PENG CHALLENGES a Thread ...

[OGSF]

At's nice tae have tha colours back. Ah've nae tha time tae heap tha routine scorn on ye, as Ah have tae gwin awah tae watch mah noo video, "The Winter War" - tha Finnish vs Russian thing.

Ah just stopped bee tae tell Speedbump tae clench thas stick o' dynamite between his butt cheeks an' light tha fuse.

Ah' thought tha noo board wid allow a ne'er ending 'Pool thraid? Bastaards.

SirMacOberGrupenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Miss Shaw in two (read it..Two!) emails promises he has mastered the complex skill of zipping game files. But (and unless you are a regular denizen of the CessPool ) you guessed it. Both the setup and the first turn was sent as simple text, embedded in the email.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First, you should be grateful beyond belief that I deigned to send you ANYTHING, the words "scraps from the table of the Master" come to mind. Second, the first file was indeed sent as plain text, included with that file was (and I can't believe I stooped this far) a question as to how you liked your files! Then I explained that, like the remainder of the EDUCATED CM public (I exempt Seanachai because he can't quite seem to grasp the concept EITHER) I use the sequential file numbering system. I EVEN provided an example for your further edification and stated "so your return file to me would be JeffvsJoe 02 and so forth..." Imagine my surprise to find that a man who was in Finance and had recently obtained (doubtless through false pretenses) an MBA was incapable of following these instructions. I was indeed so dumbfounded that I neglected to zip my file in return. Mea Culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Personally, I think that Miss Shaw is so verbose, that he forgot what he wrote at the start of the note long before he reached the end!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Miss Shaw is it, how very clever of you, why that particular effort is even more clever than the Neanderthals who STILL think it's funny to make up "funny" new names ... still, it was an effort and, in your case, I'm certain it took quite an effort. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Clearly, playing members of the Pool will require the type of Patience required of Special Education Teachers!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>A pool of educators with whom you're doubtless entirely all too familiar.

Sometimes ... I wonder why I bother ... I suppose that I'm just ... too kind. But look, up in the sky, is it a bomb, is it a plane, no it's a bomb AND a plane ... several in fact.

Joe

[Phillies Phan]

I can't get over the fact that there are threads having to do with member numbers and board colors. In here, its the Mormon Dude Show. I hope and pray that he lost that pic of the wife.

The Phillies game was postponed tonight because the gods fear the "Fightin Phils". Somehow having the Eagles, 76ers, and the Flyers in the playoffs in succession was too much. So, we have rain. Meanwhile, NJ smells like raw ass in the morning.

Wake me when something interesting happens around here.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

You should spend less time posting and more time playing!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmm... 24 games going, several scenarios in the oven, and still posting. Sounds like Poolers can walk and chew gum at the same time. Now, please run along and play in the traffic

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

...and deport you to the MG Effectiveness thread!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ouch! Now that is harsh

[jd]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Although I don't think of an oak when I think of jd ... more like one of those warped, twisted, diseased, evil, scheming growths out of the Lord of the Rings.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why thank you Joe. Kinder words you never spoke. I believe, in the brief LotR roles we had, many, many threads ago, that I was seen as Sauron. Seemed to fit.

now on to the Stalking.... You may recall a certain young poseur newbie or scum sucking newbie as the current literati might affect, by the name of theClash posted as weak an inital post as, well, Stuka's thingie looking at Joe's Mormon Wives™. I responded with a brief encouraging back of the hand. Nothing more was publically heard and we all breathed a sigh of relief at his apparent departure.

Imagine my surprise this evening to find in my email the following: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Should I ever seek a reference...

Now, your the kind of guy I want to talk to. But, stop your babbling and send me a set up.

If I am as intellectually challenged as you imply, I should be road kill! Easy meat.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now my dear master clash, in addition to my earlier comments I would add, since you seem unable to understand the most basic of concepts the following:

1) The pool is the place for PUBLIC taunting, posing, humiliation, beastiality (down Mace) excuse spinning and all round vituperous and bilious spleen.

2) Who cares if I beat you. I already have beaten you where it matters. I and the collective do not really care. In fact for some, suckiness (to use a word you may comprehend) at Cm play is a virtue. If I want to pound someone I'll pick them. At least they have proved their constancy and interesting nature already. You however are so "nouveau" and it shows.

3) What matters to me these days is the consistency and committment to particiapte in our little alternate reality. Some have shown up (remember Chuckles666) never to be seen again on the public board THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR A PRIVATE GAME! Humiliation, defeat, bollocks, or grandeur is a public duty, not an option.

4) Why do you think there are serfs and squires? To avoid a poxy little scarfaced vermin such as your self wandering in and wanting a game. What in god's not so green earth, in any of your posts makes you interesting , let alone mildly diverting as a divertissement? I'll tell you, nothing! If you disappear, no one will miss you.

5) You want to play in the pool? Then make your presence so obnoxious and intriguing that we can't figure out how to expunge your putrid presence without destoying the BTS board itself. Post like crazy, insult individuals, call them out and when they ignore you as they should, then post a description of their family tree. Persistentencw and cussdiness is rewarded. Just look at who stay!

The older members may or maynot play. I certainly won't if you are the pool equivalent of American Cheese. Try Iskander my squire, or better yet one of the newly foul, let's see if you got what it takes to amuse us.

6) If not, bugger off TTFN

[harpooner]

Update the first

Mensh-Just underway...nothing to report.

Stuka- Just underway...nothing to report, but it looks like a bloody mess of a scambled egg scenario. (I would get stuck playing the Frogs.)

e1ros-Got a lucky shot off and blew up my Panzer IVj with a tank destroyer after blowing up my 234 Hvy. Armored car with excellently placed mortar fire from a HT mortar carrier. He's losing the infantry battle, though

Leeo-Just under way..I am defending a river crossing...this looks like a good test of a general's mettle.

I do not post in the cesspool because I like read about pond-scum, I post in the cesspool because I EAT pond-scum. (spirulina, and blue-green algae for all you non-hippies)

[BFCElvis]

I posted this at the tail end (sit down bauhaus) of the last Peng thread and it either got lost in the change over or from lack of interest.

It leads me into my next topic....Beer. Some of you may have seen me on the beercam thing. Well my thoughts are that we should try to set up a date for as many of us that have access to a local beercam to go to these bars at the same time. There is one in London, the one in Chicago is supposed to open in the next week or so...Think about it gang..Here is the link so you can see if there is a bar near you. http://www.onlinevenue.com/onlinestore/stellacam/stellacam_index.asp

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In here, its the Mormon Dude Show. I hope and pray that he lost that pic of the wife.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bwahahaha ... it's WIVES, Hiram ... WIVES ... plural me lad, as in MORE THAN ONE! Pray, Hiram, bend your knee and pray that I'll not see the need to post MORE of them because I CAN YOU KNOW! LOTS AND LOTS OF MORMON WIVES, HIRAM ... Bwahahahahahahahahhahahaha ... oh ... and I'm not Mormon.

Joe

[Phillies Phan]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'm the local LDS representative.

Joe[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joltin Joe, there is no need to be showing pictures of your brothel. I can still close my eyes and see her looking back at me from the computer screen. I remember the hairs standing up on the back of my neck and the sudden loosening of my bowels. I'm not begging here, I'm just requesting that a Mormon wife not be shown again for the sake of this and future generations. Nobody deserves to see such putrid pictures. Have mercy on us and go about your business of being a wieney.

[Stuka]

NOW! Not that any of you deserve it, but here is a game update.

OGSF 1 Hint here for those considering it. Do NOT, ever, start a 5000 pt armour only battle on a large map. Not only is every target unidentified, it takes bloody ages to crawl from one end of the map to the other.

OGSF 2 A good game is 2000 pt armour only in fog on a small map, much more intimate and the destruction of 20+ tanks in the first 5 turns lends itself well to those who indulge in the BOOM! factor. By the way, I'm up by a couple of tanks after

OGSF forgot how to shoot.

OGSF 3 I must stop playing this lad so often (people will begin to talk), A downright, ho-down punch up to the last has me holding a small town while his jagdtiger sniffs plaintively at the front door, too scared to commit it, too hungry to let it go. the fate of my doughboys hangs precariously on an M8, a couple 'zooks, and the M10 from hell, so far with 3 Panthers to its credit.

Bauhaus, is staring down the barrel of ignomious defeat. Uber tactics, Uber reserves and Uber cunning have his green clad corpses holed up in 2 VLs, nervously awaiting the imminent toll of their destruction.

Mace Has suferred huge losses in getting his SS bullyboys to within handbag swinging reach of my champion Paras. Alas, all the Armour that came with them is gonna give me just a tad more than a headache, I'd reckon.

Meeks, is reeling back in the attack, as each wave of his Paras ( who all bear an uncanny resemblence to my goodself) is beaten to a pulp, and then rogered by the necrophiliac teams for good measure.

PeterNZ, has a defense wilting under the genuis of a co-ordinated attack. Smoke, arty, SMG squads and light armour are doing a dandy job of poking his lads in the eye with sharp things and calling them 'Susan'.

HardStooler, prepare to be smite, m'lad. the luverly Berli has been thoughful enough to supply me with arty of an infinite nature, while your poofy French arty will merely rain flowers and small lacey things upon my furrowed brow. In short, you are screwed. Surrender now.

German Boy, play will continue after a 10 day absense to move himself into new digs.

Finally Mensch, where his own scenario has turned to bite him on the bum. My Brits push forward while his promised 'divisional reinforcements' are not to be seen. battle 4 of 4 and still nothing? Methinks old menschy forgot to push some buttons whilst designing this puppy.

Its great to be me.

[Wesreidau]

I've seen better quality content on Hard-core nuddy women of jail than in this thread so far.

Trust Joe Shaw to invite all the stupid n00bs in. Someone kick them out. There's been no-one at all interesting since that Beame fellow. And he didn't even stay or finish our game.

Not impressed

PeterNZ

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Miss Shaw is it, how very clever of you, why that particular effort is even more clever than the Neanderthals who STILL think it's funny to make up "funny" new names <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

First, my apologies to your wife. After communicating with you, I could only assume that you required assistance in the complex task of typing.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Sometimes ... I wonder why I bother <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Maybe its the need to drag yourself up the evolutionary chain to comport with your betters!

Now please go take a dip in that purple mess you call a lake. Obviously, the template for the CessPool.

Speedbump

[FriendlyFire]

Where to start, where to start... ah yes, I know, line them up in order of their "member", smallest first. That makes, let's see - YOU, yes YOU BerlichtingenahverteidigungswaffecanIstopyet - you shall get the first invite to the dance of death. We shall tango across the battlefield, locked in a deadly embrace, to the screams of panicked men and the smell of burning tanks. And then, when there is but the quiet moaning (sit DOWN Bauhaus) of the wounded to be heard, I shall call off my victorious recon squad, and bury your flea-ridden foxhole-soiling not-hung-enough-to-be-gamey remains under a nice landscaped flowerbed.

In other words, send me a setup. No snow: your bloodstains would be hell to get out, and besides, it's bad for the flowers.

I shall suck up the rest of you scum later.

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Hmmm... 24 games going, several scenarios in the oven, and still posting...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And: Harvesting of damned souls... can't forget that now, can we?

[Agua Perdido]

I know I've been terribly lax with my 'Pool attendence lately... Sod anyone who'll make an issue of it. And sod the rest of you sots, as well.

Now, let's see what I've missed...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FriendlyFire:

...I shall suck ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Keep it clean, lad! You'll get poor Bauhaus all in a lather. No fair making predictions of the present, either, as you seem to have perfected your Hoover act (no, Mace, not J. Edgar--put your frillies away) in the earlier part of your post.

I am pleased (but slightly baffled) that my noble liege Joe Shaw is taking time to grant some feeble lackwit newbie a proper thrashing, if only to keep him quiet. I still have my lecture notes from your PeterNZ: A Gamey Bastage's Tricks Revealed seminar if you'd like to review them. I also have my notes from Hamsters' Guide to Designing Scenarios Just as Well-Balanced as Hamsters if there is to be a rematch.

UPDATES

I'm too damned busy for updates. I'm too damned busy to do more than lurk and bemoan the piteously low quality of the gibbering pre-hominid newbies who've infested these last few pages. All I have time for is to hate all of you, and I do you hate you. I dream of the day you may each be flayed a centimeter at a time by a dedicated attritionist, preferably while listening to some half-baked maneuverist whine about why we can't all just get along.

Oh, all right, screw the deadlines. I guess I hate you enough for this:

UPDATES!

(in alphabetical order)

Leeo and I are killing each other a bit. He's got a Sturmkompanie, of all the absurdist claptrap, but I've got several half-squads of cub scouts who are furiously tying knots in answer to his FPwerferin'-squads-o-death.

DekeFentle is running to and fro in the backfield, trying to fake me into a false start. I'm using my tanks to hunt down his LMGs one by one and make chili out of them.

Seanachai is a complete punter, at whom even Charles Dickens would cry, "For the love of mercy, man! Edit!" Evidently it's taken his troops the last 17 turns to finish reading his op order and realize that they have to advance. I was getting sick of waiting for them to come up where I can kill them properly. Or run away.

Croda.... Hmm... Now that Seanachai's actually posting turns a few times a weeks, ol' Croda's getting to be the slowest mover in my play book. Scenarios with less than 2000 points must confuse the crusty half-wit. Anyhow: snow, gunfire, hate the snow, love the gunfire, hate Croda (who is a brainless prat), 'nuff said.

stevetherat is on vacation. Vacation! The bastard. I hate him most of all. He's finally moving forward with his soon-to-be-sausage Brit infantry, out of which I plan to make sausage fairly soon.

Oh, how I loathe the rest of you! Except all the newbies. I'd think less of them, if I thought of them at all.

Agua Perdido

[Lawyer]

This is more boring than the Congressional Record. Joe Shaw deserves his own 24-7 talking head TV channel so he can interview himself over and over again.

Speedbump??

Jeeezzz.. Back to screwing the public.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FriendlyFire:

Where to start, where to start... ah yes, I know, line them up in order of their "member", smallest first. That makes, let's see - YOU, yes YOU Berlichtingenahverteidigungswaffeyes youcanstop - you shall get the first invite to the dance of death. We shall tango across the battlefield, locked in a deadly embrace, to the screams of panicked men and the smell of burning tanks. And then, when there is but the quiet moaning (sit DOWN Bauhaus) of the wounded to be heard, I shall call off my victorious recon squad, and bury your flea-ridden foxhole-soiling not-hung-enough-to-be-gamey remains under a nice landscaped flowerbed.

In other words, send me a setup. No snow: your bloodstains would be hell to get out, and besides, it's bad for the flowers.

I shall suck<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why, I feel honored at being called out in such a fine manner.

Ok, let's see what we have here...

Point for singling someone out (though your choice does show a lack of common sense). The taunt was limp, but I am feeling kind today, so I'll let that pass.

Negitive Point for being a newbie scum to have the audacity to tell Bauhaus to sit down

Point I only have 24 games going and I have openings in my dance card.

Hmmm... you seem to be to the positive. Would one of you Gentle Knights be so kind as to produce a scenario appropriate for one such as FriendlyFire? Oh, and remember, he said, "no snow."

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Trust Joe Shaw to invite all the stupid n00bs in. Someone kick them out. There's been no-one at all interesting since that Beame fellow. And he didn't even stay or finish our game.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Don't be blaming me PeterNZer me lad, that was Mensch who issued a blanket invitation on the main board no less. I just started the thread in the approved manner by stating the rules. SPEAKING OF RULES ... I see with disgust that you still have MY name on YOUR sig. Kindly remove it sir as it no longer applies.

For the rest of you, I may get around to a game update later ... and the CessPool breaks into spontaneous applause.

Joe

[bauhaus]

I've got a bit of bad news, and I'm in a state. I just saw this on the wire:

Guinness workers across the country went on strike for the first time in 25 years. More than 1,000 workers went on strike protesting against the closure of one of its packaging plants in Dundalk, Thursday April 12 2001. The strike is halting production at Ireland's dominant brewery and raising fear that the country might soon suffer shortages of the highly popular black beer.

What will we do? I think I need to leave work for the day and go stock up on Guinness.

[BFCElvis]

I have given Peng ample time to post this himself.

I you want a 100% sure thing win against Peng...If you want to know his blind spot. His main weakness....Play him a meeting engagement. He doesn't grasp the concept well at all. Last night he had better everything than me and more of it and ended up falling to a 83-17 stopping.

Sure I exibited some of my better moves (sit down baushaus..grab yourself a Guiness while you can) but he wasn't even close to being up for the challenge.

Elvis - WINNER

Peng - loser

[dalem]

Guiness is a kind of beer, right?

[Wesreidau]

dalem is a kinda fish isn't it?

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Guiness is a kind of beer, right?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This statement is grounds for dismissal from the Mutha Beautiful Thread

[BFCElvis]

You're right Berli....It's a stout. Some people...geesh.