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Peng Challenge . . . by Jury


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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Hah! Well done lad, well done indeed. While it's not my policy to encourage Serfs I must make an exception and offer to take Lards to squire. I like the cut of his gibe.

Lorak, make it so.

Joe

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lars, let me be the first to congratulate you! Sir Joe is the most noble of Kaniggets. He was able to take the lowest of the low, my humble self, and sheparded me (down Mace, nothing like that here) to the exalted rank of junior Kanigget.

Just remember the following:

I) Sir Joe likes his dinner at exactly 6:00. A Kanigget of his advanced age cannot stay up past 8:00 and be any good the next day.

5.4- His milk should be heated to exactly 108 degrees. The strawberry flavor should be added after heating, not before.

149%, His bridgework should be cleaned each morning before his morning constitutional. Pay special attention to the removal of Okra from the molars.

z.7 Learn to appreciate Jabo!

Welcome to the family, dysfunctional as it is!

Speedbump

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"We are the spluttering, blathering masses, and we want to be entertained! We DEMAND a court (kangaroo or otherwise)! We need bread and circuses! Bread and circuses! Oh, and lots of Blood, Blame, and Banality, while you're at it."

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

Lars, let me be the first to congratulate you! Sir Joe is the most noble of Kaniggets<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well done Lars.

Lets just clear this one issue up. Is this the Joe Shaw who is Lawyer or the Joe Shaw who isn't?

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo:

"We are the spluttering, blathering masses, and we want to be entertained! We DEMAND a court (kangaroo or otherwise)! We need bread and circuses! Bread and circuses! Oh, and lots of Blood, Blame, and Banality, while you're at it."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well since we don't have many Squires to bleed themselves on the sands of the Pool coliseum, we need to see the blood of the Old Ones shed in the courtroom! Have at it!

Speedbump

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lars, let me be the first to congratulate you! Sir Joe is the most noble of Kaniggets. He was able to take the lowest of the low, my humble self, and sheparded me (down Mace, nothing like that here) to the exalted rank of junior Kanigget.

Just remember the following:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hehehe, now, now Speedbump you needn't make it sound like it's ALL fun and games you know. Don't forget the exhausting book work, the papers, the seminars (did you miss out on "Crews in Combat - Gamey or Gaming", might have been a late addition to the cirriculum.) Oh he'll be run through the wringer, no error there. BTW, it's Chocolate, not Strawberry ... Nestle's Quick specifically.

But let's not jump the gun (no, no Lards that's figurative, you really don't have to actually JUMP the gun ... yet) until Lorak confirms the appointment and we are all able to use Lards real name AND bold it. Ah, there'll be celebrations in the square when that happens.

As to the court case, the wheels of justice may move slowly but they move, they move. I've submitted the evidence to Lorak for him to include on his page so that ALL may read the evidence. Once that's ready we'll begin the examination of the charges, specification by specification. Then may the TRUTH be told at last.

BTW, Lorak I have the new edition of "BigGuns Illustrated" ... they have some great shots of Miss 88DD ... I'd be happy to lend it to you ... Your Lordship and Honor.

Joe

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

As to the court case, the wheels of justice may move slowly but they move, they move.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"Justice? JUSTICE?!? We don't want justice! We want a trial, a good ol' fashioned court case with lots of drama, deceit, and decadence, followed by a swift and bloody end to the presumed guilty. Who said anything about justice?"

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Aaaaaghhh, My God, squire to a Mortgage Banker. I’m well and truly damned now. Weren’t happy with the 30 year note, were you? You just had to call it in.

Let’s see if I have this straight:

IV Dinner at 6:00. In bed by 8:00. No good the next day. Check.

(2-2) Milk at 108F, no more, no less. Strawberry, no wait, Chocolate, and Nestle’s Quick at that, after heating. Check. Sludge on the bottom or well stirred?

<=4 Dentures to be cleaned for Okra. I’ll just place them here in the bucket, uh, glass that is. Check.

=>4 Watch skies for gamey evilness. Check.

<%> No gumping the Hun. Check.

Did I miss anything, Sire?

I will aim to give the utmost satisfaction, your aim will, of course, help (that’s right, in the bucket, a last shake and you’re done, that’s a good Kanigget). Show me the way of the Cess, my Liege.

I understand you will be too busy attending to the soontobeunbolded one’s trial for heresy to expend much time on my apprenticeship. Do not let the chitterings of the Outerboards or the Jury distract you, good Knight, but press on and do your duty. If any disturb your prosecutorial duties, point them out and I will endeavor to act as your personal bailiff.

If there is any service, no matter how trivial, I am at your beck and call.

Thank you Sir Joe.

Your Humble Squire,

Lars

BTW, may I respectfully suggest that perhaps the apostasy has spread to his Squire, if indeed, he is not prima fascia evidence?. It might bear some investigation…

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:

Lars (offers ladle): Hey, Stalin’s Organ, being a SSN is thirsty work, can I offer you a bit of refreshment?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sure thing Lardo ignores handle, takes bucket, tips over Lardo's head.

Thanks, I needed that. Finally, a piss boy who is actually useful for soemthing!

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Ok,

As Judge Lorak I offer these documents that were submitted as evidence. They are labeled.

http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/trial.html

These documents are presented by the prosicution and will be held in safe keeping until a better bid comes in.

In other news,

I have infact noticed that Lars has been taken by Joe Shaw.

I also record that Mark IV has beaten the crap out of chrisl.

the later will be posted shortly.

Lorak the loathed

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Ah, your setup will be in the mail this evening. A nice 1500 point QB ME, random the works, computer buys. I'll let you be the Brits. Play with the mouse and not yourself, and you might have a chance.

Till then, piss off.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak:

Ok,

As Judge Lorak I offer these documents that were submitted as evidence. They are labeled.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This smacks of grogginess of another sort!

Is The Loathed One really a Lawyer in disguise (gasp)? Is he actually trying to try this trial according to some rules of evidence? Whatever happened to the cess tradition of guilt by association?

Surely a fair trial is only one where Emma is in attendance, and a fair hearing is what the jury gives to the last requests of the condemned?

I say rise up you stupid and despicable jetsom of the pool, and flush these attempts at rationality to the treatment plant where they belong - all nice and clean and converted to electricity to keep the heaters going!

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

Sir Joe is the most noble of Kaniggets. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lorak! LORAK!!!

I must complain about this disgusting display of bias from this .. this..this...member of the jury. It's obvious that he's received his financial inducement well in advance of the rest of us...please fix or do somefink.

Mace

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

Is The Loathed One really a Lawyer in disguise (gasp)? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please note that "lawyer" as a profession is spelled with a small "l". I am the Lawyer, and the only Lawyer worthy of the capital "L". As such, I wield the Hand of the Law, while the lawyers and pretend lawyers abounding on this thread wield only the Hand Cradling Their Own Domain. Lorak and Joe Shaw certainly fall into the latter category.

Your head is as embalmed as your namesake's organ. Ya stupid Ozzie wannabee.

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

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May it please this noble court. Your honor I arise (from my torpor) to take up cause in support of Sir Seanachai kniggit errant, Older One and Titular founder of the the Peng Challenge Threads, aka The Eternal Holy and Apostolic Mutha Beautiful thread, aka the Cesspool.

The law has always been a hard task master and requires of it's advocates a serious approach and stern and visaged application. When it comes face to face with life, even as depraved as here, it must consider and fashion justice from amongst the tangled skein before us.

Now Joe says that this brave man has sullied tradition and and called upon the outer boards and offered them, nay, enticed them to visit this Pool of Cess, this noble land, and Joe is an honorable man.

He claims that Seanachai offered a knightly honor, such as it is for prevailing in the "alleged" grog fest of the WineCap Tournament. And Joe is an honorable man.

Joe has unboldened a man who has defended this thread from Meeksian heresy, Crodite illiteracy and the various slings and arrows of scum sucking newbies And yet, Joe is an honorable man.

Thrice has he been offered the leadership of the cess, and yet always declined. The unholy triumvirate of Berli, Peng AND Seanachai have through their collective id help make the cess the place it is. And Joe is of course and honorable man. Yet where was he when this vicious attack took place and crumpled fair Seanachai who lies before the feet of this tribunal/ Why holding the bloody dagger of betrayal. And yet he is an honorable man, who, leading the proles in a paroxysm of outrage has inflamed the mob against the civil order to what end? Why the end of self appointed prosecutor of the innocent.

Seanachai has nurtured and encouraged Joe in compassion and care, forgiving the slights and insults, then turning the other cheek, torn and bloody utters, " and you, Joe?" Only to fall at the foot of Peng's statue. But we know that the usurper is no honorable man but that most vile soul, betrayer of friends and ravener of all that is eternal in this thread.

There sirrahs, I submit is the vile stench which threatens this elysian concordance, that drives the stake of separation and discord that seeks not it's own but to sacrifice on the altar of avarice and greed. It is Shaw, that hellspawn that visited the Mormon Wives upon you, that you most include in any just sentence, for accuser and accused must face each other. Thus Geir's suggestion hath merit.

Yet there some facts that have been overlooked that when considered may exonerate my dear client and friend. (retainers of course make us true and fast)

I submit for the courts consideration and our motion for a Writ of Habes corpus that it lacks in rem jurisdiction. As the wasteland's were created by the Elders, Berli, Peng and Seanachai, and the cess outflows from our collective id and super ego's that there can be no true fact or matter in dispute. Further in personam jurisdiction is lacking also as due process was not satisfied. Shaw has not established facts that independently of Sir Seanachai's own words establish a crime against the cess, there by violating the Corpus delcti rule.

Further analysis also reveals that the alleged "grog" infest ion has amongst it's members three of our own, MrSpkr, Berli and Jefe Now I believe it may have been Mark Twain or perhaps Will Rogers who said he'd never join a club that would have him as a member. I submit that no tournament that would accept Three (3) of our own could ever be considered - grog. Stupid, ill advised and myopic perhaps. Consider further also that the charge of inviting the winner to receive an honor is both only a non liquidated claim as well as a legal impossibility.

Rather gentleworms, think of the delicious disparagement that we, the assembled cess would visit upon such a person deigning to try to collect. Sir Seanachai has in the noblest traditions of the pool created a magnificent set piece ambush of any such grog. Rather than our opprobrium, he deserves our

praise. But then I suppose that small minds cannot or will not see the subtlety at work here. Finally, lest I become as long winded as my client, I close with the observation that any such "honor" would be as an honorary doctorate, such as colleges bestow upon Kermit the Frog. Now there's something to take back to the outer boards. Another felicitous and clever stratagem by our founder and compatriot.

Harken and listen, cast not dow Seanachai lest the beast among you and Mormon Wives devour you in your blindness. It is time to restore the boldening to a man who,unselfishly has share so much (so so much and too much at times) yet nobly. Wash the spots of ignominy from your hands, turn upon the foul Judas Shaw

and cast him to the nether lands. Thank you m'lords I am quit.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jdmorse:

snooozzzzzzzeeeeeeeee<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Um, Leeo, isn't there supposed to be bloodshed...violence...foul language...taunting...something!?!?

Speedbump, the recently enriched, completely unbiased, member of the jury

ps Off wit his head!!

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Please note that "lawyer" as a profession is spelled with a small "l". I am the Lawyer, and the only Lawyer worthy of the capital "L". <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yah moron!! It was being usd as an insult, in which instance the capital L is entirely appropriate, for it identifies the level to which the insultee intends the insulted to be insulted.

A lawyer is indeed a nasty thing to call someone, but Lawyer shows that the insultee truely despises and destests the insulted, and is not merely name-calling.

That you gave the handle to yourself is proof enough!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As such, I wield the Hand of the Law,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well for heaven's sake keep that to the privacy of your own outhouse!!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Ya stupid Ozzie wannabee.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well I guess that's something - it's true that anyone who would want to be an Ozzie must be stupid, by definition. Lucky to have enough brains to breath in fact.

But since I have no such low ambitions i'm afraid it went under my seat.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jdmorse:

It is Shaw, that hellspawn that visited the Mormon Wives upon you, that you most include in any just sentence<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seems fair enough to me.

How about:

"Seniletea is as guilty as sin and thanks to Shaw for pointing it out."

I think that fulfills teh requirements of the defence idiot's most eloquent and anaesthatising ramblings.

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jdmorse stole the whole damn thing from Shakespeare. "The Tragedy of Julius Caeser", Act 3, Scene 2, Antony's speech to the Romans. He should be brought up on charges of plagerism, literary grogism and disbarred. Just goes to show that legal counsel is worth what you pay for it.

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