Hakko Ichiu
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Posts posted by Hakko Ichiu
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Joe Shaw emitted the following from an unidentified orifice:
(Up) This title SUCKS, I mean it REALLY sucks.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>After many years of deep meditation, Soddball achieved enlightenment with the following words:
That's the funniest Peng title I've seen in AGES.
<hr></blockquote>
It is in the nature of Great Art™ to engender controversy.
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Once again, the Bald One of Exquisite Taste has chosen, me, your humble servant, to start the latest incarnation of the Peng Challenge Thread, the Mutha-Beautiful Thread That Will Always Be There. In victory I am nothing if not magnanimous, therefore, just as I give a biscuit to my beagle after I thrash him for messing in the garage, so I throw a bone to the dull-witted dogs of the 'Pool. Herewith the rules:
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Adapted from Joe Shaw, but brought up to some basic standard by me:
Hitotsu. Thou shalt sound off as if thou possessest a pair, that the 'Pool shall prosper and be fruitful.
Part the First. Thou shalt not sound off ABOUT thy pair, nor about politics, nor racial, sexual nor ethnic crusades, lest you find disfavour in the eyes of the Bald One.
I. Bring not the unclean from the Outer Boards into the Sanctuary, lest you be subjected to foetors of Strines and other unclean things.
1. Thou shalt not have congress with Scum Sucking Newbies (SSN), nor shalt thou bow down before Grogs nor worship them, for that way lies the Kaos of the Outer Boards.
Alpha. Remember the place of the Peng Challenge Thread and keep it upon the first page, 'nuff said.
Primus. Honour the Olde Ones, the Senior Knights, the Knights and the Squires … ignore the Serfs and vilify the SSNs, for that is right and just.
Aleph. Thou shalt enter not into the 'Pool without bearing a challenge of mighty taunting, for that is whole purpose of the exercise.
Item. Thou SHALT give false testimony about thy fellow CessPoolers, and give them gamey play and insults and bile and taunts, for that renders some modicum of amusement value.
Numero uno. Thou shalt not covet thy fellow CessPoolers record, for wins and losses are not OF the CessPool, for the 'Pool is not some fecking ladder.
Verily those that walk in the way of the CessPool shall fall in and they SHALL be wet, so if it is thy wish to remain dry ... SOD OFF!
<hr></blockquote>
Happy now, ladies? Let the taunts fly and the floaters float.
[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]</p>
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Sigh, how many times have we told you, Menshch? Those things in the cat box are not Tootsie Rolls™!
Get well soon -- physically, anyway.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
So yes, Seanachai I DO lay the blame at YOUR door. And I also lay it at the door of Hakko Ichiu AS I PROMISED I WOULD. The only rule is to Sound Off Like Ya Got A Pair! The ONLY rule he said. Is FlossieJeff to be blamed for taking that injunction to heart? No ... mind his blame is practically unfathomable but NOT FOR THIS.
THIS is why we have we have rules, this is why we have procedures, this ... is why we have ... The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread. You ignore it at your peril.
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This post offers further proof, if proof were needed, that bureaucracy -- even the quasi-pseudo-cod-bureaucracy that we have in the 'Pool -- is the haven of second-class minds. The first rule of the pool, I stated, was "sound off like you got a pair." The rest, I noted, is commentary. To the enlightened, to those with eyes that see and minds that reason, that means that every other rule of the pool can be inferred from the first.
"Sound off like you got a pair" does not mean "sound off about your pair." This is clear to anyone with a modicum of a brain. That various Strines from the foetor are incapable of deducing as much is, in retrospect, obvious, but that is not a fault of the rules.
Keeping out undesirable elements is the role of law enforcement. If those charged with enforcing the law are incapable of carrying out their mandate (SD,B), then either the mandate must change or the mandatee. Which shall it be, Herr Justapersonenkraftwagen? Hmm?
In other news, Geier remains locked in his lutfisk-induced hibernation. I would issue challenges to various worthies, but I shall be going on vacation next week for a month or so, and I'd hate to be a tease.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
(3) Hakko Ichiu, I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO! <hr></blockquote>
If anyone is to blame for feckin' SSNs from down unda', it's the UnterGnome himself. Like a little pygmy boy who just can't help poking the huge stinking pile of elephant dung to see if any beetles come out, the Loquacious One couldn't stay away from that herd of Strines -- wait, what is the collective term for Orztrahlians? perhaps it's a "foetor" -- so, he couldn't stay away from that foetor of Strines and look at the result. You cannot lay this at my door. In fact, you can do any laying in your demesne, thank you very much.
Oh, and Geier, where's my fecking turn. If I don't get it soon, I'm going to send Father Jack in your direction when he's out night walking, so I will. Feck.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Chupacabra:
Dude, not to burst your bubble, but I suck, and I can kick the AI's ass. Thing is, it's still fun for me to play the AI once in a while, because it's still pretty good. Like everyone says, play other people.<hr></blockquote>
I so rarely agree with Goatsucker that I have to chime in here and say that yes, indeed, you do suck. And your mother wears army boots. So there.
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Yikes! That means you must have been a grandfather when you were about my age. And my oldest starts kindergarten next year.
Congratulations from me and the Society for Increasing Human Fertility!
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Joe was just teasing us. That's the Brigham Young University Cheerleading Captain.
What a hottie!
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrPeng:
...
We have our idiom, our own particular (some might say peculiar) mold, as do other great art forms. Haiku with its syllabic straight jacket springs to mind - there have been some bloody beautiful Combaikus generated by MBT participants by the way...
<hr></blockquote>
Bubbles of gas burst
Filling the 'Pool with their pong:
AussieJeff speaking.
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As I said, the rest is commentary.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
You see what happens, Hakko Ichiu when the rules are not posted properly? There is NO value to SSNs (especially this one, my Gawd that run on sentence was awful, it was not only not funny, it made NO sense at all) OTHER than DARs on the fights they have with our Squires. I blame you Eathan. Oh ... and Seanachai too for trolling on the outerboard.
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I posted the one, over-riding rule of the 'Pool, to whit:
Sound off like you've got a pair!
Young master Jeff's pronouncements are in obvious and flagrant violation of the above. Hence, his transgressions cannot be laid at my door (sit down, Bauhaus*).
QED
*For reasons of brevity and economy, I shall be using the TLA SDB for all future occurences of this too-oft uttered phrase.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Andreas:
In the new year, I could buy me lunch at Mr.Peng's. That would still leave you hungry though. Well, with that portly stature of yours, you will be able to make do without that eating thing. So no problem there.<hr></blockquote>
Portly? Use your dictionary, china. Winnie the Pooh was portly. I am imposing, a veritable man-mountain with a conspicuously large promontory jutting out at mid-level... Hmm, better stop here lest J-Dog goes all Jet Li on my cracka ass for violating one of the Rulz.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Andreas:
Right, if any of you slugs can be bothered to go here - BBC Radio4, and look for the 'Food Programme' (snip amateur taunts), you will be able to listen to a nice little excerpt about Mr.Peng, and how he treats his customers in his non-menued Chinese restaurant in London.
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Mr. Peng, Yu Hsiang seems like a most excellent man and obviously unrelated to Peng, his Pennsyltuckian Namesake. Peng, Y.H. invites guests into his premises and fills their bellies with delicious victuals. On the other hand, Peng, P.N. barges into the premises of his hosts and empties his belly* of its viscous detritus.
Your reward for finding this nugget of culinary information is the privilege of standing me lunch at Peng, Y.H.'s establishment. Pictures will be taken and, since you're a civil servant, much drink will be consumed. Alternatively, you could make it dinner, invite the entire disreputable London and Home Counties crew and pay for us all, since you're just milking the taxpayers' money anyway while the rest of us try to scrape by making an honest living selling endangered-animal products to Columbian drug lords.
*I use belly in the singular, although it maybe bellies (that's the plural for the likes of Panzer Leader and Aussie Jeff), as the anatomy of the Peng, P.N. is still a mystery to zoologists, especially as they're still arguing with the mycologists over whose area it is in which the Peng, P.N. actually falls -- or more appropriately, staggers.
{I didn't change a thing, I just pushed the edit button for the sheer joy of it}
[ 11-30-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]</p>
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:
Oh bother, what a crap-ass title, and who is this wierdo anyhooo? He dances in here every third moon and spouts out some english-as-a-second language, obviously flaunting his low beta-era member number, then dnaces away again.
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Who am I? Very good question. 10 points for Hufflepuff.
I'm someone who's been around in this thread a lot longer than you, although I'm fortunate enough not to be an Olde One. I'm also someone who only posts when he has something worth saying, unlike you, you prognathous, microphallic sniffer of public urinals. I'm someone who's contributed more to the general welfare with one (1) of my posts than you could by donating your body to science. I'm someone who doesn't have to play the grogabee, unlike you, who couldn't produce a paragraph of Grog Porn™ with a Panzerfaust 100 inserted rectally -- not that you haven't tried, I'm sure. In short, I am I, which makes me so much better than you that one must measure the difference in astronomical units.
{edited for all the right reasons}
[ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]</p>
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This Peng Challenge is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet it's maker. This is a late Peng Challenge. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If Madmatt hadn't sanctioned this thread, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Peng Challenge!
Now that that's over and done with, the Rules (IVth Edition):
There is but one rule) Sound off like you got a pair.
Everything else is commentary, but no doubt some smartass will post them anyway.
I hereby declare this Peng Challenge Thread open.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Slapdragon:
If we are going to have a trial, then I should be an investigator. Look at this picture of Ethan I found.
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Careful, Spanky, distributing senatorial pornography is a Class B Felony. And what is she doing to my poor cat?
Geier, a turn will come to ruin your day shortly.
And has anybody noticed this? Scroll to the end of the thread, as you wouldn't actually want to read it.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:
I realise that most of the folk in the USA don't know what to make of us Aussies (look at Slapdragon <hr></blockquote>
I find that Aussies in general make fine rugs for rumpus rooms and acceptable cat bedding. The ones with not-too-outlandish facial features can also be stuffed and mounted (sit down Bauhaus) for display in decors where post-modern irony is called for. Of course, there was that girl from Port Headland, but that's for another, rather different sort of thread (maybe Hanns can start that one).
As to looking at Slapdragon, no thank you, I'm still digesting my Thanksgiving turkey -- and damn fine turkey it was too, if I say so myself, and I do.
{edited because dems da rulz}
[ 11-23-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]</p>
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Sir Joe Shaw
You sir, are an idiot. How dare you say this is not Peng's thread? You, the Just-A-Car, dare to trample on the sacred traditions of the Mutha Beatiful Thread? This is unacceptable! draw steel and defend yourself, knave.
Peng has ended this farce. Let no mention of Peng appear in the new thread (better yet, let there be no new thread)<hr></blockquote>
No, you are incorrect. It's a mutha-beautiful thread and it will always be there! No matter how patheticly, incoherently gorbaled it becomes.
QED
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Go to the Christmas Market in Nuremberg. Buy cookies, eat Stollen, drink Glühwein, fall down.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:
Lies, damn lies, private communications shamelessly exposed for all to see, lies, and more lies plus a pinch or two of sheer idiocy (OK, not just a pinch or two; more like several hogsheads and a bushel basket).
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The facts in this case are simple.
Q) I was playing a scenario called Kommerscheidt. Geier was commiting mass pixelocide on his own troops.
Aleph-Null) I inadvertently opened the wrong file. Upon seeing the words "Enter Axis Password", I immediately attempted to abort the file (a fate it richly deserved, I might add). Instead, and by sheer chance, the file opened, and I saw his troop dispositions in all their raw ineptitude. I could not avert my eyes in time; it was too late; the damage was done.
42) Being, as I am, a man of honor, a Knigget of the Pool sans peur et sans reproche, I immediately informed the hapless Swede that although I would like nothing better than to shred him into noisome chunks of surströmming -- and I was going to anyway -- honor forbade that I do so now.
ß) I then gave him the choice: die like a dog in this scenario, or die like a dog in another. He chose the latter option.
I am, gentles, more sinned against than sinning. If I am guilty of anything, it is of being too honorable. In fact, now that I think about it, I should have just shredded the little weasel and had done with him. Honestly, who in their right mind has a password that can be cracked by the accidental combination of a couple of keystrokes and a bronchial cough? Really.
So, heigh ho, it's off to tear Geier a new one I go. On a map from Germanboy, no less - and how much less could there be than the Teutonic one?
And, as punishment for publishing our correspondence, no Grog Porn™ for you.
{Edited and you know why, don't you}
[ 11-18-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]</p>
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:
*Ambulance chasing Lawyer sprints after said ambulance, just in time to pass a business card to the distressed rock, now sporting a natty neck brace.*<hr></blockquote>
Now see here, this is not some serial narrative. If you want to play those sorts of perverted games, go to the FAQ thread. And calling Lawyer an ambulance chaser doesn't constitute abuse because it is true.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:
And why doesn't Hakko Ichiu enjoy those lovely messages from our friends in the former Eastern Bloc countries, sending us messages of love, hope and strange url's, we ask ourselves. Why?
All mankinds (not womankinds) greatest inventions has evolved from our two basic and chief interests, killing people and watching nude wimmen.
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When it comes to watching nude women, there are two types of men, those who pay for the privilege and those who don't. I prefer to remain in the latter category. As to wimmen, wimmin, wymyn, wombyn, et al., no thank you; although I do make an exception for grrrls, if of legal age.
And why do you moan, beg, and plead like the prison bride you are for turn files to which you do not reply? I know, everything's slower up there in meatball land now that you are under 14 meters of ice, but still. Pry that reindeer-urine margarita out of your frozen fingers and send me a turn.
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Bullethead:
Hope you all had as much fun celebrating as I did. I literally burned down a house
<hr></blockquote>I guess you had to destroy the house in order to save it.
As an aside, I recently learned that the original, Vietnam-era version of that quote may have been entirely made up. It came from Peter Arnett, who attributed it to an un-named Marine Lieutenant. Yet Arnett has never revealed the name, nor has anyone ever identified himself as Arnett's source. One more piece of NLF propaganda from the respected "journalist".
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Geier:
Hakko Ichiu. Resend. To my new addy. And I want you and need you on icq too.
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I closed down ICQ because I got half a dozen messages a day like that from hot, young Russian teens who will do anything. You got something better? I'm occasionally on AIM, so try me there. Turn is in the mail, you fecking great waste of lutfisk.
And in other news...
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Mace bleated out:
I think the Just-a-mode-of-transport Joe Shaw suffers from Australia envy.
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So you're saying that your country is just a dry, under-used penis with an attitude problem? Sounds right to me, cobber.
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If I Said You Had a Beautiful Peng Challenge Would You Hold It Against Me?
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
To: Madmatt
From: 'Pool
Re: Close the old thread
The old is above the new. This upsets the harmony of the universe. Feck!