The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

[David Aitken]

Never mind the bazookas, looks like we're onto chaisaw-wielding Russians with hockey masks and blood dripping from their pointy teeth. And I'm holding out for a feature in CM2 whereby you can climb an infantry squad onto an enemy tank and knock on the TC's hatch, and you are prompted to type in a name for your men to call, and if you are lucky enough that you choose the name of someone in the tank, the hatch will open and you can lob a grenade in. I also fancy a Heidman unit for the Germans which can destroy any unsupported armoured vehicle with its bare hands in 10 seconds flat.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Never mind the bazookas, looks like we're onto chaisaw-wielding Russians with hockey masks and blood dripping from their pointy teeth. And I'm holding out for a feature in CM2 whereby you can climb an infantry squad onto an enemy tank and knock on the TC's hatch, and you are prompted to type in a name for your men to call, and if you are lucky enough that you choose the name of someone in the tank, the hatch will open and you can lob a grenade in. I also fancy a Heidman unit for the Germans which can destroy any unsupported armoured vehicle with its bare hands in 10 seconds flat.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now now, some of us are trying to be reasonable in that inf vs. AFV thread. And as to chainsaws - you betcha! I'll gladly switch to the chainsaws and wade into the Nazi hordes - just get me the powerup!

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

I knew it! I bloody well knew it!

You......PONCE!

Real men drink Beer, and are not ashamed to admit it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You talking to me?

YOU TALKING TO ME?!!!

Yeh, I love my cup of tea [Lan-choo, brewed in a pot] but I must point out that beer drinking and tea drinking is not mutually exclusive.

The first thing I do when I get home is grab a beer....currently Carlton Cold, but back to Melbourne Bitter once my current slab runs out.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

I bet you consider a capful of Creme de menth to be a wild night out.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Creme de Menth contains alcohol then? Then it's fair game.

btw, my idea of a wild night out is waking up the day after, hung over, and wondering what the hell I got upto the night before!

Mace

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

And as to chainsaws - you betcha! I'll gladly switch to the chainsaws and wade into the Nazi hordes - just get me the powerup!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

GROOOOAAAANNNN!!

shptewie! ugh - yuk.......gurk....hak......ghhrrrggnn......

[Mr. Johnson--]

Hehehe, Now Stalin has to deal with 150mm arty falling on his head as he gets held up at my strongpoints. hehehhe, I just took out his MMG carriers providing support to his foolish redcoats trying to get to the safty of the woods.

[Stalin's Organ]

Jeez, if 2 rats and a dead dog constitutes a strong point then this is going to be easier than I thought!

Now restrain yourself Mrs Robinson - I'm sure the good folks here don't want to hear about every blade of grass you've eaten for your indiestion.

And probably none of the regulars do either!

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Let's see... manhole... manly... mantle... man-to-man... nope, no mention of either manlet or mantlet. But then it didn't have odiferous either, so what do I know.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think what you gentleworms (and MrAitken) have been grasping for is "Odoriferous." Which my 'Merican Heritage Dictionary defines thusly:

o·dor·if·er·ous ( ½”d…-r¹f“…r-…s) adj. 1. Having or giving off an odor. o ”dor·if“er·ous·ly adv. o ”dor·if“er·ous·ness n.

Hope this helps.

Still dont have enough of a head on and haven't found the rule book so it may be some time before we get the Double Secret Probation Blood Hamster Exorcism rule worked out...

Peng

[Stuka]

The first thing I do when I get home is grab a beer....currently Carlton Cold, but back to Melbourne Bitter once my current slab runs out.

Well well, aren't you the tough guy?

Shame that your two preferred drops are both effeminate girly beers, often seen clasped in the sweaty paws of cross dressing chinchilla shavers.

[Goanna]

That's rich, coming from a guy who thinks that a XXXX with an umbrella in it is the definition of a good time.

Mace I have my troop purchases in the mail to Berli. Expect to be evicted from a stretch of French riviera directly.

[OGSF]

Mah poor wee eyes! Ah've bin glancin' at grog thraids aboot Sherman 75mm effectiveness, an' SMG suppression, an' chain saws an' muzzle velocities o' Argentinian frigate birds....aaarrrgghhh!!!

Bastaaarrds!

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OldGameyStupidFella:

Mah poor wee eyes! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Now now, you know that Musta Spunker will go all [sERIOUS] and give you a jolly good telling of for such crude sexual innuendo!!

[Mr. Johnson--]

Whats up Stalin? Are you home from your pitiful meangless job you waste all your time on? Are you home watching the premire of "The Real World", or are you just afraid to send me another turn for fear of losing half your infantry?

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Mr. Johnson-<THC>- ]

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goanna:

That's rich, coming from a guy who thinks that a XXXX with an umbrella in it is the definition of a good time.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Au contraire.

I happen to believe that XXXX is complete and utter cat's piss (apologies to Kitty), and if resources of my home brew run low I will take on a carton of Tooheys 'Red'.

Now, Joanna, ask yourself who is going bike riding this weekend and who is digging sand out of their undies.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Shame that your two preferred drops are both effeminate girly beers, often seen clasped in the sweaty paws of cross dressing chinchilla shavers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It's said that Queenslander's named their brew XXXX because they can't spell beer. Did you take up home brewing because you can't even spell XXXX?

Mace

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Still dont have enough of a head on and haven't found the rule book so it may be some time before we get the Double Secret Probation Blood Hamster Exorcism rule worked out...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think it's rule number 4312.45.*.a.IIV.MCMXXXII: If the originator of the Cesspool shall invite unto it grogly types, without said grogly types having been properly abused, taunted, punched, bent, spindled, and mutilated, then the aforementioned Cesspool creator shall immediately be subjected to instant double secret probation blood hamster exorcism, in which his next game (to include a game already underway) against the namesake of the Pool shall determine his status in the thread.

4312.45.*.a.IIV.MCMXXXII.z

Should the said originator and inviter of grogly irritants win such game, then he shall be subjected to merciless abuse and forced to post 3 grogly threads unto the main board.

4312.45.*.a.IIV.MCMXXXII.q Should the said originator and inviter of grogly irritants lose such game, his sig file shall belong to Peng™ until such time as he has completed five (5) games against SSNs, and during which time his name shall not be bolded, italicized, quoted, or otherwise enhanced, and also during which time he shall not be allowed to play against kaniggets of the pool

4312.45.*.a.IIV.MCMXXXII.I Should the game end in a draw, then further double secret probation blood hamster exorcism games shall be played, with scenarios supplied by Rune, or other similarly evil designers, until such time as a victory or loss is determined.

[Mr. Johnson--]

Maybe you should have sent that out in private emails ChrisL now your letting the NSA, FBI, THers, and outerworlds have access to the inner most rules of conduct for the vile scum who hang out in this dump.

[Seanachai]

Well, well, well. Finally some activity on the Mother Beautiful Thread that doesn't involve filling coffee cups with drool and then attempting to finger paint with it.

And what, then, is the sudden storm of posts about? Attacks upon myself.

Well, laddies, may I just say:

CENSURE, AND BE DAMNED!

So I invited in strangers did I? Grogs i'faith? Tournament Players, is it?

Well do you bloody know why?! Because you lot were going stale, that's why! You needed a dose of the short, sharp shock you did!

One more post about how Stalin's Organ was a cretin (how many ways can one state the obvious, and yet still find new and intriguing ways to make it dull?), or that Mouse was a pillock, or that any number of all too obviously lesser beings were not entertaining enough, and I would have gone Grog myself, strike me dead if I wouldn't.

As for claims that I'd thrown open the Eternal Peng Challenge Thread to hordes of posturing idjits showing up to dance around with their underwear pulled over their heads and trying to sing with the elastic band in their mouth (yes, I see that boy_recon is back, and I'm almost sure that he's attempting to sing a Spice Girls song, but the elastic's caught between his teeth), it is, in a word, a bloody gawddamn lie.

The only gang of useless wankers I invited in are the current pariticpants to Winecape's Invitational 'Tourney of Stars' (a significant number of whom are Cesspoolers anyway, for Christ's sake). It seemed to me that:

The chances of any significant number of them actually showing up in the Cesspool was slim, at best.

*) The chances were much better that any of the bastards that actually did would probably be souls ripe for salvation.

ß) The hope that all the chittering little ground squirrels of the Peng Challenge Thread, grown quite complacent with the easy living of having achieved Knighthood, or secure in their Seniour Knighthood, needed a bit of a stir up. It seems I was right. The adorable, cheeky little gang of cartoon rodents you were all turning into has started to investigate where they left their claws, fangs, and wolverine masks.

Ÿ) It is quite within my right, as one of the Old Ones, to wander out, dead drunk and with a Canadian flag inserted and displayed in an extraordinarily non-traditional way, and invite in Idi Amin, Imelda Marcos, and Pugsley, the fluke-paralyzed Killer Whale from the soon to be built Branson, Missourri Sea World, if I so choose.

Now, I realize that the wonderful little world of sinecures built up here and maintained with almost no mental effort at all has been thrown into disorder by my decision that it would be more interesting to invite Grogs and Ladder Players in here and watch them fail horribly at taunting and badinage, than endure another 'hey look, this one's mine, isn't it cute?' post, or 'good christ, the SSNs all suck out loud with a peculiar noise that puts my teeth on edge' post.

But that's not what I came to talk to you about tonight.

No, the reason I am here tonight is to tell you that, in not only the spirit of the Peng Challenge Thread, but in fact it's very root purpose, the Peng Challenge is renewed.

For too many months now, Peng has swung between disease, madness, alcoholic distemper, and making small whuffling noises regarding his 'muse', 'writer's block' and whether he's involved in game 4,051 or 4,038 of the Eternal Elvis TCP/IP Endeavour.

It is time to take Peng in hand...alright, yes, Bauhaus, even I feel a little queasy about how that sounded, and I don't blame you at all for crawling under your chair and shaking your head in a firm Nolo Prosequi.

That is to say:

Peng, I renew our Challenge. The Old Ones we may be, and inured to interacting with each other now, but that has never lessened my desire to kick your feet out from under you, put the boot in, and chortle while you curl into a pain-filled ball.

HERE BE IT SET FORTH! THE ETERNAL PENG CHALLENGE THREAD RISES UP, SHAKES OFF THE LETHARGY OF SELF-SATISFACTION, AND RETURNS TO ITS ROOTS, LIKE A DOG RETURNING TO THE LAST PLACE IT SPEWED!

Peng, I once again take our Challenge public.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sunshine:

...

[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

All that and all you could come up with was a long-winded "I meant to do that!"???

To think I was going to hoist 'em and send a creative challenge your way. Hmph.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Well do you bloody know why?! Because you lot were going stale, that's why! You needed a dose of the short, sharp shock you did!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Already getting out the old folk records, eh...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

As for claims that I'd thrown open the Eternal Peng Challenge Thread to hordes of posturing idjits showing up to dance around with their underwear pulled over their heads and trying to sing with the elastic band in their mouth

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Worse, you've invited the sort who jabber on about the angle of the teeth in the Russian chainsaws that were used to make mg bunkers in October 1941 vs. January 1942, and the effect they have on the penetration of bird droppings and the consequent reduction of the resident Russians' spotting ability.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

The only gang of useless wankers I invited in are the current pariticpants to Winecape's Invitational 'Tourney of Stars' (a significant number of whom are Cesspoolers anyway, for Christ's sake). It seemed to me that:

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A significant number of whom have dipped a small toe into the cesspool and decided that they too feared infection to take a real swim. Now you've offered to promote them up to the status that some of us received when Lorak was bored one day. They ought to wait for Lorak's brain farts like the rest of us.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Ÿ) It is quite within my right, as one of the Old Ones, to wander out, dead drunk and with a Canadian flag inserted and displayed in an extraordinarily non-traditional way, and invite in Idi Amin, Imelda Marcos, and Pugsley, the fluke-paralyzed Killer Whale from the soon to be built Branson, Missourri Sea World, if I so choose.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Quite so. In fact I hear Idi sets a mean table, and Imelda could put all that footwear to great use here in the pool-- stomping on heads, and implanting shoes in nether regions. And, of course, who wouldn't want a killer whale hanging around, even if it was fluke paralyzed and couldn't bite anyone in half.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

HERE BE IT SET FORTH! THE ETERNAL PENG CHALLENGE THREAD RISES UP, SHAKES OFF THE LETHARGY OF SELF-SATISFACTION, AND RETURNS TO ITS ROOTS, LIKE A DOG RETURNING TO THE LAST PLACE IT SPEWED!

Peng, I once again take our Challenge public.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Cheesehead.

(edited because I never manage to balance the damn quotes"

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: chrisl ]

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

All that and all you could come up with was a long-winded "I meant to do that!"???

To think I was going to hoist 'em and send a creative challenge your way. Hmph.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I assume that when you come to Minnesota, you will be on probation and paying dues by living in someplace like Mankato. Preferably in a trailer park, with no lake in sight. Next door to the county sheriff. Who is a born again Christian and suspicious of long-haired foreigners with earless dogs.

Your dismissal leaves me feeling that a mind is a terrible waste when it's improperly placed in a Dalem.

I would mock you further, but my most belittling effort would not label you more clearly a silly little bleeder than the post I am responding to.

I will, at some future point, Dalem, lower myself to play a PBEM against you. I hope by such actions to atone for my superiority by making myself painfully aware of the existence of people like yourself.

Your idiocy is important to me. Please stay on the Thread, and your inane posturing will be processed in the order in which it was received.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

Cheesehead.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's applied to Wisconsinites, you cloth-headed berk.

But your almost complete inability to find the zipper every time you go to the loo, which has never yet stopped you from proceeding, leads me to my next post.

Chrisl, while a solid opponent with some tactical ability, is nevertheless an example of a red-flag in a specie's failure to continue the evolutionary struggle.

Having lived and studied in Minnesota for a number of years, he departed the State to move to California; and, more damning, Southern California.

What could more clearly delineate an individual failure than this, indicating a Darwinist process in action to ensure that Chrisl's limp and unproductive genes will not be inflicted upon a generation that might be able to generate a decent scenario without crossing genres and trying to hammer Combat Mission into some sort of pseudo-SciFi wonderland?

But the upshot of all this quite valid analysis of Chrisl's astonishing insignificance in terms of humanity's continuation is that he is responsible for the scenario with which Peng and I renew our Challenge.

Personally, I feel that it should have been Berli, as who doesn't seek out the Evil One when a contest of wills is indicated. But Peng, doubtless in a moment of almost preternatural drunkeness, gave the evolutionary failure Chrisl the nod, and so it is his scenario we grapple with.

Mind, if it sucks out loud, we'll abandon it without remorse, and get Berli to do the next one.

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Treeburst155]

Attention Citizens of The Mutha Beautiful!

I come in peace with a message from the small province of the Outer Boards known as the Invitational Tourney thread. In accordance with the wishes of your senior ambassador Berlichtingen we shall not visit your homeland.

We appreciate Sir Seanachai's offer and think highly of him for it, but we have not yet achieved the Brinell Hardness numbers we feel are necessary to successfully mingle with the People of Peng.

Go easy on Sir Seanachai as he knows not what he has done. In his zeal for the peoples of the Outer Boards to discover their inner Peng he has perhaps made a small error in judgment. Do not forget that Sir Seanachai is a large part of the foundation on which the Mutha Beautiful Thread is built.

He always has the best interests of The Pool in mind.

We of the Tourney Thread look forward to continued good relations with The Pool and will support your homeland should a barbarian try to quench The Fires Of Peng in the land of the Outer Boards.

The hour is late. I must return to my people. Out of respect for the Penglican ways I bid you, "Die-A-Lot Now!"

Judge Treeburst155, self-appointed for life

[mensch]

Roight, back again you nobs! sit down all of you and shut your holes.... the following people I have games going as far as my file systems has coughed up.

Berli: I would not place this as a official cess game but we be beta testing still I will like to make fun of his burning stuff he keeps throwing on the field of battle.

Harpoonerguy thing: send me back my round you nob... I got file 19 since May.. that or surrender like you would normaly do.

Joey: He's loosing bad, he knows it he just don't have the bullocks to cough up a "don't shoot me anymore I give up" file.

Broonie: The french general incharge of burger eating Amis is slowly on his way to a good Arse wooping.

Croda: again another twit who has not sent back a file sine April. yes Mr. Brainfart thats turn 20 you got to send.

Mace: our game is on ice but its going well he's doing alot of "Die Lots™" but we be beta testing.. but still like I will do for Berli I will post his failures and more "Die Lots™" events.

OFTGF: Mr... gamey man himself, destoryer of the English Language and old guy.. I'm not sure who's going to win but I'll make damn sure he don't.

PeaterNZ: Again another Egg who has not sent in his surrender sine June. He's cowering somewhere in his village and afraid to come out.

Seanoochie: The lad is getting another Arse wooping by french troops, I've managed to drop Citröen cars on his troops and shattered his resolve to move anywhere in fear of becoming cooked Bratwurstchen. He claims triumph at every Greyhound kill but I fail to see how this could change the fact his troops are shocked beyond all belief, he has a HT with no MG and some budda budda SPW driving around in cover. I have yet to comit my full coy and a half to the battle.

right thats about it I guess bite me I'm back, I'm taking no crap from your newbies so feck off. Here I'll give you a topic to discuss with your pea-brained newbie group.

"Does a Grog brush his teeth with his toothbrush at 30º at 4 rpms per second, and if so do you think it will still eliminate that geeky smell from his mouth when he labbers about usless stuff"

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Your idiocy is important to me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Of course it is - a snarling rabid animal like you needs to know that there are others here like yourself.

We SSN's are truly at the top of the food chain in this pool - for we have come last, and by this virtue are actually at hte top of the pool. All that you silly old trollops feast upon is our detrius, cast offs and left overs.

You are truly the lowest of the bottom feeders - so old that the only way you can find your mouth is to roll in flour and look for the wet spot, so dense that you've sunk to the lowest, filthiest, darkest corner of the pool, so slow that the worms are running into you from behind when you're at top speed, and so fat that those trying to get lower than you can find no way to squeeze past!

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Mace]

Lorak, WAKE UP!!!!

Add a couple of ** to my name because I have lost to Peng.

Mace "you can take my signature but you can't take my honor...'cause I don't have one" : 26 points

Peng "For Stalin and the motherland...no we mean Hilter and the fatherland*": 74 points

That is of course a Maximum Soviet*..no wait...German victory.

*Peng in an act of gamey brilliance, put all his pennies together (20c) and bribed a whole Russian Infantry Division (not cheap) to replace the original Infantry platoon he started with. With the remaining 5c US loose change, he replaced his Stugs with T-80s!

Peng then offered my men a night in the town with the Ho's of their choice and all the alcohol they could drink (this being 1c US given current exchange rates) if they would abandon their positions. This of course resulted in my fighting the battle with a couple of men who are not that way inclined, or those who are afraid of the transmission of STDs.

In agreement of our blood hamster, this means that control of my signature is to be handed over to Peng.

This of course will make frequent derogatory references to Kitty as was the condition of the blood hamster for a duration yet to be determined.

Oh well, sh*t happens! *shrugs*

I will now bend over to receive the new signature.

Mace

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]