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Actually, I too applied for this rumbling, however owing most likely to my affiliation with the Cesspool, I was demoted to "stand-by".

I also noticed a stinking newbie Swede by the real life name of Everette Thiele, aka "Hi, I am a CM Player" made the cut.

As far as that simpering Stoat Mrspkr is concerned, it is well known that he enters any and every tournament on this board, even the oft-ridiculed "Ass-kissers of the Month Bi-annual tourney". If he is angered at his squire, it is only because like himself, his squire is also unable to cut the mustard and get accepted.

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I note with approval that none of the current crop of CessPoolers are to be involved in the disgusting WILD BILL RUMBLINGS of WAR Tourney being promoted on the outerboard. It is possible, I suppose, that one or more DID sign up but were wise enough to use aliases.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your post shows the danger of typing with only half a brain. If you examined the list for the tournament in question you would have notices:

3) one John Morse AKA jdmorse

{a} one Deke Fentle.

There may also be others appearing by pseudonym.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

I do wonder why Sir Marlow of all people not only joined the tournament, but was accepted amongst the grogsters? Obviously, he feared repercussions from the Poolers - why else would he apply under his *GASP* REAL LIFE name?!?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

MrSphnctr,

I plead not guilty to the charges above. Obviously some foul person is trying to clean up my reputation by signing me up for a respectful GROGGY tournament. I will not stand for such slander. I am the victim here, and yet you want to investigate and persecute me? I demand and investigation of the investigation.

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Sir Marlow, you are in error. John Morse a/k/a jdmorse a/k/a the incredible shrinking jd and dekefentle ARE NOT participating in the tournament. I suspect their applications (if INDEED the DID apply!) were simply a product of a drunken lark ("hehe, let me see if I can get into this GROG tournament, hehe <hic>").

YOU on the other hand, applied AND WERE ACCEPTED! As to proof, well, I have my proof.

Now you wish to obfuscate these proceedings in a clearly Clintonesque manner by demanding an investigation of the investigation. Well, I am NOT going to let you get away with that! I demand an investigation of YOUR demand for an investigation of the original investigation! You'll get what's coming to you, lad (in about one turn, in the form of large 'splodey thingies designed to turn your men into little crunchy bits).

SO THERE!

MrSpkr

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Aha MrSpkr, I see our little plan is bearing fruit indeed! My clever expose of young Jar O' P*ss was, as we agreed, sufficient to flush the quarry into the open where they can be examined without putting ourselves to the onerous task of actually {shudder} reading all those groggly posts.

So ... we have Marlow (caught like a rat in a trap), jd (my, my, my jd, who would have believed, based upon OUR recent matches, that he would have the nerve), Panzer Leader (no surprise there eh, MrSpkr, something just not ... Cessie about that boy) and of course GeekFunnel (is the lad NEVER to aspire to a station higher than "whupping boy"?).

Yes, we seem to have a sufficiency of suspects for our investigation, you see, squires CAN be useful. As to the investigations Marlow, you may rest assured that there WILL be investigations, oh yes, investigations aplenty.

The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool NEVER RESTS!

I'd like to thank my able assistant MrSpkr for his untiring efforts as well as young Jar O' P*ss for acting as our bait in this Official CessPool Sting operation. And of course to MY loyal and trustworthy squire, Lars my appreciation for the hot cocoa.

Joe

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

YOU on the other hand, applied AND WERE ACCEPTED! As to proof, well, I have my proof.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It all depends on what the definition of "accepted" is.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Comrade Jo Xia:

Yes, we seem to have a sufficiency of suspects for our investigation, you see, squires CAN be useful. As to the investigations Marlow, you may rest assured that there WILL be investigations, oh yes, investigations aplenty.

The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool NEVER RESTS!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This whole sham of an investigation is nothing more than some vast communist conspiracy started by you, Jo Xia, and you, his rabid attack dog lackey. I mean, really, with a name like Xia and being from Utah and all, how can he be trusted (where is Senator McCarthy when you need him). And, you MrSqkr, an Okie in Texas? What next? Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria?

I fear that this whole thing it was initiated by the office of the Cesspool prosecutor to drum up business. I ask the 'Pool at large whether we are going to put up with these vicious attacks. We must stop this practice of the politics of personal destruction.

Besides, the prize is Booze. What else need be said?

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Marlow, proving yet again that he who defends himself has a fool for a client, stated: I fear that this whole thing it was initiated by the office of the Cesspool prosecutor to drum up business. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How DARE you sir, you question the integrity and honor of the office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool? Furthermore, we don't HAVE to "drum up" business when there are villians like you afoot. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I ask the 'Pool at large whether we are going to put up with these vicious attacks. We must stop this practice of the politics of personal destruction.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You IDIOT ... The CessPool is NOTHING BUT THE POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Besides, the prize is Booze. What else need be said?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Aha! And here MrSpkr, just as we anticipated, we have the proof we need. HE ADMITS IT! And note you, MrSpkr that he compounds his guilt ... how you ask? Follow the logic, he is in it for the booze, the booze can only be won by ... THE BEST OF THE GROGS, therefore he, by his own admission, considers himself worthy to be called the BEST OF THE GROGS.

That I should live to see this day, that a CessPooler would ... my heart is ... broken.

Joe

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Good heavens, the lice are really coming out of the woodwork now. What did someone do, pour whisky onto them?

Two of them, of the NZer and Phillies Sedai variety, can be found in the General forum discussing theology or something similarly more horrifying than even the taxonomic definition of a Bren gun.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Comrade Jo Xia:

Aha! And here MrSpkr, just as we anticipated, we have the proof we need. HE ADMITS IT! And note you, MrSpkr that he compounds his guilt ... how you ask? Follow the logic, he is in it for the booze, the booze can only be won by ... THE BEST OF THE GROGS, therefore he, by his own admission, considers himself worthy to be called the BEST OF THE GROGS.

That I should live to see this day, that a CessPooler would ... my heart is ... broken.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I admit nothing. I was merely pointing out that while the tournament itself is GROGGLY, the prize is worthy of a CessPooler. Perhaps you are not really anti-GROG, so much as you are anti-grog. Yes, Comrade Jo, I accuse you of being a teetotaling prohibitionist (again I point out the Utah connection). Your obvious intent is to turn the MBT into some kind of tea and cookies temperance society meeting. This is among the most serious threats to rise since … well … er … the last greatest threat.

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Good heavens, the lice are really coming out of the woodwork now. What did someone do, pour whisky onto them?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> By GAWD if they did it ON PURPOSE we'll have the swine up on charges. No self respecting member of the CessPool will waste booze while I'M The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool!

And you can take THAT for your answer too Marlow.

Joe

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To further call into questions the motives of one Comrade Jo Xia, we first examine the accusation:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Comrade Jo Xia:

Aha! And here MrSpkr, just as we anticipated, we have the proof we need. HE ADMITS IT! And note you, MrSpkr that he compounds his guilt ... how you ask? Follow the logic, he is in it for the booze, the booze can only be won by ... THE BEST OF THE GROGS, therefore he, by his own admission, considers himself worthy to be called the BEST OF THE GROGS.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So, I stand indited of the crime of being a GROG. We then examine the profile for Comrade Xia:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>From the profile of Red Jo:

Interests: Simulations, Reading, History <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aha! J'accuse Jo.

So there we have it. Jo Xia, Communist, teatotaler, and GROG.

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

I also noticed a stinking newbie Swede by the real life name of Everett Thiele, aka "Hi, I am a CM Player" made the cut.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, well in reading your application

letter it probably didn't go over too

well that when they asked, "explain the

WWII battle you find most interesting",

you answered, with slobbering

enthusiasm:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> From Snacho Panza's application:

I like anything with at least two corps'

worth of light flak guns in it. :rolleyes:

Especially if they're in the front lines.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

To further call into questions the motives of one Comrade Jo Xia, we first examine the accusation:

Aha! J'accuse Jo.

So there we have it. Jo Xia, Communist, teatotaler, and GROG.

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Grogs are poopy. Tea is poopy. Communists are poopy.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

snip and of course the omnipotent DekeFentle (is the lad NEVER to aspire to a station higher than "whupping boy"?).snip

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joey you doddering disenfranchised dolt, its The Whuppin’ Boy as proclaimed by Lorak the loathed oh so many incarnations ago. The only station above it, is that which will never be bestowed. I alone occupy the pinnacle of pestilence in this farcical fairyland of twittering kinnigets and boot scraping serfs. This is yet another example of the flatulent falsehoods and inane inaccuracy’s your spasms upon the keyboard consistently create.

Please note gentle reader, my megalomania is in remission and thus can not be connected to the truths above.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

" 'E said Jehovah!"

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"Jehovah!"

"Stop that! You'll only make it worse for yourself"

"Worse? How can it get any worse?"

*Dances*

"Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!"

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Aha! J'accuse Jo.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My GAWD, this just gets worse and worse ... now ... HE'S TALKING FRENCH!

I'd throw myself on the mercy of the court if I were you bub ... actually I'd shoot myself if I were you but you know what I mean.

Thanks Speedbump I know I can always count on your support ... I think I can promise the CessPool a LONG and COMPLICATED trial that will require LOTS of notes. I see many days and nights and of course we'll have to sequester the jury and of course the stenographers will HAVE to be with the juriors to read back the notes at ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT. I just hope we can find enough qualified jurors.

Joe

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{Lars picks himself up and tries to brush off the *BOOT* marks.}

My apologies, my Liege,

I only offered up the observation that there is no way to cross the river in order to make the following points:

Primus) This allows the GROG known as Janice-O-Cess to cower on his side of the river for the entire match. Now I shall only be able to smite him with large splody things. This will have about the same effect as poking an anthill with a stick. The ant’s AI will automatically cause them to mill about with no direction from a somewhat higher intelligence behind them. Janice-O-Cess will no doubt spend the entire game pushing the big GO button while hoping for a lucky break.

A) A bridge would have been the ideal place for a newly minted Squire such as he to prove himself an idjit by trying to cross over to MY side of the river. See the lack of intelligence noted above.

1) This scenario will have all the strategic and tactical skill as is required to win a game of Battleship. Janice-O-Cess will have no doubt hidden all his FO’s in the large stone church. It will be a sad day for him when he realizes that not only will large scale arty take down a church, but that I am rat-bastich enough to shell a church into oblivion.

Uno) I have no way to get to HIS side of the river (let me at him, I’ll murderize the bastich). This means that by about turn 25 I will be so bored as to be marching my troops up and down the square (Does anybody else want to spend the day marching UP and DOWN the square?) in parade formation just to draw fire and see if he can accidently hit them. It’s nice of you to give me the opportunity to practice for the close order drill trophy, but I think that is also a tournament that Janice-O-Cess has entered.

And now Sire, to make further amends, here is your Nestle’s Quick at 108F, no more, no less, just the way you like it. If you could ask Mr. Spkr to get his squire to return the file you shall have his hide in no time. And the scuff marks have been removed from your footwear, Sire.

{Lars prostrates himself and backs out of the room groveling, never taking his eyes off the Boots the whole time}

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The trusty and loyal Squire Lars made great pains to explain: {well ... never mind, it was a lot of stuff but it was sufficiently abject}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lars no need for explanations lad, I know that you regret your earlier outburst by the apology you had delivered by that young lady, lovely girl, great sense of humor, and who would have believed that a little slip of a girl like that could ... well, enough of that.

I understand, however, that your erstwhile opponent the {alleged} squire Jar O' P*ss, has NOT responded to your setup. You don't suppose that he has had second thoughts? Or perhaps MrSpkr simply picked the wrong chap, it's sad when a Knight can't count on his squire. Of course Jar O' P*ss isn't a REAL squire.

Luckily I'VE never had to worry about that, MY squires were well chosen and all have become Knights to be proud of, and yes lad, I include you in that group, what is it now, one more game, two?

Perhaps a paper while we're waiting? Ummm, shall we say 14 pages, double spaced on ... "Jar O' P*ss, the Squire Who Never Was."

Joe

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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"I have returned."

But when I got back on Friday, the MBT was under the odorous influence of "Tailgasser Joe", so I waited until the vapors dissipated somewhat before making my esteemed presence known again here in this Pit of Shame.

I must observe that two weeks away from you "Band of Losers" has made it quite clear that the Pool and its inhabitants are indeed like a perpetual bunion. Painful and annoying, yet a familiar pain that remains in the mind no matter where you are. Like riding a bicycle or smelling the seats of same in schoolyards, one never really forgets the Pool and its Slimey Toads.

Two weeks spent scouting all the battle towns and sites in the Ardennes has been a worthy adventure. I took along "A Time for Trumpets" with the only modern guidebook by Charles Whiting. I traced the original route of Kampfgruppe Peiper from start to finish, including an unmarked forest road. Things have changed in 55 years, but I could still see the terrain features from the Schneeifel to Loshiem to St. Vith to Huertgen Forest to Rockreath/Krinkelt to Baugnez crossroads and so forth. Having two weeks to explore gave me sufficient time to see most places from Luxembourg to Monschau, westward to the Meuse River.

BTW, the Our and Sure river valleys are certainly beautiful enough to inspire an attack. Here are a few other observations.

1. Either practice your high school French or take Pawbroon along when you visit the Ardennes. It's all small towns and villages where Americans and English speakers don't visit much. But you will see lots of US flags on monuments to the war in many villages.

2. WW2 battle history is a big thing in the Ardennes. Bastogne is rather bland, boring, and the most touristy, but Malmedy is a good choice for a town to stay in. I stayed in Malmedy one week, followed by three nights in Bastogne and three nights in La Roche. Actually, my hotel was 2 km outside of Malmedy, which was even better to keep down noise and be closer to the hills. La Roche is also not too great, but my hotel 8km outside of town was terrific. In general, I was paying around $55 per night for good rooms with full facilities and breakfast. Other prices were similar to US prices.

3. The Ardennes forests are just too beautiful. Lots of straight, dense rows of fir trees that are farmed to keep out the underbrush makes them attractive to walk around in. NO barbed wire fences and "keep out" signs. All the roads in the Ardennes are pretty two lane roads with little traffic where you can just pull off the road at the many logging gravel roads, and just go hiking up into the woods. Villages are about 5km apart. Everything is very close. Over two weeks, I drove about 2000km, but it didn't feel like it, since every trip to visit a new place passed over other places I had seen. Very cool.

4. I found some real foxholes near St. Vith in a row facing the woods after 55 years. Very inspiring to see what they saw after all this time.

5. Good museums in La Gleize and Bastogne. But check out a new one forming in Poteau. Run by a young Dutch couple using their own money (where do they get it all?), it features a nice collection of guns and equipment you can touch, but they have WORKING VERSIONS OF US AND GERMAN HALF-TRACKS that you can rent to ride in around the original battlefield. I didn't get a ride being by myself, but I got a personal tour. Check it out.

6. The only negative report I have is that frozen french fries are common in restaurants and cafes. Also, the Euro's are wild about fast motorcycles, and they travel in small packs which will annoy your travels as they constantly zip by on the roads and fill small town centers with raucous noise. They all dress in complete racing leathers from head to toe, with full face-helmuts so that no skin is is exposed to the wonderful summer air. Traveling at 80mph, they aren't interested in viewing the sites; they only want to roar along their way. Kinda like a bunch of Stuka Boyz, except the Euro version seems to travel with real girls on the back. I even saw a few Biker Babes Driving Big Bikes once they removed the thick outer layers to strut their stuff in the town square cafes.

I'll return game turns as soon as I get back to normal.

BTW, I would have taunted you from the Ardennes, but internet connections are hard to come by for a tourist over there. Plus, the damned Frogs have their own keyboard layout that made typing a nightmare. I had to join the Malmedy public library just to send an email, and I did it in French even though I don't speak it. So there, you cretins.

I still loathe all of you.

Your Pal,

Jake

[ 08-27-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Only 80mph?

Hummph! What a bunch of Euro-pansies.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sheesh. The ones that shot by me in Paris were doing about 110mph in traffic, in the rain. Crazies. (says dalem enviously)

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Sheesh. The ones that shot by me in Paris were doing about 110mph in traffic, in the rain. Crazies. (says dalem enviously)

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I thought that was you.

Didn't you see me wave?

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