Tread Head Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 An Englishman in a locked compartment on a train without a toilet asks his American seat-companion's permission to relieve himself on a spread newspaper, which he then folds up and flings out the window. The American, who cannot avoid watching the entire procedure, lights up a long black cigar to cover some of the fecal odor. "I say!" says the Englishman, "you know, this isn't a smoking compartment!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Sorry Dead Head, the unfunny git thread is over on the main forum. Kindly Sod Off Theres a good chap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tread Head Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: Sorry Dead Head, the unfunny git thread is over on the main forum. Kindly Sod Off Theres a good chap.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Stuka? Maybe you might consider 'Fokker' Some might say you act like a 'Fokker' at times...... BTW are you Dutch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Aitken Posted September 17, 2001 Author Share Posted September 17, 2001 Ah, so this is the lame joke thread now? Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it knew that because of the undermodelling of machineguns in CM, it could run across open ground while the enemy blazed away at it and it wouldn't get a scratch. Tread Head was having none of it, however, and jumped on his bicycle with a carboard skirt attached to the stabilisers with tank tracks painted on it, and pedalled furiously down the road to crush the chicken before it reached safety and was able to close-assault his troops. To late he remembered that CM doesn't model infantry being crushed by vehicles either, so the chicken suffered nothing but a morale hit. While Tread Head sat in the middle of the road considering the situation, BTS reached CMBB alpha 3 and enabled Extreme FOW, causing his own troops to misidentify him as a Finnish bicycle commando and go for broke with their new more effective machineguns. Within seconds Tread Head and his PanzerKampfFahrrad were reduced to a small, soggy pile of bone splinters, muscle tissue, intestines, metal dust and cardboard strips. Satisfied with the results, BTS elected to rename CM2 Combat Mission: Tread Head Is A Witless Ninny in his honour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Sir Berlichtingen, I am writing this to acknowledge receipt of the Monday you have delivered unto me. Only someone so evil could bring an unmodded Monday to the hapless and the bewildered. Whatever may go wrong does go wrong. I yearn for the weekend that was and for the vacation that will not come to pass. I do not thank you for the evil you have spawned. But, I acknowledge that only you could have done something so foul and maleovent. I may protrate myself and beg your mercy so that another another Monday might not happen but I know deep within your blackened heart, that 6 days from now, you will do the same thing again. I hope you're happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Ah, so this is the lame joke thread now? Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it knew that because of the undermodelling of machineguns in CM, it could run across open ground while the enemy blazed away at it and it wouldn't get a scratch. Tread Head was having none of it, however, and jumped on his bicycle with a carboard skirt attached to the stabilisers with tank tracks painted on it, and pedalled furiously down the road to crush the chicken before it reached safety and was able to close-assault his troops. To late he remembered that CM doesn't model infantry being crushed by vehicles either, so the chicken suffered nothing but a morale hit. While Tread Head sat in the middle of the road considering the situation, BTS reached CMBB alpha 3 and enabled Extreme FOW, causing his own troops to misidentify him as a Finnish bicycle commando and go for broke with their new more effective machineguns. Within seconds Tread Head and his PanzerKampfFahrrad were reduced to a small, soggy pile of bone splinters, muscle tissue, intestines, metal dust and cardboard strips. Satisfied with the results, BTS elected to rename CM2 Combat Mission: Tread Head Is A Witless Ninny in his honour.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ahh, I didn't realize it was story time. Hmmmm . . . let's see . . . Once upon a time . . . no, wait, that's been done . . . Errr . . . It was a dark and stormy night . . . no, too trendy . . . Ummm . . . It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . . no, sounds too much like one of those idiot Englishmen . . . Ahh yes, I've got it . . . There once was a lad from Nantuckett . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 ...computer broken ...posting from work ...sad ...trying to hold it together ...getting fixed ...waiting all week ...psssssst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 I am not, I fear, particularly skilled at limericks ... probably because my people came from County Kildare. Perhaps others might improve upon this: There once was a fool from Wisconsin, Who was a newbie, scum suckin' A lame joke he posted His butt was then toasted We've informed his nearest of kin. I am saddened to report that I received NOT ONE Surrender on my birthday, I got some golfing stuff and that's good but I had assumed that the CessPool AT LEAST would ... would ... {choke} CARE! I'm in a foul mood ... there'd best be no transgressions against the traditions of the 'Pool TODAY, let me tell you. Lars, oh Lars have we received that forced air blower for the charcoal braziers yet? We have? Excellent, let's get the coals EXTRA hot today lad ... not one crummy surrender, like it would have killed them or something {grumble} ... Joe [ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jo Xia: I am not, I fear, particularly skilled at limericks ... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No truer words have ever been spoken <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> There once was a fool from Wisconsin, Who was a newbie, scum suckin' A lame joke he posted His butt was then toasted We've informed his nearest of kin. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> AGHH! My eyes! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I'm in a foul mood ... there'd best be no transgressions against the traditions of the 'Pool TODAY, let me tell you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jo please investigate yourself for inflicting this travesty on the MBT <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Lars, oh Lars have we received that forced air blower for the charcoal braziers yet? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Charcoal bras? That is awful conservative, don't you think? I would have thought you were a red bra kind of guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzsaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 A few comments before I head to the salt mines... Lars Perhaps my advance would not be going so slowly if you would return the fecking turn, you pillock. Recent references to Crodaberg do have me a little worried about what I'm going to find when I do reach the town, but if you don't send we the next turn, I guess I don't have to worry about it. MrSpkr Your Sooners remain undefeated only becasue their first REAL game of the season was postponed. Not that Texas is a real football team, after the ass-whupping they took at the hands of a certain Pac-10 team last year. Various other pillocks Piss off, you jelly-bellied bottom wipers. (That's "wipers", with one "p" not two, you deviants). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Look you here Mr. Member Number [sNEER]3856[/sNEER], I've checked the list compiled by MrSpkr and note with interest that YOUR name is right near the top ... have a care, Sir, have a care. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>No truer words have ever been spoken<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It is the DUTY of the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread to encourage postings in the tradition of the CessPool ... also (in his role of CessPool Drain Commissioner) to be sure that the drains are clear and free flowing. Thus I find my posting well within the scope of the job and your objection is rejected. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Charcoal bras? That is awful conservative, don't you think? I would have thought you were a red bra kind ofNo truer words have ever been spoken guy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If you CAN'T keep up with the posts on the board go back to licking the keys of corporate barons ... or whatever it is you do. THAT particular joke was done, and done MUCH better may I say, by my own loyal and trustworthy squire Lars. Warmed over quips are not worthy of a Knight of the CessPool ... of course in YOUR case they are likely the best you can do. Further I note with interest that YOU didn't post any limericks to improve mine, as was specifically requested in my post. How IS the view from the cheap seats Marlow? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Buzzsaw: MrSpkr Your Sooners remain undefeated only becasue their first REAL game of the season was postponed.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The University of Tulsa has a REAL football team? That's not only news to me, but to thousands of TU alumni. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Not that Texas is a real football team, after the ass-whupping they took at the hands of a certain Pac-10 team last year.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The 63-14 drubbing that marked UT's first loss and inevitable season decline was, as I recall, at the hands of a Big 12 team, let me see, who was it, oh yes - the University of Oklahoma. Stupid git. [ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzsaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 There once was a teacher from Wisconsin who found that humor was beyond him. A referrence to poo, was the best he could do No doubt it will next be his Johnson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gpig Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Uhhh . . . Hi (echo echo echo). First time here in the PENG THREAD. Someone said I should ask here for copies of CRODABURG, and JABO (as UNbalanced scenarios). I've got a pal who I want to keep as a friend. But he needs to be able to beat me, sometimes. So apparently these scenarios should give him a chance. Anyone? Thanks, Gpig (Spidey sense tingling) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzsaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Pig-boy I suspect that any game you play against a person whose intelligence is approaching that of a mollusk will be unbalanced in your opponents favour. Jabo or Crodaberg will not help. I would suggest you challenge your friend to a game of Tidly-Winks, but I doubt you have the required motor skills. Maybe it would best best if you would just SOD OFF! [Edited multiple times because I made the foolish mistake of reading my post after pressing reply] [ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ] [ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Someone said I should ask here for copies of CRODABURG, and JABO (as UNbalanced scenarios).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmm, SOD OFF you unlettered and likely illegitimate weinie ... the preceding was done in strict accordance with CessPool traditions. That being said, I have not actually been able to stomach playing Crodaburg for more than a couple of turns. Jabo! on the other hand, is a creation of Mine Own and I can speak with authority on THAT scenario. I wouldn't call Jabo! UNbalanced ... more like Abalanced ... as in not balanced at all. In a recent test against the AI, just hitting the GO key repeatedly resulted in a 98-2 win for me. Jabo! is one of my proudest moments and my greatest creation and is in full keeping with the traditions of the CessPool ... now ... SOD OFF! Joe oh ... a copy will be winging its way to you shortly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buzzsaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 MrSpkr Well, I was mistaken. I see that the rescheduled game was with some powder-puff team from the Big 12. In related Sooners news, I see that a defensive end has quit the team because of "depression". I don't want to make light of a serious illness, but I can't help but wonder if this wasn't brought on by the quality of the opponenets the Sooners have been playing. Something akin to the ennui I am felling after blowing through Lars' ambushes so easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gpig Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 I've seen a lot of things in my life, but . . . that . . . was . . . AWSOME!!! "Tommy Boy" Gpig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: ...sad ...getting fixed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well thank GOD! I hear they are quieter and much more less agressive. So Panzer Leader when are you getting the big Snip? or did you understand your doctor right? I think the lad understood Tutored ... hmm well that raps that up in a nut shell.. oh sorry I could not resist the nut joke.. going to miss your sqeeky voice to a shrilly voice there Panty Leader, Hey!! now your going to fit your name just right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Damn it Mensch your HOME firewall is worse than the one at work ... at least at work ICQ will EVENTUALLY get through. Either fix, do somefink, or stop sending me ICQ messages from home 'cause I CAN'T RESPOND! Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Football and limericks and bad jokes? What the hell is going on here???? chrisl is getting a lesson in getting whupped by Greenies. My Shermans will save the day!!! Berli's awfultruppen have just gotten an infusion of clankity bits that will no doubt cause me a few turns of consternation. Terence is nowhere to be found. Maybe I owe him a turn? Lawyer has left a month's worth of overengineered German garbage smoking on the approaches to some damned town or other that I am surrounded in. I don't think I've hurt his infantry any though..... OGSF is manfully charging around with his companies clustered in great stinking close order gobbets of Britishdom, safe in the gamey knowledge of my now-artilleryless TO&E. Somehow we will make him pay for that. Stuka is hiding in the fog that my crappy emergency replacement video card can't show me. Speedbump is rolling over me like a cartoon snowball. I think I had a plan, but we started this game so long ago that I can't remember it. [ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: dalem ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Buzzsaw: MrSpkr Well, I was mistaken. I see that the rescheduled game was with some powder-puff team from the Big 12.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, you twit -- it was a team from that powderpuff conference -- the WAC. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In related Sooners news, I see that a defensive end has quit the team because of "depression". I don't want to make light of a serious illness, but I can't help but wonder if this wasn't brought on by the quality of the opponenets the Sooners have been playing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> More likely brought on by the knowledge his entire season would be overshadowed by the nation's leading candidate for the Butkus Award (down Bauhaus, its not THAT kind of award), Rocky Calmus, and other stars like Derrick Strait, Michael Thompson and Brandon Everage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
von shrad Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Leeo said: Shrad,If I were to be interested in a sister, out here in the outback of the Northwest, I'd prefer my own sister, you wanker!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Leave that blow up doll that you dress up and call 'Sis out of this. It has no doubt suffered enough during your hours of pretend dates, having to fulfill most of the conversation. What is it's...er....name anyway? Bothima wasn't it? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> What say ye we play this "event horizon" monstrosity? I admit, I have about 10 turns of foreknowledge, but really, in this scenario, it matters not. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sure, and maybe we can play with fog of war off only on your side with me fully exposed. And why don't you direct me as to how my next orders phase should be done. And why don't I just let you play hot-seat alone and tell me and the thread the final score, you wanker. I will play your single-blind scenario Miss Cleo in the hopes to make you look as silly and pathetic at it appears you are. Then when I humiliate you, you can blame it on the doll, refuse to take 'her' anywhere, and just belittle it in front of your imaginary friends during the next tea party. Huh? I think I loss my focus. Where was I? Oh yeah. You worthless git send me the setup to the 'Monster' and we will have a marathon. May the worst loser win. von shrad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Wacky Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 And the Lord did say to them: "Watch ye infidels, for the sky shall darken, the land will die, and the rivers shall become as blood. The earth will break apart and the heavens rain sorrow upon man's plight. As the end of days approaches, all humanity will tremble before the anger of almighty God!" "...and in this time there will arise the great Ravager, and PENG shall be loosed upon the Earth! His fury unfurleth before you, and consume you, and your soul shall remain in His fires forever. The holy and the wicked alike shall perish, and bear tortured witness to the Destroyer of Man." "Behind Him traileth a mighty army of darkness, and only by night to they rise. Sound the charge, and into glory they ride. The death toll will ring, steel will meet bone, and ten thousand side by side shall crush the armies of the world." "Weep now, mortals, for the end is not long in coming, and in that finality cometh Peng. Even now He rides on the black wind; war and death be the only landmark to His path. I pray thee, children, sacrifice yourselves now; throw your souls to the mercy of Peng, and you may yet be spared." "Now go forth, and spread the awful word among your peoples. Share with them the VENGEANCE OF PENG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPeng Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Captain Wacky: drivel!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ahhhhh shaddap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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