Peng Tripods: Challenging The Myth

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Title by Pondscum

Rules by Joe Shaw

This MBT is brought to you by the Letter "M" and the number 9

ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah, ooOOOgah

Be it Know to One and All Sundry that this is The One The True CessPool, The Mutha Beautiful Thread, the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD returned from it's ignominious tenure under the handle of a Squire and back under the control of a True Knight of the CessPool. Harken ye to the RULES:

(ii) This is NOT your father's ladder, lad, it's the Peng Challenge Thread and you are NOT worthy and should, frankly, just SOD OFF and be done with it.

(XIV) Are you brain dead? SOD OFF!

(1.43) There are SIX (6) kinds of people in the world, Old Ones, Seniour Knights, Knights, Squires ... Serfs ... and Scum Sucking Newbies (SSNs). All but the last of these are relatively worthy, (the jury's still out on the Serfs but they ARE recognized) but the last, the SSNs are worthless and to be despised by all right thinking individuals. If you are an SSN ... SOD OFF.

(ref. e) You may have come here thinking that you are special and unique among SSNs and that you have What It Takes to be one of us ... YOU ARE WRONG SO SOD OFF.

( If you MUST stick around, and we'd much prefer that you just SOD OFF, remember that this is the Peng CHALLENGE Thread, so perhaps you might consider actually CHALLENGING someone to a game of CM. IF you do, and don't overlook the advantages of simply SODDING OFF, remember the following:

{34} Challenge someone of your own stature, which is non-existant, by choosing another SSN, a Serf or perhaps, PERHAPS a squire. How do you find these people you ask ... mostly because you're an idiot ... you find them here:

Lorak's CessPool Page

{Uiv} SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! None of this mamby pamby, "Oh please good sir, might I have the honor of participating in a game of CM with you or yours at your earliest convenience?" BAH! This is the place for bile and venom, for taunts and insults and is NOT for children but only for MEN (and a few good WOMEN ... though in my experience BAD WOMEN are to be preferred) of substance, of STYLE, of WIT and HUMOR.

{87/87) Do NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. We tolerate no racial, sexual, political or ethnic crusades ... only good old fashioned PERSONAL attacks.

{Stick Around Damn It, we're tired of people who wander in and waste our time and then never show up again ... or you could just SOD OFF} 1.

{vii} Have Half A Brain, this will be a stretch for most SSNs but give it a shot.

{Don't} think that just because you're good at CM that you have a place HERE! We don't care ... we care about taunting, insulting and generally being Gamey, underhanded swine. That's right ... GAMEY ... we LIKE GAMEY because the Outerboards DON'T.

[ April 19, 2002, 06:24 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Hirsute Hiram’s Game Updates

Elvis He’s doing gamey stuff with his armor thingies. I can hear them put-putting to and fro over there. I’m waiting for him to bring his stuff over here. “I’m over here now!!” (done with Brooklyn accent)

Since I’ve been practicing so much as the attacker, I’ve gotten worse as the defender. So, this should be a real sloppy scenario with splodey things and German dudes yelling things I don’t understand.

JDMorse I continue to yell at my digital dudes that they need to be quiet when sitting in their foxholes but they make too much noise. I hid all of my soldiers in the woods and they are playing “pass the strudel with Hanz und Fritz” Just don’t tell that lawyer dude I’m hiding over here.

Speedbump You’ll get a kick out of this one. It’s a Random Armor QB. He picks Reg and Vet US Army thingies and lots of troopies. My force is all conscript. What is a Hiram to do? Hehe I bought the gamiest of the gamey Flak shooty things and pointed them all his way. I actually sacrified a platoon of bedwetters for him to overun so he would get cocky and charge me. Oh, how the armor sploded and burned and puffed smoke. Will I win? Probably not, but I am having fun.

Slapdragon This Cop-Grog sends me a setup of infantry only. It was computer picked so I couldn’t buy my Fusiliers and Sturm Platoon dudes. Okay, here is a glimpse into the strategery I’m going to unleash upon this corn fed constable: I’ll take the first thousand fodder, uh, I mean soldiers and run that way and then I’ll feint towards his MRL and then poke him in his Division Assets while rolling up his flank and then I’ll violently spank his overwatch force with a perfectly timed OPFOR attack. When he over reacts to my brilliant plan, then I know that he’s ready for my plunging neckline fire. Cool, huh?

Croda Think garter belt, high stilleto heels and a wig. Think Moulon Rouge. That’s Croda. I’m not currently playing this fetid Dumpster dweller, but I am looking through two of his creations. They are creative creations. Am I redundant? More on Croda when he gets back from his night out with the he-she’s.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

This MBT is brought to you by the Letter "M" and the number 9

Can you tell me how to get

how to get to cesspool street

how to get to cesspool street

..

how to get to cesspool street!

(and keep an eye out for big t*rd).

Mace

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

<font size="-1">Title by Pondscum</font>

Who didn't have the yarbles to start it himself

[Berlichtingen]

In the spirit of our new digs...

I discovered at www.reallyuselessstuffthatonlygrogscareabout.com a photo of a grog with a tripod up his bum. This indicates that tripods were in widespread use by grogs as anal probes

[Croda]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai in the last thread:

Where there's a whip, there's a way.

Christ that's funny. What a way to wake up.

[Croda]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen in the last thread:

Of the Cavalry Trilogy, Horse Soldiers is the best

Fort Apache

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon +

Rio Grande +

------------------------------

'The Cavalry Trilogy'

The Cowboys

------------------------------

'Something Else Entirely'

We appreciate your ignorance and ask you to please go find someplace else to showcase it.

[Noba]

Sire Slapdragon.

As requested, an update or three.

Summary of Squire Status: Losers first.

Seanachai, Yeknod, Berli..(almost, if he sends the last turn soon).

Underwares, Lars only. (I set up for a meeting engagement and it was an attack ! Yikes).

Not wins, Croda, Pondscum, (2)

It must be pointed that the squirely Pondscum used too much garlic in the setups and gamily chose the French in each battle. The poor Germans couldn't see through their streaming eyes to fight back ! Croda beat me with a bigger stick !

Currently abusing AJ, Seanachai, Boor adles, Lars, Mace and Speedbump. Mind you, speedlump needs to send a surrender I think....

That should do it.

Noba.

[Lars]

Dag nab it!

If your going to start a new thread, provide a link in the old one.

And quit bumping the old one too!

I entirely missed this one. Must have been the Tripods in the title.

[CMplayer]

What's this rival thread business? The Scent of a Peng Challenge? We hardly need to be reminded of that. We remember what the city used to be loik, eh Reg?

Bugger that. Down to business.

Lars is fighting with all the tactical subtlety of a cudgel. The kind with a bent nail in it. Even his attempts at psycho-intimidation are transparant. 'Smoke' he says 'white smoke, guess the infantry charge is coming'. Yeah, so? Does he think I'm going to call off an infantry charge just because he commented on it in advance?

Panzer Leader OTOH finally seems to have beaten off an assault. Clever of him to set 20 turns for a 2000 point thang. The talley ought to be in in about eight years at his rate of sending turns.

As for the rest of ya, Donkey Dong and Knob-a and so on, please tone down the arschle licking. I can't hardly read the thread any more, makes me carsick like.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Lars:

Dag nab it!

If your going to start a new thread, provide a link in the old one.

And quit bumping the old one too!

I entirely missed this one. Must have been the Tripods in the title.

A point of grammar: "your" is possesive ie Your nose is huge. "you're" is a contraction that is short for "you are". Therefore, I can say "You're the epitome of idiocy as is evidenced by your not checking to see if there was a Peng thread before creating one." See, wasn't that easy?

[ April 19, 2002, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Joe Shaw]

Croda your village called, they miss their idiot and are willing to provide bus fare and a bag of fiddle faddle for your return.

Look stupid (I assume that you're used to responding to that as quickly as your name by now) I'm going to say it one more time REEEAALLLLLYYYY SLOW so you get it, do try to stop drooling for a moment and pay attention ... READY?

JOHN WAYNE'S BEST PERFORMANCE WAS "SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON"

Now do TRY to comprehend that statement and then realize that I don't give a flaming fig which MOVIE may or may not be the best. I'm only concerned with which of his PERFORMANCES was the best and that's ... still with me on this Croda ... haven't been distracted by Mickey's arms on your wristwatch again have you ... good ... She Wore A Yellow Ribbon!

As to Berli, his list does contain some good choices ... and some abominable ones but we've come to expect that of Berli.

MrSpkr I shall be proud to act as your second and am especially pleased to see that others are embracing my standard of CessPool gaming and the honor of the Code Duello. For without HONOR we are ... well ... Australian I suppose.

Finally I have completed turns and sent them on their way to everyone on my list.

Joe

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Look stupid (I assume that you're used to responding to that as quickly as your name by now) I'm going to say it one more time REEEAALLLLLYYYY SLOW so you get it, do try to stop drooling for a moment and pay attention ... READY?

JOHN WAYNE'S BEST PERFORMANCE WAS "SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON"

Admit it, Joe, it was those tight Cavalry pants that did it for you. Come on, you're among friends here.

Let me be the first to concede that the Duke was better in SWAYR then he was in, say, The Conqueror. But it wasn't a Patch on his performance in The Searchers. Besides, his character had a better name too. What was it? Oh yeah...

[Croda]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

JOHN WAYNE'S BEST PERFORMANCE WAS "SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON"

The best part about people who like to be wrong, is when they screamingly announce it to the masses.

What you meant to say, you withered, weed of a man, is that 'She Wore a Yellow Ribbon' is one of John Wayne's best performances, surpassed only 'The Searchers' and rivalled only by 'Sands of Iwo Jima', 'The Quiet Man', 'The Shootist', and 'Joe Shaw is a Blithering Idiot.'

Have you seen these movies or does the person who cleans your dentures tell you what to say?

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I one Joe's dentures

I two Joe's dentures

I three Joe's dentures

[rleete]

Thanks to my Lord's attempt to sidetrack the continuing tripod brawl, I have a new sig.

Updates: none. Wait for your turn, Boo , I'll send it when I'm damn good and ready.

[Lars]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Snipped because the grammarian had to edit it

Reduced to pointing out spelling mistakes, so pitiable.

Let me point out you failed to link Lorak's page.

THE CESSPOOL SITE

Like that, idjit.

Where has he been, anyway? There's a bit of updating needed.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by R_Leete:

Updates: none. Wait for your turn, Boo , I'll send it when I'm damn good and ready.

That's OK, take your time. Draw it out, drag your feet for as long as you want. If you'd rather, you could always just print out the .txt document, mail it to me via 3rd class delivery, then let me input the code myself. Would that pace be more to your liking?

What's wrong, Bubbeleh? Nasty ol 'Merican army-men, scarin' you bad? Come, sit on tante Boo's lap and tell him all about it.

Stall as long as you want, I'm here to drink beer and kick German butt and we're all out of beer.

On a happier note, I'm blowing off work for the rest of the day (neener-neener-boo-boo!), so any of you less cowardly sorts who have sent me files may expect some in return in the next few hours.

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

JOHN WAYNE'S BEST PERFORMANCE WAS "SHE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON"

I went to a wedding last weekend. It was a fine event. The threatening rain held off, the bride was beautiful, the groom handsome, the food was quite good (featuring a scrumptious Vietnamese-style roast pig), the band was tip-top, and the booze flowed freely. But all was not well. When I got the bar, I asked for my usual pre-dinner libation, a dry martini, up with a twist.

"Gin?" asked the bartender.

Stifling my usual urge to strangle the misguided idjits who have to ask such an absurd question, I smiled and nodded, mentally adding for the n-thousandth time that if I'd wanted goddam vodka in my martini I would have asked for a goddam vodka martini, because a martini contains gin as its primary booze ingredient and aberrant goddam crap like vodka has to be specified by the deviant goddam wankers who would specify such an goddam atrocity.

The bartender proceeded to measure out reasonable amounts and proportions of gin (Bombay, not bad for an open bar at a wedding) and dry vermouth over some ice... in a old-fashioned glass. I raised an eyebrow, but considered that perhaps he had nothing else to mix it in, although I noticed some pint glasses that would be much better suited to the process, as well a chrome cocktail shaker which was literally made for the task.

He stirred the drink a few times with a swizzle stick, and handed it to me. In the old-fashioned. With the ice in it. I looked at the long-stemmed cocktail glasses on the bar, the unused cocktail shaker, and regretted leaving my machete in the car. Adapting as best I could, I pressed on.

"Sorry, I asked for it up."

"No ice?" replied the bartender.

Again suppressing the flood of blood-dripping ZIP+4's which filled my vision, I smiled and nodded, fully expecting the bartender to strain the drink into its proper glassware.

He started on a fresh drink, instead, mixing an appropriate amount and proportion of gin and vermouth in another old-fashioned glass, which he stirred a few times and handed to me. In the old-fashioned. Totally unchilled.

It was at that point that I realized the poor man was, as the Alabama contingent at the wedding might have said, a chucklehead. He obviously had only the vaguest grasp of his job, able to handle chimp-level tasks of opening bottles of beer and pouring glasses of white wine, but woefully unequipped for anything with more than one ingredient or requiring more complex procedures in the preparation than pouring.

Filled with pity for the poor creature (it was a pity my machete was still in the car) I patiently explained that he should pour the gin and vermouth into the cocktail shaker with some ice, shake it a few times, then strain it into that glass that looks like a martini glass (since it was a martini glass!). As a happy side effect, I ended up with about a triple and was well on my way to being soused by the time my wife finished with the wedding-party picture-taking.

Now, I know none of us would think twice about dropping such a mentally-bereft fool as this lackwit bartender into a burlap sack, stapling it closed with tacks into his skull, beating him with iron rods for a few hours then dropping the remains (suitably weighted) into a local reservoir. He's a dimwitted punter and deserves no better.

However...

...compared to Joe Shaw's ability to judge cinematic performances, this learning-challenged chimp of a bartender was a paragon of the mixologist's art second only to Trader Vic.

Berli on a bike, Joe, I had forgotten what a simpering, crack-addled, taste-challenge idjit with a brain pickled in formaldehyde you are. If we weren't already slogging through the interminable agony of A Long and Bloody Mile, I would demand satisfaction for this egregious insult of the towering classic The Searchers, which featured not only the comely Natalie Wood in preposterously sexy nightclub-native-American getup, but also John Wayne's finest performance as an angry, obsessed man, wholly consumed with a desire for revenge which he could not distinguish from rescue.

It pains me to admit I was once your squire. I think I'm going to start telling people I was Seanachai's squire, as he at least has the wit to... well, he's somewhat less... oh, hell, at least he ain't you.

Agua Perdido

[Edited and then edited some more, just for kicks, man.]

[ April 19, 2002, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I don't give a flaming fig which MOVIE may or may not be the best. I'm only concerned with which of his PERFORMANCES was the best

John Waynes best performance was when J.F.K's agents burst into J. Edgar Hoovers' private boudour, (acting on an organised crime tip-off) and photographed the FBI boss wiping down the sofa while the Duke did the one-legged trouser dance down the fire escape, pausing only to rapid-smoke 3 packs of camel before goose-stepping off into the darkness.

BTW, AussieJeff, your steenking set-up has now been returned, 1 week, 2 hrs and a 6-pack late but there you have it.

[Joe Shaw]

Berli on a bike, Joe, I had forgotten what a simpering, crack-addled, taste-challenge idjit with a brain pickled in formaldehyde you are. If we weren't already slogging through the interminable agony of A Long and Bloody Mile, I would demand satisfaction for this egregious insult of the towering classic The Searchers, which featured not only the comely Natalie Wood in preposterously sexy nightclub-native-American getup, but also John Wayne's finest performance as an angry, obsessed man, wholly consumed with a desire for revenge which he could not distinguish from rescue.

Ah lad ... what a pity it is. I have, I see it now clearly, failed in at least part of my task as your liege and mentor. I blame myself of course, it isn't YOUR fault that I concentrated on gamey tactics, CessPool etiquette, hatred of all things Australian and teaching you that Croda is synonymous with Idiot. This should serve as an object lesson for those who decry the value of a Liberal Arts education. Yes, yes, you're a fine young Knight, able to taunt with the best and even able to pull off the "opps, damn, the file seems corrupted, pity that, as I was just about to crush your forces" ploy (one small hint, as it was I who taught you that, you might not try on ME next time, find someone more gullible ... Croda or OGSF seem likely lads in that regard, and of course any of the Australians). But I assumed that you had a reasonable grounding in the basics. Obviously I was wrong.

So I forgive you your error lad, as indeed it was MY error in not educating you properly.

Joe

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Stuka:

John Wayne . . . rapid-smoke{d} 3 packs of camel{s} . . ."

Liar. The Duke was a Marlboro man.

[ April 19, 2002, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

I went to a wedding last weekend...a dry martini...martini contains gin...Bombay... dry vermouth..old-fashioned glass...I raised an eyebrow...chrome cocktail shaker...swizzle stick...old-fashioned...unchilled.

Why didn't you just ask for a beer, you great poof.

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Stuka:

Ook ook!

A time and place for all beverages, my dear, unimaginative Stuka, even the banana daiquiris you are said to favor when doing your singularly unconvincing Robert Benchley impression. Besides, why settle for beer when someone else is paying?

Agua Perdido

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I one Joe's dentures

I two Joe's dentures

I three Joe's dentures

I four Joe's dentures

I five Joe's dentures

I six Joe's dentures

I seven Joe's dentures