most likely had a difficult time overcoming (or attempting to, anyway) the unfortunate circumstances of your birth. Lord knows it's not just anyone that could learn to type without the use of a brain stem. But you've got to do better than that, boyo. Some gusto, please? Papa

Anyone else noticed lately that BeerGut is starting to mimic Canadians more and more? He's even doing it in his private emails to me on those rare occasions when he sends me a turn. Has the Prince of Evil acquired a case of Canuck Envy? Papa

dalem, according to the heap of twisted garble that currently suffices for my email archive, you owe me a turn. Is this not so? Didn't you receive 4 to 12 copies of the last file? Papa

Leeo and dalem, try watching "The Gods Must Be Crazy" about a dozen times each day with no breaks between viewings. Then read AJs posts. He still won't make sense, but at least you'll be able to decipher what he's trying to say. Plus you two pillocks will spend so much time watching the film that neither one of you will have enough time or energy left to post any more of your nonsense here. It's a win-win situation for everyone, lads. Please make it so. Papa

I notice you said "technically". There's a good lad. Not too bright, but honest as the day is long. PondScum, trust me, your customers know how unlikely it is that anyone at MSN would be capable of actually doing anything about, well, anything. Therefore, we are also aware that any MSN employee would only be employed in the "technically speaking" sense. Papa PS No really, they're aware of the problem and quite confident that a fix will be in place by OCTOBER FREAKING 4th.

Time for a gamey update: To all my current opponents, which includes, near as I can recall anyway.... Joe x2 (oh what a ghastly thought... imagine if there were actually TWO of Joe) Seanachai x2 (no... stop... the pain!!!) dalem PondScum Berli Boo Mike My email service is having some sort of conniption fit. I can receive files just fine. And I can send files just fine. Oh boy, can I EVER send those files, eh, PondScum? The problem is, this worthless lump of circuitry perched atop my desk seems unable to alert itself to the fact that it has successfully sent a file to one or more of you pillocks. You see, IT thinks that somehow it has failed. That somehow the job it has done is inadequate. But will it just sit and mope and resign itself to being less than adequate? Of course not. IT WILL TRY AGAIN! And again. And again. And again... and, oh well, even the likes of you lot must have the idea by now. PondScum, sorry about those 13 copies of the last file I tried to send to you clogging up your Inbox. I only tried to send it once. Honest. I'm just going to toddle off to bed now for a good nights sleep. Tomorrow I must make a long drive to visit the MSN (cough, cough) support center in person. Oh say, dalem, could I borrow some of your, um, hardware? I can't guarantee that you'll get it back, but when the authorities arrive and make their way over the mounds of former MSN (cough, cough) support personnel to confiscate your hardware, I'll be sure to mention that it doesn't actually belong to me. Papa

Trust a Boo_Radley to bring a fencing foil to a gunfight. Papa

Yeah. But as I've said before, I've earned a living off plagiarism for years. And old habits die hard. You of all people, Mr. Peeper, should be able to appreciate this. I imagine you've had some few short moments of remorse while bartering human flesh in the ethically forsaken wasteland of our country's legal system. Hasn't stopped you yet though, has it? Papa

Lard, you lackwit... hey, I kind of like the sound of that. Let me try it again... Lard-You-Lackwit. Why yes I do believe that has a certain "ring" to it. Doesn't roll off the tongue with the same grace that Mike-You-Idiot does, but it's not half bad either. Lard-You-Lackwit, stop stalling and send me a setup. Scenario or QB, Fascist or Bolshevik, I care not which. You can only postpone your inevitable humiliation for so long, lad. Pony up. Papa