Since I'm not Peng, How can I be Challenged?

[Leeo]

This here’s the MBT.

If you don’t know what it is, Sod Off!

If you’re poking your head in here to see what it’s about, Sod Off!

If you’ve come in here to look for a game, Sod Off!

If you still have the gumption to stick around, choose someone and challenge them speciffically. None of this “Anyone want a game?” crap.

Make the challenge as if you have a pair of cojones.

Speak not about your cojones.

Thou shalt have an e-mail addy and place of residence in thy profile (we need something to make fun of, eh?)

Understand that we really are quite happy with our little clique, and you are not welcome to be a part of it.

Choose someone of your level (which would be Scum-Sucking-Newbie, a.k.a. SSN) to challenge. Those of us who’ve been here awhile would really prefer that you hold your breath.

Ready? Hold…………………………………

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Hirsute Hiram’s Game Updates

Get yer fresh Game Updates!! Just picked today. A small note to those of you who I’ve battled before. I’m actually completing the games I’ve been playing. No wimpy excuses for life happening etc. Lets just hope that nothing else happens and I can continue blissfully playing CM.

Elvis Who the hell is winning anyway? I don’t have a clue. I have a flag and he has two flags. It’s a dark and foreboding QB with my tanks and troops attacking. Thus far, my troops have done some silly things like die and get captured. For them, the war is over. I’ve been reading too many POW stories as of late. If you ask Elvis, he’ll say he is winning as a salve to his monstrous ego. Every tenth turn, I’m required to state that “I’m scared” in the accompanying email. He usually replies that Peng is less than gentle in his “Oz-like” love sessions.

Croda He sits in his wimpy little foxholes waiting for my brave lads to wander by. What a wussy!! He has an uber tank thingy hiding behind a church that has made some noise. I’m sure that when I capture 90% of his uber dudes, they will claim that they never were Hitler youth and that they are really Polish. No, I won’t offer them cigarettes.

*******************************************************

Now for the big surprise for both of you who actually read this far

One of you bellicose, bra wearing, bellybutton lint collectors actually sent me a setup. This Mister Speed Bump sent me a 1500 PT setup with random everything. He wants an Armor battle and I am Axis. Should I choose Stugs-a-plenty like our Father Confessor? (forgive me father for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of carnal thoughts while standing in the lunch line. She had this luscious pair of knock…) I wonder if I can buy a really really big tank for that many points. I do hope it comes with instructions like “point gun that way towards the enemy”

He’s attacking and I’m defending. He’s a wienie and I’m cool. He sniffs glue and prances around like a fairy and I’m ruggedly handsome. “Blah blah blah, I’m Mister Burns”

[Sledge59]

To the blitzkrieg specialist...

Salute!

I'm so glad to be trouncing you once again.

[imported_Wildman]

Leeo (not bolded because your a git) you sodding pillock.

I follow the time honored tradition of getting the next title approved by his baldness, and here you jump the gun like some 18-years old virgin being "Touched for the very first time".

Coupled with the fact that I've seen celery with more snap than this title, it pathetic I tell you

Justicar, OHHH Justicar bring out the rack, this fellow needs it badly.

Expect your demise in your festering, pox-ridden inbox shortly, you malformed little dwarf.

[Leeo]

Updates!

Croda will fall to my rush of gum-chewing, nylon and chocolate bartering Ami's. I have 2 Shermans overwatching from a distant hill, as his StuG wanders aimlessly to and fro in indecision. Have I mentioned that I hates Croda?

Moriarty is a bit slow in the turn-around-of-files-department, isn't he? We agreed to an armor heavy fight. Nice city map with the sole flag in the foggy town square. We agreed to an armor heavy fight. I've killed several of his little armor things. We agreed to an armor heavy fight. It does my soul good to see that we both bought tons of infantry. Did I say we agreed to an armor heavy fight?

Sledge59 has destroyed the majority of my armored assault on his (this is the part where I feel a bit ill to my stomach) french combined arms forces. It was very dark. Now I am trying to kill his squishy units while avoiding his zook teams.

OGSF has hidden his Canadians deep in the woods, along with a gun. His gun has done very well, but I don't think his troops will be as lucky. I am giving him a good maannueueuuuuvering, that's for sure.

MrSpkr has gone AWOL, and just when the tide was turning in favor of my Canadians in "Polder Grave." Figures.

I hate you all. In a lethargic, can't be bothered sort of way, but rest assured that you are loathed.

[Croda]

You certainly are challenged...

Was Steve trying in his oh so gentle way to take the credit for the ICS ban? Harumphhh!

He also called me 'Cruda.'

How sinisterly diabolical.

Hiram, make sure you buy a fleet of panzershreks. They're cheaper and do the same job tanks do.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Updates!

Croda will fall to my rush of gum-chewing, nylon and chocolate bartering Ami's. I have 2 Shermans overwatching from a distant hill, as his StuG wanders aimlessly to and fro in indecision. Have I mentioned that I hates Croda?

Have you mentioned that one of your Sherman 76(W)+ tanks is a eunuch?

Have you mentioned that you have 1 platoon lying prostrate in a mine field, another dead of 105 inhalation, and the third engaging 1/3 of my company? Wonder where the rest are yet?

Have you mentioned that I've got me teeth so deep into your immortal soul that not even the Berli one himself could wrest it from me?

[Leeo]

Wildman, you chest thumping foot-dragger. Were you perhaps too busy scratching your brain via your nose to notice that the Mutha-Beautiful Thread (and it will always be there) was prime for another turn of the wheel? If I stepped on your toes, then GOOD, you've been needing it. Prepare to get sick with all the killing of my troops you will be forced to endure.

Pah, and Feh.

[Madmatt]

See, when you email me a new MBT title and I DONT respond back, well that means that I thought your title SUCKED, and would prefer to NOT see it posted online....But as this infection has already begun to seep and ooze about the place, I suppose I will let it exist...for now.

Madmatt

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Madmatt:

I thought your title SUCKED, and would prefer to NOT see it posted online....

Madmatt

Mr. Chairman, I second the motion.

[Lars]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

I bought transport for that gun, you pillock--it's just multipurpose transport (that is, it's machinegunning the snot out of your troops by the southern VL).

Hah!

See, he admits that he took advantage of the game code.

Now Agua, everybody knows that in order for a Gun purchase not to be considered gamey, you have to buy a Truck. And furthermore, you have to leave said Truck right next to the Gun (to provide an additional target for your opponent) or retreat it off the map (no doubt to get another gamey gun).

A truck, not a halftrack.

Truck = non-gamey (cuz it's worthless).

Halftrack = gamey (cuz it has a machinegun and is yours).

You can’t take transport and go galavanting around shooting up enemy troops. What would the Quartermaster Corp have to say about that? Its not in the contract, that’s what. You’re taking away some other poor sod’s job. I insist that you cease and desist immediately.

[grumble]multipurpose my arse… gamey, gamey, gamey… cuz it’s working… [/grumble]

[Marlow]

Originally posted by Lars:

Now Agua, everybody knows that in order for a Gun purchase not to be considered gamey, you have to buy a Truck. And furthermore, you have to leave said Truck right next to the Gun (to provide an additional target for your opponent) or retreat it off the map (no doubt to get another gamey gun).

Lard, you are on the right track, but you fail to take into account that Aquaman is playing as the Germans. Everyone knows that all German guns were pulled by horse teams. Therefore, use of any transports except a horse team is Gamey. Since horses are not available in CM, any use of transports to pull guns is gamey. Also, since it is gamey to use guns without transports, any use of guns by the Germans is gamey.

So, while your reasons are wrong and again demonstrate that you are cretinous mouthbreathing git, your conclusion that Agua is a no account, cheating-ass gamey bastich is right on the money.

[Sledge59]

Lars, if you failed to type up a 53 page contract prior to the game in triplicate and have signed, notarized, and ammended to your local statutes; IT'S YOUR OWN DANG FAULT.

[Croda]

Nope, Agua's gamey.

He beat me once too.

He should have his toenails pulled with pliers, soaked in liquid nitrogen, and pounded into his eyes with a hammer.

[Speedbump]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Hirsute Hiram’s Game Updates

Now for the big surprise for both of you who actually read this far

One of you bellicose, bra wearing, bellybutton lint collectors actually sent me a setup. This Mister Speed Bump sent me a 1500 PT setup with random everything. He wants an Armor battle and I am Axis. Should I choose Stugs-a-plenty like our Father Confessor? (forgive me father for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of carnal thoughts while standing in the lunch line. She had this luscious pair of knock…) I wonder if I can buy a really really big tank for that many points. I do hope it comes with instructions like “point gun that way towards the enemy”

He’s attacking and I’m defending. He’s a wienie and I’m cool. He sniffs glue and prances around like a fairy and I’m ruggedly handsome. “Blah blah blah, I’m Mister Burns”

Ummmm...I don't sniff glue!

Speedbump

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Big Time Software:

I must set the record straight, here and now, before any more Poolers think that they add any value to this Forum (like getting problem cases banned). Now, it is true that Cruda was involved in the thread that finally pushed us over the edge and banned ICS, but the thread also contained a really awkward reupholstering job to Croda's couch. My point here is that one thing might not have as much to do with anything as something else has to do with something entirely different, at least some of the time upon occasion. Was that clear enough for you all, or is my intellectual prowess making you all cower in reverance?

That was as clear as a Mensch post

[Lars]

Originally posted by Marlow:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Lars:

Now Agua, everybody knows that in order for a Gun purchase not to be considered gamey, you have to buy a Truck. And furthermore, you have to leave said Truck right next to the Gun (to provide an additional target for your opponent) or retreat it off the map (no doubt to get another gamey gun).

Lard, you are on the right track, but you fail to take into account that Aquaman is playing as the Germans. Everyone knows that all German guns were pulled by horse teams. Therefore, use of any transports except a horse team is Gamey. Since horses are not available in CM, any use of transports to pull guns is gamey. Also, since it is gamey to use guns without transports, any use of guns by the Germans is gamey.

So, while your reasons are wrong and again demonstrate that you are cretinous mouthbreathing git, your conclusion that Agua is a no account, cheating-ass gamey bastich is right on the money.</font>

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Madmatt:

See, ...I thought you... SUCKED

Fewer words will get the message across.

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Marlow:

all German guns were pulled by horse teams...Agua is a no account, cheating-ass gamey bastich is right on the money.

While both statements are certainly true, Marlow's crack-addled brain can't seem to grasp that I'm playing the Amis as should be obvious to anyone noting the lengthening (Bauhaus!) list of German armor of Lars' that I've KOed thusfar thanks to my gamey^H^H^H^H^H brilliant play. Keep your "horse fancier" leanings for the outre boards.

Originally posted by Lars:

A truck, not a halftrack.

Hah, if you're using some non-gamey towed gun with a truck, go right ahead. Perhaps I've got a foot-mobile gun that really doesn't even need transport, because it's so gamey it doesn't have to lack transport to be gamey. If they weren't (usually) so sodding useless, I'd put RRs right up with M8s as gamey little gems. Consider the HT a little bonus killing-you-a-lot, then.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to decompiling CM so I can hack my 'zook teams into uber hand-to-hand kung fu killas for the last-turn flag rush (I see you massing your vehicle crews!).

Agua Perdido

[Edited to note that Croda is a deluded halfwit. I am not gamey at all--in fact, CM models me in an entirely realistic way via map edges, MG jeeps, and AA halftracks. Lars is just mad he didn't buy a 20mm to cover his flanks against my Hellcat rush.]

[ February 28, 2002, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Marlow]

Originally posted by The WaterBoy and Lard:

Irrelevant details

You both still suck.

[Agua Perdido]

PFFFTTthhbBBbbtttTT!

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Madmatt:

See, ...I thought you... SUCKED

Fewer words will get the message across.</font>

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by mon petite general:

PONDSCUM! Updates! NOW!

Berli (Lord Of Darkness And Painful One-Liners) has a single Sherman left running, and its busy eviscerating the sum total of my forces, viz one platoon of Heer. Reminder to self: do not set up pillboxes while drunk.

Yeknod (Does Prozac Work On Donkeys?) is skulking with intent in our little meeting engagement. Regardless, the only flag that counts is waving as a proud tricolor. When he gets closer I'll gut him again.

Noba (He's Not A Hobbit, He's Vertically Challenged) is about to lose "Le Camp Crossroads" to a swarm of gamey halftracks manned by caffeine-crazed French waiters. And in "Destruction of the 112th" I have amused myself by plinking his halftracks and watching those brave boys in the air force do their work - he has amused himself by starting a green Panther rush uphill. If they can work out which button to push to turn their guns, I could be in trouble.

chrisl (Not To Be Holder Of The Name Of Peng For Very Much Longer) and I are busy exchanging crack squads in the fog - and I didn't know the French even had crack squads. Either he has Tigers or my men are blind, but I've decided to just level the whole area and let Croda sort 'em out.

Goanna (Makes A Nice Fashion Accessory When Skinned) has a town, lots of Germans, and pillboxes. I have British infantry who are faking French accents. I hate WBW.

Sledge59 (But He Doesn't Look A Day Over 45) still hasn't had a turn from me. Maybe next month.

[Marlow]

So, Algae Breath, you are actually winning a few of your games? How did you wind up as a Squire to the Earless One?

[Sock Monkey]

Hey, which one of you lackwits scared off Pvllvs Maximvs? I've been getting his second tavnting all nice and toasty and have even received a set-vp from him, bvt it appears that one of yov frightened the poor widdle snookvms one time more than his fragile nerves could bear and he's afraid to come back. Thanks a lot. To wit, one of you mvst take his since tavnting Diceman is too easy, especially since Shaw spends more time shanking him than I do. So, in the best (albeit short) tradition of the too-long-departed-for-my-vitriolic-taste Pvllvs:

Ummm, guys. Guys? Hey, will somebody play me a game? Please. Umm, it would be just swell. I'd be, just, gosh guys, I'd be pleased as punch!

Since most of you self-appointed "knights" seem to hide from SSN's such as myself behind your "squires" (and what you're doing back there I'd rather not know, frankly) I'll wait for somebody to be sicced on me. ... Or I'll just wait awhile and randomly launch into ad hominem against one (or all) of you, I suppose. Either way, I want to get another game going.

Breathlessly,

Sock Monkey