To the last Challenge I grapple with thee. From Peng's Heart I stab at thee. Twice.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Panzer Leader weighed in with: He may be rude, crude, crass, lacking in wit, manners, grace, and even intelligence, but he has nonetheless, by his horrid little posts, thrown himself on the mercy of this the MBT!<hr></blockquote> Ah but that he has NOT done. He has bothered, pestered, and annoyed us but little more. From his consistently non capitalized, misspelled and ill thought out posts to his comparison of the swastika to the flag of a pink polka dotted hippo (or something) he has shown himself to be other than CessPool material. It is for his own good ... as well as ours, that he be denied membership. YOU were given second (and indeed even third) chances Panzer Leader, but the fourth and fifth have been ignored here.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Now we all know how he wounded fair Seanachai to the quick with his masturbatory quackings, and I think it has caused the g-nomish g-night to see red, and I detect a certain rare and poignant lack of rational thought recently. <hr></blockquote> By your statement I presume that you equate "rare and poignant lack of rational thought" with the CessPool then? There is a vast difference between the appearance of a lack of rational thought when done for the sake of wit and ... THE REAL THING.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Call the stenographers! Strap on the wigs! We must try this vagrant!<hr></blockquote> Do you have any idea how much stenographers COST? As if the Justicariate would expend it's budget on an SSN ... and one like this no less.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>The Olde Ones, having arrived at the nub of the issue, i.e. that Peng was undergoing yeast withdrawal, caused Berli to post: Here's my counter proposal... let Shaw decide unless the wayward Peng arrives... hmmm, this might work. We let Shaw stand in for missing Olde Ones<hr></blockquote> So let it be written, so let it done. While I quail from the awesome responsibility (damn that sounds good ... it's a lie of course, I'd be a FAR better Olde One than Peng) I accept the burden and shall now don THAT hat:

{Joe takes the hat of the missing Olde One, shakes it carefully and, albeit with some distaste, puts it upon his head.} In place of the missing Peng I declare that the Justicariate shall examine the case and ask for a last supporter to speak for the accused, Iron Chef Sakai.

{Joe thankfully removes the pink and purple derby with the daisy tastefully drooping to the side he HAD been wearing and replaces it with the HAT OF THE JUSTICARIATE, the feared and dreaded baby poop green hard hat bearing the legend, "Wocka, wocka, wocka."} The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread now calls for any who would speak in favor of the SSN Iron Chef Sakai. He stands accused of many foul and loathsome deeds, not least the following:

(Frodo Lives) He has appeared numerous times within the confines of the CessPool and has NOT issued a manful and ringing challenge of note, thereby violating the RULES.

(Free the Nazgul Nine) He has, on numerous occassions, sounded off ABOUT his pair (or made comments that violated our restriction on such) and therefore has violated the RULES.

(Orcs Are People Too) He has NOT honored the Olde Ones, the Seniour Knights, the Knights or Squires of the CessPool but has rather been a NOG and has Violated the RULES.

(My Urak Hai is an Honor Student at Isengard High) He has consistently failed to capitalize. He has not TECHNICALLY Violated the RULES but it's damned annoying, ALMOST as annoying as Lard Generous MB's "SOLDIERS" line.

Therefore ... as Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread I hereby ask if there is one among the Knights or Squires of the M.B.T. who will speak FOR this miscreant? Failing that the Lady of the Pool, the fair Emma, may intercede. I allow 24 hours for this appeal and then sentence shall be proclaimed.

It is a grave task we undertake my friends, but it is the opinion of the Olde Ones and many, if not all, of the assembled that this is a turning point, to see if this CessPool, or any CessPool so conceived, can long survive. We are met ... right, right, I'm done, fine.

On a side note, I think that young Donkey-a-thon is a Nog TOO and note that HE hasn't challenged anyone EITHER but has merely posted tripe in large quantities. No doubt it was THIS that attracted the unwarranted praise of OGSF.

Joe

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]</p>

[Leeo]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I allow 24 hours for this appeal and then sentence shall be proclaimed.

<hr></blockquote>

ACK! Crippled messiah on a crutch, get it over with already! The one that does not exist deserves not 24 seconds of consideration, let alone a full rotation of the Earth. What in the name of all that is stankey and unclean in the Cess is the point of dragging this out further? A SUP is a SUP is a SUP! Let our decision be swift and sure! Put the boot on his neck and ignore the bastiche until he burbles and splashes no more.

As Justicar, it is not your duty to defend the clueless, and by such defense strive to gain importance as the scrawny chess club president strives for attention by citing chapter and subsection of Robert's Rules of Order. You are a yes-man. Face the facts. In the case of a Kanniggit's trial, you also serve as chief director of Bread & Circuses. However, when it comes to running a useless pillock out of town on a rail, you are merely a yes-man. Deal with it, and make it done.

Twit.

[Patch]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I allow 24 hours for this appeal and then sentence shall be proclaimed.

<hr></blockquote>

There is an issue that needs to be addressed before you make your final decision about Iron Chef Sakai's fate. I'm beginning to fear that our friendly gnome Seanachai has been kidnapped by an evil troll. This troll is pretending to be Seanachai but he isn't fooling me. I know Seanachai isn't capable of posting as incompassionately as he has in this recent MBT.

I have done some research on Gnomes and have determined that Seanachai is a House Gnome. A description follows:

The house gnome is a special sort. He resembles an ordinary gnome but he has the most knowledge of mankind. Owing to the fact that he often inhabits historic old houses, he has seen both rich and poor, and heard a great deal. He speaks and understands man’s language; gnome kings are chosen from his family. These gnomes (Farm and House) are good-natured, always ready for a lark or to tease; they are never malevolent, with a few exceptions, of course. If a gnome is really wicked -- which happens only once in a thousand -- it is due to bad genes that result from crossbreeding in faraway places.

I really don't think it is a case of bad genes, so it must be the troll who has taken his place. Troll, I demand you confess and tell us what you did with Seanachai. Free him at once!

Persephone

Some interesting gnome facts:

Gnomes are 7 times as strong as a man. (Good thing he is good natured.)

Urine can be contained for a whole day. (Convenient for those nights out at the pub.)

Brain capacity larger than man’s. (Explains why Seanachai's posts are the longest.)

Hair grays very early, baldness unknown. (Well, Berli is definitely not a Gnome.)

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: Patch ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Leeo:

ACK! Crippled messiah on a crutch, get it over with already! The one that does not exist deserves not 24 seconds of consideration, let alone a full rotation of the Earth. What in the name of all that is stankey and unclean in the Cess is the point of dragging this out further? A SUP is a SUP is a SUP! Let our decision be swift and sure! Put the boot on his neck and ignore the bastiche until he burbles and splashes no more.

As Justicar, it is not your duty to defend the clueless, and by such defense strive to gain importance as the scrawny chess club president strives for attention by citing chapter and subsection of Robert's Rules of Order. You are a yes-man. Face the facts. In the case of a Kanniggit's trial, you also serve as chief director of Bread & Circuses. However, when it comes to running a useless pillock out of town on a rail, you are merely a yes-man. Deal with it, and make it done.

Twit.<hr></blockquote>No Leeo in this (as in many, indeed MOST, things) you are wrong. The 24 hours is required in order that our Australian contingent may speak it's voice ... such as it is. The CessPool is a global entity and on a matter of this importance we must follow the procedures (note you that the MATTER is important, not the SSN) ... I love procedures and your snide comments only steel me to my task. In other words ... Pfffffttttttt.

Joe

[Leeo]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Pfffffttttttt.

Joe<hr></blockquote>

Aww, I hate you too, big guy! Not as much as I hate Elvis, but I have hate enough to squander on the likes of you as well.

I thought the Oztralians had already made their desires (as sick and twisted as they can sometimes be) known in this matter.

Regardless, though you are a Poofta, I hate you anyway.

{Edited because of a time warp.}

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: Leeo ]</p>

[bauhaus]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Iron Chef Sakai:

who was it again that accused me of acting like beavis and butthead??<hr></blockquote>

Edited because I didn't see the previous ruling of the olde ones.

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]</p>

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

In place of the missing Peng I declare that the Justicariate shall examine the case and ask for a last supporter to speak for the accused, Iron Chef Sakai.<hr></blockquote>

As the bloodthirsty mob surrounds the gaol shouting "BLOOD! BLOOD! MORE BLOOD!" one figure elbows his away to the front of the crowd where the Olde Ones stand:

{stomp} "OUCH!"

{BASH!} "OOF!"

{CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, THUD!}

The figure raises his arms calling for silence. The crowd ignores him at first, until the magic words, "Free liquor!" grab everyone's complete and undivided attention.

{Ahem}

MrSpkr: "I will stand up and speak against the Justicar's latest outrage! For too long we have suffered the cruel oppression of the bourgeoisie! It is time for the people to take control! They cannot keep defying the proletariat's desires! The people have a right to choose their guests! Down with the Elders! Death to Peng! Who's with me?!"

The crowd stands silent. Several kniggets in the crowd are conspicuously avoiding eye contact with the Speaker.

MrSpkr: "Okay then, Death to Peng and FREE BEER and OVERTIME FOR THE STENOGRAPHERS!!"

The crowd roars its approval! They begin chanting, softly at first, but growing louder by the second: Free Beer! Free Girls! Free Beer! Free Girls!

A visibly annoyed Justicar leans over and whispers into MrSpkr's ear.

MrSpkr: "What?"

The Justicar leans forward and whispers something else to MrSpkr The crowd's chanting dies down.

Mrspkr: pointing at Rusty-Justin-Wilson's-cheap-Japanese-wine "You mean HE'S the one you are trying to run out of town?

The Justicar nods solemnly. Peng pulls out a silver flask with the words Property of Iskander engraved on the side. Taking a long swig, he places the flask back in his pocket and burps . . . loudly. MrSpkr appears to trip, falling into the Justicar. Picking himself up, MrSpkr dusts off his clothes, then turns to address the Olde Ones.

MrSpkr: "Ohhhh, I thought you were trying to get rid of Stenographers! Never mind then, let the lynching continue."

An angry murmur ripples through the crowd.

MrSpkr: "Oh yes, I almost forgot -- to the pub! First round's on me! And I'll send the STENOGRAPHER'S there too!"

With a ROAR the crowd stampedes towards the pub, leaving the Olde One's behind with Rustboy. The Olde Ones whisper amongst themselves for a moment, then appear to come to a decision. Dragging Rusty behind them, they make their way to a beat up baby blue 1973 Ford LTD. Grabbing his keys from his pocket, MrPeng opens the trunk. They hastily shove Rusty inside, then slam the lid and run to the pub as Leeo comes staggering out carrying three mugs of beer, a large margarita, and with a stenographer in tow carrying an additional tray of various alcoholic drinks.

Leeo: "I sure hope you brought cash, MrSpkr, that crowd's going to dry the place up."

MrSpkr: "Not a problem. I'm putting the whole thing on Joe's credit card. Want the number?"

He pulls a wallet out of his back pocket, then removes a small gold credit card emblazoned with the words: For the Justicar's Use Only. Smiling, MrSpkr makes his way towards the pub as the sun sets in the distance.

{exeunt}

{edited because I believe Germanboy "knows the donkey", if you know what I mean.}

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]</p>

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>There is an issue that needs to be addressed before you make your final decision about Iron Chef Sakai's fate. I'm beginning to fear that our friendly gnome Seanachai has been kidnapped by an evil troll. This troll is pretending to be Seanachai but he isn't fooling me. I know Seanachai isn't capable of posting as incompassionately as he has in this recent MBT.<hr></blockquote> Dear Lady I care not a whit (and certainly NOT a Dr. Whit Young who I knew years ago here in Salt Lake) if Seanachai is either a good gnome, a bad gnome or simply a gnome-it-all. After all, what's in a gnome? A rose by any other gnome would smell of urine. It is, I fear the gnome of the game. And frankly, ANY change would be an improvement the way I see it.

I don't think this changes the issue at all.

Joe

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I propose that the Minnesota chapter of the Peng Challenge Thread meet in January, to condemn the utterly annoying Dalem into our exalted company.<hr></blockquote>

Excellent Idea!

Seanachai,

Let’s shoot for Sherlock’s Home during January. I could use a little Welsh Rarebit, a good Beef Wellington, and a few dozen pints of Bitters.

Should we get the usual round-robin of e-mails going?

[Yeknodathon]

A challenge? Foul knights thou doth speak as one maintaining the same mediocrity and basesness that I cannot tell who is the foulest, who is the fairest?

Who among your base, vile coven will come forward? Which specimen of putrid repulsion dare step forward and blink on their fate? Eh?

I will grant thee a speedy dispatch... if I can fit you into my busy astrolabe.... hhhmmm Venus in conjuction with Mars? ... do you then?

Yeknod

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>He pulls a wallet out of his back pocket, then removes a small gold credit card emblazoned with the words: For the Justicar's Use Only. Smiling, MrSpkr makes his way towards the pub as the sun sets in the distance.<hr></blockquote>

{An unsmiling waitress examines the card given her by the cheerful legal beagle standing before her. She feeds it carefully into the scanner and waits a moment, then she removes it, takes a large pair of scissors from her drawer and immediately cuts it into bits before the horrified eyes of MrSpkr.}

MrSpkr: But, but, but I don't understand, that's the official card of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread!

Waitress: Exactly ... and it's worth about as much as the plastic it's printed on. NOW ... {she rubs her hands together gleefully} ... it appears that your {sniff} friends have managed to run the bill to ... let me see ... $2,345.12 USD so far ... may I see YOUR credit card please?

Joe

[Leeo]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yeknodathon:

A challenge? Foul knights thou doth speak as one maintaining the same mediocrity and basesness that I cannot tell who is the foulest, who is the fairest?<hr></blockquote>

Sod Off! You are an e-mail lacking lackwit who couldn't challenge your way out of a seige of pacifists.

Pillock.

[Patch]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I don't think this changes the issue at all.

<hr></blockquote>

This situation is not looking too good for the Pastry Chef.

Persephone

[Yeknodathon]

O, do hear something?

(flicks away spec of dirt)

uhhhhhh Sir Fleao... no, no Sir Fleeo... no, I have it now... Sir Lego

Sir, you have the roar of a flea... take your sod and ram it in yer flea pit....

.... someone bring 'im a bowl of milk, pussy needs it

Yeknod

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]</p>

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

The 24 hours is required in order that our Australian contingent may speak it's voice ... such as it is.<hr></blockquote>

OooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!! *holds tummy then head then tummy then....*

I don't feel well. I think I drank way too much at the Office Christman Party.

Last thing I remember is me being out on the dance floor reliving Saturday night live (which is funny because Disco to quote April Wine is "a social disease, it ain't going to rock and it ain't going to move me) or was I out there trying to get a snog with some of the better looking office shielas (I got 2 btw - no tongue tho).

And now I'm on holidays the Justicar (why the Just-a-car? can't you go for a more flashy title like I'm-a-ferrari or something) wants us to think.

I say tie him (who ever we're supposed to be thinking about) down with a King Tiger bogie and throw him in the cesspool!!!

Damn, my mind's wandering. Probably because the incessant throbbing has driven it away looking for alternative temporary accommodation.

Mace

{edited because I wanted to! Going to make an issue of it, Are you? ARE YOU?!!! *sob*}

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]</p>

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

{An unsmiling waitress examines the card given her by the cheerful legal beagle standing before her. She feeds it carefully into the scanner and waits a moment, then she removes it, takes a large pair of scissors from her drawer and immediately cuts it into bits before the horrified eyes of MrSpkr.}

MrSpkr: But, but, but I don't understand, that's the official card of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread!

Waitress: Exactly ... and it's worth about as much as the plastic it's printed on. NOW ... {she rubs her hands together gleefully} ... it appears that your {sniff} friends have managed to run the bill to ... let me see ... $2,345.12 USD so far ... may I see YOUR credit card please?<hr></blockquote>

MrSpkr, thinking quickly, retrieves Joe's wallet from his pocket. The waitress, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Flo from Alice, taps her foot impatiently.

MrSpkr: "This should do it then . . ."

Opening the wallet, MrSpkr takes a quick inventory:

• $23.00 USD
• two prophylactics, one unopened, one, err, used
• a tattered piece of paper bearing the name bauhaus, a phone number, and the words "pretend to be a golfing buddy if his mom answers" written on it.
• a laminated picture of a grinning chimpanzee wearing a faux Patton helmet, complete with address, date of birth, height, weight, some sort of number . . . err, no, sorry, that's a driver's license
• what appears to be a complete collection of the Mormon Wives trading cards ("Kids, be the first on YOUR block to own all 47!")
• a picture of Paula Houston with the words "Utah Porn Czar" emblazoned in gold letters along the bottom and a crude heart drawn in red crayon next to the face
• A receipt from some place called "Christy's Toybox -- Where the Fun Begins!"
  and
• an old feather (don't ask).

Realizing that no help was to be found in Joe's wallet, MrSpkr stands up and begins to reach into his back pocket for his wallet . . .

Flo: "Come on, honey, I ain't getting any younger standing here."

MrSpkr pulls out his wallet, then gasps and points to a dark corner on the other side of the room.

MrSpkr: "Oh my gosh -- that's ELVIS! The King is HERE!"

Flo: "Well kiss mah grits! I think he needs a bit of 'personal attention.'"

MrSpkr: "Wait! What about my bill?"

Flo: "Forget it! A girl has to have her priorities, you know! I don't have time to stand around here waiting on you while the King slowly starves in the corner."

As Flo races to the other side of the room, MrSpkr walks out the door.

MrSpkr: "Well, that's done then."

{exeunt}

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]</p>

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patch:

If a gnome is really wicked -- which happens only once in a thousand -- it is due to bad genes that result from crossbreeding in faraway places.<hr></blockquote>

I’m going with this theory.

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patch:

If a gnome is really wicked -- which happens only once in a thousand -- it is due to bad genes that result from crossbreeding in faraway places.<hr></blockquote>

Well, don't look at me.

Mace

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:

Well, don't look at me.

Mace<hr></blockquote>

I try not to. It makes me feel all queezy in my tummy.

[Iron Chef Sakai]

Senechai a house gnome you say? interesting, i classified him more of a nose goblin.

yes a nose goblin who has an undeniable weaknes for let's say "golems". after all, it was thru Senchai's "gnomish" enginuity that the inflatable golem was created, was it not?

Or for some added controversy, how many here beleive Senchai to be a gully dwarf? i can see some similarities myself but will leave it open for debate.

Oh, and as far as being a pastry chef, how dare you dishonor the Iron Chefs??!? these people are modern day samuries! you must not be aware of the paste,er i mean caste system of the japanese. The Iron Chef's play a critical role over in the far east and it's about time you recognize their great knowledge and power.

Did you know that the first Iron Chef dates back to ancient times and in fact held off the Mongol invasion? He minned Tokyo bay with Sea Urchin Roe!!!, this in turn was caused the Mongols to rethink their stance on an invasion of japan, never again returning to their islands.

[Croda]

Mace? Disco?

The hair would never have clued me in.

[**YK2**]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I try not to. It makes me feel all queezy in my tummy.<hr></blockquote>

OMG Hiram is in Love.

Edited; to say ***** HIC *****

[ 12-21-2001: Message edited by: YK2 ]</p>

[Patch]

I was completely mistaken about the troll...Seanachai please rid us of this rancid pile of rotting sea urchin roe.

Persephone

[MrSpkr]

Okay, to the new thread new thread before we get blamed for crashing the server again!

[Iron Chef Sakai]

I was not aware i was ruining everyones good times here, so i'll tell you what, everyone take a vote, if you're realy opposed to me posting here, then i'll simply stop, no big deal.