The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

[MrSpkr]

And now, in light of the Bard’s unfortunate relapse, we are now been committed to this, our own little twenty-eight day program (known affectionately as the Berli- Peng Treatment Center).*

Our Twelve Step Program is really quite simple: Turn around, go out the front door, and take twelve steps into the street. What? The traffic is heavy? All the better. Listen, we don’t take insurance here; heck, we don’t even like to take patients. This Center focuses on this, THE MUTHA BEAUTIFUL THREAD, THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, THE ONE TRUE CESSPOOL.

Let’s just get the legal niceties over with, shall we?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Notice to Scum Sucking Newbies (hereinafter referred to as SSN’s):

Go Away! Go Far Away and Go Now! We like the group that's here ... for the most part ... individually they're swine but the sum of the parts, etc. We did not ask you to drop by and we'd frankly prefer that you drop dead. If you DO decide that you MUST stick around ... Have A Reason! So, IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU OR WERE YOU JUST VISITING? If the latter (please, please, PLEASE ... just be visiting) your VISA is revoked and you have been PNGed ... not to be confused with being PENGed, which is, frankly, much worse. Stand not upon the order of your going, etc. If the former ... go away anyway, we're not in the mood right now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, you’re still here? Bugger all. Well, in light of recent American legislation, we must inform you of your Patient’s Bill of Rights:

1. Go Away (we REALLY mean it this time).

2. If in doubt as to the meaning of Rule #1, then ... Go Away ... the fact is that we like those who dwell within ... well, LIKE is probably a bit strong but at least we're used to them and we're NOT used to you and don't WANT to be.

3. Since MOST SSNs (meaning you!) are too stupid to understand Rules #1 & 2, we have created a process by which you MAY (note the word MAY, as in PERHAPS) be allowed to join us ... one way or another, said procedure follows:

4. Sound off like ya got a pair! None of this namby pamby, "Oh please fellows, may I have a game perchance, it would be ever so jolly to play a CessPooler." Darn right it would be "jolly" but you're not going to get a game THAT way. This is a place for insults, bile, threats, taunts and general mayhem.

5. DON'T Sound off ABOUT your pair. While we are vile, vicious, underhanded and without scruples ... we're polite about it ... in our own way. No racial, sexual, religious or political crusades here. Remember the credo (or write it in BIG BLOCK LETTERS on your hand): "More Class, Less Crass."

6. Pick someone specific and challenge them to a game. BE SURE TO REFERENCE Rule #4 above. And say, don't expect to get anything but sneers from one of the Knights of the CessPool, we are far too important to play a game of CM with YOU ... SSN that you are. But if you do it right, you might get one of us to sic a Squire on you for the fun of it.

7. We DON'T give a fig if you're any good at CM or not. The game is the vehicle that allows us to taunt and trash the others here, other than that it's unimportant.

8. IF you do the above properly, show a little moxie, show a GOOD DEAL OF WIT and seem as if you MIGHT fit in ... we MIGHT consider making you a Serf. After that some Knight down on his luck might take pity upon you and make you a Squire. After sufficient time and proof of your ability to play with the big boys you COULD be made that grandest of all creatures ... A Knight of the CessPool ... yeah right like THAT'LL ever happen to you.

* Finally, if you are one of those pathetic souls from the, ahem, Invitational tournament, Seanachai was just kidding. Honest. Now go on home and manipulate your personal Brinell hardness number.

[ 07-06-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Phillies Phan]

Bleh

[dalem]

Isn't this a bit premature? Ohhhhh, started by Spanky, so it all falls into place...

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Isn't this a bit premature? Ohhhhh, started by Spanky, so it all falls into place...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

dalem, I must say, I am getting tired of this name-change taunting, its Spnkr!

speedbump

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Is that a bloody Hetzer?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heehee. Oh, that dry midwestern sense of humor (or "humour" in Seanachai's case, a much debased variant). How fun it is to watch them Die-A-Lot.

Agua Perdido

[aka_tom_w]

So?!

Am I a newbie and unwelcome here?

(as per the long winded post above)

Just testing the waters so to speak.

-tom w

[Joe Shaw]

Well, as long as MY version of the rules have been used as introduction I SUPPOSE I can stomach this incarnation, despite it's dubious title. I agree with a previous poster (don't recall who and I'm too lazy to look it up again) who suggested an alternative to the "Twelve Step" title but here we are so there you go.

What, oh what, my fellow CessPudlians, is to be done with poor Seanachai? It's clear that his mental "driver" has veered off the road and is now venturing into a minefield ... and a daisy chain minefield at that. Why it was but a page ago on the old thread where he agreed with me as to the inadvisability of inviting anyone into our midst and now he's not just inviting anyone, my Gawd he's inviting the groggiest of the grog, those participating in a tourney to find the BEST CM PLAYER! This is not just travesty my friends ... okay, strike the last two words ... it is HERESY!

I fear for Seanachai, I really do. I fear that he has been co-opted by the forces of evil (no Berli not you, these clowns make YOU look like Mother Theresa). I believe, and I hope I'm wrong, that the Grogs have gotten to him at last.

Either that or he's been mixing his medication again.

So, as a Seniour Knight of the CessPool, allow me to reiterate the warning of MrSpkr ... if you are a member of the Invitational Tourney and you are NOT a member of the CessPool ... SOD OFF, GET LOST, GO AWAY, STAND NOT UPON THE ORDER OF YOUR GOING BUT GO! and finally Pffffttttttttt ... we don't want YOUR KIND around here.

Oh my, I hope that wasn't too harsh!

Joe

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Am I a newbie and unwelcome here? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ak47_Tommy Boy, To respond quickly ... YES and ... hang on, let me check the rules ... YES. If you can't understand that ... read the rules.

{see what you made me do Seanachai I was so upset I had to edit TWICE ... get a grip lad.}

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[MrSpkr]

Happier now, Joe?

Anyway, as to poor, deluded Seanachai, I am researching my various tomes for just the right sort of exorcism he needs . . . more to follow.

[Panzer Leader]

Okay, a couple points. First of all the thing is riddled, RIDDLED with spelling and grammatical errors, including one in the very first sentence which makes it illegible.

Otherwise, it is worthy of note, even excepting the perfectly well-laid out dewey-decimal numbering system, thouroughly tested and used for the simplification and delight of SSNsbut to the detriment of regulars who use the Peng System of Numbering and Lettering which we are much more familiar with.

So it is a brave new SSN friendly world now, eh? Even gives point by point instruction on "How to become one of us". Sweet just sweet, no wonder we are running through threads faster than Peng runs through his boxer briefs.

Also, on a final note, I have a problem with the wording of point #7, wherein it is stated that squires may take up a game with an SSN. First of all, except for a few legendary figures, I seem to be the only squire around here, and B.) I think my own liege Sir Seanachai should be forced to play any new RECRUITS this incarnation. That oughta teach him!

[dalem]

Humanity disappoints me today (as do the denizens of the Pool). If I could muster the energy I would crack open this planet like a Cadbury Cream Egg and drink of its molten core.

[Speedy]

Go away

[Terence]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Humanity disappoints me today (as do the denizens of the Pool). If I could muster the energy I would crack open this planet like a Cadbury Cream Egg and drink of its molten core.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

If I had the energy, I'd butterfly you like a leg of lamb, adorn you with kosher salt and rosemary and leave you gaping with horror on the Rocks of Despair.

But Sir, I do not have that happy lot. Instead I have determined that at some future time, I shall Say Your Name in A Sarcastic Tone of Voice.

That'll fix ya.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I fear for Seanachai, I really do. I fear that he has been co-opted by the forces of evil (no Berli not you, these clowns make YOU look like Mother Theresa). I believe, and I hope I'm wrong, that the Grogs have gotten to him at last.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Unfortunately, I think Joseph may be correct. We must prevail upon our Father Confessor to perform an exocism. If that fails, we may have to assume that Seanachai is no more and we will have to treat the imposter as any other SSN

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Landsmann! I see you are from...Mound. How appropriate. Another wanker from one of the Twin Cities' most appropriately named suburbs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I like living in a Indian graveyard. Now that they are all dead, I have the lake to myself.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> You have posted several times now, in that 'well I guess I'm as good as the next streak of piss, but don't wish to make any issue out of it' way that all self-effacing but stubbornly-determined-to kill-all-enemies-out-of-hand Minnesota Scandos have. Decided to turn off Garrison Keillor for an afternoon or two and post a few quasi-rude remarks on the Peng Challenge Thread, have you? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Are you suggesting that all enemies shouldn’t be killed out of hand? I would like to start with that bore Garrison Keillor. Can we send him back to New York? Please?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>From your chosen appelative I assume you're another of those stolid, low-affect, 'eyes on the ground, head-shaking' Squareheads with which our otherwise fair State is completely overrun; maintaining with clenched jaw that 'you know a thing or two about a thing or two', and that you're not sure if you should be posting here because, 'hey, I don't know what the Minister would say. These Peng Challengers, I don't think they are church folk, you know? I don't know as how I should be posting with them. I think they're a little too fancy in their thinking and rough speaking for honest folk.' <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I have never been called a “Squarehead” before. The correct derogatory term is “Roundhead”. Moreover, I already know what the Minister would say. The same damn thing he said last week. And the week before. And the week before that…

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Let me just make you most welcome. I always have a wink and a nod for another Minnesotan, especially for you hardinger fiddle, nickleharpe listening Scandinavian sociopaths who are still working through whether Luther or Calvin was hard enough on the sinners, and brooding about what was said to your Grandfather when he first married, and whether it was finally time to avenge the insult, if it was an insult, although the family's been rehashing it for 40 years and are pretty damn sure it wasn't meant as a compliment, you know. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, thank you very much for the welcome Seanachai. If you’re ever at Lord Fletcher’s drop me a line and I’ll buy you a drink. Bring your squire. We’ll use him for the anchor.

Now about my grandfather “Lars Larsen” (yes, that really was his name), this topic has caused a great deal of discord at the family reunions. The Olsen wing insists the Andersens were just joshing. However, as a good Dane, I would like to point out that the Andersens are Norwegians and therefore not to be trusted.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now that, you lack-witted swine, is at least the beginnings of the way to insult a Minnesotan.

Note to Lars: Most of these idjits are still wound up with some kind of mental aberration that makes them swing between 'Little House on the Prairie' and the Cohen Brothers movie 'Fargo' when dealing with us. Don't expect too much when it comes to 'regional' abuse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

If you really wish to insult a Minnesotan, just suggest (in a roundabout way, no need to be rude) they might like to consider relocating to Iowa, or Wisconsin, or anywhere else really.

Note: You forgot “Grumpy Old Men”. Ice Shanties indeed. The producers should have been forced-marched to the Eelpout Festival and used for bait.

Your remarks have been quoted in full and commented upon in order to cause a certain “Seniour Knight” a few dozen nights of disturbed dreams and uneasy stomachs.

Oh, lest this turn into a Minnesota lovefest, Mouse, I hates you too.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If that fails, we may have to assume that Seanachai is no more and we will have to treat the imposter as any other SSN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> But we must be careful Berli, the forces of THIS evil are crafty and clever, unlike the forces of evil we are used to here in the CessP ... oh ... sorry. Anyway they may well WRITE like Seanachai (i.e. interminable, boring, prosy posts that say nothing at great length) and they may even PLAY like Seanachai (so there's SOME good that can come out of this).But they will not BE Seanachai. Let us harden our hearts and do what must be done ... remember, it's for Seanachai that we do this if we must. Let us hope the exorcism works.

Speaking of exorcisms, I fear that we must counsel MrSpkr NOT to attempt any exorcism without first consulting with Peng, the FATHER CONFESSOR. Frankly, the record of MrSpkr and exorcisms ain't that great.

Joe

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Terence:

If I had the energy, I'd butterfly you like a leg of lamb, adorn you with kosher salt and rosemary and leave you gaping with horror on the Rocks of Despair.

But Sir, I do not have that happy lot. Instead I have determined that at some future time, I shall Say Your Name in A Sarcastic Tone of Voice.

That'll fix ya.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well well, feeling our oafs, are we?

Perhaps you could make good on your crest-inflating, danger sack expelling bombast and send me a setup, sirrah?

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem, in the general direction of Terence:

...send me a setup...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Watch out for that one! That slacker still hasn't responded to the turn I sent more than [checks calendar] two-and-a-half hours ago. Let's get a move on, so I can not reply before going on vacation.

Agua Perdido

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Watch out for that one! That slacker still hasn't responded to the turn I sent more than [checks calendar] two-and-a-half hours ago. Let's get a move on, so I can not reply before going on vacation.

Agua Perdido<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Who's watching for whom? As for myself, I'm safely ensconced at work and so not CMable until tonight anyway.

[Terence]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Well well, feeling our oafs, are we?

Perhaps you could make good on your crest-inflating, danger sack expelling bombast and send me a setup, sirrah?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That will do nicely.

We shall play a Very Nice Little battle. And you will enjoy every golden shining moment. Yes. Yes you will.

And as far as feeling an oaf, well, I haven't had the dubious pleasure since The Incident with the wife of that horrid little disposessed Genoese dosshouse keeper. Who knew he kept a blunderbuss rammed down his...

But we do not speak of this.

[Terence]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Who's watching for whom? As for myself, I'm safely ensconced at work and so not CMable until tonight anyway.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Me too. AP, you'll have to wait until this evening to start to begin the commencement of your seeing the full brilliance of my attack unfold.

Soon, man, you will feel the sting of my lash upon your narrow shoulders.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Frankly, the record of MrSpkr and exorcisms ain't that great.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sadly true. I am not quite sure what went wrong with the last one -- it seemed to be working so well for a short bit. Perhaps we didn't sufficiently 'stun' him?

I must say, however, that his posts have improved of late -- why, next to a certain other SSN who seems to find his own juvenile crudeness amusing (I suppose SOMEONE has to), Mouse is almost normal. Of course, that isn't saying too much, given the SSNs in question.

Anyway, as to addressing Seanachai's madness, I look to Father Peng for guidance. Perhaps he has some small thoughts (the ONLY kind he has) about this issue.

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Lorak]

Ok, I have a quick question for you guys.

While I was in the hospital this weekend I watched some WWII movie. I was telling a friend about it at work last night and for the life of me I can not remember the title.

All I can remember is that it had Marlon Brando as a German Captain. Dean Martin was an american GI who was friends with some Jewish soldier(don't know who that was).

Movie basically followed these to units around the war.

Anyone remember this one? Or know what the title is?

Oh... and since I wa pretty damn drugged at the time...Is it any good? I enjoyed it then. But is it as good sober?

Lorak the loathed

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh... and since I wa pretty damn drugged at the time...Is it any good? I enjoyed it then. But is it as good sober?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> MrSpkr (see below) is right and I was wrong ... well there's a first time for everything. Again, as I recall, I wasn't that impressed, it seemed pretty cliche ridden. I'm quite sure that serious drugs would improve it.

Joe

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak:

Ok, I have a quick question for you guys.

While I was in the hospital this weekend I watched some WWII movie. I was telling a friend about it at work last night and for the life of me I can not remember the title.

All I can remember is that it had Marlon Brando as a German Captain. Dean Martin was an american GI who was friends with some Jewish soldier(don't know who that was).

Movie basically followed these to units around the war.

Anyone remember this one? Or know what the title is?

Oh... and since I wa pretty damn drugged at the time...Is it any good? I enjoyed it then. But is it as good sober?

Lorak the loathed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think the movie you are talking about was The Young Lions. Can't recall if it was any good or not, though.

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak:

... I enjoyed it then. But is it as good sober?

Lorak the loathed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nothing is improved by sobriety.