God Save the Peng and this Honorable Challenge

[Moriarty]

PondScum sayeth:

And shame there should be: those scores don't add up to 100, and therefore some flags were UNDECIDED at the end. In other words, you didn't even have the common decency to let Goanna lose EVERY SINGLE DAMN FLAG ON THE FIELD. For shame - it's his only skill, and we've got to let the little lizard play to his strengths.

My troops were French. Need I say more?

[ June 19, 2002, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Moriarty ]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by PondScum:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

Tonight I attempted to migrate my ISP account over to MSN.

Needless to say, I can no longer send or receive emails, nor access the Web except through this strange public library interface, which is just bizarre.

Since I work in the same building as those nice folks from MSN, I put in a Special Request. "Lock out Seanachai", I said, "for the sake of humanity".

Next I'm going to work on the public libraries.

No need to thank me.</font>

[dalem]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Tonight I attempted to migrate my ISP account over to MSN.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................

You're *&^%$ed. laddie.

[Goanna]

Yes the blind piggy did indeed find and acorn. Pity Seanachai has gone over to the dark side otherwise he could have sent his setup over, I could have surrendered and completed a hat trick of losses in the one day.

Now, although I am down to one CMBO match and have no plans to take on any new ones for the time being, that does not mean that I couldn't fire it up to do third party setups. I think there are several of you here who could attest to my fairness and inventiveness in acting as a diety in matches.

Or, pass on your ideas for wild and lame brained scenarios as I would make another but am fresh out of inspiration.

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Dear God, what a horrible interface. I'm coming to you courtesy of some strange, local library web access.

Tonight I attempted to migrate my ISP account over to MSN.

Needless to say, I can no longer send or receive emails, nor access the Web except through this strange public library interface, which is just bizarre. Apologies on the lack of turns to all my opponents. Hopefully this will be resolved by tomorrow night.

ÜberGnome, the Gates-slut would be very proud of you.

Persephone

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Moriarty:

Why thank you, sir, and I appreciate your offer of being my second but Joe's probably right on this one that there wouldn't be much for you to do.

Moriarty, you must be mistaken...Joe is never right.

Persephone

[Lurkur]

Update time, from bad to worse:

My green, blue-eyed American corn-feed Iowan farm boys are slapping Noba's veteran prancertruppen senseless. His flanks are being rolled as if they were on ball-bearings, and the center, which had bloodied my stalwart lads, is now taking fire from a wide arc, and the surviving bosche are picking shrapnel out of their hides. I will have to work pretty hard to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on this one, but I have blown bigger leads than this.

My blue farm-eyed American boy-feed South Dakotan corn dogs are playing "dodge the arty" with Simon, that nasty man. The troops are rather skittish about dying horribly, so I am providing cattle prods and goads to my officers to keep the men moving. Perhaps I might actually engage Simon's troops before the game ends. The game is going slowly, and I blame this on the fact that his bytes are traveling on the wrong side of the data stream.

Deep sigh

When I play Harv, I keep flashing back to the days when I was a callow youth, learning chess from my older brother. I only had to lose several hundred times before becoming competitive. This current match is a stunning Magnum Opus of despair, dread and loathing. The scenario, called A FIne Hexen Kettle of Fish This Turned Out to Be, has my morose and melancholy Landsers trying to pry his British Paratroopers with way too many toys out of a dense urban environment. Let me put it this way, my task is to drive a 16-penny nail into a beam of solid oak. The tools I have been given to accomplish this task are three spoons, a compass, a pair of needle-nose pliers and some string. The most useful of these tools is of course, my forehead. A few more bangs and either the nail will be driven or the pain will stop. Harv, in his dashing paratrooper beret and talking like Sean Connery, will no doubt get the girl. Only this time it will be my lovely spy Nadia, who will distract him with her cleavage, put a luger to his head and get me my posthumous vengeance. As if in a refiners fire, my malice towards this Saskatchewan...I was going to add more, but really, what CAN one meaningfully add to that?...becomes pure, until there is no sentiment or humanity left. One day I shall defeat my nemesis, stand with my foot on his throat and howl the howl of victory. Until then I am going to say, "Thank-you sir, may I have another?" about 1000 times, and continue to make Yosemite Sam noises like "OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo I HATES AT teams on CRACK!"

Lurk

Squire to Sir Boo_Radley

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Shut up Hakko Ichiu, just because I don't call you Hewhosenamesoundslikeasneeze anymore doesn't mean that I detest you any less. And as I recall the beat you like a filthy rug draped over a clothesline tag would apply to you as well.

Joe Shaw, your post reassures me. Were I to wake up one day and find that you harbored some strange affection for me, I would think that I had either fallen through some bizarre space-time portal or indulged in too much opium the previous night. Yet your post reassures me that all is as it should be -- and believe me any detestation of yours is doubled and re-doubled no trump from my end.

Yes, you managed to scrape out a victory -- whether through sheer luck (I've never seen so many elite and crack US tankettes fail to hit after three shots from ambush yet fall to the first return fire) or actual tampering with the source code I'll never know. I'll offer you a return bout by TCP/IP if you can figure out how to push the little button thingies on your abacus. And my suggestion to you is do try playing while in the hot tub; it's very relaxing.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Shut up Hakko Ichiu, just because I don't call you Hewhosenamesoundslikeasneeze anymore doesn't mean that I detest you any less. And as I recall the beat you like a filthy rug draped over a clothesline tag would apply to you as well.

Joe Shaw, your post reassures me. Were I to wake up one day and find that you harbored some strange affection for me, I would think that I had either fallen through some bizarre space-time portal or indulged in too much opium the previous night. Yet your post reassures me that all is as it should be -- and believe me any detestation of yours is doubled and re-doubled no trump from my end.

Yes, you managed to scrape out a victory -- whether through sheer luck (I've never seen so many elite and crack US tankettes fail to hit after three shots from ambush yet fall to the first return fire) or actual tampering with the source code I'll never know. I'll offer you a return bout by TCP/IP if you can figure out how to push the little button thingies on your abacus. And my suggestion to you is do try playing while in the hot tub; it's very relaxing.</font>

[Croda]

A little Sing-along for my opponents:

You guys suck.

You run amuck.

I'll get your turns out

When Dalem turns into a duck.

Well, there you have it.

Been quite busy with the lads, lately, but will attempt to get turns out, especially since I'm beating everyone anyway.

[Boo Radley]

I'd like to begin by saying welcome back to my liege Croda. You have been sorely missed. but with improved gunsights, that little mistake may soon be rectified.

Also, I'd like to say to my squire Lurker, to keep up the good work. Illigitimi non carborundum and all that.

Now, for my updates, I've decided to try somfink completely different. I shall post my updates in haiku form.

Noba's Krauts creeping close

My armor sits far away

Hear my mortars "whump"

dalem's Allies rush

Both men and tanks through the woods

My Hetzer crews smile

Aussie Jeff's Poms flow

Like blood over Laghouats heights

To quench my "Ring Of Fire™"

R_Leete's Crodaburg

Like oceans waves against stone

I will wear him down

Some are OK. Some are slightly less. But what do I care, you're all a bunch of gits anyway.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

{Cute comment about gunsights and missing snipped for irrelevancy}

Also, I'd like to say to my squire Lurker, to keep up the good work. Illigitimi non carborundum and all that.{game updates snipped because no one, and I MEAN no one, cares}

In point of fact young Boo_Radley (what IS the deal with these clowns and their underlining ... this isn't the dark ages you know, you can spell out Boo Radley without the underscore and it will work as well ... which is pretty piss-poor at best since it's Boo_Radley) the term Illigitimi non carborundum does NOT mean "Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down" as is commonly accepted but rather means "The Others Aren't Carborundum"

Carborundum, in this case, was a brand name for sandpaper or some such and the manufacturer used the line Illigitimi non carborundum as an advertising slogan back in the early 1900s ... I suspect that his marketing manager was NOT a real whiz bang.

Others saw this, misunderstood or simply didn't understand, and the common usage has held on to this day.

No extra charge lad, happy to do my bit.

Joe

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Moriarty:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> PondScum sayeth:

And shame there should be: those scores don't add up to 100, and therefore some flags were UNDECIDED at the end. In other words, you didn't even have the common decency to let Goanna lose EVERY SINGLE DAMN FLAG ON THE FIELD. For shame - it's his only skill, and we've got to let the little lizard play to his strengths.

My troops were French. Need I say more?</font>

[dalem]

Behold the exciting debut issue of The Amazing Loser-Man!!!

Hot off the presses of MrSpkr Needs Picture Books, Inc., I give you The Exciting Adventures of Loser-Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As our story unfolded, I was very sad. It seemed that MrSpkr had Veteran Pioneer platoons -

- but I did not.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

{Cute comment about gunsights and missing snipped for irrelevancy}

Also, I'd like to say to my squire Lurker, to keep up the good work. Illigitimi non carborundum and all that.{game updates snipped because no one, and I MEAN no one, cares}

In point of fact young Boo_Radley {endless droning and pontificating SNIPPED because , because...I felt if I didn't I would end up jumping in my car, driving all the way out to Utah (state motto: Even New Jersey finds us pitiable.), taking out my trusty 3 iron and playing Tiger Woods with your tiny, mishapen head.}</font>

[dalem]

The Exciting Adventures of The Amazing Loser-Man!!

Issue #2:

The Amazing Loser Man's (his secret identity is the mild-minded MrSpkr*) evil minions were killing me ever so slightly, revelling in a push here and an advance there.

* see last ish! -ed.

And things, Dear Reader, certainly seemed to be going well for The Amazing Loser-Man.

He had SPGs, and I did not. I had 6lbr ATGs. And when he trundled into my kill zones, my ATGs missed, or even worse, failed to penetrate:

Even when they did penetrate, the gods laughed most cruelly at me.

"Ha ha ha," they laughed most cruelly.

Even "Gun Hits" were ineffective and his clankety-clanks kept spewing death at every turn.

This made me very sad.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

{Cute comment about gunsights and missing snipped for irrelevancy}

Also, I'd like to say to my squire Lurker, to keep up the good work. Illigitimi non carborundum and all that.{game updates snipped because no one, and I MEAN no one, cares}

In point of fact young Boo_Radley {endless droning and pontificating SNIPPED because , because...I felt if I didn't I would end up jumping in my car, driving all the way out to Utah (state motto: Even New Jersey finds us pitiable.), taking out my trusty 3 iron and playing Tiger Woods with your tiny, mishapen head.}</font>

[dalem]

The Exciting Adventures of The Amazing Loser-Man!!

Issue #3:

Dear Readers, as our adventure continued, it seemed as if Lady Luck was well and truly riding the cotton pony that day, and that pony was me.

Certainly all was dark and gloomy 15 seconds into the turn as the repeatedly-hit and -penetrated StuG shrugged off yet another blow:

I began to despair of ever seeing Justice prevail in this tiny Dutch hamlet.

"O tiny Dutch Hamlet, I despair of ever seeing Justice prevail here", I cried.

But then, suddenly! Hark! It appeared as if turn 13 was to be the undoing of The Amazing Loser-Man after all!!

BANG! BOFF!

[CMplayer]

MrSpkr wrote

I was hoping for something with a little more blood.

Okay, better late than never:

[dalem]

The Exciting Adventures of The Amazing Loser-Man!!

Issue #4:

Dear Readers, we saw in the last issue that the forces of The Amazing Loser Man were reeling back under the repeated hammerblows of Justice and Truth. Could there have been any more left to see in that amazing turn? Anything else worthy of contemplation?

Well, on the other side of town we had.....

SOCKO!!!

To be fair though, we must point out that the majority of the losses for The Amazing Loser Man were suffered during that brief 9 second span - the rest of the turn was relatively uneventful.

Especially for my now-targetless ATGs!!!!!

[ June 19, 2002, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: dalem ]

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Well I like that ... here I TRY to help, try to add a little bit of knowledge to your drab and dull life and what do I get? Mockery ... from a bloody Squire no less. See if I help you again.

Joe

Alright. That's it. That's the one that chews the moose.

I don't know what makes you so dense, but it's sure working.

I, Sir am a Kanniget. I was lowered to that rank well over a month ago.

Look, I know that at your age, the mind is about as trustworthy as French reinforcements, but try to remember back to a bit earlier on this page. My initial post that started this whole fiasco. Remember how I mentioned MY squire Lurker? Does that start any wheels moving?

Hang on a sec, the phone's ringing...

Oh, it's for you. It's Colonel Mustard, he wants to give you a CLUE!

Maybe you should lay down for a bit, take a nap.

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by dalem:

Well, on the other side of town we had.....

SOCKO!!!

I hope this turn of events for the better is only temporary. The mist shrouded angst of your earlier turns was so much more compelling.

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai in an Outerboard Thead:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Fionn:

<font size=-1>Harv,

No you're not actually. Our game will go beyond 10 turns. Some of the others won't.</font>

<font size=-1>You can say my name without offending me. It's okay. I acknowledge that I am subhuman and that my family has been dissapointed since the moment of my birth. They tried to trade me to a family for a bag of potatoes. I've been encouraged to beat myself with a shovel until comatose.</font></font>

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

REAL MEN ... Hakko Ichiu (hey, there's a combination you won't see very often), don't play TCP/IP. That's for wussies (wussi?) who don't have the gumption to stick to a PBEM game and devote the better part of a decade to it's completion.

Ha, ha, and again I say, ha! The truth is out. Joe Shaw wants to add to his collection of titles. Very well, by the power invested in me by me, I hereby dub thee, Grupmpy, Luddite of the Pool or GLOP for short.

If you want to try for revenge (and for Gawd's sake not another 70 turn in the snow with 5000 reinforcements ... and I'm talking units, not points ... monstrosity) you're welcome to send a setup or perhaps Goanna could be prevailed upon ... no wait ... he was the one I skewered in The Return of the Lizard wasn't he, that might not be the best choice. Anyway, you get the drift.

OK, Glop, I hereby call for a volunteer to set up. Anyone? Anyone? Goanna? Anyone?

I shall be the brave Americans on the attack; the Glopster shall be the Volkshamsters on the defence. Let there many rolly and 'splodey things, but no more than 1500 points worth.

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

REAL MEN ... Hakko Ichiu (hey, there's a combination you won't see very often), don't play TCP/IP. That's for wussies (wussi?) who don't have the gumption to stick to a PBEM game and devote the better part of a decade to it's completion.

Ha, ha, and again I say, ha! The truth is out. Joe Shaw wants to add to his collection of titles. Very well, by the power invested in me by me, I hereby dub thee, Grupmpy, Luddite of the Pool or GLOP for short.

If you want to try for revenge (and for Gawd's sake not another 70 turn in the snow with 5000 reinforcements ... and I'm talking units, not points ... monstrosity) you're welcome to send a setup or perhaps Goanna could be prevailed upon ... no wait ... he was the one I skewered in The Return of the Lizard wasn't he, that might not be the best choice. Anyway, you get the drift.

OK, Glop, I hereby call for a volunteer to set up. Anyone? Anyone? Goanna? Anyone?

I shall be the brave Americans on the attack; the Glopster shall be the Volkshamsters on the defence. Let there many rolly and 'splodey things, but no more than 1500 points worth.</font>