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A Thousand Points of Peng, A Kindler, More Gentler Cess


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blathered by Croda:

You forget yourself, Henri. Some of us have been around that long, but began a new persona. I used to post for a year as "Big Guy with a Little Play Stick." And now i changed it to Croda cus that sounds better, besides the girls would not talk to me..

well mr. chuckles even though you look like a one eyed budgie with a squint, we still talk to you.

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www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

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Guest Germanboy

The scene – dawn, the sun fighting to dismiss the haze over the torn ground into the night where it belongs to and came from. Earth moves, hands appear from under ground. A German Obergefreiter and an American Sergeant peek their heads out, just far enough to survey the surroundings. No trees left untoppled, craters everywhere. Burnt out hulks of steel beasts smoking, ammo cooking off. In the distance, planes can be seen hurtling across the virgin sky. Noticing it is safe (as safe as things are around here anyway), they dig themselves out, trying to get the dirt of their uniforms.

The German (let’s call him Andreas): My word, what was that? Have your lot gone totally bonkers?

The American (let’s call him Hiram): Jeez, the Lieutenant said they were going to use a Meeks on your MLR, but who would have thought. How did I end up in the same dug-out with you?

Andreas: Dunno – one minute everything around here was fine, but then a bald man appeared shouting ‘all this will go to Meeks – muhahhahahahahahahhahaha!’ The next moment, earth trembling, sky falling in, dirt, shrapnel everywhere. Bidy parts, insults, swear words flung at random. Sheer terror. I hunkered down immediately.

Hiram: Yeah, I saw the bald man too, and thought I better make myself sparse around here. Good thing I did. I see my squad took heavy damage to their humourous bits from over-exposure, and they will never be able to perform like they once did I fear.

Andreas: Well, shall we get back to it and help them clear up the rubble?

Hiram: Maybe we can find one or other of them buried underneath it – Corporal Peng was gone for a while, too.

Andreas: Let’s go to it then – here’s yer rifle.

Hiram: Ta.

They set off, the sun rising from behind them, while a horrific mixture of the Star Spangled Banner and the Deutschlandlied intermingle with the sounds of the wind gushing over the desolate place. A few figures can be seen in the distance, one of them smoking and smelling like Sulphur, one singing randomly, some waving sheep, another holding them at gunpoint waving a large flag with HLF embroidered on it while they are all being lectured in Irish on Fionn's teachings, by a madman. A mortally wounded Ranger Captain fires his pistol at a humongous German tank, seconds before it is blown to bits by a randomly appearing P-51, but that’s a different and altogether more boring story.

------------------

Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

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Guest Germanboy

BTW - Henri, bugger off. I started reading the forum in 11/99, only joined a long time after, when I felt I had somefink to add. If you have a problem with it, get a shrink. BTW, Joe Shaw, Simon fox, Berlichtingen, and even Matt of your list of August figures have been known to hang out in the Peng Thread. Berli at one time was head of it, until I toppled him repeatedly and so badly that he no longer could lay claim to the title of baddest man in town. We leave him to believe he runs the show though. Pretty much as we do with Matt and moderation.

Now, in the spirit of the kinder thread: want some elderberries with that whine of yours?

Have a jolly nice day - may the faeries bug you.

------------------

Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

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Originally posted by Chupacabra:

Yay, Hiram's back.

Alright G Money Chuppie. Wassup homeskillet? How's the Yank homey doing in UK land?

I'm all booked up. Let me re-check my calender. I can pencil you in for late March perhaps. All of my current PBEM opponents can tell you that I'm slow and sloppy. I simply can't add a fresh face to the pimp slap I deliver.

play stevetherat or check6 or (insert new person's name here) and they would be honored and delighted to play you.

Til then, get off my front porch.

------------------

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

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Ahh Henri,

Little history. This forum in its early days had a lot of lurkers. I imagine it still does. I started lurking here when the beta demo came out. Didn't actualy join the forum until 11/99 or 12/99, can't remember. Truthfully I didn't join because of the conversations going on then. Everything was way to grog for me. I still read and enjoyed the arguments, but feeling I had nothing to add, I just didn't join. What is funny is if this place had a Cesspool then, I most likely would have joined a lot earlier. But back then there was no humor here. Everything was dry like a physics lecture.

So, forget the dates, there are plenty who have and are still lurking, and (you may not have been here) the forum crashed a time or two causing a ton of people to have to re- register. So thier dates do not reflect thier time.

Lorak the loathed

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"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats

Cesspool

Combatmissionclub

Lorak's FTX

and for Kitty's sake

=^..^=

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Originally posted by Henri:

It is an illusion that cesspoolers are all veterans of this forum; in fact, almost all of them are wet behind the ears newcomers none of whom appeared on this forum before the year 2000!

Mr. Hanky, I don't think that anyone has pretended that cesspoolers are all vets of the forum (though many are). Many like Gerbilboy and Thorax (and me) lurked for quiet a long time before posting. It's irrelevant anyway-- if you're arrogant, pedantic, and stubborn it doesn't matter if you've been here two weeks or two years-- you'll still be arrogant, pedantic, and stubborn. Most cesspoolers play CM a whole lot. We don't (mostly) sit around and run a lot of tests to see how closely it reflects our own personal models of WWII, or whine about the increase/decrease of uebertankness, whether the bolt pattern on the roadwheels of the Panzer IVG should be different from that on the Panzer IVH (and how it's ruined the game for us), etc. In the past week or so I've actually noticed the cesspool (even with Meeks around) to be more civilized than the main board. The amount of vitriol expended over the change in force pool structures for combined arms meeting engagements was appalling (and for something with plenty of work arounds, all the more appalling. And it was all serious!. The denizens of the pool don't seem to really be bothered by much, including getting seriously pantsed in a grossly unfair CM match. We just like to play, and verbally abuse each other in a generally friendly way (except for Hiram, who really is as mean as Meeks seems). The level of play is quite high, you just have to be able to play on multiple levels (or at least make a lame attempt).

If you really have a problem with the cesspool, just send me a setup, and prepare for a string of humiliating statements about your playing ability (whether they're true or not) posted here in the pool.

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"If you can taste the difference between caviar on a cracker and ketchup on a Kit-Kat while blindfolded, you have not had enough aquavit to be ready for lutefisk." (stolen from some web page about lutefisk)

[This message has been edited by chrisl (edited 01-23-2001).]

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Bugger, we've moved again! Well looks like another week or two sleeping in the gutter because I can't find my way home from the pub. That bald one is bloody inconsiderate.

As for you Henri, you also forget us poor old fellas who tried to post during the original forum crash back in January? and had our profiles wiped.

------------------

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

I have nothing else to say. Ya, quote that you rat bastards.

-Meeks

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Originally posted by Forever Babra:

Tae A Fert:

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Stert workin like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the sancie face

Will have ye blawin' all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

A'body's gonnae have tae pay

Even if ye try to stifle,

It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

Tae try and stop the leakin air

Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go asunder

Oot it comes like a clap a thunder

Ricochets aroon the room

Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;

Hope I huvnae s--- ma breeks

Tae the bog I better scurry

Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry.

A'body roon aboot me chokin,

Wan or two are nearly bokin

I'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,

Alas too late, he's just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare

I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free

Sounds like just the job for me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty

Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

For some strange reason I thought babelfish might make this understandable. Translation to follow:

Only it stirs the wind which is enormous to respect, the ye from yer relative that place sits the doon between the sterts and when, sleekit the horrible beastie inside the yer belly efter the feastie Ohio which lurks. To the breeze pea Stert neeps which is gentle and the tatties and hu it will increase, hu to one workin which will increase but early the puddin wi sancie mask ye blawin ' will be all ower place. Even the ye examination will suffocate, hell ye dae A'body's gonnae tae grant to the Nae situation whit which when is an egg oot rifle which burns there is. The Hawd the yer it was unjust and the hard tae chair Tae examination leakin air abutment yersel frae cheek tae cheek Prae tae it doesnae reek which it will wear distant reminiscence. Um in boom and the asunder Oot where but aw yer effort by the thunder Ricochets applause comes together to aroon room Michty me it goes,! It is a process, reeks shoes almighty; Hope I huvnae S --- ma breeks Tae bog I well scurry Aw whit hell, ma anxiety. The A'body the roon aboot the chokin and the Wan or two goes out to me nearly and for a period Cannae help it recovers more and and it feels and but it is a bokin will raise a smile. Wis that! I shout too much lately in accusin glower and the Alas, him only the keeled filthy ower Ye they it commits sodomy it shouted and it sucked, the I dinnae it sees the illusion which it feels it is a what kind of mair, c. In the place the ye in Rabbie's perty Ower in me for only by the O for the yer which Whit riot non will make one gan sleeping expression fortune sound convenience the small ferty before the following which will go.

------------------

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

I have nothing else to say. Ya, quote that you rat bastards.

-Meeks

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Originally posted by Germanboy:

BTW - Henri, bugger off. I started reading the forum in 11/99, only joined a long time after, when I felt I had somefink to add.

I joined (ie. started posting my wisdom) on 12/06/99 (MM/DD/YY). Luckilly enough I wasn't one of the wags who tried to mercilessly post dribble during the dark days of January and still have my original callsign. Ironically enough, 12/06/99 was also the last date that both Hiram and Germanboy have sent me a return PBEM.

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I just want to make this quick cameo to challenge one of you sods to a PBEM. And to the rest of you gutless ones, I render a massive smack to the occipital region with my priapism.

Thank You.

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As I walk through the Valley of Death, I will fear nothing, for I am the meanest mother*#*#** in the valley. (George S. Patton)

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Originally posted by Echo:

I render a massive smack to the occipital region with my priapism.

Well since you are currently incapable of Pissing off, Bugger off instead.

------------------

This message brought to you by

Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service,

Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool

formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

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Fresh out of drydock, PT212 slowly winds it's way down the River Peng, patrolling in standard, stalwart fashion.

Ahead in the mist, an odd object floats above the river:

shandorffffff: Something off the port bow, Captain.

Captain Croda: What do you make it out to be, Jefe?

s: No idea, sir. It's pretty big though and not moving.

C: Stop the engines. We'll float up on it. Ready with that .50, Jeff.

As the 212 approached the monstrosity, they began to make out details. It was a man, balder than Kojak with 3 coats of wax, floating above the river.

C: Something we can help you with, Matt?

M: I'm cleaning up the 'Pool. I'll take that .50, Croda

C: You'll take my .50, will ya. Open up on him Jeff.

RATATATATATATATATATAT

s:No good sir, the bullets bounce off him. He's untouchable.

M: I'll take that .50 now, Croda.

C: grrrrr. Give it up, Jeff. You do realize, Matt, that this will leave us partly defenseless. There's no way that shandorffff can hold off his oppressers with his wit alone.

s: YA!

M: He'll have to learn then.

C: Well now that you have the .50, I guess we'll be moving on then. See ya Ma...

M: Not so fast. I'll take those cuss words too, please.

C: My cuss words! You want my fecking cusswords, you sunuvawhorelessgoatsuckingbagofpigpoop? DAMN!!! He already got them!

M: I'll be seeing you. -he vanishes-

s: What now, Captain? We don't have a gun or dirty words.

C: Don't worry, little Jefe...Captain Croda will think of something...

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

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Originally posted by Echo:

I just want to make this quick cameo to challenge one of you sods to a PBEM. And to the rest of you gutless ones, I render a massive smack to the occipital region with my priapism.

Thank You.

Hi Echo!! I just want to say welcome and thanks for dropping by. No, wait. I just want to say you are welcome to go away and take all of your buddies with you.

No, not quite there yet.

You can forget the notion that we are a drive through PBEM factory, junior. This isn't the Challenge-a-Plenty store where you get 3 PBEM's for a dollar and a smile.

There is an opponent finder board that is suprisingly not here.

I don't use "sod off" or "bugger off" because they are trite and overused. Instead, I just want to say that you should be honored and delighted that I even noticed you on the way back in the pool. Thats because I tripped over you.

Now get outta here already.

someone needs to turn off the grail sign, we are attracting too many oddballs

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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

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Guest Wildman

Originally posted by stevetherat:

To 'Those that know'

Is my tooth and claw scrap with, my obvious superior, Wildman for a position in 'Squiredom'?

It would certainly increase the level (cause it has no where to go but up) of my tactical employment.

Regards

Steve

Ah, personally I doubt it rat droppings. I believe that we fight merely for the enjoyment, or disgust of all. I'm sure they really just set this up to hopefully stop any posting we would be contemplating. Plus, are you really looking forward to the abuse being a squire would be? In a lesson worth of Lorak the Loathed, "Be careful what you ask for you might just receive it." I see you a Bauhaus' squire shortly.

As for your towering tactical ability. I have seen better moves from an eight year old girls playing Battletech for the first time. Let me review you plan for all.

CHARGE!!!!!!

Run two platoons right at the flags, really fast. Guess that cross-fire from both sides is a bit annoying isn't it. Oh, guess that arty spotter never got into position did it, OOPS! The Marder may have died, but now your coordination, blows more than that kid in the movie Billy Elliot. The crossroads await, come and receive your Penging.

As for my other games. GITom is leading with his Brit Dailmer, which should promptly be dispatched by a prowling PUMA. We've split the VLs, but we're still doing the "I'm not showing you my infantry or tanks dance." Eventually he'll stumble into the guns with a stiff upper lip.

Croda also continues to play hide the armor, however, that charge of the light HalfTrack just didn't work so well did it? Now if I can just convince the MG gunner on that M20, that the Ma Duce is a weapon that should be used liberally, I may have a fighting chance. So we're both in the town now, Croda, Croda, come out and plaaaay!

---

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Attention CessPool inmates. In light of the marvelous time I am having in torturing WildMook and Ratboy, I have recently devised another newbie challenge to test the mettle of an new splashers. This one, so cruel and inhumane that I would be loath to inflict it upon an actual human being, so a-historical that it would make a grog's testicles desiccate and drop off, will be perfect to either run the interloper out or to, at the very least, provide some small measure of entertainment to compensate for their annoying presence. Nominees for combat are now being accepted.

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This message brought to you by

Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service,

Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool

formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

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Originally posted by Croda:

Don't worry, little Jefe...Captain Croda will think of something...

well this could take some time... guh.. well we will wait but I've had more fun drinking cough mixture in a launderette then wait for croda to actually THINK.

funny story.. you a captain of a boat.. my my.. Croda couldn't direct a turd down a toilet! never mind a captain... *snicker* of a boat. I must admid my lad know your limits, use Shakespeare, Thou misshapen Dick (Henry VI Part 3)

-----------

www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by mensch (edited 01-23-2001).]

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Originally posted by Wildman:

Plus, are you really looking forward to the abuse being a squire would be? In a lesson worth of Lorak the Loathed, "Be careful what you ask for you might just receive it." ---

Ah, Man of the Wild If only I were a kanigget, I would sponsor you in a heartbeat. The very Idea of ordering an officer, and a Zoomie at that, to do my bidding and cater to my every whim would do wonders for my moral.

Instead, I will have to be satisfied with beating you atop of your pointy head with my Newbie-Be-Cool stick. Prepare for a setup.

------------------

This message brought to you by

Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service,

Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool

formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-23-2001).]

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Originally posted by Lorak:

Ahh Henri,

I'm very self-important and like to prove it by berating Frenchmen, preferably while speaking very slowly and in a loud voice so that they will understand.

The Gage of Challenge still lies at your feet. Now that this is the Kinder, Gentler Cesspool™, you may bend over and pick it up without threat of "interference" from Mace (although if you insist on making sheep noises while you do so, I eschew all responsibility for the outcome).

Germanboy has already indicated his willingness to produce a Map of Evil® for our disportment. Come now (sit down, Bauhaus), my good man(??), what say you? The Gage is right there, so pick it up. You know you want to.

------------------

Ethan

-----------

"We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University

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Ah yes, stevethepoophead, I forgot to address your mewling (small wonder). In order to be a squire, you must be sponsored by one of the Knights of the 'Pool, and I can assure you that has not happened.

Therefore, you are not squires jousting for Knighthood. You are instead court jesters juggling white phosphorous for the amusement of the court. You two are worth as worthless as a bidet full of crap, and twice as smelly. At least ButtCheek6 and JarJarHead are battling on a map of my creation, that rates them as garbage-pail-sludge, which is several rungs higher than you on the Ladder O' Cess.

------------------

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! -

THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO.

MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ

Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!!

must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai

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Now some words for the True Old 'Poolers: They're useless buggers but they're all we've got. Two or three have turned out, and the rest should be turned out.
Turned out? Oh please, no, the 'pool's all I have left donchaknow. They won't have me on any regular board ... can't blame them of course but still ... and with all the grogs droning on about penetration factors and Ausf. marks and so forth it's damn tough to find a thread to which I can post without a slathering comeback suggesting that I've never read some obscure tome about the manufacture of Panther armor ... which of course I haven't. So, I beg of you, don't turn me out, let me stay here in the warm, if slightly damp, environs of the 'pool with those that pass for my friends.

As to my bona fides, I merely point with humilty to the recent posts by Henri in which he lists MY name first among the old timers posting to the board. Granted he's a rank newbie to the pool but still he makes a point ... particularly amusing when he ducks his head and then makes his hair stand on end like that, quite a point there.

And finally, I must suggest that my win/loss record is such that I well represent that all important category of LOSER without which there would be no winners!

I realize that this post is far too humble and whining for the 'pool, but frankly ... I'm afraid ... there I've said it. And if I must needs beg, then so be it.

Oh ... you're all swine and I loath and destest the lot of you ... but mostly Andreas.

Joe

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Guest Germanboy

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

As to my bona fides, I merely point with humilty to the recent posts by Henri in which he lists MY name first among the old timers posting to the board.

I would not give a flying eff about what he says, and the only way I would point towards his point is with ridicule and senseless laughter. The fact that you take him up on that and use his moroseness to back up your primevality is beyond contempt. Even you should not stoop that low. Ah well, losers of the world unite, I guess.

Ethan - get me your force selection and I get you a nice battle in which you can clean up poor old Lorak. That would be the usual fee - say where do you get these souls from?

------------------

Andreas

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

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Guest Germanboy

So, who's for a bit of a sing-song then? Here is the most beautiful song I know, and when it is performed by the right band, it brings a bloody tear to my eye.

Siuil a ruin (trad):

'I would I were on yonder hill

'Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill

And every tear would turn a mill

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Curfa

Siuil, siuil. siuil a ruin

Siuil go sochair agus siuil go ciuin

Siuil go doras agus ealaigh liom

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Curfa

I'll sell my rock, I'll sell my reel

I'll sell my only spinning wheel

To buy my love a sword of steel

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Curfa

I'll dye my petticoats, I'll dye them red

And it's round the world I'll be for bread

Until my parents shall wish me dead

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Curfa

I wish, I wish, I wish in vain

I wish I had my heart again

And vainly think I'd not complain

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Curfa

And now my love has gone to France

to try his fortune to advance

If he e'er comes back it's but a chance

Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Chorus:

Go, go, go my love

Go quietly and peacfully

Go to the door and flee with me

And may you go safely my dear.'

PHONETICS:

Shule, shule, shule aroon

Shule go succir oggus, shule go kewn

Shule go deen durrus oggus aylig lume

Iss guh day too amourneen slawn.

For the educationally challenged amongst you (that includes but is not restricted to graduates from the Universities of the Carolinas): I believe it is a weaving song from the late 17th or early 18th century, from Ulster AFAIK. The singer is lamenting her love who had to flee the country to go to France as one of the WIld Geese, the Irish mercenaries who left their shores for the continent after the Battle of the Boyne. Down with William of Orange.

If Lorak knows better, just let me know.

Andreas - doing his bit to educate the unworthy and great unwashed.

------------------

Der Kessel

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 01-23-2001).]

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Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

The Gage of Challenge still lies at your feet. Now that this is the Kinder, Gentler Cesspool™, you may bend over and pick it up without threat of "interference" from Mace (although if you insist on making sheep noises while you do so, I eschew all responsibility for the outcome).

Err...

Did someone mention Sheep?

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Guest Wildman

from Marlowtheweakkneed:

Wildman, you masterful tactician. I have seen you particularly creative moves in the movies between that cretin s.t.r. and yourself. I am completely unworthy to carry your slippers to you, but humbly accept my offer to a game, and instruct me O GREAT ONE!

Of course, I will be more that happy to thrash you like a British school boy who was caught touching his *thingy*. I look forward to seeing your blood in my Stein and your guts woven into a dreamcatchers amulet for me to display.

Crodilla, the only reason you enjoy those other pathetic, loathsome newbies in there name and the sexual overtones that make you tremble and sweat with obvious exultion. The proof is in your own post:

BUTTCHEEK6 and jarHEAD.[\QUOTE]

The pool already has enough of that...of that...hanky-panky going on. So quit trying to pick up a date and SEND ME MY TURN, you worthless cesspool debris.

---

[This message has been edited by Wildman (edited 01-23-2001).]

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