whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the PENG CHALLENGE of outrageous fortune

[Sir Lars]

Excuse me, but are you not actually standing in the cockpit? I don't think you would be too comfortable with the canopy closed, although I know the rest of us would be simply delighted to see your head rolling in the grass by the landing gear.

That would be the old fart who actually flies the plane.

But, you doubt, so here.

Cockpit panel, note redline at 425 knots and that the plane has been modified for two pilots.

Throttle quadrant for controlling the R-2800's. This thing is basically two P-47's flying in close formation.

View out the front, note gas truck.

Guy on wing putting in the gas.

And a view out the back.

Now, if you'd just quit doubting me, maybe I'd have time to post pics of the Zero, or the Supermarine Seafire, or WW1 stuff for Joe, or dalem's P-38's, or maybe even the super hot airplane babes.

But noooo....

[dalem]

I was in Canada. No planes in Canada.

[Boo Radley]

I was in Canada. No planes in Canada.

But did you drink Canada dry?

[dalem]

Nahh. Didin't even drink the cabin dry. Very mild weekend.

[Nidan1]

That would be the old fart who actually flies the plane.

But, you doubt, so here.

.

But noooo....

Ahem.....none of these pictures actually show you in the cockpit, so therefore you have proved nothing...Watson.

[Joe Shaw]

Ahem.....none of these pictures actually show you in the cockpit, so therefore you have proved nothing...Watson.

No, no I think it does. The third one from the top shows Lars ... oh wait ... nope, that's just a stuffed monkey ... Nidan1's point stands.

No photos of YOU in the cockpit and we don't believe it ... and even then we probably won't believe it because you haven't proven that you went there. We want receipts, itineraries, eyewitness testimony from reputable people (i.e. NOT someone you know).

Joe

p.s. Mind you I would like to see the WW1 birds.

[Nidan1]

[Sir Lars]

Hey, those are clearly my Nikes on the rudder pedals. What? You really wanted me to turn the camera around?

Anyhoo

Supermarine Seafire

Cockpit

[Sir Lars]

Oh, and Nidan, they look like this.

No more for you, because it pleases me. I'm going to go post some for Shaw instead. How do you like them apples, Mr. Smartypants?

[Nidan1]

My latest diorama

"Did he say fifty T-34s?"

[Sir Lars]

Sorry Shaw, the SE5a owner had his covered due to rain.

[Nidan1]

Nice...................................................................

[Joe Shaw]

Very nice, thank you sir.

Joe

[Sir Lars]

How about a Flieseler Storch?

Only $22,000 for the kit. Something to think about.

[Stuka]

Back from the show. Guess who's sitting in the cockpit of this rare bird?

Is the old guy the one making sure you're not touching yourself?...again.

[Sir Lars]

Well, I might have been a little bit here,

[Boo Radley]

Look! They're all flying away from you, going, "Ewwwwww!"

Nice shot of their hinder areas. You know, timing is everything, innit?

[Sir Lars]

So is location.

They were coming out of the sun, dummy.

[Boo Radley]

It looks like a mostly cloudy day, Mr. Lame-excuse.

[Seanachai]

Ok. So I bet dalem a case of beer about the release date of the Normandy title.I lost that bet a month ago. He STILL hasn't decided what he wants a case of!?!?!?!!?!? It would take me a New York second to answer that question but I understand that some of us are "slower" than others.

So now I looking for new action. Which will come first the release of the Normandy title or dalem letting me know what kind of beer he drinks? I'm starting to lean toward the Normandy release............

Are you too stupid to read my posts? I certainly hope not, because I am a fecking Old One of the Peng Challenge Thread, and, therefore, like a god unto you. So you should have seen MY post to you informing you that Dalem will let you know what case of beer you will buy him once I consider all the ramifications, which means: When I decide what beer I want to have in Dalem's house for my pleasure, you'll be informed.

Keep up this unseemly whining, Elvis, and I'm going to choose some bizarre quadruple-bock Belgian beer (with an alcohol content so high that the only human on the planet who doesn't get a 'health warning' on the label about drinking it is Lars), and that's made by virgin nuns who roller-blade, make beer, and chant the works of Hildegard von Bingen while making beer.

I live serene in the knowledge that such a beer undoubtedly exists, that I will have no problems finding said beer, and that paying for a case of it will cost you more than a luxury automobile.

So shut the hell up, and I will inform Dalem shortly as to what beer you are buying him.

[Seanachai]

Nahh. Didn't even drink the cabin dry. Very mild weekend.

However, when we left, the statement can still be made that 'All the rum was gone'...

[Seanachai]

And while I'm sure that somewhere in the puddle o' piss that is the Cesspool, Lars explains why he is now 'Sir Lars', and a 'Junior Member', I simply can't be bothered to pull on the waders and go looking for it.

So, 'Sir Lars', give me the short version. You amazingly half-witted bugger who clearly did something awful to your account of many years standing.

[dalem]

However, when we left, the statement can still be made that 'All the rum was gone'...

Well, yeah.

We're not Commies.

[Seanachai]

Dalem went to Canada, the way Men do. He brought Sam the Dog. Much fun was had by all, and Dalem even went kayaking.

Damn nice trip. Great weather, no problems, cabin in great shape, good people.

Only minor hitch was coming back, when US Customs asked if we had any 'tobacco products'. Dalem and I both confessed to bringing back a few un-smoked cigars. They asked us 'where did you buy them', and we told them 'Minneapolis'. They asked if any were 'Cuban Cigars', and we told them 'No'.

They had to look at them. So we pulled over under the 'canopy', in the 'lanes of shame', and they allowed us to fish out our own cigar cases. Then they looked at them. One of mine had the word 'Cubana' on the label. They took it inside, to look it up in the 'Big Book', or on the Internet, or however they determine the level of 'Evil'.

Of course, it passed inspection. Not simply because it wasn't 'Cuban', but because they just went inside for a minute and talked about lunch before coming back and telling me 'It's not Cuban'.

Of course, we had the entire ass-end of a jeep loaded with gear that could have included entire crates of Cuban cigars, but we were allowed to dig through the ****e to produce our own cigars for inspection. It was, oddly, a bizarrely paradoxical display of 'trust'. We had to prove to them that we weren't bringing in two or three 'Cuban' cigars, but no one actually went looking to see if we were being honest with them.

I could ask, 'What's the point of that ****e, eh?' But I think it's simply this: They ask us, 'Do you have any cuban cigars?', and we tell them 'No'. 'Well, show us your cigars then', and we pull out some cigars. And they look at them closely and say 'Yup, those aren't Cuban. Have a nice day then, okay?' And we say 'Okay, you too, try and stay cool, this one's going to be a hot one!'

No Cuban Cigar has ever been stopped at the Border this way. It seems unlikely that Communism will finally triumph if someone brings a Cuban Cigar back from Canada. Even if it's on purpose.

So, what we're dealing with here is the Border Crossing equivalent of 'you know, there's a sprinkler ban on, eh, you shouldn't water your lawn except on even numbered days'. You show up at the Border, they remind you that you can't bring Cuban Cigars back from Canada, you say you have cigars, they pretend to look at them, and then then you go home.

No one has to shove a tightly wrapped package of cuban cigars up his bum. No one actually cares if you're bringing cuban cigars back from Canada. Everyone has to go through the Social Dance of 'asking about/checking for/being concerned about Cuban Cigars'.

Oh, and on this trip, they actually, for the first time in all my years of crossing the Canadian Border back into the US, which began when I was 8 fecking years old, they asked me if I was brining in any fruit. Forty-six years, man and boy, crossing back from Canada into the US, and they have never asked me about fruit.

Of course, we had fruit. Three apples, and a package of blueberries that we hadn't gotten around to eating. The Customs guy informed us that we couldn't bring in any fruit that didn't have 'a sticker or a label' indicating that it was bought in either Canada or the US. The blueberries were in a little plastic package that indicated they came from a distributor in the US. The apples, on the other hand, were in a simple plastic bag, with 'Braeburn/New Zealand' stickers on them.

We were not allowed to bring the apples back. They were confiscated by higher authority.

To simply complete the story, a few points should be made:

First, the apples had been purchased in Minnesota. Not that big a point, and who could be sure, eh? But if the litmus test is that they needed to either show that they'd 'been bought in either Canada or Minnesota', one has to consider that we were crossing at Baudette/Rainy River.

Sorry, but even the most Diabolical Bio-Warfare Fruit Scientist, or even simply 'The Stupidest Tourist Who Ever Bought Fruit' would pretty much find it impossible to get apples that 'hadn't been bought in either Canada or the US' to Baudette/Rainy River.

Secondly, it should be pointed out that these apples had originally been purchased in Minneapolis, gone North with me and my friend Alison in June, come back from Canada (no one asked us about 'fruit' on that trip), sat in my refrigerator until end of July, then gone back to Canada, and, finally, would have made it back into Minnesota, where they were originally purchased, except that the older, white-haired guy at the Border Crossing said: 'Do you have any fruit?'

Those apples went right into the 'confiscated' bin. They were getting a bit ratty, actually. One had already started to go brown and runny. I brought 'em up north to get rid of them. Nobody was after wanting the apples.

Personally, I figure they had some sort of 'Inspector General' (a la Imperial Russia) visiting, who was making them dot the 'i's, and cross the 't's, and who had a serious hard-on for illicit fruiting. Or maybe a 'Recent Directive' had gone out, ordering them all to be 'Ever vigilant against foreign fruit!'

They made us pull into the 'Lane of Shame'. They were as bored as we were.

When you actually cross a Border, go through a Security Check Point at an Airport, etc., you realize that it's all a very strange comedy routine. It's a Social Exercise where most people agree 'No, we shouldn't do that!'. And most of its effectiveness is based on the Social Contract of 'I am not a madman/criminal/terrorist/mutant/smuggler of evil fruit.

It's good that we re-affirm that to each other. But only a lunatic would think that the day-to-day business of 'Border/Security/Customs' inspections is anything more than a little song and dance.

They stop tons of weird stuff. But the concept of an airtight Border? We didn't bring any 'Cuban Cigars' in through Baudette/Rainy River. But that's because we knew we weren't supposed to. That would be 'wrong'.

Personally, I have always liked the fact that we share one of the longest, de-militarized, peaceful borders on the globe with Canada. Hell, it's barely patrolled. I could tell you a dozen places to cross even in a vehicle, and no one would be the wiser, and if you've got a boat, there's no border at all.

All that Customs stuff? That's just acknowledging that the best way to be a good neighbour is to be a good neighbour. Do you know why the US Customs guys can piss about asking about 'Cuban Cigars' and 'Undocumented Fruit At a Border So Far From Foreign Fruit Production That Even the Evil Foreign Fruit Producers Aren't Ever Going to Go There'?

It's because Canada's got our back, man.

Screw this whole 'Special Relationship' with England thing that the Limeys have been pushing since Churchill's day. Sod the Queen.

Canada, that's our friend. Instead of throwing our weight around and talking trash, let's start making-nice with the one nation on earth, other than Australia, that shares both our history, our background and our interests. Not to mention a border thousands of miles long.

The only thing bad you can say about Canada is that they simply 'opted-out' of Empire. They should have taken the road with us, and driven their freedom home with a ball-peen hammer.

There's a new reckoning coming. Old Europe is trying to revitalize itself. The Russians are trying to have a history that doesn't involve Primitivism, Empire or Communism (good luck to them). What America should have been pursuing all these years is a close relationship with Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

I'm willing to take the first, and biggest step. I'm going to let those confiscated apples go. There were three of them, and they cost me around $5 US, but the new North American/Australia/New Zealand Federation is worth the investment.

I am willing not only to work toward this new, greater union of great nations, making personal financial sacrifices in the process, but am also willing to take on a high profile, intensive and suitably remunerated position in the Government To Be.

I feel that my work as an 'Old One of the Peng Challenge Thread' qualifies me for the challenges to come, coordinating the integration of four great nations (five, if we include the sodding French Canadians, who're going to get a lump of coal right up their stocking, if they don't learn to play ball).

Sod the goddamn Euro. When we release the new 'NAANZ' Dollar, we're going to be putting a financial .12 gauge shotgun to the head of the rest of the planet, and shouting 'Who's your daddy, eh? Who's your daddy?!'

And everyone who doesn't shout 'Yowza!' is going to be looking for jobs as chain-gang guards over-watching British Petroleum Execs who're doing beach clean-up on the Gulf Coast...

[Stuka]

C'mon Boo sing it loud! Sing it proud!!...a-one and a-two and a 1-2-3...

" Art-ee keeps falling on my head,

But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red

Thats because I'm dead

Cause I'm never gonna stop the arty by complainin'

Because I'm deeeead

Nothing's worrying meeee.....(anymore)"