A witty Peng Challenge and other Oxymorons

[Mace]

And he said he wanted a witty one?! Don't know much, do he?

Rules Synopsis

i) we're xenophobic, so sod off

ii) we're also grogophobic, so sod off

iii) if you haven't got the message yet, sod off.

iv) Still here? Still eager to dip your feet in the cess? Taunt like you've never taunted before. Try to make your target cry. If you're not up to this challenge, sod off.

v) Expect to be taunted like never before. Nothing gives us enough joy as seeing a SSN cry.

v) Do not challenge the more senior cesspoolers, for they are too busy picking their noses or extracting the fluff out of their navels to pay any attention.

vi) Worship us, for if you persevere, you too will be like us (frightening thought, eh).

Mace

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Goanna:

So, listen up you two pillocks. You have exactly 14 hours to provide me via e-mail list with 1500 pts worth of purchases that you would like me to place for you. If I have not received your purchases by 0700 AEST on 19 March, I will purchase for you. If you can't talk at one another in the meantime and both send me 1500 pts of Frenchies, I will pick. If you screw up your picks, or I can't figure out what you want to buy from your note, I will modify. You have one chance to get things right.

Be sure to buy lots and lots of tanks

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Mace:

And he said he wanted a witty one?! Don't know much, do he?

Mace

Droll, Mace ........ very droll! Though I suspect some of the northern clans may misconstrue this to be the "Ozziemorons" thread. Fie on them for even thinking such heresy!!

Hehe...

AJ

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Goanna:

All I can say is Boo, ye of little faith. You obviously presume that I hate your sorry dried up husk of a being more than I hate the sorry dried up yammering husk that is the Donkey. i will have you know that my setups and scenarios are revered pool wide as exceptionally distasteful for BOTH parties and I am an equal opportunity abuser.

It's true, actually. He hates everyone pretty much equally, extending it, as necessary, out to the more obscure relatives of any given idjit that posts here. Oh, and at no extra charge, he'll hate you pre-emptively, hating you as far back as Middle School. He'd hate you at an earlier period in your life, but it's just not satisfying to hate children younger than 11, as their nature's aren't fully developed and fixed, and there's always a chance that they might turn out differently than you lot of embittered and lost souls.

Goanna, Eldest Australian and otherwise irritating halfwit, I apologize for never getting back to you after our last game in which you (undoubtedly) bought your own units and set mine for 'picked by the AI in a fit of giggling arseholery'.

Now that I'm unemployed, dead drunk on cheap red wine, with a powerful lust on to once again 'Crush All Australians' it seems only fitting that we should play again. Rather than ponce about with maps, and Seconds, and all that rot, how about just demeaning yourself to create something like a believable QB, not like that last abortion where you got StuH42s, PzkwIVs, StugIIIs, and I got 3 sodding Sextons.

I mean, really, lad. That was as near to 'whoops-a-daisy, I've gone and put together some sort of joke QB, let's see how long it takes the Old Gnome to cotton to my all too obvious ploy' as one gets on this planet. A second such result can only result in my asking SuperTed to post an open letter to you.

Now, as I remember it, our first game was actually an intriguing battle that I'm still sorry I didn't win. It had depth, it had an interesting map, it had glory, it had desperate maneuvering. Our second, of course, was your whoopy cushion of a QB that shall go unnoticed and unremarked upon lest your good name, such as it is, be entered eternally into the lists of 'those who took advantage of AI pillockry'.

Perhaps, this time, I might be allowed to buy my own troops? Then, of course, I have to live or die by my own choices, rather than apply clown makeup and drop trow for your shooters at the behest of the AI.

[ March 18, 2002, 04:08 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[mensch]

Hey Lay off mace with this Title for the page. We have to give sometimes the Mentaly challenged a chance to host the Cess. Besides it makes him feel better and above pond scum. now he's just barely equal to Pond Crud.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

A long winded soliloquoy about nothing in particular

Where's me feckin' turn, Mr Bard? Oh, I get it - you don't like Berli's Roos Hopping The Rhine scenario eh?? Too 'balanced' eh??? Might test your 'mettle' a bit too much this time, with me being on an equal footing and all that, eh????

Pah! Show me some ticker, puhleese! At least Croda has had the decency to send forth his singular troop bearing Crodaballs to die proper.

Tap, tap...........

AJ

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by mensch:

Hey Lay off mace with this Title for the page. We have to give sometimes the Mentaly challenged a chance to host the Cess. Besides it makes him feel better and above pond scum. now he's just barely equal to Pond Crud.

Don't menschen it......

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

A long winded soliloquoy about nothing in particular

Where's me feckin' turn, Mr Bard? Oh, I get it - you don't like Berli's Roos Hopping The Rhine scenario eh?? Too 'balanced' eh??? Might test your 'mettle' a bit too much this time, with me being on an equal footing and all that, eh????

Pah! Show me some ticker, puhleese! At least Croda has had the decency to send forth his singular troop bearing Crodaballs to die proper.

Tap, tap...........

AJ</font>

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by mensch:

Hey Lay off mace with this Title for the page. We have to give sometimes the Mentaly challenged a chance to host the Cess. Besides it makes him feel better and above pond scum. now he's just barely equal to Pond Crud.

Mace may feel like he's above me, but we all know he hasn't been right in the head (or 'nads) since that nasty incident with the ram in ewe's clothing. In fact, nothing is above me: I float idly on the surface of the cess, staring down through the foul depths to where... you... all live. Oh sure, sometimes one of the bigger "floaters" amongst you will bob to the surface amidst a particularly nauseous bubbling, or an outerboarder will fall screaming from the skies and be swallowed by the pool with but a faint and despairing plop to show for his brief life. But these are merely temporary interruptions in my generally being above Mace in all respects.

[Mace]

Originally posted by mensch:

Hey Lay off mace with this Title for the page. We have to give sometimes the Mentaly challenged a chance to host the Cess. Besides it makes him feel better and above pond scum. now he's just barely equal to Pond Crud.

errr, thankyou, Mr Pond sediment.

Mace

[Mace]

Originally posted by PondScum:

I float idly on the surface of the cess, staring down through the foul depths to where... you... all live.

That's because you're full of so much hot air, and not much else.

Mace

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

Mace may feel like he's above me, but we all know he hasn't been right in the head (or 'nads) since that nasty incident with the ram in ewe's clothing. In fact, nothing is above me: I float idly on the surface of the cess, staring down through the foul depths to where... you... all live. Oh sure, sometimes one of the bigger "floaters" amongst you will bob to the surface amidst a particularly nauseous bubbling, or an outerboarder will fall screaming from the skies and be swallowed by the pool with but a faint and despairing plop to show for his brief life. But these are merely temporary interruptions in my generally being above Mace in all respects.

Bah! I wave my hand at you!

You are good, but no Master of the Cess, and while you are now with us, you do not dictate Cess.

Because I like you (well, not all that much, but more than some, and I haven't actually decided to use the weeks of my severance pay to hunt you down and kill you, so that's very like 'affection' here in the Cesspool), I'll tell you a secret, lad.

There comes a point when one casts aside the whole 'Cesspool' metaphor, as apt as it is, and begins to post beyond scatology. A point when you are asked to go beyond the 'Jesus Christ, did you see that?! That monkey just flung his ****e at me! Ruined me vest, he did!'

So, Pondscum, let me just tell you this:

When you can snatch the ****e from my hand, it will mean you can stay.

When you can return it to me as a diamond, it will mean you have arrived.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

There comes a point when one casts aside the whole 'Cesspool' metaphor, as apt as it is, and begins to post beyond scatology. A point when you are asked to go beyond the 'Jesus Christ, did you see that?! That monkey just flung his ****e at me! Ruined me vest, he did!'

Indeed? Well I shall just have to wait till my elders and *cough* betters *cough* reach that point:

When you can snatch the ****e from my hand, it will mean you can stay.

And if I ever reach the point where a particularly good piece of straining can achieve the pressures necessary to produce a diamond, you can rest assured that you will NOT be getting the end result, but rather the byproducts.

And as to that whole unpleasant business of "liking" and "affection", those words should never appear on the MBT, except in phrases such as "I like how the 37mm rounds of my little Stuart-that-could have such an affection for the turrets of Noba's Panthers". What has brought an Old One to such a disgustingly human display of non-hatred? I fear that the Donkey is rubbing off on you, as it were.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

And as to that whole unpleasant business of "liking" and "affection", those words should never appear on the MBT, except in phrases such as "I like how the 37mm rounds of my little Stuart-that-could have such an affection for the turrets of Noba's Panthers". What has brought an Old One to such a disgustingly human display of non-hatred? I fear that the Donkey is rubbing off on you, as it were.

Well, lad, you have to remember, I'm the 'Nice One'. That has nothing to do, of course, with being nice, it has more to do with being...well, the Present. Different from the Berli, don't you see, and the Peng.

And as for the non-hatred thing, well, you silly little ****e, it's just as well, isn't it?

You see, as one of the Eldest, I have no particular need to hate you. You are, by definition, almost beneath my notice. Now, we both know that that's all sophistry, and not worthy of the Peng Challenge Thread. So what it boils down to, in the end, is that my hatred of you is deep, and abiding, and well beyond what you deserve. And that's a given.

And, in the end, that allows me to deal with each and every one of you as you deserve. It gives me the ability to welcome some of you useless little sods in, and dismiss others. It allows me take heart in your little triumphs of posting, while calling each and every one of you on to the carpet.

Now be quiet. I'm trying to focus in on my Inner Drunken Croda in my hatred of the Australians...

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by PondScum:

What has brought an Old One to such a disgustingly human display of non-hatred? I fear that the Donkey is rubbing off on you, as it were.

Greetings, PoolFroth. Maybe less the Ass rubbing off on him and more a sanguine melancholy for the times that were; a longing fondness for "the good olde days" when he could bank on a regular paycheck. Even now, he may be reduced to pawning his PC for a Gameboy - a frightful thought.

Apparently CM does not port well to that platform, however he may yet find solace there, in endless rounds of solitaire "DonkeyKong". So perhaps some pity is due the Olde Feller until he can feel himself again.

Thoughtfully,

AJ

[ March 18, 2002, 06:22 AM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by PondScum:

What has brought an Old One to such a disgustingly human display of non-hatred?

That Olde One has always been nice. He's kind of a counterpoint to Peng and I... a smile to our frown, a jolly pat on the back to our swift *KICK* to the yarbles. When you finish coughing up blood, you can thank me for enlightening you.

[Why, oh why don't I just use html?]

[ March 18, 2002, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now be quiet. I'm trying to focus in on my Inner Drunken Croda in my hatred of the Australians...

...and your inablility to defeat any of them. Pillock

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

Now be quiet. I'm trying to focus in on my Inner Drunken Croda in my hatred of the Australians...

...and your inablility to defeat any of them. Pillock</font>

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

What the hell are you doing up? I mean, it's alright for me, as I'm unemployed and drunk, but wherefore art thou posting, Berlichtingen?

I AM employed and, therefore, sober and at work

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

You shall have your turn when it arrives.

Ne'er a truer word spoken, Oh Wise One. Thnak you for the enlightenment. Though maybe "eventually arrives" would be even more logical.

Your humble Grub,

AJ

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum:

What has brought an Old One to such a disgustingly human display of non-hatred? I fear that the Donkey is rubbing off on you, as it were.

Greetings, PoolFroth. Maybe less the Ass rubbing off on him and more a sanguine melancholy for the times that were; a longing fondness for "the good olde days" when he could bank on a regular paycheck. Even now, he may be reduced to pawning his PC for a Gameboy - a frightful thought.

Apparently CM does not port well to that platform, however he may yet find solace there, in endless rounds of solitaire "DonkeyKong". So perhaps some pity is due the Olde Feller until he can feel himself again.

Thoughtfully,

AJ</font>

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

What the hell are you doing up? I mean, it's alright for me, as I'm unemployed and drunk, but wherefore art thou posting, Berlichtingen?

Erm ........ 'scuse me Bard. Might you consider emending your profile to include "drunkeness" as one of your interests, given your new circumstance?

Thinking of you,

AJ

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I, Sir, have a Mac. I would not exchange it for a PC and the right to buy into the biggest threat to the Western philosophies of: Freedom, Creativity, and Independence.

Microsoft wants to own the souls of your children. And most of you will turn them over for a patch that makes Word crash less often.

And your Mac is plastic, of course. Are you related to the Gates-Slut? Those parsiminous words sound mighty familiar.......

AJ

PSST: Looks like an all night bender coming up eh?? Hehe.. this might ease the pain: http://www.satirewire.com/news/march02/women.shtml

[ March 18, 2002, 07:05 AM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[BFCElvis]

Dear Peng,

Are you mad, man? You must be. Get the hell out of that town NOW!!! They don't want you there and you don't want to be there. Rent a car and drive to Vegas.....I'll meet you there.

Love,

Elvis