Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

[Stuka]

So when does Seanachai take the stand in his own defense?

I would advise that the unbolded one take a guilty plea on a charge of temporary insanity and gross alcohol induced stupidity but plead 'not guilty' on the High Cesspool Treason charge.

Was a crime actually committed? Was there a flood of grogs into the 'pool? Would any of us recognise some tourney winner as a Seniour Kniggget?

Nay, Nay, & Nay.

Ergo, no victum, no crime.

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

So when does Seanachai take the stand in his own defense?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sucker, you Ozzie fool, NO ONE who's guilty EVER takes the stand!

Goddam foreigners and their crappy booze. And what hooch ever DID come from Oz anyway?!?

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

Goddam foreigners and their crappy booze. And what hooch ever DID come from Oz anyway?!?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I hold you in contempt, SAH!!!

Contempt of fine Aussie Ales & wines.

Bailiff, take him away!

Err..did I overstep the bounds of my duties as juror?

Mace

[Stalin's Organ]

He said HOOCH you plonker, not pansy arsed namby pamby poofter drink!

I'd recommend Bundaberg OP Rum - a very nice drop if it still exists....hmmm, you've got the addiction buds flowing again dammit....must drop by the bottle store & get a bit on the way home ......

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak:

http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/trial.html

Lorak the loathed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"{Bullocks!! Evidence? Bloddy Evidence! We don't want no stinkin' evidence! We wants vague accusations and swift retribution! Evidence, Feh!"

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

I'd recommend Bundaberg OP Rum <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

As you should, and I would suggest drinking the whole bottle at once because you'll need a stiff drink:

alpha & omega) once you read the lable to see where Bundaberg Rum is produced!

X^3) as you still reside in New Zealand, and that's a terrible liability to live with.

Mace

[Stalin's Organ]

Flyspray you really are imbecilic - even for a moron you're imbecilic! In fact as far as imbecilic morons go you're relly at the bottom of the barrel - the only village you could deprive of an idiot by your absence would be a village of imbecilic morons!

I know Bundy's made in Aus - that's why I mentioned it - it's good hooch made in Aus like what was asked for, as opposed to those lolly water wines and so-called beers you punted up! (Why do Aussies put XXXX on their beer cans? 'cos "Beer" is too hard for them to spell!)

The only liability New Zealand has is it's far-too-close proximity to Orzy-bloody-traili-ya.

As we prefer to say here, NZ consists of 3 main islands - North Island, South Island and Mouth Island.

Oops!

[ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[OGSF]

*the fading wail of bag pipes, reminiscent of a fat drunken Kiwi falling down the stairs, dies away outside. The door bursts open and in strides....*

Och, Ah'm nae sorry tae bae arrivin' sae late boot Ah've bin attendin' tae tha tiny boot essential ma'er o' securin' tha noose tae tha old oak tree ain tha courtyard.

Noo, Ah've reviewed tha evidaince posted ain tha Discovery Channel, an' listened wi' fadin' inturaist tae the unboldedone's defaince coonsel. Bein' o' feeble meend an' easily swayed, ain tha defaince coonsel bein' tha last thang Ah raid, Ah'm ainclined tae gi' tha treacherous, shadow creepin' bard tha benefait o' tha doobt.

At were a heretical thang tae ha' done, boot hais stinkin' defaince coonsel says at were a trick tae lure tha grogs ain fer a right bollickin'. Waill knock ma doon an' fluff oop mah sporran. Who wudda gaissed?

Ah cry alood fer hais innocence, ain light o' whuch Ah say we noo burrrn haim at tha stake, boot offer tha keender, gentler daith o' hangin' ain mah noose wot Ah just tied oop ootsaide.

Oh, an more importantly....Looooraaaak, di ye noo remember tha scallywag Dalem postin' aboot hoo ye shud all plah "All or Nothin" as tha Brits, or at least noo lak "OGSF" plahs at??? Waill.....Ah just beat tha gimpy bastarrrd wi a minor victory fer mah brave Axis laddies. Mark at oop, ye ex-sponsor...

OGSF WIN

Dalem Didnae win, hae LOST

Speedy, pour us a cold one, mate.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Joe Shaw]

My Lord Lorak it WAS my intention, as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, to conduct this trial in an orderly and organized manner that would befit the dignity and honor of this Court. I see that this course of action will not be possible as long as the Defense continues to supply booze to the gallery. Luckily their attempts to bribe the jury have been too late ... I mean, uh ... thwarted. Such unethical behavior must be nipped in the bud.

By the way, I hope you're enjoying the issue of "BigGuns" I was able to procure for you, may I especially recommend the article "The 120's ... When Size DOES Matter." I'd further like to thank you for publishing the evidence my staff so tirelessly obtained. I shall be referring to it often.

Allow me to deviate from my planned 4 hour opening and address some of the comments shouted by the Defense, the jury and the gallery.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Trotsky's Harpsicord: This smacks of grogginess of another sort! ...{a massive amount of something that I didn't bother to read}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Baliff, please ensure that no further street people wander in, there's a good fellow.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>lawyer: As such, I wield the Hand of the Law, while the lawyers and pretend lawyers abounding on this thread wield only the Hand Cradling Their Own

Domain. Lorak and Joe Shaw certainly fall into the latter category.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Your Lordship Lorak, I was shocked, shocked I say and disgusted by the lack of respect shown for your esteemed self. May I Humbly and Respectfully suggest that a charge of Contempt of Court be levied against Lawyer? I realize that you, in your devoted exercise of the search for JUSTICE, may have chosen to show leniency as a gesture of fairness, but Lawyeronly understands gestures made with a single finger and I DON'T mean thumbs up if you get my drift.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>jd: May it please this noble court...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The gist of this LENGTHY post was essentially ...Oh but say, Seanachai did so much good that he shouldn't be tried for having done ONE LITTLE THING WRONG! Could not the same be said for Benedict Arnold? A fine and courageous officer, indeed likely the best combat general fighting for the new American nation. A man who won numerous battles for his country. And yet his final act was one of treachery and perfidity unmatched until, of course, we examine the actions of Seanachai. A crime has been comitted My Lord, and the psuedo-Shakesperean drivel of jd does not dispute that fact.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mark IV: But if he's innocent, why does he have a lawyer? I ask you. Just trying to be impartial, here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hehe, now, now Mark IV we MUST observe the formalities here ... a fair trial ... THEN the hanging. Golly Defense, looks like the jury may be forming some opinions, hmmm?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My Loyal and Trustworthy Squire Lars: jdmorse stole the whole damn thing from Shakespeare. "The Tragedy of

Julius Caeser", Act 3, Scene 2, Antony's speech to the Romans. He should be brought up on charges of plagerism, literary grogism and disbarred.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes Lars but you must remember that lawyers do that ALL THE TIME. THEY call it using "precedents" ... we know that it's just because they are too lazy and stupid to come up with something original.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stuka: So when does Seanachai take the stand in his own defense?

I would advise that the unbolded one take a guilty plea on a charge of temporary insanity and gross alcohol induced stupidity but plead

'not guilty' on the High Cesspool Treason charge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> He's not being "charged" with temporary insanity, that's a defense AGAINST a charge. As to the High CessPool Treason, he's not being charged with that either, but rather with Conduct Unbecoming a Knight of the CessPool ... really Stuka if you can't follow the thread don't attempt to comment on it, you'll get yourself all confused. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Was a crime actually committed? Was there a flood of grogs into the 'pool? Would any of us recognise some tourney winner as a Seniour Kniggget? Nay, Nay, & Nay. Ergo, no victum, no crime.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually that should be YES, Nay and nay. There WAS a crime committed, I refer all to my usage of Benedict Arnold earlier in this post. Was West Point captured by the British? It was NOT. Was treason committed? It WAS. Seanachai engaged in Conduct Unbecoming a Knight, it was only the prompt action of Berli and other good and noble Knights that prevented the evils that would surely have occurred just as the prompt action of American officers prevented the treachery of Arnold from succeeding. Victimless crime Stuka? We would ALL have been victims.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Leeo: "{Bullocks!! Evidence? Bloddy Evidence! We don't want no stinkin'

evidence! We wants vague accusations and swift retribution! Evidence, Feh!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Patience my young friend, patience. There will be thrills and chills aplenty before long.

There ... that should take care of the whiners and interlopers, my opening statement and introduction of the first specification will follow shortly.

Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[offtaskagain]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

Och, Ah'm nae sorry tae bae arrivin' sae late boot Ah've bin attendin' tae tha tiny boot essential ma'er o' securin' tha noose tae tha old oak tree ain tha courtyard.

Noo, Ah've reviewed tha evidaince posted ain tha Discovery Channel, an' listened wi' fadin' inturaist tae the unboldedone's defaince coonsel. Bein' o' feeble meend an' easily swayed, ain tha defaince coonsel bein' tha last thang Ah raid, Ah'm ainclined tae gi' tha treacherous, shadow creepin' bard tha benefait o' tha doobt.

At were a heretical thang tae ha' done, boot hais stinkin' defaince coonsel says at were a trick tae lure tha grogs ain fer a right bollickin'. Waill knock ma doon an' fluff oop mah sporran. Who wudda gaissed?

Ah cry alood fer hais innocence, ain light o' whuch Ah say we noo burrrn haim at tha stake, boot offer tha keender, gentler daith o' hangin' ain mah noose wot Ah just tied oop ootsaide.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What in the name of Peng kind of talk is that!?! The unbolded one obviously deserves the fate of the heretic which he is. I propose that Peng shall perform his duties as Father Confessor and extract the obvious truth from the witch! I say he should use his smilie torture techniques, after which the unbolded one shall be burned at the stake in my front lawn. He should be burned there because I have a large supply of dry wood, ready for the great purpouse it should be used for. I desire for the festivities to commence immediately, due to my close proximity to this blight upon the MBT. Thereupon his soul (or whatever witches have) should be handed over to Berli for still more punishment. I think a visit from Bauhauswould also help make up for his sins. I think that is a start at making up his transgressions upon the MBT.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by somewone in a horse hair wig trying to look more pompous than teh most pompous thing can look:{a massive amount of something that I didn't bother to read}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Of course you didn't read it - you're being a boody Lawyer and all means you can't read since that would require you to use your brain for purposes other than screwing money out of the innoc.....er....guilty!

We all know your sort - if it hasn't got one of those funny S's with a line through it and at least 3 zero's then it would hardly come up to the standard of your library!

I am, however, completely bewildered by the thought that you might think that I'd want a low life dung beetle like you perusing my fine offering.

Do us both a favour - piss off before you get pissed on!

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Joe Shaw]

Look you here, Pansy Wafer42, YOU are a Scum Sucking Newbie, YOU have no right to exist LET ALONE to make judgements upon your betters! And be it known now and forever that Seanachai, be he laid ever so low and his circumstance reduced to near invisibility is and shall always be IMMEASURABLY GREATER THAN YOU CAN EVER HOPE TO BE! Get thee gone foul High School student ... and take your potato guns with you.

Joe

[OGSF]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pantywaifer42:

What in the name of Peng kind of talk is that!?! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oooh, Ah cannae bear tae watch.....*covers eyes*

Go easy laddies, hais ainly a bairn....

[offtaskagain]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Look you here, Pansy Wafer42, YOU are a Scum Sucking Newbie, YOU have no right to exist LET ALONE to make judgements upon your betters! And be it known now and forever that Seanachai, be he laid ever so low and his circumstance reduced to near invisibility is and shall always be IMMEASURABLY GREATER THAN YOU CAN EVER HOPE TO BE! Get thee gone foul High School student ... and take your potato guns with you.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am infinitely more capable of passing judgement than you. All you seem to be capable of passing is horribly wretched gas.

[MrSpkr]

(Scene: A hot courtroom. Joe Shaw is examining a witness (down, Mace))

Joe Shaw: "Blah, blah, blah. Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah gork."

MrSpkr: "Psst! Hey kid - yes you. C'mere. I gotta little proposition for ya (DAGNABIT GET OFF ME BAUHAUS)."

MrSpkr: (whispering) "Its right outside the door. Pzzrks szzst zerkle. Yeah."

(MrSpkr looks over to Lawyer, who appears to have passed out at the defense table. Making sure know one is looking, he quickly and deftly relieves Lawyer of the terrible burden that is his (rather heavy) wallet.)

"Here's twenty, no, make it fifty bucks for ya', kid."

(The young boy goes out the back of the court room, then reemerges wearing a very large overcoat. He then takes a seat next to the jury box.)

MrSpkr: "Your honor, may we approach the bench?"

(Lorak motions counsel forward. As they approach, MrSpkr slips, spilling a glass of water all over Joe Shaw's coat. As Joe turns to place his now soaked jacket on his chair, MrSpkr slides a distinctly flask shaped object towards Judge Lorak, who makes the object vanish beneath his robes. Joe Shaw then approaches the bench.)

Judge Lorak: "Yes, yes, what is it Counselor?"

MrSpkr: "Well, your honor, I was wondering if the court could possibly open some windows - Joe IS getting pretty gassy, and this is an enclosed space -- it could be a deadly combination . . ."

Joe: (sputtering) "Why I . . ."

(As the two lawyers argue before Judge Lorak, the youth slides a long, low cardboard container from underneath his overcoat and into the jury box. The various jurors examine the contents, then begin passing out more flask shaped objects amongst themselves. His work finished, the young lad walks out of the back of the court room).

Judge Lorak: "Yes, MrSpkr, you do have a point about OSHA regulation 1967.3822(A)(1)©(iv) dealing with the parts per million of noxious gasses in the workplace. I suppose the bailiff will just have to open the window. Now, can we please get on with it?"

MrSpkr "Of course. Thank you, your honor."

(as MrSpkr and Joe Shaw return to their respective tables, a series of glug, glug, glugs is heard from both the judge's chair and the jury box. Joe glances quickly in each direction, but sees nothing unusual. He then returns to his examination.)

Joe Shaw: "blah BLAH blah blah, blah BLAH blah blah. . ."

jdmorse: ( whispering to MrSpkr) "Who was that kid?"

MrSpkr: "Some guy named dweezil something or other. Hey, I'm going to lunch. I know a great little upscale restaurant. They won't let riff-raff like, well, any of the SSN's or Squires in the parking lot, let alone the building. Wanna go?"

jdmorse: "Can't. I left my wallet in the other suit."

MrSpkr: "So did I. Fortunately he (nodding towards the sleeping Lawyer) appears to be feeling generous today . . ."

exeunt

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by panzerwerfer42:

random crap edited

...I propose that Peng shall perform his duties as Father Confessor and extract the obvious truth from the witch! I say he should use his smilie torture techniques, ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"Wait, there are ways of telling if someone is a witch."

"there are? tell us!" ...

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

As we prefer to say here, NZ consists of 3 main islands - North Island, South Island and Mouth Island<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And you come from Mouth Island then?

Mace

[Mr. Johnson--]

Ok Stalin. I finnaly figured out the perfect play for more forces after 2 days of contemplation. Now you gonna feel some major pain. Even though Rune is a evil scumbag and gave my evily dressed stormtroopers with sunglasses only a few infantry platoons. I'm still gonna make you pay for your lack of vision and sloppy assault.

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Glug, glug, glug...ahhhhh!

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, I am starting to see a shadow of doubt regarding the unbolded one's guilt. Not sure though, still kinda thirsty.

Speedbump

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Yes, I just paid!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No, you haven't.

[Mark IV]

Hmmm... second thoughts as I deliberate these weighty matters.

Thought the First: Were not most of you scum-sucking newbies at one time (unlike we seniorest kaniggets, who never were)? Were you all not recruited, if not by invitation, then by the smell?

Final thought: If voluminous postings of little merit and vague ill-will are a crime, shouldn't the Prosecutor himself be arraigned as a habitual criminal?

Fourth: Why is the victim not speaking in his own defense? He has never not spoken before. Perhaps he has been intimidated? Why is no one offering to buy my vote?

Secondly: What is a panzerwerfer and why is it addressing this august and solemn assemblage? How far can you throw a panzer, anyway? The accused had posted the equivalent of the Encyclopaedia Brittannica, unfortunately all of it gibberish and doggerel, long before this tankchucker had sounded out the syllables "add reply". In short, shut up. You were held in contempt by the personnel in your delivery room and you shall find it no different here.

I think these issues must be addressed before the guilty party can be rendered.

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

before the guilty party can be rendered<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Remember, if we don't throw out the brains and spinal cord, it could spread BSE.

Agua Perdido

[offtaskagain]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Secondly: What is a panzerwerfer and why is it addressing this august and solemn assemblage? How far can you throw a panzer, anyway? The accused had posted the equivalent of the Encyclopaedia Brittannica, unfortunately all of it gibberish and doggerel, long before this tankchucker had sounded out the syllables "add reply". In short, shut up. You were held in contempt by the personnel in your delivery room and you shall find it no different here.

I think these issues must be addressed before the guilty party can be rendered.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I hold all of you in contempt. Especially Joe Blow and Fart IV. This is by far the lamest Kangaroo court I have ever seen or heard of. Where is the torch bearing mob? Where are the public tortures for the defendant? Why are fools defending the witch? Why is the unbolded one allowed to call witnesses? Doesn't the Prosecution call all witnesses? Why hasn't the sentence already been pronounced?! You may be right about the rendering of the defendent though. He should make a lot of lard which can then be sold for the court's profit.

[dalem]

Real Life and all, permits me but the following:

OGSF: Beat me. Beaten by an Irishman. A bridge-blowing, scenario-twisting, gibberish-spouting Irishman! Sigh.

So Lorak Sir, if not already scribed, please scribe it so: OBSF: win, dalem Loss.

MrSpkr: Armed apparently with hand phasers. Little tracer lines shoot from his squads to mine and mine all lay down immediately and never move again. Cute trick, that.

Speedbump: Avenging his honor by attacking int he rain. I had the delight of watching the most optimistic bazooka gunner ever, as he lofted a pointless shot at a passing Jerry tin can that came nowhere close. I'm sure that once armor actually comes into range he will be too busy pooping himself to actually draw a bead.

Lawyer: Rolled patiently through my scenario-given misaligned bunker line like a CM player advancing through light infatry resistance amongst bunkers that are all pointing away from him.

Lorak blah blah blah Lawyer: Win, dalem: Loss.

Terence: No contact yet, no killing yet.

Berli: No turns in a week or so, and my emails to him bounce. New ISP, perhaps?

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Hmmm... second thoughts as I deliberate these weighty matters.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"'E's right!"

"Free the Unbolded one!"

"Seanachai is Innocent!"

"Burn Shaw!"

"Keel-Haul the Prosecutor"

"Stones for sale! Big ones, small ones, packets of gravel. Stones for sale!"

"We want a victim!!"