What the Peng is wrong with my Challenge Thread? (USA)

dalem · May 27, 2004

Boo where's my setup?

Boo Radley · May 27, 2004

OK, dalem, I'll play your silly little game.

Where IS your set up?

stikkypixie · May 28, 2004

Is this one of them hot, hotter, no cold,... kinda game? And what can we win?

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Nidan1:

Legionnaire, you are a volunteer serving France with honour and fidelity.

Hmm. Works just fine if you substitute 'Cesspooler' and 'Cesspool' in the appropriate places.

Every legionnaire is your brother-in-arms regardless of his nationality, race, or religion. You will demonstrate this by the strict solidarity which must always unite members of the same family.

This should, of course read: Every Cesspooler is your brother-in-arms, not regardless but despite nationality, race or religion. And that you will demonstrate this by the way in which you will hate them, before all others, as though you were members of the same, horrible, dysfunctional family.

Respectful of traditions, devoted to your leaders, discipline and comradeship are your strengths, courage and loyalty your virtues.

Well, this all sounds very nice, but it's complete ****e. Here, of course, while respect for traditions are almost pathologically important (see the Justicar), and devotion to 'leaders' usually devolves to 'abusing them first amongst those equally hated', the strengths of most of this lot are the ability to lift their own weight in stupidity, and their virtues are a certain insouciant attitude towards everything but insouciance itself. I rather like that part, personally. Pity most of you are like half-wit children in its execution...but you're my half-wit children...now excuse, I must bathe after saying that...

Proud of your status as legionnaire, you display this in your uniform which is always impeccable, your behaviour always dignified but modest, your living quarters always clean.

This, with some re-working, also works. As Cesspoolers, you are proud, proud as the bull is strong! You have no uniforms, of course (perhaps we should have t-shirts, or sweatshirts; at the very least, a Cesspool bill cap...) so it should be your air of mockery that is impeccable, your behaviour always dignified but immodest, and your living quarters...well, dear God, those of you without wives probably live in circumstances that would cause rats to flee. Good on you.

An elite soldier, you will train rigorously, you will maintain your weapon as your most precious possession, you are constantly concerned with your physical form.

Well, as an elite group of complete and utter bastards, you should maintain your ability to taunt like others would polish an expensive auto, or show off a fabulous boat, or display an extremely hot trophy wife. But you, as an elite corps of complete and utter fools, know these things to be fleeting, pointless and hideously expensive, while being a well-spoken idiot and a devotee of the camaraderie of the Art of the Taunt, know that possessions, accomplishments, and hot chicks all fade, but that a really masterful taunt will live forever in bars, dives, and pubs across the globe, and be repeated with reverence by the gamut of humanity, from nuclear physicists to Australians, prefaced by the solemn line: "And do you know what the bastard said then? He said...", followed by the laughter of the entire room.

So what would you? Do you want BMWs, Yachts, Wealth, and hot blondes willing to cater to even the most perverted tastes in order to enjoy the former? Or do you want to Challenge, and honour Peng?!

Yeah? Well you might have a chance at turning a good Challenge, so learn to live with the possible. Pillocks.

A mission is sacred, you will carry it out until the end respecting laws, customs of war, international conventions and, if necessary, at the risk of your life.

Sounds like the Justicar's territory, here. He knows how you sorry lot of sods should go about being a sorry lot of sods. More power to him. It's all I can do to decide which of you can taunt for a ****e, I can't be having with all the necessary rules and procedures and who pissed on who's shoes wrong while observing the proper obeisance, and such.

Mind, it's dreadfully important work. That's why we have some annoying but extremely wise bugger to do it. All hail that anno- er, who's for a jolly sing-song about the glory of the Justicar. Anyone?

In combat, you will act without passion and without hate, you will respect the vanquished enemy, you will never abandon your dead or wounded, nor surrender your arms.

This last bit rings truer than anything else, and fits almost with only the most necessary alteration. We should, in some form, incorporate this into the Official Rules, as constantly, strenuously, and pathologi- er, that is, properly, maintained by the Justicar.

In Challenge, you will act with passion, but without hate. You will respect the complete and utterly stupid buggers you taunt, and you will never abandon the principals of the Cesspool, nor surrender your air of mockery and humour. So help you Peng.

In the previous year, often by the passion of the times we live in, many of us have fallen lower than the standards we would wish for this place. And I point the finger as firmly at myself as anyone else.

Of course, should any of you useless buggers point the finger at me, prepare to find that, short as I am, I have a strong pair of incisors and rather relish the taste of human flesh, and know that in the years to come in every bar you go to you'll be known as 'So and So Nine Fingers, who mocked that bugger Seanachai of the Peng Challenge Thread'.

Of course, that's all simple rhetoric. You'll never be known that in a pub. Too many words. You'll simply be known as 'that stupid fingerless bugger'.

Ah, I'm starting to hit my stride, which means that I've already lost the ability of most of you fools to stay with me, so I will begin a new post.

[ May 28, 2004, 02:23 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Boo Radley:
OK, dalem, I'll play your silly little game.
Where IS your set up?

I'm choked with admiration for this byplay.

No, I'm not. Boo, send Dalem a bloody setup.

If I settle two more such impassable conflicts, I'm allowed to monitor recess without the aid of any Higher Power.

Dear God, you bastards are making me long for that fire in the Wasteland, with nothing more to do than sit there by the fire, the stars above, passing a bottle of dreams around the circle of Peng, Berli, and myself.

I linger here yet, on this familiar shore. A little help, eh?

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Kitty:
Seanachi is short. =|

Kitty

I'm tall on my back, Lady.

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by some Newbie Git Who Was At Least in There Pitching...

Doing as I'm told - as a stupid but disciplined grunt. Copy/paste :

G'day to you all !

First things first, let's have a wee bit of introduction : I'm Kobal2, I'm French (so hide the frogs and turtles you may have, cause I'll EAT THEM), and even though I may be only 22 and have kind of a hot blood at times, I will do my best not to flame anyone just for the kicks. For at least 36 seconds.

I must also own up to the fact that I'm quite the "silly bugger", and enjoy nothing more than stirring up an argument about something dear to you, then watch you scream and squeal in anger while laughing in an armchair, with a healthy supply of popcorn and saucisson of course.

Now, to the point : I've been playing all three CM games (though I've only got CMAK installed and modded right now - bloody full blown system crash a few days ago) for some time now (4, 6 months, maybe ?) against the AI, and have gotten somewhat good at it - let's say no more than 4 major defeats out of 5. With overwelming odds in my favor of course. Witnessing such an outstanding (and boring, of course - as constant victory is) success against the AI, I feel it is time for me to beat the hell out of you old and decrepit fools, from whom I've been reading so much in the past months.

So, without further ado, I'd like to get one of you into a PBEM game with me.

Now, although I've been lurking this forum for quite some time now, I must admit I haven't identified most of you, but I'd like to meet with experienced fellows first - if they'll give me pointers and constructive criticism afterwards of course. Nothing like getting your arse properly kicked about to learn the fast way.

I prefer scenarios to quick battles, since the latter have a propension to become very one-sided from what I've seen, while scenarios are engineered to somewhat even the forces (I know, I know, it's not historically correct, since a commander worth his salt will always try to attack where he'll be 5 to 1, but it's a game after all).

On a side note, I like to play the germans or French Foreign Legion (toughest outfit in the world ! And dumbest too !) mostly, and since the AI is awfull at attacking, I've always played the attacker, so I'd like to start with that role. Also, I don't like the "whole Tigers and King Tigers" thing, so you can expect reasonnable forces from me - one Panther/Tiger at most, but mostly regular Panzers/Marders/JadgP etc... Oh, and for the time being I'd rather have small ops - size of the map doesn't matter, but too many forces to manage and I'm overwhelmed. Think 500 - 1500 point battles first.

Now, which...one of you...bitches...wants to dance

Sigh.

Shaw...Justicar...Old Foul Joe...

I think we have to make a Cesspool adjustment. Even with the Rules, as magnificently as you maintain them, and maintain their validity, and demand their observance...

It's simply not possible for all the New Arrivals to follow the long history of this Thread. Hell, I started the son of a bitch, and I can barely keep up with it, sometimes. We can't continue to tell them to 'Challenge An Individual', and then hit them with the conflicting 'But make sure it's another complete and utter tosser like yourself'.

For one thing, in many cases it would take a scholar of some standing to sort out the newly arrived and useless 'tosser' from the long-standing and honoured 'tosser'. Also, how the hell would even some poor, half-witted bugger who'd made a point of reading several these ever revolving Threads to sort out everyone? We simply can't expect every bold Childe Roland to have followed a Thread of this length from it's earliest days.

Hell, we're getting buggers who've read several of its incarnations, and even been coached by that lot of bloody vulgarians in the Goodaler thread (a tip o' the hat to our half-wit brethren in the 'Minors' thread), and they still are at sea.

How can we abuse them for not playing by the rules, when the Rules are almost impossible to play by?

So, I make this recommendation, and it was I, if anyone remembers, that first said 'You should always pick out an individual to Challenge'.

Ah, those were heady days! When the interplay of wits was like the steely sounds of the thrust and parry of swords!

Actually, even back then most of you were like a lot of bullocks shoving to get to the drink first, but an old man has his memories, so piss off, you revisionists.

I think we should revise the General Rules to: Challenge like an individual of wit and standing, who wishes to enter into a game with those for whom the Challenge and the play of the game are as important, if not more important, than winning itself. If your challenge is good, if you speak well, and amuse, and are found worthy and interesting, someone will step forward, or send forth their twisted minions, to play against you.

The Thread is simply too large, long-standing, and convoluted, Joe, to expect every Wannabe to sort it all out. This is where your whole 'Send them on Quest' comes into play. That was good, and spoke well for you. In many cases, every new initiate should, for example, be expected to read all of the 3,000 plus posts of the Original Thread (perhaps while wearing their underwear on their head), as befits those who've chosen to enter on a 'long, strange trip'.

But we can no longer expect every prospective member to climb Everest simply to be told 'Piss the Feck Off!'

I thought, for example, that Kobold2, or whatever the feck his name is, was in there and trying hard. I would have demanded that some other Newbie git give him a game.

Although I admit that the 'bitches' thing was over the top, and mindless.

But cut him a break. He'd fallen in with bad company. He'd gone to the Wafflers. It is a mark of his quality that that group of naughty children sent him to us.

So, Kobold2 (yes, I know what your real screenname is, and I'm not concerned with it; I may be championing your right to be here, but I could give a butterfly's fart about you or your desires. At least until you prove to me you're worthy), post your challenge again. And you may make it as general as you wish, but in your wording and heart, make it a Challenge to a single individual, although you do not, at this time, know what his or her name might be.

If you Challenge well...they will come.

Or we'll make some of the stupider and more annoying ones play you. It amounts to the same thing. Hell, if your Challenge is really good, I'll play you myself, and then you'll come to know all the alleys of Hell.

I'd expound upon what I've said, but some of our more simple readers would have hit their limit for any given 24 hour period, and be completely incapable of understanding what was said to them until another day, possibly leading to a loss of employment, or at least a certain amount of confusion in their normal lives of grunting, scratching, and ignoring literature and the higher emotions.

The next one of you snotty-nosed children who makes a major point of how many words your elders and betters use, I will pursue them with all my powers of ridicule and satire. Which, while they may not be considerable, I doubt that any of you could withstand for long.

Gods love Geier, with his comment upon playing tennis against a wall, which he found to be simply relentless, and never missing a stroke.

I shall be like that Wall Unto You All, that misdoubt my powers.

Gods, but it's been long enough since we had a jolly sing-song! Who'll lead off, then?

dalem · May 28, 2004

I was passing opinion-gas in the GF just now and was sidetracked by my brainificationisms into the subject of movies. Horror/gore movies. I realize that I may not have done my community service in the MBT of late so I am going to pass on a couple of heartfelt warnings.

Note - these warnings do not apply to Seanachai as he is not a normal person. Excuse me, that should be "not a person of normalcy".

Salo: 101 Days of Sodom

Never, ever, watch this movie. I mean never ever. EVER. Me & a couple of friends only got through it by sheer force of "well, at least we can say we watched the whole thing". Whoever made this despicable piece of cellufilth eye-rape should be hunted down and crushed feet first under a steamroller, then covered in killer bees, set on fire, and launched into the galactic core. I'd say he should be fired into the Sun, as is my normal schtick, but then the lifegiver of our solar system would be forever stained. The galactic core contains a black hole which will send the steamrolled, killer bee-covered, fiery Italian (aren't they always Italian?) into another dimension or plane of existance or some damned thing. I'd feel better about that.

Cannibal Holocaust

You must also never, ever NEVER see this movie.

If there is a many-armed evil Demon God of filthy hippies, then this is his favorite movie. Now you might think that a movie that eventually shows filthy hippies being killed and eaten is a good thing (sure makes me smile) but ooooooooooohhhh no, it's not.

This movie lacks the aura of sheer evil of Salo above, but it makes up for it by making you feel as if you are participating in the cinematic equivalent of eating a pile of week-old kitchen garbage. The jagoff that made this one should also be subjected to ignominious punishments - maybe something fun like being pounded into jam with a couple of those big carnival "strongman bell ringer" wooden hammers with the splintery corners, or pressure-sieved through a chain-link fence. The real world has actually seen fit to take a swipe at the guy, as he fought and lost an obscenity trial in his native land of, you guessed it, Italy (now, come on, you know you were thinking it), after the movie was made. Sadly, the sentencing did not involve any big wooden hammers or chain-link fences, just the forced destruction of all known copies and prints of the thing, which was eventually reversed anyway.

So again, no one except maybe a Seanachai should ever watch even one frame from either of these cinematic traumas.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled MBT.

Michael Emrys · May 28, 2004

A bit of melody wafted out of the window of a passing 16 wheeler:

I wish I could write you a melody so plain

To hold you, dear lady, from going insane

To cool you and soothe you and ease the pain

Of your pointless and useless knowledge...

—Bob Dylan

dalem · May 28, 2004

I'll say it proudly: I don't like Bob Dylan's music. At all.

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by dalem:
I'll say it proudly: I don't like Bob Dylan's music. At all.

Ah. I can respect that. You absolute fecking toad. Not like you've invited me to your house on Saturday night, along with Papa Khann, so that we can both tell you that you aren't simply useless, but hateful in the eyes of the gods...

No matter.

How 'bout a little Dalem sing along?

Dominique, nique, nique, over the land he plods

And sings a little song

Never asking for reward

He just talks about the Lord

At a time when Johnny Lackland

Over England was the King

Dominique was in the backland

Fighting sin like anything

Now a heretic, one day

Among the thorns forced him to crawl

Dominique with just one prayer

Made him hear the good Lord's call

Without horse or fancy wagon

He crossed Europe up and down

Poverty was his companion

As he walked from town to town

To bring back the straying liars

And the lost sheep to the fold

He brought forth the Preaching Friars

Heaven's soldier's, brave and bold

One day, in the budding Order

There was nothing left to eat

Suddenly two angels walked in

With a loaf of bread and meat

Dominique once, in his slumber

Saw the Virgin's coat unfurled

Over Frairs without number

Preaching all around the world

Grant us now, oh Dominique

The grace of love and simple mirth

That we all may help to quicken

Godly life and truth on earth

And now once again, in French

Dominique, nique, nique s'en allait tout simplement

Routier pauvre et chantant

En tous chemins, en tous lieux, il ne parle que du bon Dieu

Il ne parle que du bon Dieu

A l'e poque ou Jean-sans-Terre de' Angleterre etait Roi

Dominique, notre Pere, combattit les Albigeois

Repeat first 4 lines: Chorus

Ni chameau, ni diligence il parcout l'Europe a pied

Scandinavie ou Provence dans la sainte pauvrete

Refrain

Enflamma de toute ecole filles et garcons pleins d'ardeur

Et pour semer la Parole inventa les Freres-Precheurs

Refrain

Chez Dominique et ses freres le pain s'en vint a manquer

Et deux anges se presenterent portant de grands pains dores

Refrain

Dominique vit en reve les precheurs du monde entier

Sous le manteau de la Vierge en grand nombre rassembles

Refrain

Dominique, mon bon Pere, garde-nous simples et gais

Pour annoncer a nos freres la Vie et la Verite

Refrain

dalem · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Seanachai:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by dalem:
I'll say it proudly: I don't like Bob Dylan's music. At all.

Ah. I can respect that. You absolute fecking toad. Not like you've invited me to your house on Saturday night, along with Papa Khann, so that we can both tell you that you aren't simply useless, but hateful in the eyes of the gods...

No matter.

How 'bout a little Dalem sing along?

-snipperoo-

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by dalem:

As far as this weekend it's all a giant fubar. Maybe I can get something together. Something simple. Pizza, some guys giving each other the finger, some movies with guns. Highbrow stuff.

If not this weekend then maybe next.

What?! After I stayed in town, special, forsook my family, in the simple hope that I'd be invited up to your simple digs to stand drinking a hearty ale in the backyard amidst piles of dog-****e, staring at the stars, and muttering 'Will I ever look upon an evening sky so beautiful, amidst such righteous company, and in a Spring so filled with wonder...and what the feck is this on my shoe, you useless little pillock?! I could have pulled a better backyard out of my arse, garlanded with stars and happy pixies, you useless half-wit Italian descended bastard!

Oh, very nice! I wish I had all the time in the fecking world to let my dog **** all over everything while I...is that the Laphroaig? You're a good lad, Dalem. I've always said that. Well, amidst cursing you as a right-wing, unrepentant curse upon the world that no amount of sloppy thinking could make less than vulgar...Ah! The rapiers! I bet we could make Papa Khann run round the yard like a stoat on coke, if we pricked him up with these! Let's give it a try!

dalem · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Seanachai:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by dalem:

As far as this weekend it's all a giant fubar. Maybe I can get something together. Something simple. Pizza, some guys giving each other the finger, some movies with guns. Highbrow stuff.

If not this weekend then maybe next.

What?! After I stayed in town, special, forsook my family, in the simple hope that I'd be invited up to your simple digs to stand drinking a hearty ale in the backyard amidst piles of dog-****e, staring at the stars, and muttering 'Will I ever look upon an evening sky so beautiful, amidst such righteous company, and in a Spring so filled with wonder...and what the feck is this on my shoe, you useless little pillock?! I could have pulled a better backyard out of my arse, garlanded with stars and happy pixies, you useless half-wit Italian descended bastard!

Oh, very nice! I wish I had all the time in the fecking world to let my dog **** all over everything while I...is that the Laphroaig? You're a good lad, Dalem. I've always said that. Well, amidst cursing you as a right-wing, unrepentant curse upon the world that no amount of sloppy thinking could make less than vulgar...Ah! The rapiers! I bet we could make Papa Khann run round the yard like a stoat on coke, if we pricked him up with these! Let's give it a try!

Mace · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:
Bob Dylan

Hate him. Fortunately his lyrics makes up for a crap voice.

btw I'm drunk. Nothing as great as finishing up the working week with your peers drinking and bagging seniour management

Mace

PS I think seanachai's a decent chap. I will gladly shout the nong a beer

PPS Emry's not bad either.

PPPS Kitty, however, rocks. \m/

Mace

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Mace:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Michael Emrys:
Bob Dylan

Hate him. Fortunately his lyrics makes up for a crap voice.

btw I'm drunk. Nothing as great as finishing up the working week with your peers drinking and bagging seniour management

Mace

PS I think seanachai's a decent chap. I will gladly shout the nong a beer

PPS Emry's not bad either.

PPPS Kitty, however, rocks. \m/

Mace

ParaBellum · May 28, 2004

I really wanted to insult Seanachai, just because I can.

But after reading his latest post on the GF in Slappy's thread I simply can't.

I'll therefore insult my mint plant instead.

While I'm at it I could insult Mace, too. Mint plants and Aussies are almost on the same evolution level anyway. Although my mint plant at least has personality. And personality goes a long way.

Good news: Dalem has not surrendered yet. I might have the pleasure of blowing up a couple of his Panzers first. Go me!

Mace · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by ParaBellum:
While I'm at it I could insult Mace, too. Mint plants and Aussies are almost on the same evolution level anyway. Although my mint plant at least has personality. And personality goes a long way.

pffft. I'm too busy enjoying an alcoholic buzz to be insulted.

Perhaps you should direct your insult to Speedy, Noba or the just returned Stuka?

Mace

PS why am I not surprised your plants have 'personality'?

ParaBellum · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Mace:
PS why am I not surprised your plants have 'personality'?

Why am I not surprised you're enjoying an alcoholic buzz?

This one's for you:

"Q: What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral?

A: One less drunk at the funeral. "

[ May 28, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: ParaBellum ]

Lars · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by dalem:
It's going to rain all weekend you goon. No getting my nice shiny rapiers rusty, and the dog poop will all wash into the mean neighbor's yard.

You're both welcome to go out on the boat this weekend.

If you bring the really long graphite fishing rods I'll toss you the keys.

Joe Shaw · May 28, 2004

Seanachai when you're right, you're right ... luckily that happens SO rarely that's it's not much of a concern.

You propose that some snot nosed, wet-behind-the-ears, tender footed, cowlick sticking up, zipper undone, barefoot with ****e 'tween the toes Scum Sucking Newbie (SSN) be allowed the privilege of getting a game with a Knight and Fellow of the CessPool FOR THE FREAKING ASKING?

Is THAT what you're proposing?

Joe

Seanachai · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
Seanachai when you're right, you're right ... luckily that happens SO rarely that's it's not much of a concern.

You propose that some snot nosed, wet-behind-the-ears, tender footed, cowlick sticking up, zipper undone, barefoot with ****e 'tween the toes Scum Sucking Newbie (SSN) be allowed the privilege of getting a game with a Knight and Fellow of the CessPool FOR THE FREAKING ASKING?

Is THAT what you're proposing?

Joe

No, no, no, Old Foul Joe! (gadzooks, can I turn a rhyme, or what? Actually, I think I'm going to go drop a frozen chicken brick on my damn foot for using the word 'gadzooks', even in jest)

I was simply saying they should have the option of coming in and, speaking as though they were speaking to a single individual, throw out a more 'general' Challenge.

I mean, it takes the average half-wit weeks to even sort out that you're the Justicar, even though you repeat it every other post, and even longer to arrive at some sort of grasp as to what that means.

I'm simply saying, let's create a more level playing field. Let them come in, and make a good Taunt in search of an opponent.

If their Taunt sucks, we'll simply laugh them to scorn, as we always do. But if they taunt well, someone might say, 'this one interests me, I think I shall give them a game', or 'Ta-ha, Boo, my large, thuggish henchman, send this idjit a setup', or 'You! The stupid looking one who won't go the hell away and who posted that horrible taunt that made even the Wafflers snicker at your shame! Yes, you! Get your arse over here and play this spotty toad! We simply can't imagine anything more appropriate than watching you two pillocks flounder around like carp mating in a bucket.'

It's simply that, Joe. I'm only asking that we be more...democratic in our dismissal of everyone. I mean, if we can bring democracy to Iraq, why not the Peng Challenge Thread?

I say, let them all come in and prance about like sheep in wolves' clothing.

And by their taunting we shall separate the sheep from the goats.

And then we'll have kebabs.

Joe Shaw · May 28, 2004

Originally posted by Seanachai:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
Seanachai when you're right, you're right ... luckily that happens SO rarely that's it's not much of a concern.

You propose that some snot nosed, wet-behind-the-ears, tender footed, cowlick sticking up, zipper undone, barefoot with ****e 'tween the toes Scum Sucking Newbie (SSN) be allowed the privilege of getting a game with a Knight and Fellow of the CessPool FOR THE FREAKING ASKING?

Is THAT what you're proposing?

Joe