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Now is the Challenge of our discontent, made horrid cess by this son of Peng


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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Well it is now that YOU'RE here.

Why don't you sod on off to the Outer Boards and have a go at explaining to Fieldmarshall (oh He of 'My WinZip has fallen and I can't get it up!' fame) why he is the LAST person in the world to be explaining things to newbies.

Or better still, just SOD OFF.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

AHEM....Why am I being mentioned in your bloody PENG thread...The Soccor Riot of CM in my opinion...

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Oh geea, I am SOO embarassed.

I forgot to close the door to the men's room behind me and look what scurried out from its afternoon snacking behind the toilet.

**CRUNCH**

Now, if I could just find a place to scrape my shoe . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am inclined to believe you are making the comparison of a roach, to my humble self...?

Well...I've got a wonderfully sweet retort to that crass remark, that is not only MORE crass, it will make you laugh on the other side of your face now let me begin:

***ahem***

Bugger off you stupid dumbass, incontinent PENG git with the brains of a half eatin inbread rooster.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Oh geea, I am SOO embarassed.

I forgot to close the door to the men's room behind me and look what scurried out from its afternoon snacking behind the toilet.

**CRUNCH**

Now, if I could just find a place to scrape my shoe . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh yes, MrSpkr, we do (and will) hold you responsible for FrailMarshaMarshaMarsha.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Failed eh? Is that the Beer talking?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ummm, no, it has a very limited vocabulary ... mostly "pussshhhttt", "gluglugluglug" and "crunnnchhhh" ... mind you people never seem to get tired of hearing it ... now scurry on back to the outerboard, where it's safe.

Joe

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Ummm, no, it has a very limited vocabulary ... mostly "pussshhhttt", "gluglugluglug" and "crunnnchhhh" ... mind you people never seem to get tired of hearing it ... now scurry on back to the outerboard, where it's safe.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

lol! Oh...how sad...you think beer talks..

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Let us see. I ahave worked out the problems with my mailing script, apparently everyone was getting someone elses porno.No more, games are going out, and many battles are waiting to be joined.

Stevetherat has a meeting engagement with everything random. And I can tell you that everything I bought sucks ass for the battle we are about to fight.

Terrence has some sort of set up file from me, but for the life of me I cannot remember what the hell I sent him. I think it was something stupid and sneaky though. Trouble is, it was so stupid and sneaky I cannot remember what it was.

Micheal Dorosh is not a member of the pool, but I sent a setup to him to replace one misplaced when I want under the brain knife. Just to show my esteem for him, I made it a 7500 point british assault on a 5000 point German defence. I can't wait to see his face when he opens it up.

And speaking of gamey, I cannot wait for someone to see my new gamey fantasy scenarios, "Blood Mountain" and "Boat to Nowhere". They are totally gamey, not realistic in the least, and suck eggs.

Just like all of you do.

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Gee, it looks like the social disease of the outer boards has infected the MBT again. Maybe the Aussies can eradicate it while we sleep. Or the school truant officer will come by...

And Slapdraggin makes me miss Panzer Leader. Who woulda thunk it?

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Gee, it looks like the social disease of the outer boards has infected the MBT again. Maybe the Aussies can eradicate it while we sleep. Or the school truant officer will come by...

And Slapdraggin makes me miss Panzer Leader. Who woulda thunk it?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Or maybe Lawyer can smell a few roses here and there and realize that Squire Slapdragon is here to stay. He was even addressed by Stevetherat as Sir Slapdragon.

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

Gee, it looks like the social disease of the outer boards has infected the MBT again. Maybe the Aussies can eradicate it while we sleep. Or the school truant officer will come by...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I heard you can get a shot that clears it right up.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And Slapdraggin makes me miss Panzer Leader. Who woulda thunk it?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It frightens me to say this, but I was having the EXACT same thought (well, substitute 'reminds me of' for 'makes me miss' and 'that doltard Panzer Leader' for Panzer Leader, but essentially the exact same thought).

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Or maybe Lawyer can smell a few roses here and there and realize that Squire Slapdragon is here to stay. He was even addressed by Stevetherat as Sir Slapdragon. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I see that Slapdragon is referring to himself in the third person now. I suppose that we will soon see him making comments like: "Slapdragon isn't in the CessPool to follow rules. Slapdragon is in the CessPool to show the CessPool that Slapdragon is better than everyone else in the CessPool. Slapdragon doesn't like all the rules because Slapdragon doesn't understand them all but he's sure that they are somehow insulting to Slapdragon."

As to stevetherat ... what can you expect?

Joe

[ 10-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FieldMarsha:

It is scientific fact that PENG is the cause of brain tumors, and famed CM after game riots.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nothing at all like the NIKE riots back in the hippodrome! Were it not for the Emperor's bitch of a wife we really would have cracked the skulls of those damned Monophytist Greens...

But I digress. I say! Seanachai! Do send your boy out for more absinthe and beer nuts! And be sure that he takes the path with the mines this time!

St.Rat is still alive is he? Hmmmm, I may have to force him to defeat me again over the course of five months... slower than Dalem's comprehension, he is.

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Festerin' pork snorklin' farty baloons! Wha' tha pee stained sporan daid tha buttock boil MrSpkr let ain tha door baheend haim? Grreat snappin' MacSphincterrs - Ah shud smack tha slippery snot oot o' tha bastaarrrd!

But Ah'e tae many gams on as at as - bahseeds, Ah cudnae bae bothered wi' haim reeght noo.

Alas! Poor Peng! Ah knoo haim, Seanachai,

A loomp o' infinite Cess...

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

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Festerin' pork snorklin' farty balloons! Wha' tha pee stained sporan daid tha buttock boil MrSpkr let ain tha door baheend haim? Grreat snappin' MacSphincterrs - Ah shud smack tha slippery snot oot o' tha bastaarrrd!

But Ah'e tae many gams on as at as - bahseeds, Ah cudnae bae bothered wi' haim reeght noo.

Alas! Poor Peng! Ah knoo haim, Seanachai,

A loomp o' infinite Cess...

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

Edited fer spittle

[ 10-03-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

St.Rat is still alive is he? Hmmmm, I may have to force him to defeat me again over the course of five months... slower than Dalem's comprehension, he is.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

While we are on the subject of your defeat, please send a turn. Your armor is already looking like the accumulation of wrecks that undoubtably are up on blocks in your front yard, and I want to add to the collection.

[ 10-03-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

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The Scene: A cluttered, crowded room lined with filing cabinets, computers and hard drives and monitors. Two battered desks face each other in the middle of the room. Upon the windowless wall is a banner, "The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread NEVER Rests!" Upon another wall is a large calendar labelled "Dungeon Appointments", several names are penciled in, some are crossed out ... some are underlined.

Sitting at one desk is a weary but resolute figure, his distinguished salt and pepper hair slightly askew, the work, after all, is more important than appearance. He looks up, his steely eyes focusing on something ... far in the distance, a look of resolute determination is fixed upon his handsome, yet worn visage. Suddenly the door opens and a younger, but no less determined figure enters . In his hands ... a file folder.

Sir Joe: Ah, Sir MrSpkr, just the man I wanted to see. I suppose you've noticed the Dorosh affair?

Sir MrSpkr: {Sir MrSpkr frowns deeply, the creases of his displeasure cutting into his chiseled features.} Yes Sir Joe, I have. I must say I'm disappointed.

Sir Joe: Disappointed Sir MrSpkr? Surely anything that keeps outerboarders away from the Peng Challenge Thread is to be highly applauded?

Sir MrSpkr: Of course, Sir Joe, but it's not the outerboarders I was referring to, it's ...

Sir Joe: Surely you don't mean that ...

Sir MrSpkr: I'm afraid so Sir Joe, there have been ... CessPoolers posting there.

Sir Joe: {Sir Joe's handsome yet careworn head slowly falls into his hands and his voice is, therefore, muffled as he responds} I had hoped ... but I suppose such things are like the forbidden fruit ... is that ... the list?

Sir MrSpkr: Yes, yes it is. {Sir MrSpkr slowly opens the folder as if opening the lid to a toilet that he's pretty sure hasn't been flushed} Knights posting there: Sir Stuka, Sir Mace, Sir Hiram's Ghost and Sir Roborat.

Sir Joe: {Sir Joe shakes his head at the perfidy of those on the list} Sir Stuka I can understand, he's a gamey bastiche ... he doesn't play double blind you know.

Sir MrSpkr: Yes ... yes I knew that.

Sir Joe: As to Sir Hiram's Ghost, well Hiram has always been ... Hiram, and of course Sir Roborat is awfully new. Sir Mace though ... I don't suppose he was denouncing the thread?

Sir MrSpkr: The post was ... inconclusive, Sir Joe. Hard to say one way or another.

Sir Joe: Hmmmm, yes I suppose. And the Squires?

Sir MrSpkr: Only one Squire Sir Joe ... Slapdragon ...

Sir Joe: Ah yes, the instigator of the thread, the one who didn't care for our ARCANE procedures. Anyone else?

Sir MrSpkr: Some SSN, Terence I think, he seems to be hanging about looking for crumbs.

Sir Joe: An SSN? We can ignore him easily enough. The rest though ... hmmmm ....

Sir MrSpkr: It IS the outerboard, perhaps freedom of choice comes into play?

Sir Joe: {sir Joe looks up sharply, the anger flashing from his eyes like spears} Freedom of Choice? A RENEGADE Peng Thread and YOU talk of Freedom of Choice? It's a TRAVESTY and ... A challenge to the TRADITIONS of the CessPool.

Sir MrSpkr: I was playing Berli's Advocate, of course I agree with you.

Sir Joe: {Sir Joe smiles grimly} I know, I know. The ... usual ... investigative procedures are in place?

Sir MrSpkr: All of them functioning properly Sir Joe.

Sir Joe: So ... now we wait.

Sir MrSpkr: Now we wait ... and stock up on coals.

Joe

[ 10-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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From Captain Wacky, in the "other thread"....

-----------------

ON THE ANOMOLOUS STRUCTURE AND SUBSEQUENT REACTION OF THE CESS AND ANTI-CESS COLLISION:

Wacky, Captain. "The Proliferation of Cess-Based Weapons of Mass Destruction." Oxford: Wacky Publishing Enterprises, Inc. 2001.

PART ONE: THE STRUCTURE OF CESS

The element of Cess (commonly referred to as Pengonium) has long been known to science, but only now with the help of modern techonolgy has man been able to fully understand and comprehend its power. Cess, unlike all other radioactive materials, undergoes not a constant degredation of atomic structure but rather a constant growth. This continues for as long as the specific sample of Pengonium remains viable (usually until it has reached or is close to having 300 protons). At this point the sample apparently ceases all growth for a short period of time. Unfortunately, it remains unkown at this time why or how Pengonium stops growing, although some theorize it may have to do with the threat of the element over-growing its space and causing unthinkable concequences for the rest of the world. Religious scholars believe that the mysterious destruction of Peng may be a merciful act of Master of the Universe, popularly known as the One of Clean Skull and Head.

However, Cess always manages to spring up again. This is due once again to its unique growth pattern. As Pengonium becomes larger, and thus more unstable, greater and greater amounts of Cess are spewed out into the world. Like the maple seed, one inevitably finds fertile ground and begins the life anew.

Luckily, the world has not suffered the ravages of a full-blown Pengonium reaction in some 65 million years. The last known incident of a mass of any scale going critical occurred in the early 20th century (1908). In what came to be known simply as the Tunguska Incident, a highly reactive mass of Cess trapped within a small comet crashed into the Earth in uninhabited Siberia. The blast leveled trees in a hundred mile radius, and the incredible shockwave broke windows as far away as London. Other effects were just as dramatic. The country of France, as a whole, was effected by the high levels of hostility, and its citizens have remained snooty to the rest of the world ever since. Amazingly, the severity of the Tunguska Incident is only estimated to have .003% of the fury of a full-blown Cess reaction.

Incredibly, Cess appears not to exist in any of the standard forms of solid, liquid, or gas. It seems to reside within the bowels of certain electronic environments. Cess also seams to have an aversion to other elements and is never found within a compound. Pengonium can be identified easily by its foul odor and dripping sarcasm.

PART TWO: THE STRUCTURE OF ANTI-CESS

In one of the most exciting moments in recent scientific history, researchers announced the discovery of Anti-Cess just this week. This discovery answers one of the long held questions for astro-physicists: If Cess exists as we know it to, what is it that contains the vicious element; what keeps the delicate balance to prevent Pengonium and its violent reaction from destroying the universe? The answer is something akin to the relationship between matter and dark-matter, or the Yin and Yang of East Asian culture.

The structure of Anti-Cess is profoundly different than that of its cousin. Based on preliminary results, it appears to contain all the useless information about war that ever existed. With the help of advanced technology, you can actually see within the structure of Anti-Cess the tensile strength of Ragnar Lodbrok's 9th century Viking sword, or the precise muzzle velocity of the Brown Bess Musket. In a word, it Anti-Cess might be described as "groggy."

Unfortunately, due to the reletive newness of the discovery, no more knowledge exists dealing with Anti-Cess, although more is sure to follow in the coming years.

PART THREE: THE CESS/ANTI-CESS REACTION or MAY GOD HELP US ALL!!!

So what would be the consequences of collision of Pengonium atoms with a lump of Anti-Cess? I can only speculate, but the results would be catastrophic. If a Cess reaction alone could destroy the universe, what would happen if it were combined with complete opposite?

Early theories are not pleasant. Some believe that combining the two driving but opposite forces of the universe would cause a massive chain reaction, as each atom was ripped apart by the enormous forces around it. The universe would literally explode into an infinite amount of sub-atomic particles, incapable of reforming, and thus ending life forever.

The other leading states that the Cess and Anti-Cess would actually combine, ala the attraction between a + and - magnet. The resulting mass would consist of utter nothingess, tearing a great rift in space and time. The nothingness would draw all matter into it and destroy it. With a lack of matter, gravity would no longer exist, and therefore the space-time relationship as we know it would end. The universe would simply "cease" to be, possibly similar to the legend that if one pronounces the name of God backwards he or she will undue all of creation.

Luckily, Cess and Anti-Cess have so far not interacted. Several dangerous incidents have been recorded, though. Just this week a large quantity of Cess leaked outside of its containment field shortly after a breakdown at the laboratory.

Copyright of Captain Wacky 2001

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