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THE PENG I TAKE OUR CHALLENGE PUBLIC REVIVAL!!!


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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I must find out if that Sherman dies or not.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

On the specific matter of ThingsDatDies, you should consider heading headlong at ScipioBase who's the chap providing all those sounds MODs.

You may have noticed that the bright side of doing sound only MODs is that you don't grow one of those Instant Maximus that yell TIS NOT 72DPI when you forgot to water them.

For the likes of Hiram and dedicated specifically to that Sherman crew, one should install the latest SoundPack with a special EMPHASIS on 00000506.WAV ending with a nice gurgling sound.

Seeing as some of you are hearing more of those gurgles and less of the crickets, do yourself the favor...

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by armornut:

I must apologize for not returning any turns this weekend. I had a work emergency (crack mom that thought it was okay to use her kid for a football) and I have been dealing with police, social services, and the hospital all weekend. I have to go to court today to tell the judge that kicking the kid is not in it's best interest. I will get to the turns later this afternoon or this tonight. I would have rather delt with you guys than with a 24 year old crack mom who kicks the crap out of her kid for eating the last four cookies (bye the way that was all he had to eat all day).

If you don't like it bugger off!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

SERIOUS MODe ON

Wow. A sobering reminder that, as much as we can get worked up over this thread (or the other wankers on The Main Board can get worked up over whether an MG unit can run), this is Only A Game.

Sorry you had to deal with that, armornut. I will keep you and this anonymous child on my prayer list for the next several days.

SERIOUS MODE OFF

Wow. I was going to say something to Lawyer about how useless he is, but I am still a taken aback by armornut's story.

Never mind.

MrSpkr

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

the subject of controversy across the Board, and hated and feared by the self-obsessed and humouless everywhere.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dear Seanachai: Two requests --

1. Where is this latest attack on the Peng thread on the main board? I can't find it, but do want to keep up with all efforts to exterminate this dark corner infested by non-too-swift cockroach wannabees.

2. Please change your sig line to drop that bold reference to "Lawyers". Every time I see it, I can't help but feel it is somehow aimed at me personally. I know that cannot be true as I have always treated you well. You are a touchy-feely guy, so I'm sure you will accommodate this kindly request.

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Polite, to the point, self-depracting--a worthy supplication in Polite PBEM Society. Altogether unacceptable. ("Unacceptable!")-Aguavelva

Well, well Aguavelva man speaks. Absolutely not good enough! rumbles across the thread as my troops may soon be heard rumbling across all the victory locations you may think you will possess.

After a quick assertion, I do believe this one is already won. However if you would like to fight it out before it is inscribed thusly I would send along a setup forthwith.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Abbott:

Polite, to the point, self-depracting--a worthy supplication in Polite PBEM Society. Altogether unacceptable. ("Unacceptable!")-Aguavelva

Well, well Aguavelva man speaks. Absolutely not good enough! rumbles across the thread as my troops may soon be heard rumbling across all the victory locations you may think you will possess.

After a quick assertion, I do believe this one is already won. However if you would like to fight it out before it is inscribed thusly I would send along a setup forthwith.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Geez Abbott, if you're that desperate for a game (or for the ability to post even a mildly satirical or amusing challenge), send me a setup.

I only make this kind, gentle offer because of my deep desire to preoccupy your time, thus preventing any more of these lame attempts at a Peng challenge.

Mind you, were I anything greater than a pond-scum nominee, I would not deign to spit in your direction, let alone acknowledge you.

MrSpkr

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wadz'A'Vowel:

I only make this kind, gentle offer because of my deep desire to preoccupy your time, thus preventing any more of these lame attempts at a Peng challenge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's kind of you AEIOU to spare us the trouble.

For the others, please take heed that SoundBlaster while not entirely entertaining makes a good firewall.

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Mind you, were I anything greater than a pond-scum nominee, I would not deign to spit in your direction, let alone acknowledge you.- MrSpkr

Ahh, some scum that hasn’t been completely skimmed off the top and discarded yet. To your future dismay you shall receive a setup.

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: Abbott ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

...Wow...but I am still a taken aback by armornut's story.

Never mind.

MrSpkr<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nicely said, MrSpkr, and your thoughts do you credit.

Enough of that, though. Everyone dog-pile the vile Texan!

As for Armournut: good on 'e, lad.

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Oh, the headache. Catching up on this new thread has given me a migraine! I have not read this much inane drivel since...well since the last thread!

Game updates:

Iskander, the gamey bastiche, continues to use a most foul tactic: winning! While able to attrite his initial sturm platoons, my overweighted zook forces die in droves (bought waaaayyyy too many considering our Combined Force battle turned into a purely infantry battle). It remains to be seen if anything can be salvaged from this debacle...

I originally thought armornut was still trying to understand my earlier taunts before sending his next file. However, his earlier post explains his delays.

MrSpkr (Serf nominee by my most respected Knight Mr. Shaw) has exhibited two of the pre-requisite conditions to swim in the pool: faulty memory & misrepresentation. In our discussions for our game setup, this miscreant stated, "Let's play with the short 75 rules." Lo and behold, what should my wondering eyes spy? You guessed it, an AFV listed as "Panther?" When challenged, MrSpkr simply said, "oops, I am a brain fart." He went on to attempt to cover up his lapse with a claim that we were playing the "Rule of 76" setup. Finally, he sheepishly (down Mace & don't get jealous armornut!) admits to buying a JagdPanther!. It is my sincere hope that the entire Pool with castigate this degenerate. In the meantime, I will simply have to make him pay for that expensive toy.

Came across a few misquoted quotes recently. Felt some were appropriate:

Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician.

G.A. Custer

Speedbump

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Dear Seanachai: Two requests --

1. Where is this latest attack on the Peng thread on the main board? I can't find it, but do want to keep up with all efforts to exterminate this dark corner infested by non-too-swift cockroach wannabees.

2. Please change your sig line to drop that bold reference to "Lawyers". Every time I see it, I can't help but feel it is somehow aimed at me personally. I know that cannot be true as I have always treated you well. You are a touchy-feely guy, so I'm sure you will accommodate this kindly request.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It is entitled "What's going on...". Took me a while to find it as well, until it occurred to me that these sorts of threads are invariably given absolutely idiotic or indecipherably vague names.

Signature needs to be changed to reflect the new home as well. Of course, the bolding never made it specific to you, Lawyer. Here in the Peng Challenge Thread, we have a wealth of lawyers to mock and deride, another cause for envy on the main Board. Many of those poor sods, when they wish to hand ****e to a lawyer, must either pay hefty, by the hour fees to an attorney who listens attentatively while noting their attacks on his billable hours sheet, or pass a note to a Peng Challenge Thread member to include in their next calumny of our own, various, in-house lawyers. Until I can arrange the new sig, I shall remove the bolding.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

WAAHHH! YOURS IS BIGGER THAN MINE!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I note with amusement you failed to mention my offer to restart the scenario (seeing as how we were starting turn two), which you politely declined.

As I attempted to explain, I bought the jagdpanther instead of a jagdpanzer. I did think we were using the rules of 76, although given my exam schedule last week, I could be mistaken. Of course, this is all probably so much gibberish to one whose closest evolutionary ancestor has yet to develop a brain stem.

Now, as I am sure you will continue to whine about an honest mistake, I will withdraw the jagdpanther so there will be no doubt that I not only beat you, I beat you with a force weaker than yours.

Your pathetic attempts to excuse your soon-to-be dismal showing in this scenario are transparent and disgusting. I look forward to using your intestines to grease the wheels of my tank force (minus, of course, the jagdpanther).

MrSpkr

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Now, as I am exposed (down Bauhaus), as the double-dealing, duplicitous, deceitful, alliterative whelp that I truly am, I back down like a hunch-backed, lisping laboratory sidekick out of a 1930’s horror movie.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Good Sir {spoken through a sterile mask while scrapping something particularly unsettling off my shoes}, I said in our email conversation, and again on this board that you are more than welcome to use your toy. Should you feel the need to buy over-exaggerated phallic symbols to compensate for your underdeveloped tool, instead of quality infantry to seize and hold ground, it will only accrue to my benefit. As a result, I say “piffle” to your “generous” offer and ask you to bring it on!

Speedbump

Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior

Hun, A.T.

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Here we are folks!

Gather up!!!

The Award for having said BOTH Phallic and Underdeveloped in the same sentence as soon as we skimmed page 2 goes to SpeedBump.

My, and we're already at the P words of your dictionary.

When I said Time to up your standards, it was as good as FIGURATIVE speech.

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GAME UPDATES!!

It's been awhile but then I have yet to see anything in my games resembling competition worth reporting.....

Marlow: Ahhh... It certainly does feel good to crush "the one who sat so high" his head would inflate from the decreased pressure. At this moment Marlow is learning the lesson of humility.

Beril: While his frontal assault on my well fortified Amis has been brutalized by my 105 arty, worse then any immigrant with a plunger, his left flank is threatening to overwhelm me like some teen-pop sensation that just won't go away. Oh the horror...

Bauhaus: He brags, he boast, he insinuates, he threatens, he has yet to fire a shot at me. I have almost encircled him and the fool has yet to open up on me. After I am done with him small children will no longer succumb to his carnal pleasures.

Babra: Looks like Goldie Locks has pulled the "My 'puter 'sploded' trick. Lucky for him...

Joe Ma: My brave little Amis has managed to hold off the fetid horde of Joe's. Looks as if this ME will go to me.

Dalem: Better hold on to your hats but this little bugger actually set up a good defense. Too bad I just kick ass. He will lose and Dalem's dog's left rear leg will soon mine.

I think that is all the games I playing against this simpering lot.

Oh and BTW anyone who plays with Fionn's 76 rules is a wussy.

Jeff

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedybumper:

Please keep your strong, shiny, hard, long, cylindrically barreled tank - I feel I may need disciplining later!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

**fighting desperately**

"For goodness' sake Bauhaus, sit back down!"

Ahem. Now where was I? Oh, yes. Speedballer, as much as I would like to accept your, shall we say, interesting offer, I feel it is my duty to withdraw (down Bauhaus, not that kind of withdrawal) the offending unit.

As for an inability to use infantry - my dear Speedbuggy - who says I am not using infantry? Don't assume such a silly thing simply because I am not foolish enough (unlike some other PBEM partner in the match in question) to run my troops across the field like so many teenage co-eds in a Clive Barker movie.

Speaking of large cylindrical objects, enjoy the barrage coming down on your pitifully exposed masses.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Soon to be posted by Speedbump:

THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why yes, you may.

MrSpkr

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

It is entitled "What's going on...". Took me a while to find it as well, until it occurred to me that these sorts of threads are invariably given absolutely idiotic or indecipherably vague names.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank you Seanachai, I had missed that one. I wish I could get away with a Peng response over there

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I have member number 176 and have been gaming for 20 years<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My member number is 40 and have been gaming for close to 30 years. No True-Blue gamer whines like a girl.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Beril: While his frontal assault on my well fortified Amis has been brutalized by my 105 arty, worse then any immigrant with a plunger, his left flank is threatening to overwhelm me like some teen-pop sensation that just won't go away. Oh the horror...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Should read...

Beril: While his probe (sit down Bauhaus) on my well fortified Amis has been brutalized by my 105 arty, his main attack is about to overwhelm me like some teen-pop sensation that just won't go away. Oh the horror...

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

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Oh my this is turning out rather well. Lawyer is upset because his feelings were hurt, Speedbump and MrSpkr (sorry, no bolding for scum sucking newbies ... did we decide on Serfs? Oh well, as it's MY policy I'll bold for the Serfs I feel warrant it) are lying and weaseling to beat the band so that they can justify the outcome whatever it may be and I ... have some games ongoing:

ooOOOGahh,ooOOOGahh,ooOOOGahh,

Attention the CessPool, Sir Joe Shaw's Game Updates are Forthcoming

Doesn't he do that well? Let's all give a big hand to ... what's his name ... SLAP! ... now on to the games:

Dalem, poor deluded fool that he is, is attempting to force my mighty German troopers from their impregnable position in the town ... which also houses the sole VL. I have beaten back every attack with grevious casualties to him but he still persists, much as a storm tossed sea will persist in battering itself against the rocky shoal, only to be dashed into windblown foam ... and disappear. And he's using flamethrowers! Talk about your gamey buys. In short, he's losing, losing badly and won't even admit it.

Hakko Ichiu has returned and has even returned files! Has anyone checked the ambient temperature in Hell lately? Speaking of Hell, he is once again in desperate straights, facing the might and majesty of my Panzers with the equivilant of a Boy Scout Troop and slingshots. It's also nearly over, thank gawd, this one has a longer half life than uranium. Did I mention that I was winning?

jsahndorf ... is about to reap the fruits that his evil ways have sown. Yes ... he will have to police up the battlefield and bury ALL the deadmen ... mostly because all of my guys will be dead. I'd blame gamey tactics but the truth is that my guys ran like rabbits when confronted with the possibility of actual combat. Were it not for my Sdkfz 250/8 OF DEATH which killed a HT, a Stuart and a Jackson it would be even worse. Sure wish I could claim that he was gamey though.

Mace is pinned down and practically pegged out to dry. Our View One only game is still proceeding but his 57mm RR is now dead and his lads continue to die whenever they stick their noses out. I have the only VL, I have the position on him ... surrender seems the only viable option for him but he resists ... foolish lad.

Mensch ... Heeellloooooo, heellllooo ... he started well but apparently fades into invisibility in the stretch for I've seen neither hide nor hair of him. He may have sent an explanation but if so I've forgotten and can't be bothered to look.

Bauhaus had gained a bounce in his step and a giggle in his voice (talk about scary) with the arrival of his reinforcements and a good turn. Silly lad should realize that I have pounded his infantry into mush, will soon have all the VLs and he'll have to attack over open ground into my dug in defenders. That giggle is ... unsettling.

Seanachai is desperately holding onto the only VL as well as his rapidly fading hope. The fog has created morale problems for us but I've decimated his armor and still have gobs left. He seems to believe that I don't have enough infantry to finish the job ... :D

Goanna and I are still in early days but he's prattling on about proper military doctrine in the advance while I've been actually advancing, sort of a theory vs. practice thing I suppose.

That is all, go back to your dreary existence and await another report from ... Sir Joe Shaw

Joe

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Oh my this is turning out rather well. Speedbump and MrSpkr (are lying and weaseling to beat the band so that they can justify the outcome whatever it may be and Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

MrSpkr (no bold), you have caused my most respected Knight Mr. Shaw to question my most honorable motives. This, after your most dishonorable inclusion of proscribed units (down Bauhaus). As such, let us settle this on the field of honor (some question whether you belong, at least I do). Since you have already chosen the weapon (Ubertanks), I shall choose the time and place.

Dusk, heavy fog, tall hills. I will accept your revised setup posthaste!

Speedbump

That's Entertainment!! - Vlad the Impaler

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

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Speedbuggy you must be getting dizzy from the about face you just pulled. Didn't I offer to restart said scenario a few days ago? And didn't you reject said offer, saying you prefered to berate me in the One True Pool?

At any rate, your gamey offer for a rematch is rejected pending the outcome of our match between your running girls and my now weaker by one TD forces. I think your offer had frankly more to do with the fact I spotted a company or two in the open and am preparing their early demise (break out that pen for the "Regret to inform you" letters) than any concern you may have had regarding your "honor", such as it is.

I will, however, be happy to kick at you in multiple games, if that is acceptable.

MrSpkr

P.S. Sir Shaw, please go easy on the boy. You're making him whine.

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Edited and self-censored as I am embarassed as this is degenerating into bad grade-school playground taunts. Commence the heaping of the abuse!

Speedbump

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader. - Capt. Bligh (ret.)

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

jsahndorf ... Sure wish I could claim that he was gamey though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's alright, Joe. Just call him 'Shandorf', as this labels him as even more loathsome, useless, and hateful than the epitaph 'gamey'

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Seanachai is desperately holding onto the only VL as well as his rapidly fading hope. The fog has created morale problems for us but I've decimated his armor and still have gobs left. He seems to believe that I don't have enough infantry to finish the job ... :D

That is all, go back to your dreary existence and await another report from ... Sir Joe Shaw<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Shaw my little man, I think you have been misunderstanding my comments about your infantry. What I've been saying is that I don't believe you have the skill to use what little infantry you have left to any good effect. Also, I am not 'desperately' holding on to the single VL. I am, without any strain at all, holding it with little or no challenge from you. Or at least, no challenge since your repeated and disastrous attempts to flank the VL by attacking on my right. Apparently the wall of your dead vehicles and piled bodies has either become impenetrable, or you can no longer force your remaining troops through the area, as you've withdrawn; probably for a quick pep-talk, a few vain promises, and an attempt through some corridor not quite so heavily laden with your own dead.

I look forward to your eventual return to battle. Exactly what are you promising them to get them to move forward again? Your resignation from command?

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Out of pure amusement at "true-blue grogs" who "don't taunt", I present a brief update.

Ahem.

(to the tune of the Oscar Meyer Weiner song, sort of)

My taunting has a first name; it's j-s-h-a-n-d-j-o-b

My taunting has a second name; it's j-o-e-f-l-a-w

They are both such gamey bantam weights,

that they make my bile duct ache

They are each such lying bastages

that they're not even worth my hate

Thank you, thank you.

Jshandjob's armored assault escaped Certain Doom by such a small margin that it almost made me weep like a Cromag. Hopefully I remembered to get enough Certain Doom at the local store to serve up another batch.

Joe Flaw seems to think that what has been happening so far is an attack. His little SturmGirls ain't seen nothin' yet.

That's all I've got in the Pool for now. Anyone up for an easy win?

[ 05-07-2001: Message edited by: dalem ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

That's all I've got in the Pool for now. Anyone up for an easy win?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

dalem, I would be happy to pay my dollar for the bride's dollar dance. As you can see, I need another Pool game. It seems all I can find so far are gamey bastiches (Iskander), slack-wits (armornut) or miscreants (MrSpkr). Send a setup or terms.

Speedbump

With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict. - B. Arnold

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Dear Mr. dalem

Application for appointment

I refer to your recent application for the post of PBEM Opponent. I am pleased to inform you that a vacancy has now arisen, and you are invited to send me a setup at your convenience. Please enclose your head, as we shall be constructing a trophy case in lieu of your imminent destruction. Enclose a postage-paid envelope if you wish your head to be returned (you would be well advised just to leave it with us, as it will belong to me before very long).

I look forward to hearing from you.

----------

Abbott, you pathetic, vitriol-bereft, altogether disgustingly polite little man, I owe you a disembowelment. Send me a setup, and buy all the planes you like.

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