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Boo Radley

Things about The Peng Challenge Thread that I'll love to see in CMx2 WWII

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Wait a minute... I thought that was Stuka!

He's got hind feet, doesn't he?

They must be feet ... they're on the end of his legs ...

Joe

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I've said it before and I'll say it again ... the Great Barrier Reef is to keep these freaks isolated from the rest of the world ...

ggDrJ.jpg

And they didn't even mention the Platypus male with the deadly poisonous spine on one of it's hind feet.

Joe

Doggie!!!!

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Three reasons why it would not be a good idea to pick up Boo Radley by the ankles and beat Emrys to death with him:

That's all I have so far.

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Three reasons why it would not be a good idea to pick up Boo Radley by the ankles and beat Emrys to death with him:

That's all I have so far.

I've this to put into to the pot, as regards this question:

First: I have seen any number of pictures of Boo Radley, and I am here to tell you. Boo Radley is nae small man. He's a big feckin' fella. That's what first drew me to him, when I was looking for a large, thuggish henchman. Looked like a big, dumb bastard who could take a hit, and keep on posting.

Since then, of course, I've come to know Boo as a delightful and convivial conversationalist who will talk to you like he knows where his pants are long after you've forgotten where yours are. Point to Boo.

Second: Emrys is a horrible old man. I have spent many long, thoughtful hours in thinking about this, reconsidering Emrys's many long, and thoughtful posts to both this Forum, and to the Peng Challenge Thread, and I am left with the knowledge that Emrys is a complete ****er. Sorry, part of that probably got lost in the stupid 'Forum Inserts Random Characters Because We're Afraid Someone's ****ing Mom Will Come Down On Us'.

What I meant was, Emrys is a vicious, annoying, stupid old man. I embrace him.

And the final point I want to make is, you're a complete shower of bastards. I don't know how else to put that. So, let me try and make it more clear:

You're a complete shower of useless bastards. I hate each and everyone of you more than I can express.

And I'm not afraid to say it. I am an Old One of the Peng Challenge Thread. I hate each and everyone of your stupid bastards more than I could ever express, except, perhaps, in either story and song.

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I've this to put into to the pot, as regards this question:

First: I have seen any number of pictures of Boo Radley, and I am here to tell you. Boo Radley is nae small man. He's a big feckin' fella. That's what first drew me to him...

Oh... now see? It's stuff like this that really makes me leery of people like you!

Since then, of course, I've come to know Boo as a delightful and convivial conversationalist who will talk to you like he knows where his pants are long after you've forgotten where yours are. Point to Boo.

Pants...

PANTS!!! That's why everyone at the fecking grocery store was looking at me askance!!!!!

I forgot my pants!

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Oh... now see? It's stuff like this that really makes me leery of people like you!

Pants...

PANTS!!! That's why everyone at the fecking grocery store was looking at me askance!!!!!

I forgot my pants!

Boo me old friend. You know how it is. Tonight, lad. Tonight, I am...sad.

I am listening to sad songs, and wondering about what I could have been, rather than what I am.

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Frankly, I often wonder what the upstairs neighbour, whose name is 'Jamie', makes of the endlessly repeated songs that sometimes get played late at night. Poor bastard. I'll post some lyrics, shortly. I can hear him up there, moving around.

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Well now, back in the office after a lovely 2 days in sunny Dubai and what have I missed?

Not much it seems...something about a boatfull of masturbating Americans (nothing new there)...Seanachai's inability to force food down children's throats (try holding their nose until they gasp for air then shovel the pizza in)...Joe fantasizing about Platypus reproductive rituals (makes a change from 3D porn I suppose) and Dalem enlightening all and sundry as to his odd 'specimen' collection which frankly would puzzle most civilisations throughout history.

More or less the usual ****e then eh?

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Seanachai sayeth thusly ...

I don't hate the tales ... I hate YOU.

Joe

And, Joe, I accept your hatred. I have reviewed my entire life, and I cannot find any fault with your hating me.

But, Joe, Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, I want to be redeemed. And not in that sort of way where you turn me in for a set of patio furniture, or a toaster oven that can brown stuff...

No, Joe. I want to be.... Redeemed. I have lived an awful life, and I am a bad, bad man.

I want to make bad people lift up their eyes to something better. I want to make the worst and the most awful ask themselves: Isn't there something better, out there?

And so, Joe, I continue to post here. I tell my Tales of Small Friends. I continue to love each and every one of you, because I know that, like me, you have all done evil. You have all, all, been as horrible, even as I am horrible.

And I will dance here, and sing, and carry on, like some half-wit prophet, given over to wondering how much the world can shine, if we just look for the sparkle.

Did you think I began all this simply to challenge Peng?

I could have challenged him in an email. But sometimes, Joe, you just have to...

Dance.

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So, a very brief Tale of Small Fiends, for Persephone.

The other night, you know, I was on the phone with my friend Jen, the Mother of Small Fiends. And while we were talking, she began to chuckle, suddenly. And in the background, I could hear a small voice shouting.

So, I asked her 'What's going on?'

And she told me: 'Well, Nora is in the bathroom, and she's trying to poop. And she just started shouting 'Release the Kraken!'

I laughed so goddamn hard that beer came out my nose. It's good to give the sinuses a good rinse like that, occasionally.

And a couple of nights ago, I got invited to go out to dinner with Nora and Emma and their parents, and we went to a really good restaurant in the Mall of America. As we drove there, we were on Cedar Avenue (I can't be bothered to know the new designation, but it's not Cedar anymore, but it's out where I grew up), and I told my Small Friends: 'Do you know, if we stayed on this road, and went across the river, we'd come to my Mom's house'.

And Emma said 'and we could go swimming in the swimming pool?' Kids never forgot what you tell them, unless it's important. And I said 'Yes, Emma, and this summer I promise you we will go out there and swim in the pool!'

Nora said 'Grandma Steve, do you live with your Mommy?' So I had to tell her, 'No, honey.'

And she asked 'Why not?

I thought about it for a second, and told her 'Well, honey, because I'm grown up now, and my Mom lives with her husband, and because she's met me.'

This got blank looks, so I added 'And because I live in south Minneapolis now, so I can be closer to you and Emma'.

This was, beyond all belief, met with child cheers and acclaim. They were actually happy that I was living nearer to them, and accepted this as a reason as to why I didn't live with my family.

And, when we were at dinner that night, Emma took up her new topic: 'Why are you Grandma Steve? You're a boy. Why aren't you Grandpa Steve?'

So I told her, 'Well, honey, I'm not your Grandpa. You already have Grandpas, and I'm not them.' Sbe said 'Yes, but why are you Grandma Steve?'

So I told her the story: 'Honey, years ago, when you were very small and I barely knew you, your Mom was talking to me on the phone, and she said 'Oh, Emma, it's Grandma Steve', because she'd just been talking to your Grandma Nelson on the phone, and she made a mistake. And your Dad heard it, and started to laugh, and your Mom started to laugh, and I said to her 'That's going to stick, isn't it?', and it did. Your already have an Uncle Steve, and an 'Auntie Steve' (Jen's gay friend), so I had to either be 'Grandma Steve', or 'Grampa Steve', but I'm not really your Grampa. So I'm your Grandma Steve.'

She's still pondering this. I think, eventually, she will come to grips with it. And I will remain 'Grandma Steve'.

As the gods intended.

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So feck off, all you horrible, hairy men (and good night to you, you Ladies of the Pool), 'cause I'm going to bed now.

Here's forty shillings on the drum

For those who'll volunteer to come

To 'list and fight the foe today.

Over the hills and far away.

O'er the hills and o'er the main.

Through Flanders, Portugal and Spain.

King George commands and we obey.

Over the hills and far away.

When duty calls me I must go

To stand and face another foe.

But part of me will always stray

Over the hills and far away.

O'er the hills and o'er the main.

Through Flanders, Portugal and Spain.

King George commands and we obey.

Over the hills and far away.

If I should fall to rise no more,

As many comrades did before,

Then ask the fifes and drums to play.

Over the hills and far away.

Then fall in lads behind the drum,

With colours blazing like the sun.

Along the road to come-what may.

Over the hills and far away.

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General Kenobi: Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars; now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire.

I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed.

I've placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit - my father will know how to retrieve it.

You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan.

This is our most desperate hour.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi - you're my only hope.

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What I meant was, Emrys is a vicious, annoying, stupid old man.

Thank you. You don't know how long and hard I worked to achieve that distinction. But you left out evil. I am very proud of how evil I am.

I embrace him.

Keep your filthy hands to yourself or I will set you on fire.

Michael

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Blather....

Michael

See what happens when small children "Release The Kraken"... you end up with an Emrys.

Noba.

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