Hakko Ichiu Posted August 26, 2001 Share Posted August 26, 2001 Madmatt Films and Cesspool Productions proudly present the epic martial arts slanging match, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge. IN A FAR OFF CESSPOOL, MYSTERIOUS WARRIORS BATTLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS CAUSE WITH MYSTERIOUS TAUNTS LEARNED FROM MYSTERIOUS BOOKS IN MYSTERIOUS MOUNTAINS. THE STAKES ARE HIGH AND THERE ARE NO RULES. (that's because we're too lazy to post them -- ed.) --- A bamboo grove by a meandering stream. In the foreground, a rickety bamboo bridge; in the background a rickety bamboo hut. A scholar sits in the grove in deepest meditation. In an act of utmost unconscious graceful perfection he reaches down to scratch his nether areas. He heaves a sigh as he perceives a gaggle of mandarins, courtiers and lackeys approaching over the rickety bamboo bridge; they pause at the highest point. A senior lackey, Jo Sha, detaches himself from the group and cautiously approaches the scholar. Jo Xia: (prostrating himself and banging his head on the ground three times) Oh, esteemed one, we have come to make obeisance in your presence and beseech you to return to the 'Pool. See all the most senior notables of the Mutha Beautiful Thread have come to pay their respects. There, standing upon the bridge are Sha Na Chi, Ber Li, Jay Di, Gai Er, Ay Ken, Er Bisu, Lo Lak and many others. They all beg you to illuminate once more the waters of the 'Pool with the radiance of your wisdom. The scholar rises lithely as a praying mantis. With consummate grace he pulls the folds of his robe from the crack in his posterior. He glances down at the prostrate Jo Xia, then toward the crowd on the bridge. They hold their breaths in anticipation of the answer. Hakko Ichiu (for it is he): Arise, Jo Sha, and walk with me. They proceed toward the bank of the stream Do you see that turtle there in the stream? Would it be happier with its bottom in the stream, or in a gilded cage at the Imperial Court? Jo Xia: Well, err, at the Imperial Court it would have lots of lovely, crunchy lettuce and all the female turtles it could roger. Hakko Ichiu: Ooh, good answer. I see your point, but still, there is one thing I must do. Out of folds of his robe he produces the flamethrower Green Fecking Destiny. Leaping high into the air, he fires it at the base of the rickety bamboo bridge, which proceeds to collapse, tossing the assembled mandarins, courtiers, and lackeys into the water. Weighed down by their robes and leather undergarments, they thrash impotently about in the water and drag each other down. Soon none is left above the surface. Hakko Ichiu puts away the flamethrower, a smile of satisfaction on his face. Jo Xia: Well now you've gone and done it. There'll be no one left in the 'Pool, except maybe Lawyer, who was too busy oppressing the productive sector to make the trip. Hakko Ichiu: Pish tush. Put your mind at rest, Jo Xia. A little water never hurt a denizen of the 'Pool. They'll all wash up eventually, although I shudder to think of the costs of environmental remediation. Jo Xia: That's as may be, but the bridge has collapsed, and there's no way to get across the stream. What do you say to that, smarty pants? Hakko Ichiu: (thinks for a moment, then gestures to the rickety bamboo hut) Do you want to go back to my place? Jo Xia: I thought you'd never ask. Fade to black ---- You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll clog your nostrils with sewage! If you post in one thread this year, it has to be Crouching Tiger, Hidden Peng Challenge! [ 08-26-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ] [ 08-26-2001: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted August 26, 2001 Share Posted August 26, 2001 You had to edit this twice, and still there is no Amsterdam Leather Press stuff. You are just not the Ethan you used to be... How sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted August 26, 2001 Share Posted August 26, 2001 So that was why we had to wait all bloody afternoon for the next PENG CHALLENGE thread, Hakko was busy planning his entrance, and to top that, Germanboy is the first to follow him in, Welcome Home to both of you, What took you so bloody long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted August 26, 2001 Share Posted August 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2: So that was why we had to wait all bloody afternoon for the next PENG CHALLENGE thread, Hakko was busy planning his entrance, and to top that, Germanboy is the first to follow him in, Welcome Home to both of you, What took you so bloody long? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It's called a 'Flying Visit' though. Once the low-life shows up (I estimate appr. 5 mins) I am gone - only took the opportunity to be the first one in (I am sure it will keep some people busy for 300 posts to make jokes about that). Bye bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted August 26, 2001 Share Posted August 26, 2001 Low-life here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Well thats just lovely isn't it? Germanboy is the first one in the door, soils the carpet and then leaves. Now who is going to clean up his mess? Squire! Squire! Bring the brush and bucket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: Well thats just lovely isn't it? Germanboy is the first one in the door, soils the carpet and then leaves. Now who is going to clean up his mess? Squire! Squire! Bring the brush and bucket!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I suddenly got a bad taste in my mouth, this could have been the start of a really great thread, but some people just wont let things go........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2: I suddenly got a bad taste in my mouth, this could have been the start of a really great thread, but some people just wont let things go........<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Emma, don't be bitter, Stuka just does not know any better. No need to get upset with him. I am sure if someone bothered to explain to him the error of his ways, even he would understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy: Emma, don't be bitter, Stuka just does not know any better. No need to get upset with him. I am sure if someone bothered to explain to him the error of his ways, even he would understand.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Maybe so, but the guy just seems so wound up.I have no quarrel with him, but can't help noticing how much venom he spews at times.. Why the big chip Stuka? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Never fear, Mace is here! I suspect I will have some news of the demise of my evil-gamey-nemisis, Sir OGBF....WXYZ....1234.....Whatever ( *shrugs* ) as our ubergame draws to a close. However, I have the joys of some 9 hours or so of work ahead of me (Blah!!!..I say again BLAH!!!!) before my return to home, family, and that which I hold so dear to me, my PC, and the discovery of the game's outcome. And on other fronts, I'm winning, except where I'm loosing! And a special salute to dame Kitty, who with I spent the weekend blowing up stuff and making things 'splode', all outside the provincial town of Carentan. Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Nothing [serious][/serious]. I did not think a smiley was necessary to convey my lack of evil intention. However for those unsure..... Re: previous post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Quick! Kill it before it gets loose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OGSF Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Och noo Mace, ye gamey artillery dropping ferret's groin - ye managed tae eke oot a major victory. Musta bin tha forrrrty thrrrree thooosand tons o' arrrtillery ye managed tae drrrop rrright on top o' mah brrrave laddies ain turrrn thrrree, mon. SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**YK2** Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Quick! Kill it before it gets loose!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Darn... Too late... Last two (I promise) especially for PENG [ 08-26-2001: Message edited by: YK2 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Arrrrrghhh! They're breeding! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Now this just WON'T do, not at all at all. First we have someJohnny come earlier, Johnny leave, Johnny come later like Hakko Ichiu (in fact EXACTLY like Hakko Ichiu) host the thread, then he DOESN'T post the rules and then, to top it all off, HE COPIES AND PASTES A POST HE MADE WEEKS AGO! Bah, and he probably expects us to have forgotten that and accept this as newly minted, well we're not that easily fooled boyo ... well okay Stuka is but that's different. I tell you it wasn't like this on MY thread, wouldn't allow this kind of slipshod behavior ... I make certain that when I'M shod THEY DON'T SLIP. And Germanboy has deigned to honor us with his presence, albeit it ever so short. Still we must accept those brief moments we are given. Lars! Oh Lars! any report yet on Arty Fest '45? Have you crushed that pipsqueak Jar O' P*ss yet? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Earth will soon be known as 'The Planet of the Smilies' and then Mark Wahlberg will land to save us and there'l be a big fight in the desert and then things will be cool and both smilie and human will live together in peace. Speaking of which, for those who have seen the film, did it cross anyone elses mind that just before the big battle scene, when the ape army is approaching the ruins that all the humans needed was a couple of HMG teams and maybe a King Tiger with its honking great gun and them pesky apes would have been toast. Or maybe a Stuka? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: Earth will soon be known as 'The Planet of the Smilies' and then Mark Wahlberg will land to save us and there'l be a big fight in the desert and then things will be cool and both smilie and human will live together in peace. Speaking of which, for those who have seen the film, did it cross anyone elses mind that just before the big battle scene, when the ape army is approaching the ruins that all the humans needed was a couple of HMG teams and maybe a King Tiger with its honking great gun and them pesky apes would have been toast. Or maybe a Stuka?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I was struck by the need for the movie to have never been made in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem: I was struck by the need for the movie to have never been made in the first place.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Agreed, certainly not one of the greats of the silver screen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 What struck me (trying not to give away spoilers) was how the last 3 minutes of the movie were somehow able to turn the entire thing into crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 "Our patience is at an end, with over 6500 active members here, any one person's knowledge is replaceable." -- MM And with that interesting statement, I am on sabbatical for two weeks. Turns should still go out through Thurdsay, just so I can make you whom I owe them very, very uncomfortable. Then, I shall be underwater. If MM come up with any more Stalinism, let me know. The bar reopens on the 10th! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Wankers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: What struck me (trying not to give away spoilers) was how the last 3 minutes of the movie were somehow able to turn the entire thing into crap.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And the fact that the planet was descibed as 'uninhabited' when the space station crashed. This explained the lack of wildlife in the movie. no dogs, cattle, birds etc. So where did the horses come from???? Riddle me that, batman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 Last night I played a Berli creation against my Father via TCP/IP.....It may have been the best designed and most interesting scenario I have ever played. It was called leCamp_crossroads. GREAT game check it out if you haven't already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted August 27, 2001 Share Posted August 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stuka wrote: Speaking of which, for those who have seen the film, did it cross anyone elses mind that just before the big battle scene, when the ape army is approaching the ruins that all the humans needed was a couple of HMG teams and maybe a King Tiger with its honking great gun and them pesky apes would have been toast.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The problem is that POTA was released before CMBB, and therefore would not benefit from the improved modelling of machinegun teams. Depending on the organisation of the apes, the machineguns would be aiming either at the centre of the entire mass, or at individual apes. Therefore they could not hope to lay down any kind of effective suppression fire, let alone wound or kill any significant number of the apes. If Burton had waited a few more months, he would have benefited from faster target switching, not to mention fire lanes and grazing fire (yes I know they're the same thing). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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