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Col Deadmarsh

The New CM Unit Descriptions

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Volume 1 of the new CM unit descriptions:

GERMANS

JagdTiger -- High price is due to massive gun; it both annihilates the enemy and also compensates for player's sexual shortcomings.

Panzer IV 70 -- The gamey bastard's choice of tanks.

Hetzer -- Great little tank once you get it hull down. From the side or rear, armor is vulnerable to opponent spitting on it.

Hummel -- Firing rate = once every battle

Tiger -- A Tiger when facing Bazookas. A kitten when facing opposing tanks.

Lynx -- Small, fast, great at taking out halftracks...and never bought because it uses up valuable German armor points.

Flammpanzer -- Would've been a great tank in CM if not for the fact that flame range is only slightly longer than the tank commander's Zippo set to "high."

ALLIES

Hellcat -- Only reason for wanting to give your opponent Germans.

M8 HMC -- Okay, reason #2.

Churchill Crocodile -- For 246 points you get a tank with good armor, lots of HE ammo, a flame gun, and a shelf life of 4 minutes because every German tank within a hundred miles will be aiming for it.

Churchill AVRE -- No real use in CM other than letting you reminisce about the days of CC2.

Priest -- MG ammo of 12 is attributed to tank crew using whatever bullets which might have rolled under the seats.

Churchill (All Models) -- Blazing top speed of 16mph apparently due to Brits experimenting with solar power.

Wasp -- Take one against your opponent and you're smart. Take two and use them together and you're a genius. Take three or more and you get a reputation for being gamey and are blackballed by all other players.

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Hmmm always thought the Tiger was well modeled and damn impressive and never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way.

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I feel more confident with the Tiger than I do with the Panther.

Here's a story I can tell:

StuG vs. Sherman

StuG: Aim, fire, miss, reload...

Sherman: Aim, fire, hit, armor flaking.

StuG: 1 crew casualty caused, shocked.

Sherman: Front upper hull penetration, Knock-out.

The StuG's aren't bad tanks when used correctly, I prefer them over Panzer IVx's in many cases.

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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Amidst Void:

The StuG's aren't bad tanks when used correctly, I prefer them over Panzer IVx's in many cases.<hr></blockquote>

StuGs aren't tanks, they're assault guns. tongue.gif

And yes, assault guns work very well in ambush positions against both enemy armor and infantry. :cool:

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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Priest:

Never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way.<hr></blockquote>

It's not that i hate them. It's just that i can't kill the gamey little buggers! ;)

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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Priest:

Hmmm always thought the Tiger was well modeled and damn impressive and never heard of anyone calling the PIV L70 gamey or bad although I have one opponent who hates Hetzers in such a way.<hr></blockquote>

This whole thing was supposed to poke fun at the game. It's not meant to be taken seriously...

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Halftracks - make sure your opponent gets enough victory points to give him a chance of winning even when you sit on the flags.

[ 12-27-2001: Message edited by: redwolf ]</p>

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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by M Hofbauer:

you forgot the

Pz IV (all models) - do not expose to sunlight or fresh air.<hr></blockquote>

serious addendum to above: Their glorious HE and MG loadout will save your hide...by pounding enemy grunts from pseudo-keyhole firing positions.

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Air support - jobs program for those with color blindness and poor vision.

Hotchkiss tank - has the advantage of being an odd historical unit. Yep, it sure is historical. And it's good at... Did I mention it's historical? tongue.gif

[ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: redeker ]</p>

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Hofbauer & Silvio,

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by M Hofbauer: you forgot the Pz IV (all models) - do not expose to sunlight or fresh air.

serious addendum to above: Their glorious HE and MG loadout will save your hide...by pounding enemy grunts from pseudo-keyhole firing positions.

<hr></blockquote>

However, even in keyhole firing positions, PvIVs, because they are invariably unlucky & are AT shell magnets, never live long enough to shoot HE & MGs. tongue.giftongue.giftongue.gif;););)

Cheers, Richard :D:D

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Sturmgruppe squad: make artillery more effective - enemy artillery. Especially good in low visibility.

Jagdtiger: the sword and the shield - [37mm puff] aehrm, yes, only the shield then.

Nashorn, the sword and ... well, the sword [on the real nashorn the few 30mm armor pieces were often unhardend steel]

Pillboxes: surprise the enemy by reverting the effectivity of his different calibre tank guns.

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m10 or any tank destroyer: proving the validity of admiral jackie fisher's thesis that "speed IS armor!"

sexton, priest: unarmored sp's named after holy men, due to their ability to achieve miraculous kills against heavy armor

btw, this post shoulda been named "the devil's cm unit descriptions"!

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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Amidst Void:

I feel more confident with the Tiger than I do with the Panther.

Here's a story I can tell:

StuG vs. Sherman

StuG: Aim, fire, miss, reload...

Sherman: Aim, fire, hit, armor flaking.

StuG: 1 crew casualty caused, shocked.

Sherman: Front upper hull penetration, Knock-out.

<hr></blockquote>

In my case it always ends up that I have a Panther and a Sherman Jumbo at 50m shooting.

Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet

Panther: front turret hit, ricochet

Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet

Panther: front turret hit, ricochet

Sherman: front turret hit, ricochet

Panther: front turret hit, ricochet

This usually goes on for about 5 turns before one of them goes into reverse

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