Seanachai

Or you could just drink beer like everyone else...

Stop nipping the vermin off sheep and send me a setup, you wank!

'Dalem' stands for; Dumb Amiable Lunatic EveryMan. What? I didn't say it was an acronym. You all just leapt to that conclusion. In Serbo-Croat it means: 'Your zipper is undone.'

Hatred, my little lamb, is not where you find it, it's where you put it. No matter how drunk I may someday become, I always know where the hatred is. Ewww. I never ran after girls, and certainly didn't pick my nose, fer the love of God. Girls were...magical. Got all stuttery and tongue-tied, I did. Blushed, even. Haven't blushed in 40 some years. Trying to remember what it was like. Ah, I remember! It's similar to that hot and flushed feeling you sometimes get when you're ashamed! Got it. But I was, in fact, reviled, and I was constantly beaten up. I mean, it's not like I enjoyed being punched out. I just wouldn't shut up. And after a while...people didn't want to hit you anymore. They just looked bad. Oddly enough, there was very little satisfaction in making them stop punching you. Oh, yes, the surcease of pain was wonderful, and the look of disquiet on their faces was pleasant, and the fact that after the last punch they made lame jokes and then scrubbed their hands on their jeans like someone trying to make it all go away, and looked at their shoes, was morally uplifting, but there was very little real satisfaction in standing there, all bloody, and staring at them while they tried to laugh and make it all your fault for not being strong enough or violent enough to defend yourself. Rather like what the people who hadn't the sense to be born in the World's Only True Super Power feel, I imagine. Except that their children die, whereas I just got to make some more jokes before losing a tooth. Sorry. You can't grow up wanting for nothing but respect without having a thought for those who have nothing. Or so I imagine. Damn right. Don't encourage the Gnome. Bloody good policy. Haven't any fault to find with that, you Swedish bugger. Here now. The only git I've sent any of my poetry to is that bugger Emrys, but I can't be caught out there, because I've tons of his poetry to retaliate with! Don't matter that his poetry is actually rather good, and mine is...mine! What matters is, I've got it! And I can't ever remember inflicting my poetry on you, you...ummm, well, you've expressed and opinion against me calling you all sorts of vulgar and perfectly true names (haven't any of you buggers wondered what it was costing me to not swear like the horrible little man I've always been?! Even just using 'feck' is killing me...), so I won't call you anything like the progeny of an unsanctified marriage, because I imagine your...er, supposed parents were very much in love, and stood under a wonderful, doubtless Lutheran arch and declared their love for each other, and to all the world, and joined their lives together you sodding bastard. Oh, well. I didn't realize you'd actually played a game against MrPeng. I've tried to put my own spin on the nightmare by only returning turns about once a month, but there's nothing that can compete for horror against that first game against Peng himself. Mind you, I've never played a 'Ker Dessel' scenario. But no one capable of doing up the velcro straps on their 'about town' helmet has either. Well, yes, but that's going to happen whether you like me or not, so just get over things. And besides, I never show up at anyone's door with less than a $40 bottle of whisky. Mind, you'll not have any of it, it's just for me, but I won't be defamed. Now, tell me I have lovely eyes... [ June 14, 2004, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Oh, and where's Hortlund? I'm not up for fighting with the bastard on the GF anymore. I prefer to fight with him in here, where we can take time out for folk-dancing and the occasional heartfelt stare into each other's eyes. Gods damn you, Hortlund, you might work out as a Mortal Enemy. You're showing something very like promise.

Yeah? What about it? I'll tell you what about it! Seanachai... Do you know what that means? Have you any concept of how this will affect your philosophy, Horatio? </font>

Ah! There you are! "Endless ASL poetsmeary..."? Rather at a loss over that one. We don't have 'experienced' players here, Willbell. That rather self-righteously demands that people somehow 'excel', and to the standards of the questioner (who is suspect from the get-go). Seriously, it's like walking into a brothel and shouting 'I've got a great big tonker'. No one cares. We are simply 'players'. I'd be happy to give you a game. And after you defeat me, you can stand up proudly and say: "Er...I made fun of that lot in the Peng Challenge Thread, eh? And then I went and played a game with one of them, and I won!" And they will inevitably ask you: "What did you win?" To which you can reply: "Well, ummm, nothing. And I think they found out where I live and ate my pets. But I by God won!"

I am mighty! But sometimes, late at night...it's just me...86smopuim... Mum and Da'. I've some friends, now! They're a good lot, and they think much of me. I'm not broody...I've a lot of friends, did I mention that?! I know where I'm going. Life's uncertain, but I've come amongst friends. Life is funny, but it's good. Sometimes it's sad. I wonder about others. There are many good people out there...sometimes, I wonder about children. Sometimes, Mom, I drink too much. But I wake up every day, and the world unfolds before me. And every day, the world is like a great, big Waffle.

Well, but perhaps they could either 'advance' or 'assault' but not necessarily do either together? And your sources? I'm sure that won't take much research to quote, at length, and not merely make reference to the fact that almost any fecking idjit could come up with some sort of reference showing what you think is all too apparent?

What the hell, and you're an immigrant spokesman for how wonderful Australia is, eh? Or has Australia given up on teaching 'proper English' then (which, given that the buggers communicate in some sort of drunken private code, I'd be more than willing to believe).

I like that. Sound tactics. </font>

That would be 'Life', lad.

Yes. Joe, dearest of Justicars, most priceless of enemies, the day that I consciously find that I've clutched myself with a giggle, and an 'ooh, that's a Mayberry RFD reference!', is the day that I absolutely fecking want to die. Joe, I feel increasingly drawn into the Wasteland. That's where my peers await me. I see the flickering of their fire, even now. I am held here by very tenuous links. I hang on in hopes of some worthy SSN. Some good thing that might still come of...all this. But as the others depart, one by one, and as the light fades...I can only see a circle of fallen trees, a crackling fire, and the jug that circles endlessly... I need...I need spirits that burn bright, Joe. It's not simply that the Other Two call out to me...it's more that the Other Two call out to me: 'What the feck's wrong with you, you stupid bastard, what are you doing, wasting your time there; here, is that a Laphroaig 20 year old? When was the last time we had one of those, eh...' And similar things. They're not particularly coherent, but they're pretty emphatic. I thought...I thought for a while, that I might find a new Mortal Enemy. Oh, not one like Peng, that I could journey through the ages with. Not a brother, necessarily. Actually, everything has been disappointing, lately. Sigh. Now, people who can barely do their zipper up without flinching and making little whimpering noises wander in here and try to face me down. And they think they're doing well, which is the saddest thing of all, of course. I think that the whole 'god' thing was a tremendous mistake. I mean, I already had everything required for a sense of achievement and peace of mind. I was an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread. The whole attempt to declare myself a 'god' was...well, 'wrong-headed'. It also made me feel all...icky. Bugger it. I'm returning to my roots. That is, being your moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiour, without any need to get all stuffy about it. Now, bring me an SSN. I feel quite revitalized! Anyone? Boo? Do you have anything to show me?

wine is a mocker, strong drink is ragin'! That bloody Peng. Get's you involved with pointless pissant bastards every single time! What is this barrold...thing that I should have to listen to his rather pathetic attempts at homophobia? I mean, really. That horrible bigot swine Gunslingr is at least what he is. Barrold...puddle o' piss, and no mistake.

Let's keep this product order in its proper perspective. I imagine the scene at the Aussie DoD went something like this: Roight! Everyone knows that Australia (sound of opening beers) won WWII! Stands to reason! We were there, we fought like bloody hell, and the Germans and the Japanese clearly went home with a thick ear and their tail between their legs! Well, the world's become a damn dangerous place again, and we've been attacked by cowardly scum left and right, so we'd best dust off our knuckles and get ready for a punch-up! Now, as regards our obvious victory in WWII...anyone remember how we did it? Anyone? Damn. Right, then, here's what we'll do. We had one of the Department underweasels go rat about on the Web, and they came up with this damn interesting game called 'Combat Mission: Afrika Corps', and it's all about how Australia won WWII in the desert and such. So what say we buy several thousand fecking copies of the thing and set our lads to playing it, oi? You know what they say: if you put a million monkeys into a room with a million typewriters and give them a million years, they'll eventually re-create the works of Shakespeare! Well, crikey! A thousand bloody Aussies are as good as any million bloody monkeys any day, and Shakespeare was a bloody Pommie ponce, so our lads probably won't take more than a decade to come up with how we handed the bloody Germans their arse! Whadya say?! Shall we contact these 'Merican game designer buggers and buy the game? We can probably hide the whole cost in the departmental 'Beer Budget'. I mean, if we're all willing to have one less than 40 beers for the next few departmental barbies we could do it without breaking a sweat... silence Oh, c'mon, lads! It's for Australia! misty eyed silence finally broken by thundering cheers of approval Right! That's decided then! Now, about this plan to invade New Zealand in order to create a defensive 'comfort zone'...

You know, I'm very angry about game mechanics. I want to know how come I can't fire my anti-tank guns at targets while they're embarked. I mean, I have a completely open LOS, they're correctly faced, and everything. This game sucks compared to all the really great WWII FPS games out there... How come one stinking shot will knock out a German tank in this game, when my individual soldier in other games can take direct hits from panzerfausts and still be 20% effective?! I think the makers of the game need some remedial game design classes...

ROIGHT! WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT HERE! NONE OF THAT, BOO! Joe, we've talked about this, and I thought you at least would honour our policy on this sort of behaviour. LADIES OF THE 'POOL, AVERT YOUR EYES! It could take a while to get Boo to realize his previous orders have been countermanded.

Yah, neat isn't it. And all that clear, flat space in the middle to hold our cricket and footy matches. btw did I mention I have enough parking for 6 cars in my drive way? Mace </font>

Sorry, the real country's been taken.... *hoiks one on the ground* 'Ptooey' ...it's called Australia. This here's the wattle, a symbol of our land can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand Mace </font>

Deary, deary me. Willbell, good to see you. Everyone treating you alright? Nurses getting you your meds on time? How very good of you to fall by! I say it does lads like you good to get out, mix with others, not stay forever strapped down to a bed watching daytime television. And if they soil themselves, what of it? At least they're taking part in life. And that has to do them a world of good. Ah, the inimitable Dave H. Fridge has asked a perfectly legitimate question about the differences between the Cesspoolers and the Cheery Wafflers. Now, Fridge, you have to understand that the Wafflers, like our early ancestors, are more into visual communication. Cave paintings, hieroglyphs, vulgar drawings on bathroom walls... While we of the Peng Challenge Thread are rather more verbal. More literate, even. Many of our members have actually read books, rather than simply tearing pages out of them and perusing them in an outhouse before doing the predictable thing, which is rather more the interaction to be expected of your average Cheery Waffler. The Wafflers, you see, are rather like an 'Early Man' answer to the Peng Challenge Thread. People who come to the MBT, and find it all a little too...well, for want of a better term, let us call it 'civilized', then knuckle their way over to the Cheery Waffle thread, roar something inarticulate, pound the ground with a stick, and then usually relieve themselves on their own feet. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It does a man good to see that there's a place for everyone, no matter how otherwise unsuited to life they appear to be. I can't tell you how it gladdens my heart to see Dave H, Soddball, Axe2121, Snarker, and the various rabble of Finns and life underachievers that have collected around them happily disporting themselves in the Cheery Waffle, forming a little community that gives the lie to the idea that people that emotionally disturbed and mentally dysfunctional should simply be institutionalized and forgotten. So, Fridge, feel free to go into either thread. I can recommend lads from our own Thread that would be happy to tell you where they thought you went wrong in what you did (not 'tell you what you did wrong, but tell you why it turned out to be wrong from their rather limited point of view'; we're all of us learning, each and every day, after all), but the lads in the Waffle are very nice too. Dave H, I believe, has a heart of gold. Sadly, he's also as thick as two short planks laid atop each other, but I often say that it's better to have a good heart, rather than to be clever.

Bah! I wave my hand at you! I've never, ever had the delusion, nor wanted it, of being a 'sports figure'. I have, of course, dreamed of being an internationally acclaimed brutal dictator and bon vivant. I settled, of course, for being an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread. Somehow, I know that Papa Joe Stalin would understand, and that I'd still get a nod and a 'That'll do, lad' from him.

What, the Possums are re-writing Civil War history to give themselves AFVs? Maybe they'll finally win the sodding thing, this time. Gods know no matter how many times the bitter little buggers relive it, they still lose... Lucky us, eh? We should have let the sods win, then maybe after they seceded and settled down to inbreed themselves into an evolutionary black hole, we could have joined up with Canada and had a real country.

She said love, love, love is everything I said ok, I guess, whatever She said what does that mean I said nothin, it's just good to have a backup plan She said I guess that means you don't got love I said maybe I love everyone She said that's the same as lovin no one I said ok, I guess, whatever And I have a dream of a New American Language One with a little bit more Spanish I have a dream of a new pop music That tells the truth, with a good beat and some nice harmonies I have a dream Tourist towns are a drag sometimes But in non-tourist towns you can get beat up Just for lookin a little different I guess the thing to do is just stay at home Yeah but sometimes I think the thing to do Would be to get a place way out in Missouri Put down as many months rent as you can part with Tell everybody else you went to France I said remember that conversation we had about love I said well, I think that you were right She said I don't remember sayin nothin about love It must have been a fantasy of the moment I have a dream I have a dream I dream of joining the Mafia And whether people like me is unimportant I dream of your clock radio Waking you up with my songs I have a dream of a New American Language I dream of new beginnings I dream of saturation bombing I dream mostly about love "A New American Language" -Dan Bern

I heard that, given the way things are going, he's been taken on to help 'spin' the war for the current American administration. Something about admiring his positive, supportive attitude in the face of all reality. After all, we've pretty much dropped the whole 'de-Baathistizaton' of Iraq...and look how many former Nazi military and Gestapo personal we happily brought back to America after the war to help us in our efforts against 'soon to be former allies', the Russians.

Cut me a break, woman! I got on at 3 AM dead drunk to post a bit of silliness, and didn't get caught up on the Thread before I posted! I didn't realize I was missing your birthday! Happy Belated Birthday, Sky Kitty! Bugger! This is what comes of posting without reading. All you young people out there take note of this, and don't let it happen to you! If you fail to read the Thread carefully, you might miss something important, like Kitty's Birthday, or one of my posts. And then where would you be, eh? I'll tell you where, lad, and I don't want your bloody mouth there by a long shot!