Goanna Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Here goes: (A) goanna is a the one true ÜberLizard and the rest of you are his chattel (4.7) Sod off! (§qq) If you don't know the rules, or are at any point confused about the whole affair, refer to rule (4.7) (iiiv) If you think you are in any shape to attempt to counter rule (A), then feel free to sound off like you’ve got a pair, but not about your pair since it adds little to the discussion and probably only masks the fact that you really don’t have a pair at all. (N.4) Newbies, grogs and regular members of the Outerboards had better be prepared to have their facts, dress sense, and family lineage called into question in here because we don't like you, nobody likes you, so get used to it. Any members of these groups should refer to rule (4.7) (*/3) Senior members of the Cesspool tend to make up rules as we go along, so do try to keep up and feel free to send any complaints about your treatment here to Lorak for summary dismissal. Now then, I believe we were about to begin the trial and immediate sentencing of shornofbolding. Can I have further opening statements before we call witnesses... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 *Bows* "Your honor"! No, not you, Jo-anna, don't get all excited, just following correct legal procedure when entering the court. *takes place on jury stand* Well, this is exciting! Hey do they supply pop corn? Where's the legal council? Where's the prosecuting attorney? Where's the defendant? Where's the toilets? Anyone? Well, can we get this rolling? A fair trial and then the hanging, I want to be back home in time for dinner! Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted July 17, 2001 Author Share Posted July 17, 2001 Piss off, mensch as I was clearly here first and your thread will be expunged by his baldness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Seanachai (unbolded) is more guilty than Peter Yarrow at his numerous juvenile sex assault trials. But I can represent him FOR MONEY as can any lawyer with neither soul nor shadow. I am pleased to add my beer belly weight to the Scaly One Peng challenge thread. He is the only Ozzie we know who had the sense to leave. Could it be because he discovered that Mace and Stuka decided to stay? BTW, Stookey (a Seanachai joke), the wheels go on the ground side, not the air side. Let gravity be your guide. Uhhh, does this bus go to Petersburg? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted July 17, 2001 Author Share Posted July 17, 2001 uhhh, actually I am returning to the land of Stukey and Mace in one weeks time, but thank you for your formidable weight in support of the new true MBT. Now, if we can just get all the rest of the yanks to Wake the hell up! we can get this kangaroo (no pun intended) court in session and then on to the more important torture flagrante which will undoubtedly follow. Where's von scrot, Where's Berli? Where's that gas bag Pshaw or even Shornofbolding himself with some sort of defense or perhaps another Rogers & Hammerstein ditty. While we are at it, we'd best have the boys at BTS lock up the old thread and the pretender started by buttmensch otherwise we might have a multithread, refresh, Peng meltdown on our hands. [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rune Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 evil is always awake. Matter of fact, late yesterday I was working on a new evilness for the cesspool. It needs to be tested, then its wrath shall be let loose in the mutha beautiful thread. A fictional scenario based on a real world place. The German assault on the Rock. No, you twirps, not wrestling, I am talking about, of course, Gibraltar. Has another dared to play the Berli-Rune, aka Evil-evil [i yield the E to Berli, I DO believe he was called Evil first] battle yet? Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geier Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 I will have some medieval Swedish legal advice for y'all soon. In this thread. Goanna, I never liked you and thought you would like to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 As the first witness for the defense, Panzer Leader men of men, and squire of squires steps forth. He's innocent! He took me on as squire and gave me my first blade, though it were dull and rusty. He took me away from the sin and swill of Paris afternoons and evenings in Mont-marte. He took me back to his dingy one room cold-water flat and tried to...((shudder)) skip that. He coddled his squire when his squire was ill with Chronic Verbosity. He took him to listen to music on the pan flute and lyre, mandolin and drum. We watched movies together, like "Seanachai the Teenage Witch" and "When the Druids come Marching Home". Then we talked over bottles of heady meade of such philosophers as Kant and Neitche. We laughed and read Leonard Nimoy's excellent autobiography "I Am Not Spock". In short, he has invited me to this sunny cess seashore and helped to make my stay a pleasant and welcome experience. Innocent!!! Noooooooooo!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PawBroon Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Johan get your collective act together and send that turn!!! We were supposed to fight it over Santa Claus, not the Easter Bunny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Wankers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Well, can we get this rolling? A fair trial and then the hanging, I want to be back home in time for dinner!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Get this rolling? When I am billing by the hour? Yeah right. Stupid laymen. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mouse said: I wanna be a witness! He took me on as a squire! . . . yada yada yada<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmm. Normally at this point I would move for summary judgment, the evidence, even if viewed in the best possible light for the defendant, clearly showing his guilt. However, as I said, I am billing this by the hour, so . . . MrSpkr: "Isn't it true, Mouse, that you have wholly failed to uphold the traditions of the One True Thread by taking yourself too seriously, posting every five minutes, and whining incorrigibly?" Mouse: "Well, I . . ." MrSpkr: "Don't give me that you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! Isn't it true that you started an egocentric CM2 FAQ thread EVEN THOUGH THE BLOODY GAME HAS YET TO BE RELEASED?!" Mouse: "But I . . ." MrSpkr: (screaming in Mouse's face, globules of spittle spraying like ocean spray on a windy day) "Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke! You vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert! Isn't it true that you stated that WHEN and IF you became a Kinneget, your first action would be to take on Tchaikovsky's Peter as a SQUIRE?!" Mouse: "Alright! Alright! I did it! I was only trying to make up for my own inadequacies! I would say anything just to have a friend! Mommy!" MrSpkr: "No further questions, your honor." [edited to get the stupid ubb right] [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark IV Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: As the first witness for the defense, Panzer Leader men of men, and squire of squires steps forth... he has invited me to this sunny cess seashore and helped to make my stay a pleasant and welcome experience.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So, there are multiple charges then? Inviting newbie grog scum rather pales next to this. Lorak!!! Didst thou note well the stunning admission by chrisl near the end of the last thread? No need to Search, man, let me help: Mark IV: 62, which is exactly twice as many as... chrisl: 31, who is beaten all the way to Alaska. In vehicular terms, it was 7-0, despite some mobility issues experienced in the second half and the last minute banzai charge of the Ghost M8 HMC. How it galls me that one lived... Write it large, on the face of the moon with atomic munitions, where his children's children's children must read it for all eternity. A probe. In the fog, on a large map, by Veteran Amis attacking with a phalanx of FOs, hugging 3 edges (never seen that one before). Huge big bombs, lots of 'em. And he put mud in front of two of my AFVs who bogged in open ground]. And in the middle, a quiet force of Regular Germans, steadfastly maintaining the thin grey line, by running back and forth, to create a double inner encirclement in the classic figure 8 defense. I can't elaborate here, as this maneuver is still secret. But what a wonderful little war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 ..Puff..Puff..Huff..phew...give's'a'sec.. Sorry I'm late lads but I had to pop down to the pub and pick up these kegs. Now where do you want me to set up the bar? [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Speedy ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mouse: He took me on as squire and gave me my first blade, though it were dull and rusty.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh, this is going to be good. Soontobeunbolded, looks like you’re really stepped in it this time. With a witness like this on your side I wouldn’t give a Canuck nickel for your butt. I’d recommend throwing yourself on the mercy of the court, cuz God knows the jury ain’t gonna have any. Maybe they’ll make you move to… {snicker} Wisconsin. {snicker} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 **Rubbing his eyes clear of sleep, Speedbump enters the room** If presupposition of guilt is not a problem, I am reporting for Jury duty. After all, the jury gets front row seats at the drawing-and-quartering, right? Speedbump {edited to make sure that the defendants lawyers also get the axe, particularly that smelly wannabe Spnkr!} [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Hmmm,I see we've had a change of venue, it appears the damned defense team has snuck one in on the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool ... no matter. I've evidence and enough to convict Seanachai (no bolding though I'll not sully him further by making sport of his name) a dozen times over. As to his [sNEER} esteemed [/sNEER] defense team, I've a surprise or two in store them, so I have. It doesn't surprise me that they have all agreed to represent Seanachai, toss some dirty money in the gutter and they'll be on hands and knees for sure. As to jd's obvious attempt to cloud the waters with his legal terminology ... I ain't asceered o' you. Lorak I need some web page space on which to post the specifications of the charges as well as the discovery documents for the [sNEER] esteemed [/sNEER] members of the Defense. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: I ain't asceered o' you. Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No reason to be my former leader. I was just chatting with the others in the Jury room and we pretty much already know he is guilty as Berli's home. Truth is we just want to stretch out the time away from work! Mace was just talking about setting up a local network for TCP/IP play in the Jury room. So take your time, lay out all of the evidence, argue about it all you want. No rush... Speedbump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 On second thought Lorak, I'll post the specifications HERE and use the web page for the documentation. So, without further ado: Specifications of Charges The CessPool vs. Sir Seanachai CessPool Case #1 Conduct Unbecoming A Knight of the CessPool: (1) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did enter the OUTER BOARD and posted thereon a message inviting OUTER BOARDERS into the CessPool. This was and is in clear violation of the long standing agreement that OUTER BOARDERS shall not be solicited to join the CessPool. (2) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the opportunity to enter the CessPool without being considered Scum Sucking Newbies and, therefore, without being subject to the ministrations of the CessPool. This act was in clear violation of the rules of the CessPool in effect at that time. (3) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the elevation of one of their group to the rank of Seniour Knight without said OUTER BOARDER having posted even one message to the Mutha Beautiful Thread. This is in clear violation of "the way things are done" as evidenced by the CURRENT set of rules to the CessPool, to wit, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>*/3) Senior members of the Cesspool tend to make up rules as we go along, so do try to keep up and feel free to send any complaints about your treatment here to Lorak for summary dismissal.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> (4) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did compound his crime by inviting not just ANY OUTER BOARDERS but OUTER BOARDERS who were acknowledged Grogs AND PARTICIPATING IN A TOURNEY TO DETERMINE WHO WAS THE BEST AT CM! This flies in the face of ... everything that is near and dear to the CessPool. (5) That subsequent to the date aforementioned, the defendant did NOT offer a reasonable explanation of his actions but rather wandered off to listen to folk music in the hinterlands of Canada. This ... is just sick. Submitted to the Justice of His Lordship Lorak on this 17th day of July, in the Year of our Peng 2001. May Peng bless this CessPool and this Dishonorable Court. Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terence Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump: Witless babble, the disconnected ravings of an obvious drug addict<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'd like to treat you all as hostile witnesses on account of how I hate your guts. Warm Personal Regards, [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Terence ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 "Burn 'im!" "Hang the Unbolded one!" "He's guilty!! Guilty!" "Rats on a stick, get yer Rats on a stick!" "Stone the rule-breaker!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geier Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The French: Johan get your collective act together and send that turn!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> First of all I must refuse to admit to ever having had an act, especially not one that could be described as together. Secondly, you are, are you not, and have always beenFrench? Thirdly you, my awful little person, are French. Now then, where weren't we? Ah yes, the legal stuff. Ahem: Back in the good old really awful days we used to have festival of a sort, möte (or "moot" as the point may be) where everyone would get together, drink, throw up and kill each other. Also, and this is where you lot come in, arguments would be settled. It's really simple, first you need someone accusing someone else of somefink, like, oh I don't know, asking Danes to pop in and visit or telling grogs to participate in a MBT. Just as an example. Truth in the allegation is of no consequence as long as both the accusé and accustomer are of equal social standing. If not, there would be "trial by iron" (pretty nasty) of the one not a free man. Then the accuseé says: "I don't like that you said what you just said so I'll have to kill you." The resident judgeperson then says: "Roight, fair enough. Fight until at least one of you is dead then." Then the accusor says: "Roight." And the accused says: "Roight." And they fight until one of them is dead. The one who isn't has then proven that he was in the right all along and generally takes all the dead, lying bastards' belongings for his. With me so far? Now then. Then now. I have taken the liberty to translate this into Cesspoolian law and here is what I made up as I went along writing this: Joe Shaw is the accusor. He retains the right to have his name bolded (by those who can be bothered, me I'm impartial y'see) until such time when he has lost a scenario called "Into the East" (available you know where, yeah, derkessel) against the (unbolded) Seanachai. Should Joe Shaw lose the aforementioned game it will suck even more to be him and he won't be allowed to post Mormon Wives for quite some time. Seanachai is the other one. He retains the right to write really really long posts whenever he feels like it but does not retain the right to have his name bolded, even by those who can be bothered until he has beaten Joe Shaw in the above somewhere mentioned game. Should he lose ... well, I suppose it will suck to be him. There you have it, perfectly fair and and and reasonable in a way I suppose. It was all I could be bothered to make up anyway. Or one of them can send me a setup of a prefab scenario which I won't return today because I'm going to take my machine apart and put it back together again. Uh, that means that no one else will get a file today. So there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 Your honor {snicker} Lorak: Let the records show that you look quite silly in all that British legal garb. Oh, the robes are okay, but that powdered wig is a bit too much. And don't turn your back on Mace. You know what curly wolly things do to him. I'd ask the baliff to restrain him during the proceedings were I in your place. As for the court in general, I hold the lot of you in contempt. Now to the matter of MrSpkr. He is clearly being argumentative your honor. I believe that his type belongs just down the hall in room 12. This court of law is in room 12A. {mutters} Stupid git. Now to the Specifications of Charges put forth by Mr Pshaw. He has quite well stated the tenents of the charges against Sir Seanachai. Charges schmarges. What I came here to hear was the argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What a stupid concept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr: What a stupid concept.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now now. Stay your course. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition. Like Sir Seanachai's guilt or innocence... [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agua Perdido Posted July 17, 2001 Share Posted July 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No it isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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