For whom the Peng Challenges

[Berlichtingen]

Right then. First thing to understand is that Seanachai is the nice one. He started the last thread... I'm starting this one.

The rules.

We don't like you

We don't care about your opinions

We will never like you

Go away

<font size="-1">Still here? Very well, if you must post, try to show some wit and vinegar. Challenge some one. Operative word is ONE. Single one person out and construct a creative taunt to entice them to the field of battle. Anything less will be met with scorn.

Sound off like ya got a pair. NOT about your pair. Your locker room humor has no place here.

The Ladies of the Pool are sacrosanct. Don't go there or you'll discover Coventry fast. Coventry you ask? It's our special way of dealing with those we really don't like.

Leave your personal hang-ups and prejudices at the door. We have no use for your pig ignorance here</font>

Now... SOD OFF!

[Panzer Leader]

Mmm, yeah. Mmm-kay, couple of things. First off, I am not so sure these rules are so set in stone nowadays. These are new time, Berl, and maybe the hard and fast rules of the past are no longer working, eh?

Let me give a few examples. Scorn. Well, I happen to be universally scorned, (which is actually what we all STRIVE for, rather than try to avoid, so I guess I have done my job, but anyhoo) My taunts are scathing, my wit is rapier sharp, and I piss vinegar. Scorn? You betcha, in spades even.

About that pair thing. I have been on a search for me very own yarbles for a long time now, and if offering a quick description to any passersby is taboo why, what shall I do? (large, ruby-colored, tinkle when shaken, mysterious oriental runes)

See, even the simplest rules become complex over time. Other than those few items, a real bang-up job! Well, maybe a little terse, a bit short and gruff, but then so was Ernie. I think I will now go into my clean well-lighted place

[rleete]

So, Berli, the lady of the house finally let you play? Let me be the first to say your abreviated rules are suscinct, but still suck. Oh, and before Elvis gets his shot in, evevryone posting above me is a wanker.

[Mace]

*sets up deck chair. Places esky (full of beer) next to deck chair. Settles down in deck chair. Takes bottle of beer from esky and cracks it open. Settles down and waits for Berli to tear Panzer Leader a new one*

Mace

[rleete]

Originally posted by Mace:

[QB]*sets up deck chair. Places esky (full of beer) next to deck chair. Settles down in deck chair. Takes bottle of beer from esky and cracks it open. Settles down and waits for Berli to tear Panzer Leader a new one*Mace

What? I'm not worth the trouble? Or you just know that Lord Evil already knows about my face-hardened anti-Bauhaus skivies?

Go drink a Fosters, sheep-shagger.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Mmm, yeah. Mmm-kay, couple of things. First off, I am not so sure these rules are so set in stone nowadays. These are new time, Berl, and maybe the hard and fast rules of the past are no longer working, eh?

Did I forget to mention just how much value your posts are worth?

Let me give a few examples. Scorn. Well, I happen to be universally scorned, (which is actually what we all STRIVE for, rather than try to avoid, so I guess I have done my job, but anyhoo)

No, scorn is what YOU strive for as it is all you can achieve. Hate is what the rest of us strive for.

My taunts are scathing, my wit is rapier sharp, and I piss vinegar. Scorn? You betcha, in spades even.

Your taunts are limp, your wit as sharp as a golf ball and we couldn't care less about your piss. Yes, you've earned scorn

About that pair thing. I have been on a search for me very own yarbles for a long time now

No squire, ever. Forget about it... not gonna happen

[ October 06, 2002, 01:53 AM: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Right then. First thing to understand is that Seanachai is the nice one.

Indeed, and by comparison to this halting, mindless regurgitation you've hacked up from your lower intestine, a master of prose and wit.

The rules.

Oh, the rules. Yes, do tell of the rules. Be sure there are a lot of them so that when someone reveals you to be the feckless, besotted ass you are, has riddled your inflated pantaloons of pomposity with the rapier pricks of wit you could only dream of wielding in your own pudgy, inadequate paws, you can crawl back to your precious rules, and try to distract everyone from your whimpering by claiming a violation of the rules.

We don't like you

Oh dear. You don't? Dear me. What shall I do without Berlichtenschlitz's approval? Well, I guess I could go on not giving a rat's ass.

We don't care about your opinions

I didn't come here to offer opinions, except that you're a blithering idiot, but really, I think no one's going to dispute that one. More like stating the painfully obvious.

We will never like you

You don't even like each other! Why the hell would anyone come in here wanting to be liked? I know you didn't invent rules, a feat clearly beyond your mental capacity, you only phrased them in a particularly stupid and inept fashion, but really, try thinking before your fingers take another spastic trip across the keyboard.

Go away

I'm afraid your ape-like chest pounding has not reached the frightening crescendo you had in mind. You couldn't scare away a twelve year old with blather like that, and even a twelve year old would notice that your spat of unpunctuated, half formed thoughts are not rules at all. "We don't like you" is not a rule, but as any idiot can see that, I don't know why I bother to point it out to you, other than vain hope for your edification.

Still here? Very well, if you must post, try to show some wit and vinegar.

Well it won't be hard to best you in the category. Perhaps if you left a bottle of wine out a few days, then gargled and spat it out in my general direction, you might approximate some sort of vinegar, though I fear wit will ever escape you.

Challenge some one. Operative word is ONE. Single one person out and construct a creative taunt to entice them to the field of battle. Anything less will be met with scorn.

Consider yourself challenged. No not mentally challenged, though you're clearly that, and verbally challenged as well, but challenged to reply as fits a man. The gauntlet is cast down at your feet. The insult, so richly deserved, is given. As you're probably not familiar with the kind of behavior that befits a man, let me explain. When a man is insulted, his heart should be stirred to reply, either in words, with some wit, which is clearly about as likely as you figuring out the difference between a rule and an opinion, or, if as is very, very likely, words fail you, on the field of battle, where words do not matter.

The Ladies of the Pool are sacrosanct.

Clearly so, as is fitting, however you old ladies are not. So please, lay your knitting aside, strap on your armor, sit frontwards on your horse, you silly sot, and meet me in the lists!

Now... SOD OFF!

Hardly! Considering this is a challenge thread, it is about as intimidating as a polite dinner party. The last thread in fact appeared to be a polite dinner party. The fierce myth of Peng, which I can only assume is grounded in fact, is sullied by your skulking lethargy, your wretched grammar, and utter, complete poverty of wit. Your sod off has no teeth.

[ October 06, 2002, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: Malakovski ]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Ahhh! This is more like it!

A "boys own" piss up round a blazing log fire.

Pass me a tinny will ya, Macey ma-a-a-te. Quick. Let's get blotto before the girls arrive. *SHLU-RRRRP* *BUUU-URRRRP*

Now, let me tell you how I whupped Joe's spotty ass BUT GOOD. Ya see, here he was feelin' all kinda lonely and neglected (not much sympathy from his wives of late, ya see... they can't stand his whingeing and moaning about his "dry socket" *snicker*). So's I offered him a Monster 300pt QB to keep the pain off his mind. Having TOTALLY and UDDERLY ANNIHILATED Mr Squeeker with my small party of French Gastronomes in our last CMBO venture, I thought to myself - self - to be really fair, give Joe the Doughty Frrrench to slay my poor Hamstertruppen with. So I did.

Unfortunately, it appears Joe cannot speak French, thus his garlic-munching surrender-monkeys blundered unerringly into my Puppchen inspired Master Trap MUHAHAHAHAaaa.... There endeth Joe's poltroons ..... hoist on the shards of their petards. The final TOTALLY VICTORIOUS score:

"Only" 98 to 2. Bummer. Trust a miserable banker to eke away 2 lousy points. Pffft... For Seanachai's sake, I give you De Ja Vu. Ahhh.. the DESERT. Nice and warm after all that cold Russian Winter...

Note Joe's quivering remnants marooned in the centre of my Puppchen inspired killing field..

Life is good sometimes. It will be even better after I have double-whupped his drunken Russkies in our latest Ubermassive 300pt world conflict.

AJ

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by MadLikeOffSki:

Ha! Me yarbles are even bigger than Pantie Bleater's!

or roughly translated

Berli, I'm soooo sorrry. Please kill me now....

Consider it done.

<BIG>THEN SOD THE FECK OFF!!</BIG>

AJ

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MadLikeOffSki:

Ha! Me yarbles are even bigger than Pantie Bleater's!

or roughly translated

Berli, I'm soooo sorrry. Please kill me now....

Consider it done.

<BIG>THEN SOD THE FECK OFF!!</BIG>

</font>

[Panzer Leader]

Originally posted by Masokisty:

Long, and I mean Loooooooong

OK, bub, this is getting out of hand. I know you are an idealist and all that crap, but seriously, you need to get a grip on reality. It is true that Berl is feckless, yes, but 'pudgy paws'? I've heard his hands are almost skeletal, but anyhow...

There are rules, and while I might have momentarily struggled and strove against them in a fit of pique! (that word just needs an exclamation point and italics) there is no reason to take that ball and run with it. You will only find yourself on a long dash off a short plank.

Now, be happy that a few of us, the scorned, as it were, have deigned to make your short and unhappy life here in the drowning cess a little less painful. Not less painful for you, mind you (which we quite enjoy) but for us, who are tired of the gurgling, gasping slaughter of the idealists.

Now then, to help you on your way, and as a sign of contrition (I WILL have a squire, oh yes I will) to my wretched comrades, wherewith you will never be counted, I will do a favour to them and to you, by offering you a game. A game of CMBB, by the way, as that CMBO ****e is for sissies, pinkos and republican chest-thumping gorillas (oops, strike that republican bit).

You see, if you imagine us as supermen, then my especial skill, my Power as it were, is to make SSNs curdle, stop sending turns, retreat first from the MBT then the forum as a whole, and finally life itself as they invariably die before turn ten. So Macaroni, stick a feather in your cap because a set-up (heh heh) is whinging it's way to you to-nite! Here is a short list of SSN Slaughters (a few of the ones I can remember):

Col. Sander

Mortyr (or somefink)

Stalin Organ

Parabellum (I think he might have survived, though crippled)

There were others, oh yes, but their names fade...

Before turn ten, I can feel it.

[ October 06, 2002, 03:11 AM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Malakovski]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

I will do a favour to them and to you, by offering you a game. A game of CMBB

I await...

[Noba]

Posted by Old Foul Joe;

I'd like to mention that I have pulverized Aussie Jeff into a stinking pod of assorted organs mixed with blood and gore ... I'd like to but can't because the little swine (he's Australian you know) threw 43 CMBO QB maps up until he found one he liked and then sent THAT one!

Dear Joe, send me your surrender. You know you want to end your misery.

Noba.

[Panzer Leader]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

I await...

Keep it up.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Malakovski:

Consider yourself challenged. No not mentally challenged, though you're clearly that, and verbally challenged as well, but challenged to reply as fits a man. The gauntlet is cast down at your feet.

No doubt taken from 1001 Taunts That Have Been Used Before

Send a setup. Let's see if there's any fight in you

[Noba]

Send a setup. Let's see if there's any fight in you

Err, Evil GrandeLiege , I thought SSN types were supposed to challenge SSN or Squire types ? Is this a case for.... Justicar Extremis ?

Or are you making the rules up as you go along ?

Or even going 'soft' in your old age ?

Noba.

[Speedy]

Originally posted by Mace:

*sets up deck chair. Places esky (full of beer) next to deck chair. Settles down in deck chair. Takes bottle of beer from esky and cracks it open. Settles down and waits for Berli to tear Panzer Leader a new one*

Mace

*sneaks up behind Mace and snatches esky (half full of beer), while making escape gives AJ a good old clout in the back of the head, snicker*

{edit-UBB sucks}

[ October 06, 2002, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Speedy ]

[ParaBellum]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

*blablabla*... Here is a short list of SSN Slaughters (a few of the ones I can remember):

Col. Sander

Mortyr (or somefink)

Stalin Organ

Parabellum (I think he might have survived, though crippled)

There were others, oh yes, but their names fade...

Before turn ten, I can feel it.

*cough* IIRC I attacked your SMG/Puppchen defense that used more light Flak guns than an entire Luftwaffe Division through heavy snow in large hills with no cover other than my bogged down tanks and the bodies of my brave vanilla US troops. I still see these fine men stumbling through 10ft of snow, towing their tanks behind them, each carrying a frozen comrade, towards your lines.

And it ended in a draw.

Given the fact that even an untrained, blind monkey with personal hygiene problems wouldn't have fared worse than you by simply hitting on the 'go' button I'd propose to stop babbling about your achievements but rather hide in shame.

In fact, I've seen snails showing greater tactical skills than you, but then, the comparison is a bit unfair since the snails definately surpass your mental ability and personality by far.

I'm actually a bit surprised how you could survive in a hostile environment so far, not being exterminated by superior lifeforms like the Indian rubber tree or a dishwasher.

Have a nice day.

Ah, and I blow my nose at you, of course.

[ October 06, 2002, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: ParaBellum ]

[Nippy]

The rules.

We don't like you

We don't care about your opinions

We will never like you

Go away

Sounds just like the last place I worked...

(Yes George, I'm taking about you, you F'n corporate weasel! Tell me you're glad to 'have me on the team' and then 3 days later you can my ass. )

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[MrPeng]

Shut the hell up Elvis, you're not a good eating human. I am still annoyed with your "victory" from last night. Although you did compensate somewhat with the dead pigflesh this morning. And the shot of vodka to kick-start the brain. I could use another one....well? where is it? Fathead.

Peng.

P.S. The boy's father really must be a census taker. He doesn't look anything like you.

[Panzer Leader]

What Peng really said:

I'm still upset about you taking me by force last night, Elvis, but at least you bought me breakfast.

Or in other words:

You didn't pull out?!?! Asshole!

Eewwwwwwww!

[ October 06, 2002, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Papa Khann]

dalem,

Still beset by puppies and unable to wend my way north, I find myself contemplating the essential questions of life....

1) Did you attend?

2) If so, did you partake?

3) If so, did you finally manage to remain afloat?

The rest of you shiftless lot, please indulge me by sodding off immediately. All except for Ladies Persephone and YK2, of course. I could use a good jolt, and rumour has it there's a bit left over from last evening.

Papa

[Boo Radley]

Although none of you deserve it, I will be lenient and post my

<big><big>Gamey Game Updates!</big></big>

Leeeeeoooooo has plunked one of my SU-76 (or whatever they're called). He's the goose-stepping goons and I'm planning on screaming like hell and dying for the most part.

Panzer Leader is finally making his way over to my side of the map. I'm liking trenches.

Speedbump and I are doing the Battle of Minors scenario. As he said to me in an e-mail:"I'm sure getting used to seeing that red 'routed' and 'panicked' bar."

Good. Plan on getting even more used to it.

Berli. I don't mind telling you that playing The Evil One sure got me nervous, but then I saw his UberFinnish tankettes, and they are just so gosh darned cute! I didn't know Little Tykes had a war dept.

R_Leete hasn't sent me a move in over a week. I don't even remember what we're playing anymore. Something with halftacks, I believe.

Aussie Jeff and I are STILL playing the "Citadel" scenario from the demo. Last move, I counted 24 separate hits on his tanks from my guns. It was awesome! He's not firing back a whole lot anymore.

MrSpnkr. What can I say? We're playing "A Warm Place To Die", or somefink like that. At the beginning of last move he had six tanks. At the end of the move, he had one. Thats no way to win a war, laddie.

Well, after two hours Aussie Jeff's grass mod has FINALLY downloaded. So it's time to take a break and see what the cackling maniac has come up with this time.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by MrPeng:

Shut the hell up Elvis, you're not a good eating human. I am still annoyed with your "victory" from last night.

....Elvis and Peng....were hot...last night....

Persephone