That Olde Peng Challenge Has Me In It's Spell

[Joe Shaw]

An oldie but a goodie:

The JUSTICAR'S OFFICIAL RULES

(ii) Yes, like the legendary Phoenix risen from the ashes, like the Flying Dutchman returned to port, like Peng awakening sober … hey it COULD happen, here again and still is … the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, the Mutha Beautiful Thread and the CessPool. Those who are worthy, and if you have to ask then you're NOT ... are welcome to their home away from home … others … should SOD OFF!

(XIV) What Ho? Still here? SOD OFF!

(1.43) You are an SSN, a Scum Sucking Newbie and it's important that you know that RIGHT OFF. You will NOT be welcome here. You will be ridiculed to within an inch (25mm +/- for our Euro friends) of your worthless life and while that might gain you more attention than you've seen in many a moon (for our Native American friends) it WILL NOT BE FUN … for you. If you don't want this to happen to YOU ... SOD OFF!

(ref. e) Yes, yes, all the lads at the office (how ARE things in the Sanitation Department these days?) say that you are the funniest DOOD around and therefore you are convinced that you are special and unique among SSNs and that you have What It Takes to be one of us ... YOU ARE WRONG SO SOD OFF.

( Haven't you SODDED OFF yet? Please don't hesitate on MY account, there's no time like the present you know. Oh my, persistent little beggar aren't you, don't say I didn't warn you. If you must you must I suppose, but SODDING OFF would be the road less travelled you know. Oh well, look then, please remember that this is the Peng CHALLENGE Thread, so perhaps you might consider actually CHALLENGING someone to a game of CM. NOTE THE WORD SOMEONE … that would be singular. None of these group grope challenges you clown. IF you do choose to challenge, and please don't overlook the advantages of simply SODDING OFF RIGHT NOW, do remember the following:

{You have TWO choices, which would be equivalent to the number of nostrils you have available for delving into with your fingers, either post your email and general location in your profile or SOD OFF! We don't accept strangers in these parts and you're about as strange as they come}

{34} NO ... you can't challenge me ... or another Knight, or really even a Squire. You MIGHT be able to challenge a Serf I suppose and we don't care HOW many SSNs you challenge. That would be best, come to think of it, challenge another SSN for our amusement. Post your AARs, we NEED a good laugh. And if you post in the proper CessPool manner you might, MIGHT be proposed as a SERF! The chances are miniscule and vanishingly remote of YOU ever achieving that dizzying height, but it HAS happened. Much as 8th round draft picks DO make it onto NFL teams you MIGHT be made a Serf ... {chortle} ... yeah right. And from the pool of Serfs are chosen ... {reverential pause for the choir to hum} SQUIRES! Yes, some poor (and in YOUR case probably drunk) Knight might chose YOU as his Squire to do ... Squirely things. Once a Squire has completed five CessPool matches ... well, we won't worry about THAT right now, odds are VERY GOOD that you'll be SODDING OFF shortly anyway.

{Uiv} SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! Mind you it pays to be careful to WHOM you're sounding off! Sounding off to a Knight or Squire is ... not recommended. But you SHOULD sound off to your opponents and to those whom you'd challenge. For it is by your words, see you, that you will be judged. We are looking for MEN of a certain ... STYLE, men of WIT, men of HUMOR ... and women of virtually ANY flavor.

{87/87) Do NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. We tolerate no racial, sexual, political or ethnic crusades ... only good old fashioned PERSONAL attacks.

{IF you decide that you belong here ... and you're wrong, you don't, don't be thinking that you can just drop in from time to time. You must put in your time here, you must work for your stripes and SHOW THAT YOU HONOR the traditions of the CessPool. We're tired of people who wander in and waste our time and then never show up again ... or you could just SOD OFF} 1.

{vii} Have Half A Brain, this will be a stretch for most SSNs but give it a shot. When (or in YOUR case on the rare occassion IF) you taunt someone, make it memorable ... otherwise, HELLO, we won't remember you.

{Don't} think that just because you're good at CM that you have a place HERE! We don't care ... we care about taunting, insulting and generally being Gamey, underhanded swine. That's right ... GAMEY ... we LIKE GAMEY because the Outerboards DON'T.

{([])} One final word of warning, The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread is charged with the awesome responsibility of ensuring that the sacred traditions of the CessPool are not trampled upon ... have a care ... our dungeons are ever waiting.

[ June 24, 2002, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[**YK2**]

I swear those rules are getting longer with each new MBT you start Joe , nice title though.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by dalem:

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So Serfdom it is for Khan Noonian Singh. Serfdom in the service of House Persiflage, with a possible extra quarter in it if'n you make it shine real bright!

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I shall procure your house many great victories upon the soil of CM:BO, oh munificent one.

But still no tights.

Papa

P.S.

Now that I'm officially in his service, how do I get dalem a capital D?

[dalem]

"its", Joe, "ITS".

Prawn.

[dalem]

SIR PONDSCUM!

We need some unappealing tasks for the SSN. Have the giraffes been incontinent of late?

And have no fear, Khann. We have a strict "no tights" dress code here in House Persiflage.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by dalem:

"its", Joe, "ITS".

Prawn.

HaHA! I wondered which of the more ANAL of our group would climb aboard that. No surprise that it was dalem who went for it like a cutthroat trout to a #16 Royal Wulff on a perfect dead drift. Of COURSE IT'S ITS dalem ... man you'll fall for anything won't you?

Papa Khann to answer your question I'll ask a question. Did you ever hear someone referred to as a Capital fellow? Perhaps in an old English film? Well ... dalem ain't.

Joe

[dalem]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I ANAL climb trout a #16 dead anything.

Joe

I can't claim to understand any of that, but it gives me the willies anyhoo.

[ June 24, 2002, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: dalem ]

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by dalem:

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SIR PONDSCUM!

We need some unappealing tasks for the SSN. Have the giraffes been incontinent of late?

And have no fear, Khann. We have a strict "no tights" dress code here in House Persiflage.

--------------------------------------------------

Sir Knight, might I direct your attention to Article {34} of the rules laid out at the top of this post (which is already hurtling toward "black hole" status at a meteoric pace). Said Article, Sir, implies that by taking me in as your serf, for which I shall of course be forever indebted to you (for good or ill, I'm not yet sure which), I am no longer an SSN. Is this not correct?

And if it is correct; which I believe it is, because I can read, despite the fact that Joe P'Shaw wrote Article {34} or at least transcribed it; then I am not entitled to challenge Serfs from other great houses? And if that is indeed the case, am I not also allowed to challenge Squires? (Personally I have found Article {34} to be somewhat vague on this point.)

So with all that (ahem) clarification behind us, Sir, would not this be an appropriate time for you to name the SSNs, Serfs, Squires, and other assorted personages associated with other Houses which have caused your, and therefore my, honor the most egregious of insults in the past, so that I may proceed to lean over the battlements and taunt them? And more importantly, are any of them Australians?

Anyway that has got to be better than cleaning up after the giraffes.

Papa

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by dalem:

And have no fear, Khann. We have a strict "no tights" dress code here in House Persiflage.

No, but for some reason, chaps with no pants is all the rage there.

(Shudder)

[Papa Khann]

<hr>

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

No, but for some reason, chaps with no pants is all the rage there.

(Shudder)

<hr>

I have it on good account that this is only due to the heat.

Papa

[Lars]

Originally posted by dalem:

We have a strict "no tights" dress code here in House Persiflage.

At my place we have a strict "tight dresses only" code.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Lars:

At my place we have a strict "tight dresses only" code.

And I've been meaning to tell you that you really don't have the legs to pull it off successfully. No offense.

[athkatla]

I think I'll sod off...................for the time being!

[Lars]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Lars:

At my place we have a strict "tight dresses only" code.

And I've been meaning to tell you that you really don't have the legs to pull it off successfully. No offense.</font>

[Panzer Leader]

Originally posted by athkatla:

I think I'll sod off...................for the time being!

Don't just say it, DO it!

[ June 24, 2002, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by dalem:

SIR PONDSCUM!

Ohhhhh, that makes me feel all tingly...

We need some unappealing tasks for the SSN. Have the giraffes been incontinent of late?

I dunno about the giraffes, but I fear the donkey might be getting a little bunged up. Barely to be seen, in fact. Probably moping in his thistle patch. Can this SSN make Yeknodathon laugh?

And have no fear, Khann. We have a strict "no tights" dress code here in House Persiflage.

No tights, no jockeys, no boxers. House Persiflage is STRICTLY a commando-only operation.

[rleete]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

...would not this be an appropriate time for you to name the SSNs, Serfs, Squires, and other assorted personages associated with other Houses which have caused your, and therefore my, honor the most egregious of insults in the past...

I believe Sir dalem is still smarting from being out-bid on the "ultimate chair". Ask him about it {snicker}, and he may give you leave to fill in for him. Note that I shall use secret information (imparted to me by undisclosed sources [thanks, Boo ]) as to the correct placement of assault boats in a QB.

In other news, Sir Seanachai , he of the coma inducing posts, has put the final hurt on my attacking huns. Dispite matching 20mm flak guns, a pair of 20mm HTs, and a Hummel (a fecking big hammer), his artillery was too much. 51 to 38, chalk up my second 'pool loss. [The first was to MkIV, and he disappeared just as the rematch got underway. Bastard.]

Croda-bleaurg is still going on, much like my leige's posts do. No end in sight, and the brave aryan defenders are still being shredded by artillery. Don't you ever run out of shells, Boo ?

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by YK2:

nice title though.

You been into that French wine again... to excess?

This is worse than even Panzer Leader's title (which was so bad I purged it from my mind)

[Panzer Leader]

Hey, I resemble that remark!

(What am I Groucho Marx all of a sudden??)

[Panzer Leader]

By the way, I just read about a Gotz von Berlichingen, any relation? Although I wonder about that missing 't'...

[Leeo]

Had I but the energy to give each and every one of you the hate you so deserve.

Let me count the ways...

I hate that putrescent pile of persiflage, Joe Shaw.

I hate SSN's.

I hate dalem because he is kicking the feces out of my colostomy bag.

I hate MrSpkr because he spurns the simple vowel.

I hate OGSF because he told me I would likely win easily, and he is obviously a liar.

I hate Berli because he is too "busy" to finish losing to me.

I hate Panzer Leader because he is misinterpreting the defensive attack bible according to Fionn.

I hate MrPeng most of all because he's never around to give a rant when I need a funky depression.

I hate Seanachai due to the fact that he is constipated in thought, with occasional bouts of verbal diarrhea.

I hate everyone else as well, but without the vim or vigor to pursue it in detail. Get over it.

[lcm1947]

Please don't let me interrupt but if I may just ask a question here. Thank you. Do any of you guys understand what the other guys are saying? Just wondering. I've visited this - what - peng thing as you call it and just can't figure out what the heck ( excuse the language ) you guys are even talking about. Is there a book or something I can buy to keep up. Thanks ever so much for your patience and listening. I'm sure each and every one of you are all fine fellows - in your own way and I will continue to drop in on occasion and see what's up. Until then please Peng on.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by lcm1947:

Do any of you guys understand what the other guys are saying? Just wondering.

You apparently haven't sacrificed a goat, a mole, and a hedgehog under the full moon and then read their entrails to build your own decoder ring, have you?

<big>HAVE YOU?!</big>

[dalem]

Originally posted by PondScum:

No tights, no jockeys, no boxers. House Persiflage is STRICTLY a commando-only operation.

Well, simple posing straps are encouraged for forays to the market.

Khann-

You have enquired as to your role in life, and seek to better your understanding of your true place in the scheme of things.

This is impressive and bodes well. However, you did question me in front of the other Pooligans. So for that, m'lad, you will spend your first night in House Persiflage in The Box.

Oh heck, you were going to spend your first night in The Box anyway, but I wanted to make you feel as if you'd earned it.

Anyway. It is true that you are now a serf, but this is in addition to also being an SSN. I have no idea when you stop being an SSN - I think it's purely subjective. I won't set you with a true quest as such, we need to build you up slowly... Something easily done... Hm. Perhaps this R_leete person, who is naughty in my sight, should be challenged. Is he an SSN? Is he a pox? A poltroon? A doofus?

Yes, yes, try that one. He gets to set the terms of the battle, and you both must provide gripping details of every mouse click and camera shake, here, in the MBT.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by athkatla:

I think I'll sod off...................for the time being!

Isn't this a fallacious oxymoron? That you could think?

Hmmm...

Does not compute. Proper end-point, but the process leaves much to be desired.

(Have I said before that malt liquor is my friend? Ok, the kind of friend that shows you a good evening and then hits you with a bat and takes your wallet, but with friends like that, who needs enemas?)